by Dale Mayer
Then beat him again. Maybe he was crazy, but it had been his way of surviving. And it had worked. But once again, he had to wonder if his mental state was something he could trust. He’d never been so lacking in certainty before. He desperately wanted a relationship with Robin. But not even he could stretch ripping up the bed sheets for some of the hottest nights of sex in his memory as a relationship.
That was a physical need. There’d been no emotional involvement in it. Except the sex had been so incredible, and he knew it was from the emotions coursing through him.
But he wasn’t so sure about her.
And that was the part he was troubled about.
The last thing he wanted was for Robin to advance to a whole new world – and leave him behind. Sure, he hadn’t come here for himself. And he knew this was the place for Paris. No doubt about it. But now that he could see what was available in terms of progress and healing, he wanted some of it for himself.
Just like he wanted something from the new and improved Robin – to have a place in her future.
He turned the page and started working on the next picture.
If nothing else, he’d have these images to keep his memory of her alive long after this workshop had ended.
Chapter 29
Robin found herself alone at lunchtime, too. She was worried about where Sean might be. Was he okay? It was almost time to leave for the hospital. She didn’t know what to do. She wanted to see the kids today. Wanted to get the benefit of her last day here. She was feeling better about herself than she had in a long time. Now if only she knew what was going on with Sean? They had one more night. She was selfish enough to want it. Every last minute of it.
And she had no idea if he even cared enough to push his one-night stand rule into three nights. Had she pushed him too far already?
God, she hoped not. She dove into her meal when it arrived. The burger and fries reminded her of Sean. It was only as she finished and hopped to her feet to get ready for the hospital when she saw Sean busy working on the back corner of the room. As she walked closer, she realized that he was working on their project. She stopped and winced.
A huge load had been placed on his shoulders. She’d had to do nothing on that report. How unfair was that? She was a complete failure in the artistic department. That just made her feel worse. As she approached, maybe because she approached, he slammed his sketchbook closed and packed away his stuff. He stood up as she arrived at his table.
He stopped and stared at her, a shocked look on his face.
She frowned. “What?”
Sean frowned, looked down at his shoes briefly, then gave a half-hearted shrug. “Glad to see you. I was wondering how to track you down.”
“Ah,” she pulled her cell phone out of her pocket. “Cell phone.” She waved it at him. “I’ve sent a half dozen messages, but you haven’t answered any.”
With a sheepish grin, he admitted, “I forgot to charge my phone last night so my phone is dead.”
“Ah shit.” She laughed. “I thought you were mad at me for some reason.”
His eyebrows lifted. “Of course not. Why would I be mad at you?”
When he said it in such a commonsense voice, she realized that she’d been foolish. “Sorry. I wasn’t thinking straight.” She motioned to his sketchbook and portfolio case. “I was feeling guilty as I hadn’t been able to help you.”
He smiled, closed the zipper, and said, “No help required.”
He pushed his chair under the table and said, “Are you ready to go to the hospital?”
She nodded. And followed him out to the parking lot.
At the hospital, they both walked the now familiar path to the children’s ward. She wanted to stop in and see Jon but decided not to in case he’d taken a turn for the worse as she wouldn’t be able to hide it from the kids. They could stop by afterwards. At the door, she took a deep breath and pushed it open. And walked inside.
“Robin”
“Sean.”
“Hey, they’re here. I told you they’d come again.” Brian led the pack that was hobbling, wheeling, and limping toward them.
Robin had to admit as far as welcomes went, this one was great. She also had several things in her hands that she’d picked up this morning. Thankfully, Vancouver was a main center and almost anything could be bought right around the corner. In this case, the big mall under the city had provided a fortune in games. She’d asked Andrea what they could bring for the kids, and that had been her suggestion. Not having kids, Robin had no idea of the cost involved in buying video games. Like seriously…
The gifts were also from the both of them. She had no intention of asking Sean to pay. Not only had he had no say in what she was doing, but he was the only one doing the report that was also from her. Not to mention all the meals he’d fed her at the beginning of the week.
“What’s in those bags?” Brian asked.
She laughed. “Something for you guys, but I’ll show you later.”
The little tiny boy sat up and looked at her. “You aren’t hiding your face today.”
Silence. Everyone stopped to study her new hairstyle. And she realized she’d completely forgotten about it. But it explained Sean’s shock when he’d seen her earlier. She’d pulled her hair back on both sides and French-braided it down the back. The disfigured side of her face could be clearly seen.
It had felt like the right thing to do. She used to wear it that way all the time. It felt natural to do so again.
She pulled up her chair, realizing that Sean was setting up at the table like he usually did. She smiled at the little boy. “I guess I don’t want to hide away anymore.”
That was greeted with silence.
“It’s not that bad,” said the boy.
“Thank you. I’m glad you think so.” And she realized that if she didn’t care about who saw her face, maybe others wouldn’t care either. She’d shrugged. “Besides, it’s only until the next surgery…” She grinned. “Then I’ll have different scars!”
The kids laughed. “Will you come back and show us?”
“Maybe I will at that. I don’t have a date yet,” she said, “but hopefully it will be soon.”
