Dare To Love Again

by Silver, Jordan

  “Does she know?”

  “We haven’t had that conversation yet. What are you laughing at now?”

  “That Dana twit sure is stupid.” She hung up the phone laughing like a lunatic, and I just shook my head and went back to my family.

  * * *

  Dinner was a strained affair. With the baby down for the night, there was no buffer between us, and as the night progressed, I found myself at a loss as to how to approach my wife. I couldn’t very well take her down to the floor and fuck her like I had before; the need to punish and or humiliate was no longer there, and if I touched her with all the tenderness I now feel once again towards her, it’d only raise questions I’m not ready to answer.

  In the end, it was as simple as taking her hand and leading her to her bed when we reached the top of the stairs hours later when she decided it was time for bed. It was barely past eight, but who was I to argue. She didn’t speak, and neither did I, but I could see those same questions in her eyes. Because I still wasn’t ready to answer, I cupped her face with as much tenderness as I could muster when all I wanted was to fall on her and devour and drew her into me.

  My hands shook as it was brought home to me that this was the first time since our reconciliation that I’d held her so gently or had such emotional feelings for her. With the anger and distrust gone, it was as if the years of separation had never been, and she was just my sweet Giselle, the woman I’d lost my heart to the first time I ever laid eyes on her.

  “I missed you.” I hadn’t meant to say the words out loud, but there was no way of taking them back, so I caught her lips with mine once more as I pressed her back against the bed. Her warm, supple flesh felt familiar beneath my much larger hands as I moved them up and over her body.

  The sweet sighs she made when I found her pussy with my fingers was music to my ears, and when I looked at her body and saw the marks left by my rough treatment of her earlier, I almost wept. I warred with myself as my lips softly kissed each mark I’d left. Part of me felt I’d done her a disservice, that I needed to make it up to her for the way I’ve been treating her, while the other side of me held fast that she was the one who screwed up no matter the reason.

  If I apologize now, wouldn’t that be as good as saying that I accept the decisions she’d made not only to leave me but to keep the birth of my son a secret from me as well? I can’t bring myself to do it because I don’t feel that way, but I can at least make it up to her in other ways. I can show her some of the love and tenderness I’d given her once before. There’s no one else I want to share that with anyway; it all belongs to her. Always has, always will.

  So even though I wasn’t going to give her the words, I set about showing her through touch that I was no longer angry at her. If she noticed the changes, she didn’t utter a word, but her body’s response told me that she was well aware that there was something different this time. She relaxed much faster and was no longer tense when I moved my hands over her body.

  When I brushed her legs apart with my shoulders to get at her heat, she didn’t hesitate to grip my hair in her fists when I dipped my tongue inside her and lapped up her juices that were already flowing into my mouth. She didn’t try to hide her pleasure from me or the fact that she was enjoying having her pussy eaten out by me. Without words being spoken, we showed each other what we wanted from one another so that by the time I made my way up her body, she knew to open her mouth wide to accept the head of my cock past her lips.

  She didn’t complain when I fisted her hair too tight or when I fucked into her neck too deep. Because that’s the way I’ve always face fucked her. Telling her to release me so I could spend my seed deep inside her was new, though, since more often than not, I enjoyed cumming on her tongue.

  When I made my way back down her body between her thighs, I made sure to hold her eyes with mine. I know how shy she is and reveled in seeing the blush on her cheeks as I took my cock in hand and slipped it inside her. Once I was seated balls deep in her, I held her head between my hands and looked down at her. “No, keep them open,” I ordered when she began to close her eyes.

  Fucking her with my barriers down was a whole new experience. It wasn’t like before before she left. This was new; I was fucking the mother of my child, the woman who I’d believed had betrayed me but now knew different. At that moment, I realized that we could never go back, things would never be the same again, but I found peace in knowing that we’d be even better this time around; I’ll make sure of it.

  My thoughts were getting away from me, my mind traveling to places best left unchartered for now. So I closed the distance between our mouths and kissed her while pounding my cock into her nice and slow. It’s going to take a while for me to tame this wild need inside of me for her. So I calmed her with my kisses even as my cock went in and out of her like a battering ram.

  Her pussy was wet and tight, so I knew she was right there with me, and when I left her lips to take one of her nipples into my mouth, her milk burst forth on my tongue, and she screamed. I felt the last vestige of whatever hang-ups I may have been holding onto leave me when she dug her nails into my ass and lifted her pussy harder onto my cock, fucking herself wildly, lost in the throes of mindless passion.

  When I came this time, it was with the sole intent of planting my son or daughter inside her. And when I fucked her again less than ten minutes later after not pulling out of her between rounds, I whispered my intent in her ear.

  Giselle

  I’m so confused. I want so badly to ask him what happened between him and Dana after I left the study. I was sure that she’d convince him that I was at fault, that she’d get him to see me in the same light as her, but his actions since she left are leaving me with more questions than answers. He hasn’t even brought up what happened today. Hasn’t asked me about my conversation with her and has been acting as if the last few days hadn’t happened.

