He finally arrived at the townhouse in the countryside. It was still, as though the storm had not even touched the wilderness of Langley. The rain, if it had been there at all, had stopped completely.
Luke parked the car, and perked up when he saw her Ford Escort parked in front of the house.
He dashed up to the door and rang the doorbell. The porch light flashed on, blinding him momentarily.
He waited for a while, but there was no answer. He was not going to give up. He would not leave until Alyssa was in his car, going back to Vancouver with him.
He kept ringing the doorbell.
Finally, the door opened.
Florence stood there in her pink bathrobe, her hair in curls. “Didn’t I tell you that Alyssa doesn’t want to see you?”
“I’m not leaving without her,” he said defiantly.
“Then be prepared to spend the night in your car,” the lady said, slamming the door in his face.
Luke pounded on the door, but no one answered. He rang the doorbell continuously, but after a few rings, there was no sound when he pressed the bell.
Florence must have disabled the doorbell system, he thought.
He tried desperately to peek inside the house, but all the blinds and curtains had been drawn.
He stood on the porch with his arms hanging by his side. Then, he turned around, marched back to his car, and got in.
Florence had told him to prepare to spend the night in his car. He was prepared to do just that.
As he looked around his surroundings, he noticed the silence in the countryside. Total silence.
He rolled down the window. A refreshing breeze brushed past him. A fresh scent permeated through the air, the scent of pure cleanliness after the summer rain.
He took in a deep breath. Alyssa had taught him to enjoy the beauty of nature. He wanted her to be there to enjoy it with him.
His muscles ached. He was exhausted. It had been a long day.
He closed his eyes, intending to rest them for just a few minutes.
He must have drifted off, because the next thing, he knew, there was a knock on his car’s half rolled-down window.
Luke opened his eyes, wishing he could sleep just a bit longer. He looked at the clock in his car. He had been asleep for two hours.
Then, he looked out his window. There, right outside, was Alyssa, illuminated by a single orange streetlight. She was in a warm raincoat. Her hair was tied back conservatively, and she looked as tired as he felt.
“You were really going to sleep in the car tonight, weren’t you?” She asked the question as if she already knew the answer.
“Yes, I was. And if I had to, I would have missed work tomorrow.”
She looked touched, but then a familiar expression crept back onto her face.
“What’s the point? There’s no future for us. No happy ending.”
He opened the door and she stepped back.
He got out and took her by the hand. “No, there is. I had a revelation. I saw this old couple on the sky train, and you should have seen how they were looking at each other. Nothing but deep love.”
Alyssa sighed. “I’m tired of fighting. I’m just tired in general.”
“I was afraid of the pain. The pain that exists in every relationship.” He looked in her eyes, and saw hope in it. That little flash of hope was all it took for him to go on.
“But screw the pain. I want to marry you,” he declared. His loud voice sounded unnatural in the quiet of the night. “I want to take a chance.”
“I’ve heard this all before,” she said wearily.
He had never seen this side of Alyssa before. It was such a contrast to her usual loving demeanor.
“I know,” he said. “But this time, I mean it. I wish I could show you what‘s in my heart. But since I can‘t, here‘s the next best thing.”
Alyssa pursed her lips, deep in thought, as though at a loss for words.
Luke got down on his knees. He felt wet mud press into his pants, but he did not care. He took out the tiny box that housed the engagement ring.
Then, he opened it, revealing the ring to her.
“Alyssa,” he said. “Will you marry me?”
She did not answer.
Her face registered a series of emotions. He detected surprise, then suspicion, then joy, then finally, ambivalence.
She continued to say nothing. The only sound was the wind rustling through the leaves.
Luke felt sweat assault his brow. He thought for sure she would say ‘yes.’
After a minute had passed without a response, Luke spoke.
“I want to do this properly. Meet me at Taylor Park tomorrow at 6pm. Wear your best dress. I will have everything ready. Just please promise me you’ll show up, and I’ll take care of everything else.”
She crossed her arms, and stared directly at him. The wind lifted her hair, blowing it back.
“I don’t know,” she finally whispered.
Luke was not prepared for this. Just then, he felt something precious slipping out of his grasp. And there was nothing he could do about it.
Her face, lit just a little by the honey streetlight, betrayed no emotion.
