Mate Me, Keep Me

by Angelique Voisen

  I shuddered. “Suck my dick. Please, I want your mouth.”

  Pat dragged my jeans down, along with my boxers, until my ass lay on the cool solid wood and my cock stood erect, pointing his direction. Without another word, Pat pushed my thighs apart, the harsh stubble of his jaw rubbing against my inner thighs. Groaning, I sunk my fingers into his hair while he wrapped those perfect lips around my shaft. Logical thought left me. Slick heat enveloped my sensitive prick. Pat applied careful suction, devouring me with relish, taking his time.

  “Pat, please.”

  His golden gaze met mine, a challenge. I realized Pat wanted to prove something. That I wouldn’t be able to say no to him after this little reminder. Last night triggered something between us. We’d unknowingly chained ourselves to each other, unprepared for the consequences. Pat’s hold me is terrifying, but my power over him scared him shitless. One cruel word from me could end this, before there could even be an us, and I hated that.

  Pat easily took hold of my most intimate part, and led me towards the spiral. I let him, tightening my grip on his hair. It didn’t take long for me to explode in his mouth. Pat licked my cock, not spilling a drop, seemingly reveling in every sound I uttered as I became undone. Triumph shone in his eyes, and I suddenly knew, without a fucking doubt, no other can man could measure up to him.

  “Mine.” Pat tossed out the word, like it meant nothing and everything. He blinked when I got off the table, kneeling between his legs. It was my turn to yank down his jeans and trousers, to have my fill of his cream. I worked with eager hands, feeling his hand in my hair, tugging, reminding me who remained in control. Good, because I wanted Pat to take over and lead.

  His prick tempted me, thick and long, the head purple and swollen with need. Opening my mouth wide, I returned Pat the favor, only getting so far as to swirl my tongue under the sensitive spot underneath his head, before he started fucking my mouth. After each thrust, I felt his growing need and mine. My own shaft started to harden each time he pushed his dick down my throat. I wanted Pat to sink his member into my waiting ass, to remember how he wore me out the night before, claim me like a bear establishing his territory.

  Deep down, I wanted Pat to put his personal mating mark on me, his brand, to own me body and soul. What other reason did I exist for, but to find that one person to complete me? Before Pat, I never believed in that happily-ever-after shit, but I’m beginning to learn it’s not always about rainbows and sunshine. Happiness is a drug. Now that I’ve gotten a taste, I can’t help but want more.

  “Wait,” Pat muttered, pulling his prick out of my mouth. I raised my brows at him. “I need to finish in you.”

  I thumbed my bottom lip, licking away a drop of his seed, before I rose, straddling his lap. Pat gazed at me for a couple of seconds, expression softening. He banded one massive arm around my waist, bringing me close until our dicks rubbed together.

  “You’re a gift, Jacob. Fate’s going to need to do a better job, before prying you from my greedy hands.”

  I nuzzled his neck and pressed my head against his chest to hear his steady heartbeats. “Show me, Pat. Fuck me. Remind me.”

  Remind me of what, I didn’t know. Maybe of the passion we experienced the night before, courage and conviction we both wanted this. That I’m not a coward for choosing Pat instead of going home, defeated.

  “Lube,” Pat said in a hoarse voice.

  Screw the lube, I wanted Pat to make it hurt, but decided that was going too far.

  “Where?”

  “Drawer under the sink in my bathroom.”

  “Wait, I’ll get it.” I headed into the bathroom and practically dragged the drawer out with force, nearly scattering its contents.

  A black velvet box fell out, along with the lube. God no. I shouldn’t pick that box up, knowing what it contained. With shaky fingers, I opened the box, feeling somewhat a thief for stealing a look into Pat’s sealed box. In a way, I was. Inside, were two plain gold wedding bands. I took out the smaller one, reading the inscription underneath.

  “To the one who holds my heart and soul captive, Jack.” A strange hurt lanced through me. Jack, not Jacob—a selfish thought, because Pat couldn’t possibly know I existed then.

  “Jacob, what’s taking you?” Pat froze the doorway, seeing what I held in the palm of my hand. Seeing him, the box and rings slipped from my fingers. They made a loud clatter on the bathroom tiles.

  Guilt and shame hit me like a wrecking ball, as the envy cooled. “It fell out.”

