1977 - My Laugh Comes Last

by James Hadley Chase

  'Sure. There's no one else. All you have to do is to walk in and knock him off. Like the idea?'

  If I lived to reach Klaus after the breakin, I liked it, but I trusted Harry the way I would trust a rattlesnake. It would be too easy for him. Bang - and Benny was dead. Bang - and Joe was dead, and bang again — I was dead, ‘Yes.' I said. 'I like it.'

  He leaned forward and patted my knee, 'Okay, buster. It's a deal.'

  I parked outside my apartment block, then shifted around in the driving seat so I could look at Harry. The light from the street lamp fell directly on his face.

  'Tell me something, Harry,' I said. ‘Doesn't it mean a thing to you to kill Joe and Benny? You could just shoot them down, and it would mean nothing to you?'

  He grinned.

  'Let me put it this way, buster: to get Glenda, would you give a damn about putting a bullet in Klaus?'

  For a long moment, I thought about this. If I didn't kill Klaus, he would certainly kill Glenda and me. I was sure of that.

  'I guess you have a point,' I said.

  'To get a million bucks, why should I care if I knock off a couple of stumblebums like Joe and Benny? Who would miss them anyway?'

  I opened the car door and got out on to the sidewalk.

  Harry joined me, and we rode up in the elevator to my apartment.

  While Harry lounged around, I quickly put together the gimmicks I needed to get into the bank. I found a plastic sack in the kitchen and put the gimmicks in it.

  I looked at my watch. The time now was 01.10. Time was running out.

  'All fixed,' I said, putting the sack on the table.

  'Got everything?'

  'Yes.'

  'Sure? We don't want a foul-up because you've forgotten something.'

  'All fixed.'

  'Okay.' He moved to a chair and sat down. 'How about a drink?'

  I went to my liquor cabinet and took out a bottle of Scotch and two glasses. I made two mild drinks, gave him one, and then went over and sat near him.

  He lifted his glass, 'Here's to success. Now, listen, here's what we do.' He drank, put down his glass and leaned forward. 'Klaus has told me to stay close to you. He doesn't trust you, but don't worry about that. You and me will go up to Manson's office while Joe and Benny remain by the vault door. You do your telephone and cassette act. You open the vault and Joe gets to work. He really knows his stuff with a cutter. You say there are four hundred boxes to open. Benny and me will take the loot from the boxes as Joe opens them, and we'll pack the the money in the cartons. You just keep out of the way. If Joe works fast, maybe I'll get you to help fill the cartons. We work all through Saturday. We have around twenty-seven hours to bust into all the boxes. The truck arrives at eight o'clock, Sunday morning, and the driver and his pal take off. We load the cartons into the truck.' Harry paused, and grinned. 'While Benny and Joe are clearing up, I knock them off. I give you a gun and a carton with fifty grand in it, and you go after Klaus. Got it?'

  I drank some of my whisky.

  Would Harry shoot me as soon as I got them into the vault? My mind worked swiftly. I thought that unlikely.

  None of them would want a dead body with them in the vault for twenty-seven hours. No . . . when Harry had shot Joe and Benny, I would be next.

  'I've got it,' I said.

  'Joe handles the cutter. Benny handles the cartons. You'll handle your gimmicks and a sack of food. I've got that packed and ready. No point in starving. My chick will be ready to chat up the guard.' He looked at his watch. 'Another hour and a half.'

  He got to his feet and began to roam around my room.

  'All that money!' he exclaimed. 'This is something I've dreamed about!'

  'Those bonds Klaus gave me,' I said, watching him. 'Joe tells me your father did them. They looked good to me.'

  He paused and grinned at me.

  'Joe talks too much.' He laughed, cocky and confident. ‘Yes, Klaus made you a sucker. Those bonds would look good to anyone. My father was an artist, but he was also stupid, He was so goddamn greedy, he got careless and he landed himself and me in jail. Working together, we could have made a fortune, but he tried to rush it, and a set of bonds were spotted. We had the Feds after us.' He shrugged, 'That's the way the cookie crumbles, but this time, I'm not handling dud bonds, I'm handling real money.'

  'And what are you going to do when you get the money, Harry?'

