Dare To Love Again

by Silver, Jordan

  “Have these things delivered by end of day, no later.” He instructed the sales lady after paying, still with my son held snugly in his arms. Once back outside, my panic really began to rise when instead of taking the baby back to my car, he headed for his chauffeur-driven luxury vehicle where the driver was waiting with the backdoor open.

  Once again, that scream started and died in my lungs, and it took every ounce of civility I had left not to scream bloody murder when Calen strapped my baby into the new state of the art baby seat he’d obviously just bought. I hovered like a fool until he straightened up and looked at me once again with that seeming disinterest in his eyes.

  It hurt, oh how it hurt. I remember the heat those eyes used to hold when they looked at me. Remember, even more, the way they used to flash when we made love. I felt my cheeks redden seconds before his nostrils flared, and he gave me a fleeting look that I remembered so well. Surely I’d mistaken the look of passion I thought I saw because it was gone in a second only to be replaced by one of cold indifference.

  “I’m taking Calen home with me.” My heart stopped when he turned to get into the car, leaving me standing there. “You may follow us if you wish.” He got in, and the driver closed the door before going to the driver’s seat, and I rushed to my car parked right next to his.

  My hands were shaking so bad it took three tries to get the key in the ignition. Was it really going to be this easy to lose my son? It was only now as I saw the ease with which Calen had come between the two of us, how easy it had been for him to take the baby who hadn’t cried once and didn’t even seem to need me now that his dad was here, that I realized the real danger of that.

  Cold sweat beaded on my brow as I tried to think of a way to stop this from happening. No argument I could come up with was good enough or strong enough to dispel the fact that I’d kept his son from him. I know him well enough to know that he’ll never forgive me for that. But I can’t let him take my son away from me. After everything I’d lost in my life to this point, I can’t lose my precious baby too. I’d rather die.

  * * *

  CALEN

  * * *

  “Say boss, that same car is following us again.” I didn’t look away from playing with my son’s fingers at the sound of Jeremy’s voice over the car’s intercom.

  “Lose them.” I’d already sent the license plate number off to be investigated earlier after Jeremy realized that the strange car had been following us ever since we left Giselle’s place.

  We’re not sure where or when we picked up the tail, but he’d noticed when the car followed us out of town. I’m not sure if they’re after me, or her, something I’ll know more of once the information comes back. If it was I they were after, I’ll deal with it. Though I don’t do the kind of business that would have anyone coming after me, I wouldn’t be the first wealthy man to be abducted or, at the very least, suffer a kidnapping attempt.

  If it was her they were after, which I doubt since it was me that they’d followed, then I’ll find out what’s going on. I’d already spent most of the day while in the back of the car on the way to pick up the stuff for my son trying to find out what she’d been up to since leaving me.

  It’s true I was looking for anything to bury her with any kind of information that would make it easy to take my son away from her in a court of law. So far, all I’d learned is that she’d gone back to her old job and had started working from home even before she’d given birth to my son.

  There were no glaring red flags, but I’d told the person doing the looking to do a thorough job and not to get back to me unless they had something worth my time. There’s still no evidence as to why she’d left me the way she had, and trust me; I’d looked last night when I was at her place.

  After she and the baby had gone to sleep, I’d snooped. I hate to admit it to myself even now, but I’d been looking for any evidence that there was a man’s presence anywhere in the apartment. I told myself that my only interest was in knowing who she’d had around my son, but the level of jealousy I felt at the thought went much deeper than that.

  That pissed me off no end, and so I was short with her before I left. The fact that I thought about her the whole time we were apart is what made me extra mean to her upon meeting her again in the parking lot, not that I need a reason. No way am I falling for her innocent bullshit again, so whenever I feel myself softening towards her in any way, I’ll be sure to make her suffer. It’s the price she has to pay for what she did to me. I haven’t even started on what she owes me for stealing my fucking son and heir.

  Since I don’t ever plan on getting married again and wasn’t going to be having any more children, she’d not only robbed me of her pregnancy but of the first year, and I’m sure a whole lot of firsts with my son. He wasn’t speaking coherently as yet, but he was making sounds, and I’d heard him say, mama. Would his first word have been dada had I been there? I could strangle her deceitful ass for that alone.

  I played around with the idea of asking for a paternity test just to degrade her, but my son looks so much like me it would have to be some kind of monumental fluke if he was not mine. I don’t have any brothers, and I know for damn sure my dad would never betray me like that, so there’s that.

  I looked at my little boy, and my heart squeezed in my chest. And then there’s that, instant recognition. I might not have been there for the first part of his life, but already I can feel the bond with him. Just looking into his eyes so like mine does something to me. He makes me feel a softness I haven’t felt in years. Not since the bitch left me without a word or backward glance.

  We pulled up to the house, and I steeled myself to see her again. My body remembers hers, nothing I can do about that though I could wish it were otherwise. The woman I’d met and fallen in love with didn’t know the first thing about playing to a man’s ego or trying to entice me; then again, that could’ve all been an act as well.