  Great answer, Jacob, as if he’d believed that. I expected Pat to get mad, to yell at me, but sadness suffused his features, making this much worse. His eyes turned glassy and faraway. I saw the same look in some of my brothers. Back on the field, it’s order one moment, chaos the next. Physical injuries are one thing, but for some, their minds never really left the battlefield. They replayed the same few minutes over and over. I should know. On bad nights, the nightmares left me stranded in the same piece of hell.

  Before Pat went to a place I couldn’t reach, I approached him, wrapped my arms around his bulk, and whispered the same words over and over.

  “Pat, come back to me.”

  Pat stirred at the sound of my voice. His next word tore something in me I didn’t know still existed—a piece of my heart maybe.

  “Jack? Are you there?” Pat asked, voice cracking.

  “You can call me whatever you want, just for tonight.”

  It hurt me to say those words, but I needed Pat back. The confident and dominant Pat, who went after what he wanted, no questions asked.

  We ended up on the bathroom floor, our backs pressed against the counter. Pat reached for my fingers with his huge paw, squeezing them. We didn’t say anything for a little while, perfectly content with letting the silence stretch out. Unrest swirled inside me, the calm before the storm.

  I no longer wanted to bolt, because what would happen to Pat then? How much could his security team do?

  “Are you back with me, baby?” I asked.

  Pat needed someone to watch over him, a friend to talk to, occasionally fuck, but could I be that person? A better man would be what Pat needed, but couldn’t I afford to be selfish to? All my life I searched for something to define me and I thought the answer lay in military service. I thought I’d found answers, but I’ve only gotten more questions. Could two broken people fix themselves?

  “Don’t leave me,” Pat whispered, as if he knew I debated what my next course of action would be in my mind. Is Pat pleading with Jack or me? Letting go of his hand, I swept up the box, placed the rings inside and returned them to where they belonged.

  I’ve made up my mind, but he added, “Jacob, please.”

  “Pat, this is fucked up. I can’t tell if I’m helping you or making your grief worse because I have this face.”

  Rising to his feet, grabbing my shoulders, Pat pressed his forehead against mine. “I’m so sorry. I’m trying, but it’s hard. Give me another chance. Please.”

  Christ, it’s hard to say no, especially when I can reduce a man like Pat to pleas. I touched his unshaven cheek. “Come on, the floor’s cold. Let’s get into comfy clothes and head to bed.”

  Pat nodded, looking relieved. I borrowed his shirt and sweats again, and made sure he’s tucked in bed. My heart faltered when he rolled to his side of the bed, expecting me to slip in and join him. He blinked when I grabbed a spare pillow and walked to the doorway.

  “Jacob?” Pat looked like a confused and lost grizzly again, watching me with wounded eyes.

  “I think it’s best if we sleep in separate beds tonight.” Fuck, but I wanted nothing but to tuck myself against Pat’s comforting warmth, for him to be my blanket, my charm against the demons that haunted me in my sleep. I can’t though, because we need space, so I steeled my heart and voice. “I’ll see you in the morning, Pat.”

  Pat clutched at the comforter so hard I noticed his fingernails lengthening to claws. The sound of ripping fabric filled the sp
ace. I watched his pupils dilate under the bedroom lights. They turned a shade of gold, before returning to their original chocolate brown color.

  “Do you have everything you need?” he asked, sounding much calmer.

  “Yeah. Good night, Pat.”

  “Sweet dreams, Jacob.”

  I doubt my dreams would be of the fluffy variety, but I don’t mention that. Turning the lights off, I closed the bedroom door behind me. Knowing I won’t be able to fall asleep easily, I retreated to the living room and looked outside the glass windows. I traced the outline of the city buildings with my fingertips. Was I so arrogant to think I would be able to coax Pat out of his well-built fortress of steel and glass?

  Blowing out a frustrated breath, I detached myself from the view and managed to find a clean blanket. I settled on the couch, left the TV on and tried to sleep. Would the magic work without Pat beside me?

  I tossed left and right, groaning when I caught sight of the wall clock. Damn it. I always dreaded going to sleep and sleep meds drained my budget considerably, so I stopped using them. At three in the morning, my eyelids started to droop. At three-thirty, dreams landed me smack right back in my own private hell.

