by Dale Mayer
“Nah. But maybe I’ll be close.” He brightened at the thought and hobbled back several paces. Several other boys joined him until a large group stood around staring at her. They were going to ask more questions. She could sense them gearing up.
Andrea stepped closer and murmured, “Are you okay?”
Robin nodded. “Sure.”
She knew what the kids wanted. She couldn’t hide anymore. Maybe never could. And maybe it would help them to see her as a separate person. Not related to Jon. And if they saw that she was fine and had survived all her surgeries, maybe they’d have a little more hope for Jon, too.
“Do you want to see my face?” Robin asked, proud of the calm in her voice. Better to get this over with. It would stall the questions that made them all look ready to burst.
“Yes!”
Just as she went to lift her hair back, Brian turned back to the other kids and said, “If you want to see her face, come here.”
“Oh dear,” Andrea said beside Robin.
She should have expected such a response. Brian seemed like a rambunctious kid and like many boys, he had a ghoulish appetite. Well, she could do that.
“Ha,” she said with a real smile. “It’s not even Halloween yet, maybe you guys are too scared to see.”
That brought a half dozen running over.
“Now you did it,” Sean said, laughing. “Nothing like showing boys something that might tweak their ghoulish senses.”
“I figured better to get it over with.” When all the kids were around them and she could see a few dealing with visible scars of their own, she said, “I was in a car accident many years ago. It was really bad. I’m the only one that survived.”
“Did you lose your family?”
The soft voice spoke up from the left and Robin saw a little boy she hadn’t noticed before. Maybe it was because he blended into the chair so well. And had curled into a tiny ball. A protective ball. There was no visible injury, but there was no one in the room that couldn’t hear the pain in his voice.
“Actually,” Robin took a deep breath. “I did. I lost them all.”
There were horrified and yet avid gasps from the kids.
She kept her eyes locked on the little boy now facing them. “It was really hard at the time, but now it is much easier.”
The boy shrank back slightly. “I don’t want it to get better,” he whispered and closed his eyes.
Robin studied his tiny form and thought back to the initial days of holding on to the memories of her brother, her mother, and her father close to her. Especially when the bright memories faded, the exact words she used to remember in her mind – slipping. Then she’d hung on even harder – feeling disloyal somehow. Afraid she’d lose everything if she lost the last of them. They were her life. And now they were gone. If she couldn’t keep them with her, she’d be alone.
It had taken several more months for her to realize – she was alone regardless.
“Hey, can I move your hair back?” One particularly persistent little boy asked. He had red hair standing straight up and freckles completely covering his face. Except for the long raw scar wrapped around his jaw. Swollen yet healing, it made his jaw oversized.
“I’ll do it,” she said. She leaned forward and said, “Ready?”
“Yes,” they shouted.
She slipped a hand upward and under the long dark hair and pulled it back, leaving her face completely visible.
“Oooh.”
“Wow.”
“Gross.”
As each of the kids ran through their favorite expressions, she couldn’t help but laugh. “And now you know.”
“It’s not bad. Why do you try to hide it?”
“Because some people made hurtful comments, so I started hiding it.” She shrugged. “Maybe I shouldn’t have, but there it is.”
Brian grinned. “If I had a face like that, I’d enter into a zombie movie and see if I could get a part.”
She felt Sean’s start of surprise at the comment. And realized he was still behind her. She dropped the hair and slid her comfort zone back into place. She turned back to the boys. “Now you guys tell me what happened to you.”
Most of the kids jumped in with their war stories of accidents, surgeries, and all manner of things that could go wrong with the human body. The kids relished it. It was a chance to go over their experiences with someone who understood. Someone – an adult – who had been there.
It was a chance to be listened to. Survivor stories and a chance for their story to be the worst. The hardest. The most graphic in detail. She didn’t know when she somehow ended up being one of them. When one young boy, she thought his name was Jack, mentioned the waking up in the morning with stitches and staples across his belly, she felt her insides knot.
“It’s a horrible feeling, isn’t it?” she said, wincing. “When you look down for that first time and you have long metal shiny things holding your insides together. That if you move the wrong way, breathe too heavy, all your guts are going to fall out.”
The boys lit up at that, and the details of their experiences grew and the goriness increased. She sat back and relaxed. She’d forgotten just how accepting and non-judgmental kids really were. They didn’t care if her face was scarred – they just wanted all the bloody details of how she’d gotten that way.
At least these boys did.
*
Sean had a pencil in hand and several pieces of paper scavenged from Andrea. He’d felt the need like nothing else had felt so right in a long time. He wanted to put Robin down on paper. Preserve this part of her – in case he never saw it again. He didn’t know if it was last night, Jon, the boys, a combination of all the issues, but she was looser, friendlier. Relaxed. Open. She was…special.
His hand shook with intensity as he tried to capture that look on her face. The exuberance. The liveliness. The real Robin. Or what he imagined the old Robin from before the accident was like.
He loved that the boys had taken to her. Even regaling each other with the war stories of their experiences. She’d fit right in today. The last two day’s behavior was gone – as if it never existed.