She sighed again. “How about this? If I come tomorrow, then it means I’ve decided to forgive you and marry you. But if I don’t, I’m out of your life forever.”
Luke started to reply, but was interrupted.
“And there is no negotiation,” she asserted. “Take it or leave it.”
He looked at her unwavering face. She looked like such a disciplinarian right then. He felt like the Alyssa he had once known had been become this stranger. Or maybe she had always been this stranger.
“I’ll take it,” he said.
“OK.”
He reached in to hug her, but she had already turned her back on him, marching back to the house.
Then, as she was halfway to the door, she slipped on the wet grass, then dove to the ground, hitting her head on the pavement.
Luke hurried over to her. “Are you OK?” Her crash was reminiscent of how she had lost the babies.
She clutched her head. Her clothes were all muddy now. “I have a headache, but I‘ll be fine.”
She rubbed her head. “Owww,” she complained, wincing.
"Take some Tylenol. You’ll feel better in the morning.”
And there, after that little normal exchange, he felt as if nothing had changed between them, that they were still just Luke and Alyssa, a couple about to have babies together, a couple about to be engaged.
He helped her up, then stood there watching her walk away, making sure she got in alright. She opened the door and closed it without looking back.
He supposed he did not deserve a hug. He now knew he should have appreciated her more. All those late nights at the office, instead of spending more time with his pregnant girlfriend. Refusing to go for a walk with her. Allowing his fears to stop him from marrying her.
Things were going to be different now. He was going to be a better man. She had made him want to change.
Although he was relieved that they would probably make up, he was no longer certain that she was going to accept his proposal. At least, there was still a chance. That was better than a definite ‘no.’ All he could do was hope.
* * * * *
That night, he tossed and turned. The bed felt eerily vacant and incomplete without her, as though it were missing a puzzle piece.
Outside, the unstable weather was at it again.
* * * * *
The next day at work, Luke inspected the poem that he had written.
What would I say if I tell you,
How much you touched me.
You’re the freshness after the summer rain
A bird in the trees, singing in the morning
You’re the quiet after dusk falls
The mischievous smile on a doll
What would I say if I tell you,
How much you mean to me.
Y
ou are the sparkle in Christmas lights
The tranquil mist floating through the night
You are a wispy cloud drifting in the magenta sky
The glint of happiness in my eye
What would I say to tell you,
Just how much I love you.
Luke leaned back in his chair. Alyssa would love it. He would present it to her that night. He almost laughed when he thought about what he had said to Mike months earlier. Poetry wasn’t for me.
He looked at the four-carat diamond ring on his office desk. He was about to taste the sweet joy of reconciliation.
He had it all figured out. He would go with his original plan. He would take Alyssa back to the park where they had their first date.
She would forgive him for his stupidity, and they would embrace in a joyful reunion. He would read his poem aloud then get down on his knees, showing her the ring. She would say yes, and they would live happily ever after.
He could imagine it now.
That evening, Taylor Park would be deserted and quiet. The summer night would be temperate, and the grass on the hill lush.
He would lead Alyssa by the hand, up the hill, to the cherry blossom tree.
They would stand there and breath in the evening air, admiring the view of the three cities merging together, becoming one giant city.
He would turn to her and hold her hand. She would be radiant in the moonlight as usual, the perfect girl in his eyes.
“This isn’t an ordinary date,” he would say. “I took you here to read something to you, then ask you something.”
She would raise her eyebrows, even though she already knew. “Oh?”
Luke would take out the poem and read it aloud to her. He would read it slowly, enunciating every word, as red soaked onto his cheeks. He would bare his soul to her, and feel relieved and embarrassed at the same time for being so vulnerable.
When he finished, he would look up at her. He would barely be able to see her in the dark, but she would be in a dreamlike state.
The cherry blossom tree would sway in the wind, and a few blossoms would drop, some landing on their hands.
Finally, she would speak. “That was beautiful.”
He would get down on his knees, and take out the ring from his pocket.
“Alyssa, I’ve been such an idiot. I’m so sorry. Will you marry me?”
She would put a hand to her mouth, her eyes growing wide.
“Yes,” she would whisper. Then, louder. “Yes!”
There it would be again. That weightlessness. He would be a floating astronaut in a spaceship.
He would get up, and grab her tight, as though afraid she would be plucked away by the wind any second.