  Chapter Four

  Pat

  The scream woke me, and roused my bear. Flinging the sheets aside, I heard it again, a raspy shrill sound. Jacob. Fury kindled in me. I barreled out of the room, ready to rip apart the fucker stupid enough to attack what was mine—except there was no one else in the apartment but us. Relaxing, my gaze focused on Jacob’s lean figure, curled up miserably into a ball on the living room couch. Part of me remained pissed at him for choosing the couch instead of being in my bed, but I understood his reasoning.

  Seeing the wedding bands last night shook me to the core. Summoned a grief I thought I’d gotten over a long time ago. I saw it on Jacob’s face. He wanted to bolt, who wouldn’t?

  But he stayed, and Christ, that meant more than he could fathom. I’ve placed that online ad every year and only Jacob had the balls to answer it. Nearly changed my mind too, but Jacob’s determination opened up new doors in me I thought I’d long slammed shut. After Jack died, I thought I had nothing left to give, but Jacob proved me wrong. How could I let Jacob go, when he possessed the uncanny ability to resuscitate the dead pieces of my soul?

  It was easy to become addicted to Jacob. He tastes like life, like fire hot enough to burn. A decent bastard would let him go. He’s young, with so much promise and I’m just an old recluse, a bear meant to rot away in his den, but I can’t let go. Jacob decided to stay and I swore the night before I’d do better. Calling him Jack was a grave error, I knew that. Jacob’s right, sometimes I do see glimpses of Jack in him, but I’m not crazy. Jacob isn’t Jack’s ghost or shadow, he is a treasure, and I intend to prove that to him.

  “No,” Jacob moaned.

  Frowning, I approached his sleeping form. Sweat coated his hair and back. I pried the blanket away from him, surprised he held onto my fingers so tight, as if my touch could save him from whatever monster hunted him in his sleep.

  “Don’t kill him. Die fucker.”

  “Jacob, wake up.”

  Alarmed, I give him a little shake, but it doesn’t do any good. His breathing turns erratic. More words tumbled out of his lips. I knew everything about Jacob. Did his dreams transport him back to the desert the way mine bring me to my last memory of Jack smiling, before the truck ran him over?

  “Baby, it’s just a dream.”

  Baby. A term of endearment I never used before with Jacob, but I liked how it sounded on his lips the night before. Jacob’s eyes flew open, fists coming at me, probably still stuck in that place. I grabbed his wrists, waiting for Jacob to calm down.

  “Jacob.”

  He blinked at the sound of his name, looked around the apartment, then back at me. “Pat,” he whispered my name with relief. “You’re real.”

  Reluctantly, I let him go, but he wrapped his arms around my waist and buried his face into my chest. Knowing what he needed, although unsure how, I held him, stroking his back.

  “Sometimes,” Jacob said, finding his voice. “A big sexy teddy is what everyone needs.”

  That made me laugh and for some reason, Jacob stared at me like I was a stranger. My bear gloated inside me, was pleased Jacob clearly associated us with safety and comfort. Then again, I didn’t sleep all that well without Jacob by my side. “What?”

  “You should laugh more often.” Jacob hesitated. “Can I sleep beside you tonight? No sex, just you know, sleeping.”

  “You don’t need to ask. Had nightmares myself,” I muttered, although I can’t deny it would be nice to fall asleep with my dick buried inside Jacob. Not that sex was on the menu anytime soon, after last night’s debacle.

  “Breakfast?” I asked instead. He nodded, seemingly glad for the routine. “Do you have plans for the day?”

  They sat the kitchen counter. Although I had emails to answer, I’d rather leave work out of today.

  “Did you see the snow outside? No thanks. I hope you don’t mind,” Jacob added, staring at his coffee cup.

  “Jacob, this is your place too. You don’t need to ask me for anything. If you’re here, then I’d like to introduce Maria and the rest of my security team to you.”

  “Sounds good.”

  It shouldn’t surprise me Jacob got along well Maria and the rest of Lex’s team. Jacob possessed the same unexplainable charm Jack did with people, unlike me. Fuck. I needed to stop comparing them all the time. That evening, when settled into bed, Jacob shut off the TV and looked at me.