  'A million - maybe more! With that kind of bread, a smart guy like me can drop out of sight.' He gave me a sly grin, 'With that kind of bread, I can buy me a regiment of women. That's my thing - women. I'll keep moving and keep screwing. I can't wait to start.'

  'Once the police are alerted, Harry, they'll come after you.'

  He laughed.

  'They've come after me before. I'll get lost this time. They only caught up with me last time because I had no money, but with a million - I've got no problems.' He scratched at his beard. 'What do you plan to do with fifty grand and Glenda?'

  This was something I hadn't thought about. Just suppose Harry wasn't conning me, and he did give me fifty thousand dollars and a gun, and I did get Glenda . . . what would I do?

  I knew the moment the police found I had left Sharnville, they would come after me, knowing that I was behind the bank breakin. But the bank breakin wouldn't be discovered until 08.30 Monday morning. If Harry wasn't conning me, I would have twenty-four hours to get out of the country.

  'I guess I'll fly to Canada,' I said. 'Once there, I'll have time to make plans.'

  He nodded, and again his grin was sly.

  'Glenda's a smart cookie. You two talk it over. She'll fix something.'

  I looked at my watch. I had another hour to wait.

  'I'm still feeling pretty bad, Harry. While we wait, I'll rest on my bed. Okay with you?'

  'Go ahead.' He poured himself another drink. ‘Waiting around is hell.'

  I went into my bedroom and stretched out on the bed. I was sure Harry wouldn't give me fifty thousand dollars, and I was even more sure he wouldn't give me a gun. I lay still and thought. I concentrated my thoughts on the vault.

  Harry, Joe, Benny and I would be in the vault for some twenty-seven hours. I thought of the slide-up door in the vault that gave access to the cellar garage. I had so arranged this door that when it opened, the vault doors automatically closed. The electronic control which opened the slide-up door was operated by a press button, inserted in the wall by the slide-up door, and painted white, as the walls were painted white. The button was practically invisible unless you knew where to look for it.

  I continued to think, and finally, a risky solution to my problem began to take shape.

  I was still lying on the bed, still thinking, when Harry looked in.

  'Time to move, buster,' he said. 'Let's go.'

  I got off the bed, put on my jacket and went into the living-room. The time was now 02.35. I picked up the plastic sack containing my gimmicks and tools.

  ‘You're sure you've forgotten nothing?' Harry asked.

  'I'm sure.'

  ‘You feeling okay?'

  'I'll survive.'

  'Benny's watching the bank. When the guard goes around the back of the bank, Benny's going to light a cigarette. I've got my chick staked out, waiting to chat up the guard. As soon as Benny lights a cigarette, we move in fast.'

  We got in the elevator and rode down to the ground floor, I wondered, as I moved out of the elevator, if I had many more hours in which to live.

  We went on to the street.

  Car headlights flashed, then died.

  'That's Joe,' Harry said.

  The Chevy was parked a few yards down the street. We reached it, then I saw Harry stiffen and stop short.

  I could see Joe sitting at the driving wheel. There was another man, sitting in the back of the car.

  'Come along, Harry. Time is running out.’

  With a cold sense of shock, I recognized Klaus's clipped voice.

  Klaus!

  I hear
d Harry say, his voice uncertain, ‘You here, boss?'

  'I have decided to join in the fun,' Klaus said. ‘You sit in front, Harry. Mr. Lucas will sit beside me.'

  As I got into the car and sat beside Klaus, I saw he was holding a revolver which pointed at me.

  As Harry dropped into the front passenger's seat, Joe engaged gear and drove the car at a sedate pace towards the National Californian Bank.

  As we drove through the deserted streets and swung into Main Street, my mind was working furiously.

  Here was Klaus, seated by my side! What had happened to Glenda? Had he already murdered her? My insides cringed at the thought. If not, would he have left her unguarded?

  Klaus said quietly, 'I can read your thoughts, Mr. Lucas. Your woman is quite safe. I have arranged for a guard to look after her. When you have done your job, there will be no problem. You and she will be free to do what you wish.'

  A psychopath!

  If he imagined I believed one word he was saying, he was crazier than I believed he was!

  Joe swung the car to the kerb and doused the lights. We were within two hundred yards of the bank.

