Everything (ARC)

by Catherine Miller

  ‘They insist it was an accident,’ the social worker had said, but by that point it was too late to convince anyone within the family that it was anything other than intentional. The twins hadn’t been far off being charged for criminal damage. It was a final straw in a series of bad behaviour.

  Hearing their story had made Tabitha want to help. She knew where rock bottom was at and, if anything, this whole idea was to help pick herself up from there. Maybe she was capable of doing it for Syd and Max as well.

  Lofty traipsed round her ankles reminding her that she’d been so caught up in getting everything ready today, she’d neglected to take him for a walk.

  ‘Come on then,’ she said, realising she should be attempting to stay cool and think rationally.

  At least she would be able to settle her worries by looking for them. Taking Lofty for a walk had been one of the things she’d thought would have been nice to do together. She had imagined giving them a brief tour of the small village, introducing them to some of her neighbours, as Lofty barked happily beside them.

  It hadn’t taken long to integrate into Little Birchington when she had moved there nearly three years ago. The Bunk-a-low had been quite the project and many of the neighbours had introduced themselves to her rather than the other way round. Originally it had been a storage barn and Tabitha had bought it, not knowing if planning permission would be granted. Thankfully it had been and she’d been able to carry out a lifelong dream of doing up her own place. And while the build had been a hive of activity, there wasn’t one villager who hadn’t popped by to say hello and thank her for sorting out the eyesore. Most of them had gone out of their way to visit her, as there were only three residents including her along Orchard Lane.

  As Tabitha followed Lofty outside, Mrs Patterson was pottering about in her front garden, as always.

  ‘Did you see where the girls went?’ she called out. It was a relief to know that her neighbour should at least have some idea of which direction Max and Syd had headed.

  Mrs Patterson nodded and started to ease off her gardening gloves. ‘I think you probably need to come and join me for a cup of tea.’

  Tabitha nodded. ‘Come on, Lofty. This way.’ The dog was busy sniffing the hedgerow across the lane, but happily followed knowing his owner wouldn’t be the only one offered a biscuit. ‘Do you know where they are?’

  ‘I do,’ Mrs Patterson whispered, placing a finger to her lips to silence any further questions.

  Lofty had his nose in another weed, sniffing it feverishly like it was something he was getting high on. Fortunately he had the sense to continue following without further summoning.

  ‘What’s going on?’ Tabitha asked once they were inside.

  ‘Your youngsters have been providing me with some jolly entertainment. I’d normally be in watching Corrie by now, but figured I could get it on catch-up.’

  Tabitha was instantly relieved. Knowing their history, she’d started to imagine various scenarios, each as awful as the next, none of which Mrs Patterson would class as entertainment.

  ‘So are they here? It’s not like they have many places to go, unless they want to trek another three miles to Birchington.’

  The front door creaked open. ‘Evening, Ma, Tabitha. Everything okay?’ Lewis nodded in their direction.

  Mrs Patterson’s son ran the garage across the road and lived above the premises. He popped in to see his mother every day without fail and their mother–son bond was something Tabitha aspired to with her fostering.

  ‘Hi, Lewis.’ Normally Tabitha would be keen to chat but today she was more worried about finding out exactly what his mother knew. ‘Where are they then, Mrs Patterson?’

  ‘I do wish you would call me Sylvie. The good news is, they don’t seem to be too bothered about exercising their legs. They circulated the lane once and now they’re in the field over the road. They’ve been loud enough for me to listen to their conversation without even trying. I bet you could hear them too, Lewis love.’

  Sylvie placed her biscuit tin onto the central table in her kitchen.

  ‘Ay, that pair certainly know how to carry their voices,’ Lewis said.

  ‘Thank goodness for that. I mean, not for them being noisy, but the fact they’re okay. I’m really sorry. I hope they haven’t disrupted anything.’

  ‘Nonsense. It’s not your place to apologise even if they had,’ Sylvie said.

  ‘At least I know they haven’t run away. I’ve spent so much energy trying to get ready for this and I haven’t even made it to bedtime without it going wrong.’ There were so many long-awaited hopes within her, years and years in the making, she was teetering on the edge of crying at this early sense of defeat.

  ‘They’re just giving you the run around. I heard them say “let’s make her sweat it for at least a couple of hours”,’ Lewis said.

  ‘Did they?’

  ‘Yep. They’re obviously as thick as thieves and want to keep you on your toes. Anyway, they plan to head back to yours once they’ve finished camping out across the road. It’s amazing what you can learn from an open window.’ Lewis took a homemade bourbon biscuit while his mother delivered them all a cuppa.

  Tabitha hadn’t planned on staying long, but now she knew where the girls were, she changed her mind.

  She took two of Sylvie’s rich chocolate biscuits, figuring they would stop her tummy complaining about not having eaten dinner yet. They were clearly the reason Lewis had never moved far away. They were crumblier and more melt-in-the-mouth than the supermarket equivalent and a treat Tabitha never said no to.

  ‘I really am in for it, aren’t I?’ She never thought it would feel this hard so early on.