  “Pat, what’s going to happen tomorrow, and the day after?”

  An important question I didn’t have exact answers to. Still, I saw the way Jacob needed direction. I laced his fingers with mine. “My therapist’s best single advice to me had been to live one day at a day. Start with simple goals, before moving on to bigger ones.”

  Jacob nodded. “Easy enough, tomorrow I’m heading out to find a job.”

  “But—” The stubborn, knuckle-headed human pressed a finger to my mouth.

  “Living on your hospitality forever is not the plan and I need to keep busy. I can’t exactly tell my family I’m freeloading off my millionaire werebear boyfriend.”

  My brows shot up at the word. “What did you call me?”

  “My—” Jacob caught himself at the last minute, cheeks coloring at the slipup. Too soon to put labels in our relationship, I knew, but it had been awhile since anyone called me that. It felt odd hearing it from Jacob’s lips, but at the same, fucking amazing.

  “Tell me about your family,” I said, changing topic to spare him the embarrassment.

  Jacob may think this could still go badly, but he’s wrong on that score. I might be rusty when it came to relationships, but I planned on taking the long road with Jacob. Hell, Jacob is already mine. Mine the moment he walked through my front door and turned my life upside down. Deep down, Jacob knew, but now isn’t the time to remind him of that little fact.

  My bear is certain Jacob is our mate. All we need to do is keep him until he no longer had a reason to say no.

  “My family.” Jacob expelled a breath and I can sense it’s not an easy topic for him.

  I pulled Jacob close, counting myself lucky when he didn’t pull away from my embrace. It seemed he liked hugs and I’m happy to give out plenty of them, because Jacob is a damn perfect fit against my body. He began haltingly, but soon grew confident enough to tell me about the reasons he couldn’t go home. Someday, we’ll fix that, but tonight, I’m grateful Jacob opened up to me.

  “Will you tell me about him, about Jack?”

  I froze at his words. Only fair I open myself the way he did, but I sensed envy and reluctance in Jacob’s tone and I don’t blame him. We shifters mated for life, sharing our bodies and souls with only one special person until death, but Jacob’s existence broke all those rules.

  For some reason, fate, the gods, or whoever out there in the universe
decided I was the lucky bastard, good enough to be given another chance. The heart could only hold so much, and I knew Jack held most of the pieces. It was time I let go of him to make way for Jacob.

  “What do you want to know?” I asked, my answer seemingly taking him by surprise.

  Jacob looked around the apartment, nodding to the framed photographs on the walls. “You said he was a photographer.”

  “Jacob, are you sure you want to know more about Jack?”

  “It hurts. I won’t deny that, but I need to know who I’m up against.”

  “Jack’s long gone, pet,” I told him gently, but judging by the glint in his eyes, Jacob knew I was lying to both of us.

  “His physical presence maybe, but he’s holding you down. If you can’t make way for another, what will I be, Pat, a mere echo of him?” Jacob shook his head. “It’s time you let go of the past with my help, so we can start talking about the future.”

  Jacob’s words made sense, but they angered me all the same. The memory of my dead mate kept me prisoner, prevented me from facing the present, but a part of me still couldn’t let go, not truly. Who the fuck was I kidding? I’d never been strong. I couldn’t have both—Jack’s memory and Jacob.

  I needed to choose.

  ****

  I nearly panicked waking up to an empty bed, My bear reared up inside me, alarmed. Sitting up, I searched for clues. Sniffing at Jacob’s pillow and sensing the cooling warmth on the side of his bed, I relaxed a little. He must have gotten up early for his usual morning run. I collapsed back onto the mattress, staring at the ceiling.

  Two weeks had passed since our last serious conversation. Everything fell into routine after that. Insistent on finding a job, Jacob scouted the job section of the paper each day after his run. He took up odd jobs now and then, exhausted after the end of the day. Sometimes he had odd hours, but I was only glad he returned to the penthouse.

  Smelling coffee and something sweet outside, I rolled off the bed. A glance at my phone calendar told me it was Sunday—which meant I had Jacob all to myself the entire day. My bear perked at that. Lately, Jacob came home too exhausted to do anything else but relax. I don’t mind cuddling. The human made for a nice warm pillow I couldn’t do without, but I remembered this Sunday was important to Jacob.