She’d actually gone as far as calling her doctor’s office and leaving a message. If she was ready to move forward, then she was ready to move all the way forward. She felt so much better, so much lighter since making that call, as if another unfinished part of her had settled into place, too.
The visit with the kids went by too fast. Before she knew it, it was time to open up the bags of gifts and hand over the new games. As the shrieks of laugher and excitement filled the air. Sean, his stuff packed up, stepped closer and murmured, “That was a great idea.”
She smiled. “I wanted to make sure our parting was good for both of us.”
With the kids screaming goodbyes into their ears, the two walked back out of the hospital. She looked over at Sean, who’d been so silent during the whole visit, and said, “Hey, you okay?”
He glanced over at her. “I’m fine.
She wasn’t sure she believed him, but there was little she could do to get him to open up. He’d tell her if he wanted to, and only when he was ready.
*
Video games as gifts. A great idea, and one he’d never have thought of. Gifts were not a big part of his world. He tried to remember for Paris’s sake as she’d missed so many, but it never occurred to him for anyone else. It said a lot about Robin’s upbringing that she understood the appropriate times and gifts.
Trust her big heart.
“Do you want to go see Jon?”
A bright smile broke across her face. “Yes please.”
Except the ICU unit was awash with people. There were different nurses on, and Jon was being attended to by several doctors.
Sean watched the worry tug on Robin’s features as they stood out of the way. He waited. This had to be tough, but she’d had a chance to see Jon last night and that had been a gift. No
one ever said the gift would be offered twice.
He reached over and hooked her arm to his. She cast one long look at Jon’s room then resolutely turned away. He was proud of her. She’d made a lot of changes. This was yet another one.
“Let’s go,” she whispered.
Chapter 30
They walked into the hotel to find Jenna waiting for them. “Robin, I need to speak with you.”
Surprised, her stomach sinking at the tone of Jenna’s voice, Robin walked off to the side of the hallway. “I’m sorry to tell you this, but Jon, after a better prognosis this morning, has taken another turn for the worse. He’s likely only got hours to live.”
Robin gasped, tears welling up in to her eyes. “Oh no, I’d so hoped.”
Jenna smiled, her own eyes misty. “We all did. Life is precious and it’s so hard when it’s taken away from us early. It’s so much worse when it’s a child. I’m telling you as you seemed to be so attached to him. If you still need to say goodbye…” Her voice trailed off.
Robin didn’t know what to say. She’d said goodbye last night. She wouldn’t be able to see him now either, especially if he was worse. As they’d just seen.
“I’m going to go to my room,” she whispered. “I need some time alone.” Frozen and sad, although she’d known it was a distinct possibility, she’d so hoped for a better prognosis. But why would her wishing something change anything? It hadn’t helped her parents. Her brother had still died. Now Jon. Still, she had to keep hoping.
Had Sean followed her up the stairs? She was so lost in the fog of pain and grief. She understood grief. She’d lived with it so much already. People died every day. All the time and in the most horrible of ways. She sat for a long time on the single chair by the window and stared out. What could she do? Nothing. Jon’s time might end tonight, so what did she want to do? Just sit here in sadness and grief, or find a way to remember him?
She didn’t want to be alone tonight. She wanted to rejoice in life. No, she wanted to celebrate Jon’s life. Jonathon’s life. That he’d lived and died so young was tragic, but she couldn’t help it. The only thing she could do was celebrate both boys’ lives. She just wished she knew how.
After washing her face, she knocked on Sean’s door. He opened it, concern darkening those beautiful blue eyes. “Hey.”
“Hi. Are you okay?”
She shook her head, tears forming in the corner of her eyes. “I will be, but right now I’m still…” She shrugged.
He opened his arms and she walked into them. This was what she needed. To be held. To be loved. To know that she wasn’t alone. “I feel so bad for him.”
“And yet it’s not over. He might still pull through.”
She nodded, her head rubbing up and down against his shirt. “I know that. I’m trying to stay positive.”
“Do you want to go see him?”
“I don’t know.”
Her cell phone went off. It was Andrea.
“Robin? Apparently Jon is awake and asking for you. I hate to even call, in case this isn’t something you want to do. He’s not doing well.”
“Oh no, Andrea,” Robin said immediately. “I’ll,” she looked over at Sean, who was nodding, and corrected herself, “we’ll be there as soon as we can.”
“I’m sure he’ll be happy to see you.”
Without talking, Sean shrugged into his jacket and grabbed his keys.
They were at the hospital in twenty minutes. It was visiting hours this time. They walked through to the ICU and saw the same nurse they’d seen last night.
Her face lit up at the sight of them. “I’m so happy to see you. He was asking about you earlier.”
Robin said in a low voice, “I understand that he’s not doing well?”
“No, but the doctors are trying a new drug,” she held her hands out, “I’m scared to jinx it but…” She took a deep breath and smiled. “They are cautiously optimistic. Again, he has to make it through the night. He needs strength to fight this off.”
Robin walked to the doorway and looked back the nurse, who nodded. Emboldened, she walked into the small unit and sat down on the edge of Jon’s bed.