  ‘It was always going to be a challenge. But those girls need someone who’s going to be on their side no matter what. It won’t be an easy task, but you’ll be glad you’ve taken it on in the end.’ Sylvie helped herself to some biscuits as well. ‘Lewis was a doddle compared to my two girls.’

  ‘If I’m honest, I feel out of my depth already. Despite all of the preparation. That was more to do with making sure the house would be fit for its purpose. None of that’s going to help me entertain fifteen-year-old girls over the Easter break. Do either of you have any ideas?’

  ‘Don’t kids that age entertain themselves? I never saw much of my lot once they hit their teens. It didn’t last, though. Now I can’t get rid of him.’ Sylvie indulged in chuckling to herself for a second.

  ‘Do you know what kind of things they enjoy doing?’ Lewis asked.

  Tabitha wished she did, but all she had was a crib sheet of information. She knew that neither of them were very keen on eating fish, that Max was prone to flair-ups of eczema during the summer and that Syd had cut her hair off in a rage when someone had mistaken her for her twin. There was a sheet of facts, but she’d need to spend a lot more time with them to get to know them better.

  ‘I haven’t asked them yet. They haven’t given me the chance to.’

  ‘If you think they’d like to spend any time at the garage, you let me know. A bit of work experience would fill a few hours.’

  ‘Thank you. I’m not sure if it’ll interest them, but it’s very generous of you. My dad will take us out on a couple of day trips, but we’re a bit stuck with me being unable to drive.’

  ‘You need to take me up on my offer to teach you.’

  Lewis was such a considerate sort. He was always helping her out and he’d offered several times to teach her to drive, but she didn’t want him to take on that impossible challenge when so many other driving instructors hadn’t succeeded. To date, she’d managed to fail eight tests.

  ‘I’ll consider it,’ she said, surprising herself with her response. ‘And thank you, again.’

  ‘Let me know when. It shouldn’t be too hard to squeeze in between jobs.’

  ‘Maybe once the girls are settled and they’ve started at their new school. I think I need to survive the week first. I haven’t passed the first twenty-four h
ours yet.’

  ‘You might want to borrow one of my old games consoles if they’re going to need entertaining,’ he suggested.

  ‘That would be a help, thanks. I’ve not really equipped myself for this age group. Taking on teenagers was unexpected.’ The wooden highchair she’d managed to get second-hand definitely wouldn’t be coming out of the loft for these two.

  Tabitha finished her mug of tea. ‘I’ll leave you both to your evening. Thank you so much for your help. I best take Lofty for a longer walk than the little pathway we’ve managed so far.’

  ‘I’ll keep an eye out when I get back to mine. If they go any direction other than back to yours, I’ll let you know,’ Lewis replied.

  As she stepped outside, it was cooler now, with the light beginning to lose its way into the evening. The sky had a glorious purple glaze as it laboured between day and night, the two mixing and using the sky as their palette. It was a beautiful time of day to walk; the owls twit-twooing their welcome to the evening with the pattering of daytime not yet done.

  Tabitha took the long dirt farm-track towards the larger village of Birchington, the wheat crops in the fields either side currently tall enough to move with the wind. She loved the open view here. Along Orchard Lane the hedgerows hid the fields, but from here she was able to see the world. She was on the outskirts of existence.

  All too soon she and Lofty arrived at the residential streets of the next village, which was bigger than hers, reaching the group of flats that had been weaved into the ruins of Dent-de-Lion castle, before they set off back to Little Birchington. There were only about fifty residents in the smaller village – most of them she’d met – and there was a grand total of three shops: a post office and newsagent, a hairdresser’s, and a sandwich shop. There wasn’t even a park for the girls to gravitate towards, hence why they’d had to settle for a field to hang out in.

  Lofty started to slow, never keen on huge amounts of exercise, especially now he was getting older. Tabitha spotted that the lights were now on in Lewis’s flat, sending a glow over the field. It was a shame the hedge was too thick for Tabitha to see through. She had to avoid the temptation of popping into Lewis’s to spy on the girls, as she knew she had to trust them enough to come back of their own accord. The thought didn’t stop her from lingering though.

  ‘She’s a bitch. They all are.’

  Lewis and Sylvie had been right about the sound of the conversation carrying. Tabitha wasn’t able to tell the difference between the girls’ voices enough yet to know which of them was speaking.

  The overheard comment gave Tabitha goose bumps. If they were talking about her, she didn’t want to hear any more. That was quite enough.

  Lofty emitted a low growl and rustled his nose in the bushes. She needed to move before he gave them both up.

  ‘Not a bitch. Tabby’s a witch. Give her enough time and I’m sure she’ll go up the rankings.’

  Tabitha carried on walking, trying not to let their comments get to her, knowing that Lofty would follow in the hope of food.

  They were judging her based on an interaction of less than ten minutes. It was sad to think they’d led a life that made them evaluate people like that. That they’d so openly expect the person looking after them to fail.

  She just had to hope she would prove them wrong. It was a strange mindset to find herself in, but never before had she hoped to be more of a witch than a bitch.