  From where I sat, I could see the bank's guard, sitting in his sentry-box. I knew him, having once played golf with him: an ex-cop with a nice wife and four children.

  Joe kept the engine running while we all sat watching the guard. The hands of the dashboard clock moved to 03.11.

  'Get moving, you sonofabitch,' Harry muttered.

  We waited another ten minutes, then the guard yawned, stretched himself, and stepped out of his sentry-box. He looked to right and left, then with his rifle slung on his shoulder, he began to plod slowly along the front of the bank.

  Joe shifted into gear and moved the car forward, 'Take it easy,' Harry said. ‘Wait for Benny.'

  Joe stopped the car.

  Harry turned around to look at me.

  ‘You take the food sack and your gimmicks. Are you ready to open the bank doors?'

  ‘Yes,' I said, and accepted the plastic sack he shoved over the seat at me.

  We waited. The guard was now out of sight. Then across the way, in a dark doorway, a match flared up. Joe moved the car fast to within ten yards of the bank's entrance and parked.

  'Get the doors open!' Klaus snapped at me.

  I slid out of the car, as Joe ran around to open the trunk.

  Benny joined us and grabbed a pile of collapsible cartons that Joe handed to him. I used the neutralizer and the bank doors slid open.

  Klaus was the first to enter, and he paused, facing the rest of us as we rushed in.

  'Stay right here.' He looked at me. 'Are we safe here from the alarm beam?'

  'It's six feet behind you,' I said, and using the neutralizer, I closed the bank doors.

  The whole operation had taken less than forty seconds, 'Well, we're in,' Benny said, grinning,

  ‘You and Harry open the vault,' Klaus said to me, regarding me with his ice-grey eyes. 'No tricks, Mr. Lucas, or you won't leave here alive. We'll wait here.'

  I dropped on hands and knees and crawled under the invisible beam, then I stood up. Following my movements, Harry joined me. Again using the neutralizer, I opened the elevator doors.

  ‘This will take a little time,' I said to Klaus.

  Klaus glared at Harry.

  'Watch him!'

  I pressed the second floor button and the elevator doors swished closed, and the cage started its smooth journey upwards.

  'Jeeze!' Harry exploded. 'Who the hell would expect him to show up!'

  The elevator doors opened. Using my flashlight, I walked fast to Manson's office. I pushed open the door, and followed by Harry, I entered.

  Keeping the beam of my flashlight away from the windows, I sat at Manson's desk and reached for the red telephone. I knew exactly what I had to do so I didn't have to think about it. My mind was busy with this unexpected arrival of Klaus.

  As I began to cut and strip the telephone leads, Harry said, 'If you and me don't work together, buster, you won't get Glenda, and I won't get the bread.'

  Without pausing in what I was doing, I asked, 'Has he got someone to guard Glenda?'

  'Not a chance. Why should he? Who's he got? She's locked in, and she can't get out. Don't worry about her. Here's what we do: I take care of Joe and Benny, and you take care of Klaus.'

  I began to splice the wires of my gimmick to the cut wires of the telephone.

  'Take care of him? How?'

  'You any good with a gun?'

  I paused and stared at him.

  'I've never handled a gun.'

  He grimaced.

  'Klaus is good. You've got to get real close to him. If you get close enough, you can't miss.' He laid a flat automatic pistol on the desk in front of me. ‘We wait until the truck arrives tomorrow morning. Then while Joe and Benny are loading the loot into the truck, get close to Klaus and give it to him. Shoot through your jacket pocket. The moment you shoot, I'll take Joe and Benny. That's no problem. They'll be handling the cartons. Okay?'

  ‘How do I know Klaus hasn't already murdered Glenda?'

  'And land himself with her body? He plays smart. If he's going to knock her off, he'll get Benny to bury her. You don't have to worry about her. She's okay right now. You knock Klaus off, and all you have to do is to drive out there, pick her up, and be on your way.'

  I didn't believe a word he was saying, but I knew I had to go along with him for the time being. At least, now I had a gun.

  I finished the telephone wiring. As I reached for the gun, I said, 'Is it loaded?'

  'Sure.' Harry took the gun from my hand, removed the clip and showed me the bullets. He replaced the clip. 'All you have to do is to thumb back this catch, point the gun through your jacket pocket at Klaus's guts and squeeze the trigger. Don't pull or jerk the trigger... squeeze it.'