He was asleep. “Jon, I’m here.”
And damn it if his eyes didn’t open. He tried to smile.
“You don’t have to talk,” Robin said. “I know you’re feeling yucky.”
His eyes drifted close. Then they popped open. “Did you feel this bad after your last surgery?”
She had. But it had been emotional. Psychological. Not physical. She thought about how to answer. “Not the same, but I did feel really bad.”
Jon’s lips curved into a tiny smile. “Good,” he whispered. “I’m glad it gets better.”
The words caught in her throat. “It does. You have to fight off the bad stuff and keep focused on the day when you’re going to feel better.”
“Do you think I’ll get better?” he asked hopefully, but his gaze was dark, fearful.
“Absolutely,” She remembered from her own surgeries, how important it was to stay positive. To have hope. “You have to believe it yourself. Think of good things. Happy things. Think about having ice cream with Cheerios.” His eyes twinkled. “Or about kitty cats and puppy dogs.”
“I love puppies,” he whispered. “I always wanted one.”
“Then think about the day you’ll have a puppy in your arms. And think about the day you get to look into the mirror and see your face whole and great-looking. And the day you look back at your life and say it was all worthwhile.”
“I can do that.” Now a real smile peeped out. “I really want a puppy.”
“And maybe when you get past this, you can have one.”
They spoke for a few more minutes while he told her about the neighbor’s dog that was a golden lab. As it was the first she’d heard about the neighbor or his home life at all, she stayed quiet and let him talk. After a few moments, another woman walked in. “Oh hi. Are you Robin?”
Robin nodded. She looked down at Jon and realized he’d fallen asleep.
“Thank you for coming. I know how important it was for him.” She introduced herself as Cindy, Jon’s mother.
Relieved to know that Jon wasn’t alone, she said, “He’s a wonderful little boy.” Then she told her about wanting a puppy.
Cindy tried to smile, but it was interrupted by the flow of tears. “Now if we could just get him through this, I’d be happy to get him a puppy.”
Sean led Robin away as Cindy sat down at Jon’s bedside. The last image Robin had was of her picking up Jon’s hand and talking to him, much as Robin had.
She was sad when they walked back out of the hospital. In a soft teary voice, she said, “I’m glad he was awake.”
“Hopefully he’ll pull through this.”
She nodded and stared up at the sky. It was overcast and dark gray. A storm moving in. “Do you want to go anywhere else or just back to the hotel?”
“To the hotel, please.”
He nodded, wrapped an arm around her shoulder, and led her back to the truck.
Back at the hotel, they walked up to the elevators together. In the hallway, he stopped and looked at her. “Do you want to be alone?”
She heard the cautious note in his voice. He wanted to do the right thing. She didn’t want anything to do with that.
She did not want to be alone.
“No,” she whispered. “I don’t. I want to forget everything negative and sad in life. I want to rejoice and celebrate life.” In truth, she didn’t want to be alone ever again.
He moved her toward his bedroom. “In that case,” he said, a crooked smile on his face as he unlocked the door. “I think I might be able to help.”
She searched his gaze, wishing he’d say something. Something to take her off this cliff of uncertainty. She’d already been blessed with the time they’d had together, but she wanted more. She’d take what she could get right now – especially if that was all there was going to be. She didn’t dare
do or say anything to ruin this moment. She might not get another one. “Do you think you’re up to it?”
He grinned before he took her hand that rested on his chest and slid it down to the growing bulge in his pants. “I think I am. But maybe you need to make sure.”
And with that, he closed the hotel door and led her to his bed.
*
The next morning, Sean was grateful to be the first one awake. Finally. He dressed quickly and slipped out to go to the coffee shop and picked up several mugs to bring back to her. When he returned, she was still asleep. He put the mugs down and kissed her awake.
She groaned.
He smiled. He could so get used to this. She opened her eyes, saw him, and smiled, a slow languid smile that set his loins to pulsing with heat again. “Unless you want to be late this morning when we have to present the report, I suggest you don’t look at me that way.”
“What way?” she asked, her eyes warming.
“That way, witch.” He straightened and walked over to bring her the mug of coffee. “See, I’ve been busy already.”
She propped herself up against the headboard. “I’m glad to see that.” She took a sip. “Must be all that experience.”
He laughed. “I don’t have any of that, remember.”
She smiled and took another sip.
“Besides, by my count, this is our third night together. So that’s either three one-night stands in a row, which doesn’t make sense,” she said lightly. “Or we’re in what you’d call a relationship.”
He grinned. “That was my take, too.”
“Except you said you didn’t do those.” Those intense green eyes stared at him. Was that uncertainty in her gaze? Surely not.
“I said I didn’t do those.” He reached over and kissed her – hard. “Now I do.” He ripped back the blankets. “And we’re late. It’s almost nine.”
Her gaze widened. “Really? Wow, we are late.”
Sean headed to the shower, wishing he could drag her in there with him, but they had no time. Drying off, he walked into the bedroom to hear her saying goodbye on her phone. “Who was that?”