  Confused might be too tame a word for what I’m feeling, but I have bigger worries on my mind as if that’s not enough. I know I gave too much away with my reaction to his whispered words, but I wasn’t prepared, and even now, as I lay in the comfort of his arms, I can’t make sense of it. What did he mean ‘give me another child?’ Those words had melted me inside, but now with the heat of passion slowly drifting away, common sense is rearing its head in the aftermath.

  Was I wrong for letting things come this far? Should I have said or done something differently? I know that there’s no way that I can stay. Not unless I want to bring that ugliness to his life as well. I’d made up my mind long ago to endure the hell that is the monster on my own. But now I’m faced with another decision that I never expected to have to make.

  The thought of leaving my child behind when I leave this time around, which I have no doubt I’ll have to, makes me sick to my gut. But I know deep down inside that it might be what’s best for him. Calen will no doubt take very good care of our son. After these last few days, my eyes have been opened to the fact that that’s what’s best all around, as hard as it is to swallow.

  That’s why I’ve selfishly been hanging around here all this time, pushing the envelope as I try to steal just one more day with my family, the only family I truly want, but the one I cannot have. I bit into my lip to staunch the flow of tears I felt threatening. I can give Calen no explanation for them, not after the beautiful way in which we’d just made love.

  It felt like old times, even better, and I satisfied myself with the knowledge that I’ll have the memory of this night to take with me when I leave. It will be the only thing keeping me warm for the rest of my life. “What is it?” I held my breath at his question. How did he know that something is bothering me? I’ve been so careful not to give myself away, going so far as to keep my back turned in the dark.

  I started to brush him off, but then his arms came around me, and I turned and buried my face in his neck as I fought back the deluge of tears that I know once given free rein, might never stop.

  * * *
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  CALEN

  * * *

  I bit back the questions that were burning a hole in my tongue, not quite sure for the first time since I made the decision to do things this way if I was going about this in the right way. Should I tell her that I know some of what is going on? Should I show my hand now? Or should I carry on as I’d planned to? The only thing holding me back from opening up to her at this point before I had all my ducks in a row is the fact that she’d run once before.

  Obviously, my little fool did not think that I could protect her keep her safe, so she ran. Her fear of Ann Winthrop is very strong though I still have no real idea why. Does she, too, suspect that her mother had killed her father? And if so, is that enough to put this kind of fear in her, or is there something else going on that I’ve missed? What could the other woman possibly have done to her own daughter to instill this kind of blind fear? And what, if anything, does the Salvo family have to do with any of this?

  Silas has yet to get back to me with anything, which I totally understand since I’d asked for an intense search and ordered the other man not to contact me unless he had something of use. I trust him to know what that something is when he finds it.

  I wish I’d known all of what I’d learned here in the last few days before, though, so I could’ve handled things, so she wouldn’t have spent the last two years enduring this shit alone. But wishing doesn’t make shit possible.

  It fucks with my head that the whole time I was blaming and cursing her in my head, she was going through something that I had no knowledge of. I feel like just one more person who’d failed her in life; though she hadn’t given me a chance to protect her, somehow, I feel like I should’ve known. I should’ve seen the signs.

  It’s for this reason that no matter what I find, I will make Ann and Dana pay and pay dearly for whatever the hell they’d put her through. Dana, because she’d brought that terror back into my wife’s life after she’d escaped. I’m not sure if Ann would’ve found Giselle eventually on her own, but I have no doubt that Dana had helped her along for her own selfish reasons. Ann, I will destroy because, well, the wife of Calen Addison the fourth shouldn’t fear anyone.

  Speaking of Dana, mom had started the ball rolling in her campaign to destroy her, but that wasn’t nearly enough in my book. She can always find another job with her connections and credentials unless that is I destroy her connections.

  In our circles, both business and personal lives are mostly entwined, and there’s no doubt that I have more sway amongst our peers than she does. She can always explain away her reason for no longer working alongside of me, but she can’t convince them otherwise if I fill them in on a few home truths.

  I have a sneaking suspicion that she’s deluded herself into thinking that I won’t come after her because of our history together. She’d know better than most how much I value friendship, loyalty, and honesty. These are things that I live by and of which my closest and dearest are very well aware.

  Somehow she’s slept on the fact that my wife became my closest and dearest the day we took vows, thereby eclipsing all others, even those who came before her. Now, as I hold Giselle after the most intense lovemaking of our lives, I can feel the tension return to her body as she laid with her back turned.

  I’d been lost in the blissful afterglow of good sex, and so it took me a few seconds to realize what was going on with her. Usually, after a hard fuck like the one I’d just treated her to, my baby would be fast asleep in seconds. Not tonight, though, tonight she was lying awake staring into the dark, fighting her own private demons on her own.

  I pulled her into my arms and was about to force her to tell me once and for all just what the hell was going on with her, but then she buried her face in my neck and started to cry. She broke my fucking heart with those tears, but I knew she wouldn’t tell me what I needed to know if I asked. Her mind was too consumed with fear, a fear that I obviously couldn’t break through, and which I was now sure more than ever had something to do with her protecting me.