  Knowing this was something I could never bring myself to do, I took the gun from him and dropped it into my pocket.

  'Have you got this fixed?' Harry asked, and waved to the telephone.

  'It's ready to go.' Using the dial, I dialled 2-4-6-8. I waited, then heard clicking sounds. 'That's it! Three of the locks are now unlocked.'

  'Jeeze!' He stared at the telephone. 'It's goddamn magic.'

  Leaving the desk, I went to the wall behind Manson's chair. I found the sliding panel and took out the tape cassette. Locating another hidden panel, I thumbed it open and fed the cassette into the slot. After a wait of some fifteen seconds, a green light showed.

  'The vault's open now.' I moved back to the desk and stripped out the gimmick and dropped it into the plastic sack.

  Watching me, Harry said, "You really mean the vault's open?'

  I dropped the wire cutter into my pocket as I said, 'It's open.'

  'Once you know how, huh?' He gave an uneasy grin. His face shone with sweat and his eyes were uneasy. ‘Watch Klaus. He's real fast with a gun. For Pete's sake, don't miss him.'

  My heart thumping, I rode down with him in the elevator, the vault doors stood open. Klaus, Joe and Benny were already in the vault.

  As Harry and I walked in, Klaus turned, 'So far, Mr. Lucas, you have succeeded,' he said. 'Now if you will stand over there, and keep out of the way, the operation can proceed.' He waved me to the far wall as Joe began to assemble his cutter, and Benny busied himself with the cartons.

  Harry looked around the vault, lined with safe deposit boxes.

  'Some joint,' he said.

  ‘Yes, Harry. Each of those little boxes leads to money,' Klaus said.

  I moved away and leaned my back against the far wall, close to the steel shutter that guarded the entrance to the cellar garage. Moving slightly to my right, my body concealed the control button that would open the shutter, and at the same time, shut the vault doors.

  By now, Joe had the flame of the cutter alight.

  'Where do I start, boss?' he asked.

  Klaus pointed to the first box on the right wall.

  'Be careful,
Joe. Just take the lock out.'

  Joe adjusted his goggles, then turned up the flame. Klaus and the other two watched him. I moved my hand behind me and felt the control button. My fingers moved over it.

  This wasn't the time, I told myself, and I felt sweat running down my spine.

  It took Joe ten minutes before he cut out the lock, and as the lock dropped to the floor, he lowered the flame and stepped back.

  'That door's hot,' he said.

  Harry came forward. He was now wearing an asbestos glove on his right hand. He jerked open the door of the box, then let out a curse.

  'Nothing!'

  'Keeping going, Joe,' Klaus, said. Try to make it faster. There are four hundred boxes to open. You've taken ten minutes to open one. At this rate, it'll take you sixty hours and more to open the lot.'

  Joe gaped at him.

  'You said to be careful, boss.'

  'Don't be all that careful!' Klaus snapped.

  Joe had the next lock cut out in a little over five minutes.

  Again Harry moved forward and jerked open the door.

  'Hey!'

  Benny came forward. The two men peered into the box.

  'Boy! Look! Money!' Benny exclaimed.

  'Clear it, and get on!' Klaus snapped.

  While Harry was clearing the contents of the box, Joe began on the third box. This time, he got the lock cut out in four minutes. Without waiting for Harry to open the box, he moved to the fourth box.

  'Money!' Harry exclaimed, and began to shovel neatly packed dollar bills into the carton Benny was holding.

  I was watching Klaus. His thin face was tense. His eyes were riveted on Joe as Joe cut into the fourth box. There was an impatient expectancy about Klaus, like a man waiting anxiously for the result of vitally important news: the result of a diagnosis that could prove fatal.

  At all our meetings, Klaus had been cold and calm, but not now. As the fourth lock burned out, and Harry jerked open the door of the box, Klaus moved forward. From the box, Harry pulled out three leather jewel cases and a stack of money. Klaus peered into the box, then muttering, he stepped back.

  I felt suddenly sure that he hadn't, as he had said, 'come to join in the fun'. He was here to get something from one of these boxes: something that meant much to him, Joe was working faster now. He cut out the fifth lock in under three minutes.