Healing was like that.
He wanted to laugh and shout with joy. But he couldn’t. He didn’t want to draw her attention to her change in behavior. Nor take her attention away from the boys. Not when she was doing such a great job at being herself.
Of course they’d loved her face. He’d seen their mouths twist in Os and their eyes cringe in awe and…respect.
She wore her war wounds as they did. She was older. She was an adult.
But she was one of them.
Chapter 27
Andrea said in a loud voice, “Okay boys, Robin and Sean have to leave. They were only here for a short visit today.”
“Awww. Really?” several the boys cried out.
“We’ll be back,” Sean said. “Tomorrow. We’ll be back for one more visit tomorrow.”
“Okay.”
Robin walked out backwards, waving and crying out to the boys, “Bye.”
As they walked toward the elevators, she laughed and raced down the stairs, only stopping when she reached the bottom and needed to catch her breath. Sean, grinning at her side, said, “What brought that on?”
As she opened the door to the main floor, she said “I just felt an outburst of energy. Needed to move. Needed to run.”
“Okay then, now that you have so much energy, what do you want to do?” Sean led the way to the exit and out to the parking lot.
“Do you know a decent restaurant around here? I’m starved.”
He laughed. “I know a mean Chinese restaurant a few blocks over.”
“A mean Chinese would be perfect.”
He made a couple of right turns and then a left and suddenly turned into a parking lot and parked. The change was so sudden she couldn’t believe that they were already here.
But she was game. And suddenly so hungry she couldn’t stand it. Inside, the p
lace was just gathering a small crowd for the dinner rush. They took a seat in the back of the large room. They were brought menus almost immediately and the waitress never had a chance to leave as they ordered immediately.
When the waitress finally left, Robin sat back with a fat smile, loving the sense of accomplishment. The sense of freedom. She’d overcome several hurdles today. She’d manage to show her scars and instead of running away from her screaming, the boys had been enthralled. She’d had the floor and they’d been a willing audience. After the emotional time with Jon, she’d been overwhelmed. Heartache had ruled. But then she realized that she had something she could do for the boys, help them feel better about Jon. She hadn’t had a plan of action, but it had all happened naturally.
She was good with that.
The food arrived and she fell on it with a vengeance. Lord, it felt good to have a hot meal.
*
Sean watched her eat with enjoyment. She inhaled her food. It was good to see. So was the progress she’d made. Unbelievable progress. He could only imagine where she’d be by the end of the week.
He studied her covertly. She was so focused. So appreciative. Stopping to savor the tastes in her mouth. And God, her mouth. At the tightening in his groin, he tried to focus on something else but once the floodgates had opened, memories from last night rushed through his body.
A shudder ran though him. God, he wanted her. Right here and now.
He closed his eyes and struggled for control.
“What’s the matter, aren’t you enjoying it?” she said in between bites. “It’s good. I’m really enjoying it.”
“I can tell,” he said in a gritty voice and quickly polished off his plate. The sooner they left, the sooner he could get her into his bed. It was all he could think about.
She was – his mind came up blank for a moment – a butterfly, newly released from her chrysalis.
Ready to fly.
He was so glad he’d been here to see it.
As he drove back to the hotel through the heavy Vancouver traffic, he realized with a sinking feeling that she didn’t need him anymore.
That she could finish this on her own.
And he’d never been more afraid. To be alone.
Chapter 28
The air in the truck chilled the closer they got to the hotel. She didn’t really understand what was happening until they pulled into the hotel lot. She was exhausted but also seriously revved. She needed to unwind somehow. She hopped out of the truck, waited for him, then headed for her bedroom.
“Now what?” Sean asked in a cooler tone of voice than she was used to hearing. “Pool? Rest? Pub?”
Something was up. She stopped and looked at him. With a wide grin, she said, “I was thinking more along the lines of bed.”
And watched as his gaze lit up and his grin turned devilish. “A girl after my own heart.”
With a giggle she took off, leading the way to her bedroom, Sean fast on her heels.
She rolled over the next morning and grinned. Sean was sprawled on his tummy, taking up most of the room. He was a serious bed hog. He looked like he hadn’t moved after collapsing in the middle of the night. It had been a night of heated sex like she hadn’t known possible. Even now, her body ached all over. And she’d loved every minute of it.
She knew their time here was coming to an end, but as she stared at her hot sleeping lover, she wondered if he would be interested in trying out that whole relationship thing he said he didn’t do.
Technically, two nights together was no longer a one-night stand. She knew she wanted to keep seeing him. They were dynamite in bed, and he was the only male that didn’t seem to be put off by her scars. Then she hadn’t given many a chance to see them.
In reality, he’d been there for her in ways she hadn’t really understood. Hadn’t thought such a thing was possible. She’d been wrong. As he’d shown her. She leaned over and kissed his cheek. He shifted slightly under her gentle touch. A wave of love swept over her. He’d been the catalyst for her healing this week. She wasn’t done, but she was well on her way. And she had him to thank. And Jenna.