  Lost Love

  You’ll find me when I’m gone. The love that mounts with absence. I’m in the shadows of existence. I’m there in the moments you think you’ve forgotten me. Just when you think I’m gone I will leap out unexpectedly and remind you of what was. Of what will never be. I may be lost, but you will never lose me. I am here waiting with my promise to only ever be a memory.

  Four

  Then

  It was the wrong kind of ambulance that turned up at the house to take Andy away. It should have been the first one. The one with the blue flashy sirens and the screaming wail that would revive him. Instead, that van had driven off silently once the police had arrived.

  ‘Is there anyone who can come and be with you?’ the female police officer asked. She’d not left Tabitha’s presence since she’d arrived and even though her words were kind, her body language was formal.

  Tabitha’s thoughts were a wasteland. Andy. Andy was the answer. He was the one who was always there for her. He should be waking up. They needed to talk. There was no one she wanted more.

  ‘Andy,’ Tabitha whispered the want that was pouring out of her and saying his name broke her.

  ‘I’m sorry for your loss.’ The police officer bowed her head and her lips tightened as she held on to a breath.

  At the same time a new vehicle pulled up outside. It was a white van with small black lettering on its side declaring it as a private ambulance. It was such a bad use of the English language. Ambulances were meant to save. They were supposed to be for emergencies. But this one was something else entirely. It was here to collect the body of her husband.

  ‘Are you sure there isn’t anyone you want me to call?’ the police officer checked again.

  ‘Andy.’ Something within Tabitha snapped. ‘I want to call Andy. I want to hear his voice one last time. I want you to be a figment of my imagination that will disappear as soon as I wake.’ There were things they needed to fix. Words that needed to be erased. What had happened last night meant she didn’t know who she could call a friend any more.

  As the rumble of the engine outside silenced, reality pushed down into Tabitha’s core. Upstairs, her husband lay sleeping. Only this wasn’t a nap he would be waking from. It was his final rest and it had arrived several decades too soon. Her heart broke all over again. This was unfixable.

  She didn’t know who to call or what to do with herself. Instead she was sobbing as if she were a hormonal teenager; the tears trailing off her face uncontrollably. The guilt of last night was already seeping in, bolstered by the guilt of not realising there was a problem sooner.

  She was sitting on their sofa. In their front room. In their house. But everything was different now. Lofty’s low howl from beside her confirmed as much. He’d continued his cries ever since they’d gone to wake Andy. His intermittent howls were a sure sign something was wrong and as they cried together, Tabitha wondered if they’d ever be able to stop.

  Five

  Now

  While Tabitha waited for Syd and Max to return, she went about sorting out their sleeping arrangements. When she’d purchased the bunk beds, she’d been sensible enough to purchase versatile ones that would cater to a number of scenarios. In the bedrooms she’d set aside for the girls, she unfolded the bottom bunks to become a double. She was sure there would be something else to complain about instead, but at least that was one problem solved.

  The blue flashing light that strobed through the open-plan living area as Tabitha walked through it made her stop in her tracks. She knew that brilliant-blue flash would only ever be caused by an emergency.

  She reasoned with herself. This was something else. She was a million miles away from the time and place that haunted her. Lightning wasn’t supposed to strike twice.

  And yet the fear was the same.

  The knock on the door jolted Tabitha into action, setting her heart rate to a faster tempo. She’d been a world away. A world that she was trying her very best to forget.

  Tabitha rushed to open the door to find out what was awaiting her, her memories pressing on her nerves.

  ‘Evening. We’re told that these ladies live here,’ the police officer on the doorstep said. He had a trimmed goatee and his lapels told Tabitha that he was a special constable.

  Please don’t let them be in trouble already. At least they were on the doorstep with him. She was thankful for that; relief flooded her. She was grateful that the blue lights didn’t spell more tragedy this time.

  ‘They do, just about. They’ve arrived today on their foster placement. Is every
thing okay?’ Tabitha asked.

  ‘Not entirely. These two young ladies seem to have an affinity with vandalism. They were trying to redecorate the dog-waste bin round the corner when we passed them.’

  Tabitha furrowed her brow and blinked several times. ‘The one by the garage?’

  ‘That’s the one.’

  ‘What were you thinking?’ There were probably better reactions to be had, but Tabitha was in disbelief.

  ‘We’ve already told him, we weren’t trying to set nothing alight. We were just making it look better,’ Max said, her cap now the wrong way round on her head.

  Tabitha knew very little about getting in trouble with the police. In her whole life, she’d never even landed herself in detention. ‘What’s going to happen?’

  ‘On this occasion, we’re just giving them a warning. We’ll put this down to settling in and we hope to not have cause to call on you further.’

  Tabitha really hoped they wouldn’t. It wasn’t exactly the best start, but at least they were going to be spending their first night with her rather than in a jail cell.

  * * *

  The next morning, by the time Tabitha was up, neither of the girls had stirred. She was glad because she hadn’t slept well; the events of the previous night jerking awake memories she’d rather not visit.

  As she did every morning, Tabitha put the kettle on, but today the action turned her cold. It was such a simple act. One that she’d done her whole life, and hundreds of times since that time, but this was the first instance she was doing it with anyone sleeping in the house. Who’d have thought that she would need therapy over making a cup of tea?