by Inara Scott
“What are you talking about? Of course you do. We’ve been planning this forever.”
“You’ve been planning this,” she corrected. “You and Mom were planning this, and then she died, and you kept planning. But I didn’t want it. I never wanted it.”
“It’s a little late to mention that now, don’t you think?”
Instead of answering, she crossed over to the pile of photographs that they had been sorting through on the floor. She bent over and picked up one of her mother and father, laughing at their wedding. It had been a simple affair, with only the two of them, a small circle of friends, and a lay pastor they’d brought in to conduct the ceremony. Her mother wore a circle of flowers in her hair. Her father wore a pair of black pants and a white shirt. He was laughing. Kelsey couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen him laugh like that.
“We never talk about her,” Kelsey said.
“No,” he said, unable to take his eyes away from the photo.
“I still miss her.”
He took the picture from her hands and traced the edge of it with one finger. He opened his mouth briefly, as if he might say something, but then closed it. His eyes were dark and bleak.
“Dad,” Kelsey asked, her voice strangely clear, “what will happen if I don’t go with you to Annapurna?”
He jerked up to look at her, and she saw the fear in his eyes. “What do you mean? You have to go, Kelsey. Everyone is counting on you.”
“You don’t know, do you? You’re scared. Scared that you might kill yourself.”
He clutched the picture more tightly in his hand.
“I mean, not just do something risky, or try to summit when the conditions are bad. I mean really kill yourself. Jump into a crevasse. Step off the edge of a cliff. That’s what you’re scared of, isn’t it? You can’t trust yourself. That’s why you bring me along.”
She expected the revelation to bring fresh pain, but it did not. She had been dancing around it for too long, knowing the truth but not wanting to admit it. Finding every way she could to shield him from his fears. Being there so he didn’t have to face it. And in doing so, she had enabled that fear, maybe even perpetuated it.
His hard, wrinkled face began to crumple. “I miss her, too, Kelsey. I miss her every day. When I’m on the mountain I feel closer to her. It’s almost like she’s there with me.”
The weight of their shared loss suddenly became fresh, and Kelsey staggered under it. “I know you loved her, Dad, but it’s been sixteen years. You’ve got to find a way to move on.”
“You make it sound so easy,” he said. “You have no idea what it’s like.”
“I lost my mother,” she replied. “And then I lost my father, too. I guess I know a little something about it.”
He sank down to the floor and brushed his hands over the pictures. “She was incredibly brave. And so smart. Much smarter than me. You’re so much like her, you know. She would have been incredibly proud of you.”
“But I’m not her.” Kelsey had to swallow hard and force herself to say the words. “And I’m not going to risk killing myself just so you can keep chasing your fantasy of her. I’ve organized my whole life around protecting you, Dad, and I’m done with it. I just had a man look me in the eye and tell me he loved me and I’m not going to walk away from him so you can pretend she’s still alive.”
Mick picked up another picture, this one of Kelsey when she was a newborn, a tiny tuft of hair on top of her head, her mother carrying her on her chest, supported by a long piece of cloth that she had wrapped around her back and shoulders.
Kelsey sat down beside him and took the picture from his hands. Her father had taken that picture, and so many others. Kelsey as a baby, gumming a piton. Kelsey at age four, a rope tied in a harness around her chest as they hiked up a steep trail. Kelsey, the adolescent, all knobby knees and elbows, long brown hair neatly braided, grinning at the top of a rock.
She had been loved. It hadn’t been a traditional childhood, but it had been full of love and laughter. And then her mother died, and everything changed. No more pictures. No more grinning on top of tall rock faces. Just solemn expeditions. Summits. Always preparing for the next climb. “All I know is that I’ve been alone ever since she died, and I’m tired of it.”
Mick held out his hands in a gesture of helplessness. “I thought you loved it. I thought you were happy.”
“You never asked.”
“I’m sorry.” The words were a whisper, so quiet Kelsey almost didn’t believe she’d heard them. But they were real.
“It isn’t only your fault,” she admitted, thinking of Marie and all the times her friend had told her to say something to her father. Of all the times she had wanted to stay home for the weekend so she could go to a school dance, but went climbing with her dad instead. Of all the dates she’d canceled so she could get in one more training run. Of the resentment that had built up for years. “I should have said something a long time ago.”
He ran his fingers through his hair. “So what do we do now?”
Kelsey squeezed his shoulder gently. “I’m going to hope that I haven’t lost my chance at something special. You’ve got to decide if you want to keep living.”
Tears coursed down his cheeks as he picked up the wedding picture again. “Oh, Kelsey.” He blew out a long, slow breath. “I wish it were that easy.”
“I didn’t say it was easy,” she said. “I guess at one time I would have thought it was easy, but now that I’ve met Ross,” she paused, shuddering at the barest thought of losing him, “I might understand, just a little.”
“We always knew one of us might die,” he said. “It was part of what we did. We understood the risks. After you were born things changed. We both became more cautious. I worried about her, and you. We had promised each other when we first got married that we would keep climbing and doing what we loved. But I wanted her to stop. I wanted her to go back, not try to summit. I wanted her to be with you.”
The revelation was piercing. Kelsey’s heart clenched. “Dad, I never knew. I just thought…”
He gave a wry smile. “You thought I didn’t care. But I did. I still do. And I still believe that you have to commit to it, Kelsey, one hundred percent, if you’re going to do it.”
More tears coursed down her cheek. “I can’t. I’m sorry, but I can’t. I hope you can forgive me.”