Speaking of which, she glanced over at the clock and realized she was supposed to start the morning with a one-on-one session with her. And she was going to be late. She dashed to the bathroom and her shower to get started for the day.
Even rushing, she was still late for her meeting. She stepped into the small room that Jenna had taken for business during the workshop, a take-out coffee in her hand, a big grin on her face. “Good morning. Sorry I’m late.”
Jenna looked up and smiled. Her gaze seemed to see into Robin’s very soul. And her smile deepened. “Looks like you had another good night.”
“Well, I didn’t get much sleep, but it was a great night.” Robin laughed and took her seat.
“Sounds like you and Sean are getting along well.”
Robin nodded. “Honestly, it’s not what I expected. He’s not what I expected, but I’m delighted with what I’ve learned about him.”
“Good.” Jenna clasped her hands together on the desk and leaned forward slightly. “So tell me what you’ve learned.”
That made Robin pause. Was Jenna asking what she’d learned about Sean or about herself? She wanted to ask but didn’t want to go in the direction of Sean unless necessary. It seemed too personal and almost against Sean to talk about him. “This week has been tough in many ways. There’s no doubt that much of my issues stem from the loss of my brother.” She went on to explain the need for closure, how being able to see Jon last night had helped and how difficult going back to see the other boys afterwards had been – and how rewarding.
After she finally fell silent, there was a warm caring energy in the room.
Jenna sat back, a proud smile on her face. “That sounds like you’ve made wonderful strides this week.”
“I have.” Robin couldn’t stop grinning. “And I have you and Sean to thank for that.”
Immediately Jenna shook her head. “You did all the work. I provide the circumstances for the change, but you had to walk the walk.”
“And I did, and I feel wonderful for having done so.” She stood up. “I guess we have workshop stuff to do this morning before our last visit to the kids.”
“That’s right.” Jenna stood up. “I’ll be doing one-on-one sessions with everyone this morning, so today is really a chance to go over the report and fix anything that needs more work as well as see what other things are needed to round it out.”
At the reminder of the report, Robin froze. “That’s something I don’t know how to help with. I have no idea what Sean has been doing on it, if anything.”
“Well, it’s required first thing tomorrow morning, so you have today to figure it out.” Jenna’s voice was firm, her face beaming as if to say ‘you can do this.’
The only thing was, Robin knew she hadn’t contributed anything. She hadn’t even given Sean time to sketch her. And his arm hurt when he worked too long. She frowned as she wandered into the seminar. They should have gone to the hot tub last night. Let his muscles relax. She’d been letting him take care of her, but he hadn’t been taking care of himself. And she, so broken up about everything going on in her psyche, had let him.
Damn. Now she felt guilty.
Inside the workshop, groups were working on their project. There was no sign of Sean. She glanced around, looking for Tania, but she wasn’t here either. Out of sorts and wondering what she should do, she sat down to wait.
A half hour later, there was still no Sean. She gathered up her stuff and returned to her room. He must be still asleep. As she unlocked her door and walked back inside, she realized he wasn’t asleep. Or in the shower. He was gone.
She let the door close and stood there, staring at the rumpled bed.
Maybe she should have said something to him? Woken him up? Texted him? She pulled her cell phone out of her pocket on the off chance she’d gotten a text from him, but there was none.
> Making a quick decision, she walked back out, headed to his door, and knocked.
There was no answer.
*
Sean sat in the far end of the coffee shop – the opposite end of where he always sat with Robin. He wanted to be alone. To think. To work. To deal with his own crap. He’d already texted Paris several times, but it was hard to express what he was feeling. Then his cell phone battery had died, putting an end to the conversation. He’d forgotten to place it on his charger last night. Damn. That was something he rarely forgot.
Still, it was a good way to get out of the conversation. He wasn’t used to sharing. Didn’t quite know how to do it. Wasn’t sure it was a good thing to be doing. He’d always kept things locked up inside. He understood the psychobabble of letting it all go, he was taking psychology classes after all, not that he’d shared that fact with many people.
He had to admit he’d learned a lot about himself while here this week. And about others. That absolute need to heal. To move on with their lives. Everyone here came from a different place on the healing scale – if there was such a thing, and everyone was approaching the problem differently. He had to wonder if Jenna was psychic with the way she’d been pairing up couples. Was that a good thing? Or was she off the marker on everyone – including him and Robin? No. In that respect, she’d been right on the money.
He brooded as he stroked and shaded his latest picture. He’d somehow amassed a large collection of sketches of Robin. He wasn’t sure how or where or when, but there were some where she was a tiny image in the corner and then others where she was larger but faded. He didn’t remember doing many of them, but he must have done. And he’d done four new ones already this morning.
Robin had become the biggest subject of his life. And the only one he wanted to draw. Stupid. Crazy. Paris had said so in her last text. She was probably right. He’d been called crazy more than once. His father used to call him that before slugging him across the head. Or more accurately, he’d say, “Crazy bastard.”