  I was working up to a real mad when I saw the woman standing in my doorway, all but vibrating as she moved from leg to leg in her excitement. Mom, I shouldn’t have told her to come here so soon now that I think about it. What was I thinking? I have no doubt that because of her beliefs where my ex-wife is concerned that she’d undermine everything I have planned. We’ll just see about that.

  I’m pretty sure she’ll want access to her grandson more than anything else in the world. I have no qualms about using that to my advantage. If she wants access to my son, she’d learn to toe the line and not give this… thing any ideas about forgiveness or being accepted back into the family in any capacity.

  I can already predict what mom’s angle is going to be, and I have no plans on giving in to any of her damn suggestions. I wish her husband were here to keep her in line and out of my business. Damn!

  CALEN

  “Where is it?” She came hurrying down the stairs as soon as the car came to a stop and I got out.

  “Where is what?”

  “My surprise. From the way you sounded on the phone, I figured it must be something good. I even tried pestering poor Dana, but she swore she knew nothing, which only made me doubly sure my son was getting me something spectacular if you kept it from even her.”

  Dana is one of my best friends. We’d met back at university at a mutual friend’s party and had clicked immediately. There was a time when we thought we might be something more together, but after one botched night of satirical mishaps, we’d both put that one to sleep.

  The only thing we had in common other than our scholastic goals was that we both came from very well to do backgrounds, were privy to some of the same privileges, and knew some of the same people. We’d joined some of the same clubs after we met, and she’d even chose to move to my hometown after graduation to keep our friendship going. But the chemistry just wasn’t there.

  That thought had me gritting my teeth as I refused to look back at the car behind me, which mom obviously hadn’t noticed. I’d had off the charts chemistry with my ex, and loo
k where that got me. In the end, I may have been better off with someone like Dana, who wouldn’t have stomped all over my heart and stolen my son. I had to change my train of thought before I did something horrible in front of my mother, like knock Giselle’s lying scheming ass to the ground.

  Hitting her would only bring minute gratification and leave me feeling bad about myself since I think hitting a woman is about one of the lowest things a man can do. But that doesn’t stop me from imagining the satisfaction I might get from tossing her ass off a cliff, though.

  I shook my head of my wayward thoughts and tried to put them out of my head for now. Mom was still prattling on about her surprise, and I had the fleeting thought that maybe I should have her sit down first before the excitement causes her to keel over. She’s wanted a grandchild for so long, and I was beginning to fear that she might never get one since I’d sworn off marriage and family after the number my ex had done on me.

  “Is it a puppy? Did you go get me the one I want? Your dad is being such a jerk about it.” I just rolled my eyes and walked around to the other side of the car to get my son with her hot on my heels. Her latest thing is some kind of miniature dog that’s bred only in China. She’s been begging for the last few months for my dad to fly out there and bring her back one.

  You have to be on a waiting list to get one of the damn things, and our money didn’t mean as much to them as it does to our peers, so we have to wait like everyone else. Something my dear beloved mom has no relations with. At least once a week, she harangues either dad or me about the damn dog to no avail. If I wasn’t so busy, I might’ve given it a shot just to pacify her since she’s only spoilt and entitled when it comes to her pets and the people she loves.

  She was still raving about the dog when I opened the car door and reached for my son, who had fallen asleep. “Calen, who’s this?” Her voice, which had softened the way most women’s do when they see a baby was still loud enough to wake him. I heard the second she recognized him as soon as she saw his eyes. “Calen…what…?”

  Just then, Giselle stepped out of her car, looking uncertain and somewhat afraid. “Giselle, what is going on?” Mom looked from the baby in my arms to my ex and back, and I could see the tears starting to gather in her eyes. If she makes my mom cry, her punishment is going to be ten times worst.

  I steeled myself against mom’s tears and ushered her into the house. “Mom, let’s go inside.”

  “But…I don’t understand, what’s going on?”

  “I’ll explain once we get inside.” She hurried up the stairs ahead of me but not before rubbing my baby’s hair. I looked back ferociously at the traitorous bitch and almost ordered her to stay the fuck out of my house.

  She must’ve got the message because she took one look at my face and took a few steps back. But then her eyes landed on our son, and she seemed to square her shoulders both literally and metaphorically. Good, I want her to think she can fight me, that she stands any kind of chance against me, and my wrath.

  It’ll make destroying her all the better. I wasn’t looking forward to devouring the timid little mouse she pretended to bee when we first met. But the bitch who’d walked out on me and stole my son? Her I can put a few dents in no problem.

  Mom’s excitement was now tempered with upset, and I took her to another room with my son, leaving his mother alone in the living room as I hurried to give mom some answers. I’m not sure why I didn’t want her turning her anger on Giselle, but I figure it’s because I’m the only one who has that right. I’m the one she’d wronged after all, and no one else was allowed to say or do anything to her but me.