“There’s nothing to forgive.” He looked from her back to the picture in his hands. “You know, she always told me that having a child was like having a piece of forever, right there in front of you. It’s like looking at the summit fresh, every morning.”
Kelsey wiped her eyes. “That’s really beautiful.”
“I had forgotten she used to say that.” His voice trembled. “I’m glad you reminded me.”
…
Mick stumbled out of the house a few minutes later. Kelsey stood in the hall and watched him get into his car and drive away. She wasn’t sure if she had done something good or terrible, and she feared it was a little bit of each. Sobs were growing deep in her chest, but she held them back, not knowing if she could survive the storm of them on her own. She halfheartedly considered calling Marie, but wasn’t ready to face her friend after their fight earlier that day. She knew everything that Marie had said was true, but that didn’t mean she liked admitting it.
“Are you okay?”
The deep voice startled her and she jumped. Ross had been sitting in one of the old plastic chairs at the far end of the porch, buried in shadows. He rose and came into view, the shadows making him seem even taller, his chest even broader.
She held her hand over her chest. “You scared me. What on earth are you doing there?”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to leave until I made sure you were all right.”
“Who’s with the kids?”
“My brother. He’s staying a few extra days. We’ve got a deal to work out before he goes.”
“Is this the same brother?” she asked,
forehead wrinkled. “The ruthless businessman who thinks you’re some kind of playboy? Because I have to tell you, that guy at the gym didn’t seem particularly ruthless. He looked…well…nice.”
The white of his teeth flashed in a grin. “I know. Funny how things can change.”
She shifted uneasily on her feet, hesitant now that they were alone and she was out of excuses. “So what’s the deal?” she asked. “The one you’re doing with your brother, I mean.”
“He thinks I should build the resort. I mean, the whole thing. Forget Herriot and build it the way I want. It will be a big project, but Brit’s interested in investing in it. Providing the capital so I can design and build it myself.”
The answer was so simple, she couldn’t believe they hadn’t thought of it before. “You’d cut Herriot out?”
“He hasn’t bought any of the land yet, and everyone in the area knows Stagefeather is the key to making it work. If I can get him on my side, I can go back to the other landowners and negotiate on my own terms. I’m sure Herriot was ready to screw them. I guarantee I can do better, maybe give them a stake in the resort.”
“What about Herriot coming after you later? Making life difficult for you?”
“It might be hard to get those initial contracts,” he said. “But once I get this project under my belt they won’t be able to ignore me. It’s all about the money, after all.”
He reached out a hand and tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear. “Besides, a really smart person reminded me that I can go small for a while, if I have to. It’s worth it.”
Her chin trembled. “I figured you’d end up there. You’re a good man, Ross. Your kids are lucky to have you.”
“I’ll still need a consultant. Brit knows even less than I do about the outdoors.”
“What if your consultant has to travel sometimes? What if she needs to climb an occasional mountain? How would you feel about that?”
“Nervous. I’d miss her while she was gone. But I’d understand that’s part of who she is.”
Her heart fluttered so hard and fast she had to whisper. “What if you came with her?”
“I’d like that.” He cupped the side of her face in his palm. “I don’t know very much about hiking up mountains, but I bet she could teach me.”
She flung her arms around his neck, the dam breaking all at once. “Damn it, I love you, Ross Bencher.”
Strong arms closed around her. Circled her. Warm lips found hers. “You’re sure about that?”
“Are you going to drag this out?” She laughed through a haze of tears. “Is this a punishment?”
“Maybe just a little.”
“You’re strong and kind and gentle and all I have to do is look at you and I’m lost.”
“I like that,” he nodded approvingly.
“I wake up in the morning and I want you in my bed. When I go to sleep at night, I want you at my side.”
“And you’re not planning on changing your mind?”
“Never.”
He swept her up in an embrace that took her off her feet. “That’s exactly what I wanted to hear.”
Chapter Twenty
On October 25, 2013, Mick Hanson summited Annapurna One with Sarah Valdez, who had joined his team after his daughter, Kelsey Hanson, had to bow out of the climb due to an injured ankle.
On October 29, after a safe descent to Basecamp IV, Mick sent a message via satellite phone to his daughter, who was recovering back in Boulder, Colorado. The sun was shining. All around him, the snow glinted in perfect white crests. He said, “I love you, Kelsey, and I’ll be home soon.”
About the Author
Inara Scott grew up on a steady diet of true love, heaving bosoms, and happily ever after. Romance inspired her first novel, penned at the age of 14, titled A Wild and Stormy Passion. Today, Inara writes anything and everything, including young adult fiction and adult romance. Inara loves to hear from readers, and can often be found avoiding actual work by playing on Twitter (@inarascott) and Facebook (www.facebook.com/inarawrites).
Indulge in these other bestselling contemporary romances in the Bencher Family series by Inara Scott…
Rules of Negotiation
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…until he started breaking them.
Brit Bencher will do anything to take care of his family, even seduce Tori Anderson in the hopes of getting her to reveal confidential information about one of her clients. But for the first time in his life, he finds he’s falling for a woman. When Tori uncovers his lies, will he lose his chance with her forever?
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…or a dream come true?
To protect his ailing grandmother, Garth is forced to play the part of Melissa’s adoring fiancé. Now they’re trying on rings and posing for the paparazzi. The game is clear: for one month, they play the part of an engaged couple, and then they part ways. No emotions. No entanglements. But when it comes to matters of the heart, Melissa’s never been good at following the rules…