  You see, while I was making love to her this last time, I opened myself up to her though she didn’t know it. I let myself feel and see everything, and I know that my wife has never stopped loving me. Her touch, the way she moved, the way she accepted me into her body all told the tale. But what did it for me more than anything else is the way she reacted when I whispered the words, ‘give me another child’ in her ear.

  No pussy gets that wet no heart accelerates the way hers did if she’s not there with me one hundred percent. I’m fully aware that my words alone might tickle some women’s fancy, sure, but it wouldn’t have made her heart beat out of time like hers did. It wouldn’t make her hold onto me as if she’d never let me go or search out my lips with hers to consume me in a heated kiss. And it damn sure wouldn’t have put a sheen of tears in her eyes.

  If her mother had, in fact, threatened me to get her to leave, I’m going to make her suffer in ways she could never have imagined. But my anger isn’t going to make this one feel any better, so I battled it back and turned my focus to fighting her inner demons for her this time. Soothing words turned to gentle touches, which soon became whispers of comfort and reassurance.

  I was a tad bit surprised at the aggression she showed when she rolled over onto my chest, pushing me to my back in the process. I didn’t resist when she mashed her lips against mine forcefully and when she reached down between us and found my dick, stuffing it up inside her, I let her have her way.

  I doubt she realized that she was crying all the way or heard the sounds of frustration she made as she tried to fuck herself into oblivion. I held onto her and let her use me to chase away whatever was going on in her head and held her against my chest when she’d exhausted herself. “You done?” I wasn’t expecting an answer, didn’t give her time to give one if she were so inclined.

  Instead, I cupped the back of her head carefully and put her on her back beneath me, raised her legs around my hips, and fucked her into the bed like I own her. She damn near ripped the skin off my back, and I had to swallow her screams when I counteracted by pounding into her harder, faster, deeper, but she kept throwing that pussy up at me hard.

  I gave some thought to the fact that she might bruise, but instead of pulling back or slowing down, I sunk my teeth into her neck and sucked, marking her for all the world to see. When I came in her this time, I didn’t have the strength to make a peep, but if she doesn’t know what I’m trying to do by fucking her this hard, then she’s not as smart as I give her credit for.

  I didn’t pull out just twisted my body to ease some of my weight off of her. I was enjoying the feel of her pussy’s aftermath too much to leave the warm cocoon of her body. Besides, my cock hadn’t finished dripping cum inside her yet, and I needed her to take it all so that it could do the most good in there.

  When I figured it was too much, that I was crushing her into the bed for long enough, I kissed her neck and rolled to my back, taking her with me. She cuddled into my chest like a little kitten, the way she used to before, and I found my first real smile since she came home.

  Calen

  I wasn’t aware of falling asleep, but some time later, I came awake with her weight still on my chest and the memory of the night we shared came rushing back. I laid there for a few minutes more, enjoying the feel of her against me until I heard the change in her breathing. “Are you awake, love?” I kissed the top of her head before she could answer and eased her off of me onto her side on the bed next to me. I needed to piss in the worst way. “Be right back.”

  I walked into her bathroom and took care of business, and a look in the mirror while washing my hands showed me some of the damage her nails had done. I don’t even remember her attacking my chest, but as soon as my eyes landed on those marks, the scratches she’d left on my back started to burn a little. I didn’t mind, not even a little bit; they were like a badge of honor.

  Back in the bedroom, her eyes followed me as I made my way to the bed. I sh
ould probably head back to my own room before the questions start, but I find that I’m not ready to leave her just yet. For me, this was like a renewal of everything we’d once shared. For her, it can be nothing less than confusing, I’m sure. It was still an hour or so before our son will be waking up, and my mind was already going to how much loving I could give her in that amount of time as I climbed back into bed, and then a strange sound filled the air, stopping me in my tracks.

  The sound was so foreign; it took me a second to recognize it for what it was, and just as I did, her phone dinged across the room again, and she jumped like someone had goosed her. From her reaction, I had a pretty good idea who was on the other end of that shit, so I got up from the bed and crossed the room to the chair she’d dropped her bag on. “Calen, no…”

  “It’s okay, baby.” I fished the phone out and read the message after taking a wild guess at the passcode; it was our wedding date. I smiled to myself and ignored the fact that my heart warmed, and I wanted to do handsprings like a bitch. I read the message as I walked back to the bed where she was now sitting up, clutching the sheet to her chest, still the same sweet shy girl I knew from before even after all we’d shared last night and every night since she’s been back come to think of it.

  She looked over to read the message as well, and I could feel the tension in her. “Where are you? You’d better be home tomorrow, or I’ll come find you, and when I do, you know what will happen. We need to talk.” My first reaction to the words on the screen was anger, but I’m not that green to think that that would solve anything here. In fact, within seconds, my devious mind saw this as to my benefit.

  I answered for her without thinking of how it would look to her. “I’ll come home tomorrow; what time should I be there?” I felt her tense up even more and wrapped my arm around her. “Stay calm.” Her reaction was taking everything in me not to tell this bitch to kick rocks in more colorful ways, of course, but I kept my cool and reminded myself that there was more at stake here than my ego.