  I expected mom to be angry and was ready to assure her that I was going to make my ex pay, but although she looked pissed and worried, the next words out of her mouth were not what I expected or hoped to hear. “I told you, you should’ve gone after her from the start.”

  “What?”

  “Son, listen to me. I know you’re stubborn as an ox, you get that from your father, and I know you haven’t listened to me since you were about six or seven, but please hear me out now.” I didn’t look very interested, so she changed tactics. “Okay, let’s try this. The account you opened for her when you got married and never closed after the divorce, has she ever touched it?”

  “No!” I still don’t know why that is, but I’m sure the reason isn’t as noble as mom seems to think.

  “All the expensive jewelry, all the designer clothes down to the shoes and bags, didn’t you say that she left them all behind?”

  “Yes, so? She left me, and now it’s even worst. She had my fucking son and kept him away from me. Sorry!” I apologized for swearing since she was giving me one of her disapproving looks. Like she doesn’t light into dad like a sailor when he pisses her off.

  “I’m telling you, something happened to her. That girl was too in love with you. I’m a mother. I know these things. There wasn’t a day after you first brought her home to us that I wasn’t one hundred percent sure of that. Now, what do you plan to do about my grandson and his mother? Come here, baby, come to nana.”

  She reached for my son, and he went while looking back at me. I smiled to let him know that it was okay and wondered if all men felt this bond with their seed right away like I did. I wondered too about the ease with which the baby had accepted me and whether or not that was normal, and then my mind went to the reason why he might be so at ease with a strange man. If I find out she’s had someone else playing father to my son, I’ll bury her ass somewhere they’d never find her. Not for another thousand years.

  “Uh-oh, I don’t like that look on your face. Just what is it that you’re planning?” I was so caught up in my new spate of anger that I spoke without thinking. “I’m going to take him away from her and throw her out on the streets. She’s never going to see him again. And before you ask, when he’s old enough to wonder about the bitch who gave birth to him, I’m going to tell him that she’s dead.”

  “CALEN!” Mom looked horrified, and I was too upset to tell her that I was exaggerating the last part. I wouldn’t tell my son that his mother was dead, but I will do everything in my power to ensure that he never wants to see her again in this lifetime. It’s what she deserves after all for what she’d done. Mom didn’t seem to think so, though.

  “You will not mistreat my daughter in law. I don’t care about the stupid divorce papers, so don’t mention them to me again.” She held her hand up to cut me off when I started to remind her of just that. She no longer has a daughter in law. “I know something happened to Giselle to send her running away from here, and if you’re too dense to find out what that something is, then I’ll be the one to do it. And heaven help you if it turns out that one of those money-grubbing high society snobs you call friends is behind this.”

  As a high society snob herself, I’ve never understood mom’s blatant disdain for those of her ilk. I guess it stems from the fact that dad had taken her to some remote village in India ten years ago, and she got to see firsthand what true poverty and suffering looks like. Now she’s the champion of anything that even remotely looks like an underdog. She’s not playing footloose and fancy-free with my life, though; I’ll be fucked if I’m going to let my ex get off that easy.

  “You seem to forget that she ran away with my son inside her, your grandson, and had no plans on ever telling me about his existence. Had Donovan not run into her by chance, I shudder to think what might’ve happened. She, for damn sure, wouldn’t have told me about my son. I wouldn’t have met him until he grew up and became old enough to search me out himself, that’s granted that…that’s granted she ever told him the truth about who I am.”

  Just saying those words made me livid all over again.

  “I hear everything that you’re saying, and I agree, she shouldn’t have left with the baby. But have you considered the fact that maybe she didn’t even know that she was pregnant? And you’re still not willing to accept the fact that something or someone was the cause of her l
eaving?”

  “If she loved me, she would’ve come to me. She wouldn’t have left me the way she did.”

  “What if she thought she was saving you?”

  “What? What are you talking about?” What she was saying made no sense. Saving me from whom, from what? I had no known enemies that would facilitate such a thing.

  “I’ve given this a lot of thought over the last two years. I just can’t for the life of me figure out why someone who was as in love with you as she was would just leave the way she did. The fact that she never touched that money, and left everything of worth behind speaks volumes to me.”

  She hadn’t left everything behind. She’d taken my old varsity jersey that she used to like to sleep in on those nights when I couldn’t have her. Why did I think of that now? And why are mom’s nonsensical words starting to sound reasonable?

  No, no way in hell. I’m not opening myself back up to such heartache. I trusted Giselle once, and she damn near gutted me, never again.

  Giselle

  I didn’t know Rebecca was going to be here. Funny, but I’ve tried my best in the past two years not to think about my ex-mother in law. As much as I knew my actions hurt Calen, I was sure that she too was left hurting and possibly very confused. I’d mourned her loss almost as much as I’d mourned him.

  She was the first woman to show me a true mother’s love. I’d heard horror stories even leading up to the day of our wedding, about how fierce the groom’s mother tends to be, how it was normal for the same woman who had smiled and welcomed me to the family not that long ago to turn on me without provocation once I married her precious son.