She would rest her head on his shoulder, and they would stand there for a long time. When they would finally part, he would lead her to the bench, the same one that had the inscription JWC + JKB = Love Forever. Picking up a jagged rock from the ground, he would carve something right beside it.
LJ+ AH = Love Forever.
He would then etch the shape of a heart around the declaration.
Turning to her, he would say, “There, now everyone will know how we feel about each other.”
A single cherry blossom would blow in their direction. Luke would bend down and picked it up. This one would be a milky white.
He would put it in his open palm, and offer it to her.
She would move her hand so that it would hover just above the open palm, but not touching the flower, forming a protective bubble.
They would sit down on the bench, and he would put one arm around her. They would sit there until they were bathed in darkness, until the breeze turned cool, until all that was visible was the city lights.
Then, they would start planning their lives together.
* * * * *
He snapped out of his daydream and looked at the clock.
5:45pm. It was time.
Luke got ready to leave the office. Holding a bouquet of roses in one hand, and the engagement ring in the other, he checked his appearance in the washroom mirror. He was in a black suit. His short dark hair was combed. His brown eyes were ready.
He looked like a man about to propose.
He drove his car like an Indie 500 racer to Taylor Park. When he arrived, it was exactly 6pm. Alyssa was not there yet.
That was OK. He would wait for her on the hill. She would walk up the hill to find her knight in shining armor waiting there for her. Of course, there was a slight chance that she would not show up, but he refused to allow himself to think the unthinkable.
The late summer sun was still fierce at 6pm. It beamed down on the park, making everything unbearably bright.
The park was relatively deserted. There were children playing on the slide and swings and a teenage couple snuggling on a bench.
He glanced at his watch. It was 6:15.
He started to walk up the hill, stopping under the cherry blossom tree.
She’s just a little late, he rationalized. She’ll be here soon.
6:15 became 6:30.
6:30 became 7:00.
An hour late.
Or maybe she had decided not to show up at all, he thought.
He watched the gorgeous summer sunset splash the sky with strips of salmon pink and plum purple. He watched as the lights faded away, until darkness replaced the sky.
He glanced anxiously at the direction of the parking lot. No new cars had arrived.
This was nothing like how he had envisioned it.
The air turned chilly. He felt sprinkles of rain fall on his head.
If Alyssa were there, she would teach me to appreciate the sound of the falling rain, he thought.
Panic gripped him. She’s not coming, is she? he thought.
He looked at his watch again. 7:30.
The kids and the teenage couple gradually trickled out of the park, leaving him the only person there.
He strolled over to the bench and sat down. He turned around to inspect it and saw that this was the same bench he had been sitting on when he kissed Alyssa for the first time.
Someone else’s declaration of love was still there. The same one that inspired the conversation they had had about loving someone so much that the whole world just had to know.
JWC + JKB = Love Forever.
Eying a jagged piece of rock, Luke carved his and Alyssa’s initials into the bench.
LJ + AH = Love Forever.
He then surrounded the declaration in the shape of a heart.
Luke looked around. The park was still and quiet. He glanced at the parking lot. Only his car was parked there.
His head down, he trudged toward his car, passing a garbage can. He looked at the bouquet of roses, the poem he had slaved over and the engagement ring in his hands. Soaked by the rain, the roses had begun to sag.
She didn’t come, he thought. I guess she’s out of my life forever. Those were her words, after all.
He chucked all three items into the garbage can, then got into his car.
* * * * *
Chapter 10
When Luke got home, he saw a blinking red light on his answering machine. He pressed the play button. Maybe it was Alyssa with a very good reason she did not show up.
A gruff voice said, “I tried to call you at work, but I didn’t have your work number. Call me at home. It’s about Alyssa. It’s urgent.”
It was Florence. Luke was surprised. Florence had never called him before.
He picked up the phone right away and dialed her number.
Florence picked up before the first ring was over. “Hello?”
“Florence, it’s Luke.”
She was silent for a while.
Then, she continued, “Listen, you and I may not have hit it off, but we both love Alyssa very much. Something happened.” She sounded like she had been crying. She took a deep breath, then started to talk.
“After Alyssa hit her head last night, she complained of headaches all through the ni
ght. I told her to go to the ER and get it checked out, but she insisted she was fine.” She paused. “A couple hours ago, the headache became unbearable, so I took her to the hospital. It turned out she had what the doctors called a ‘subdural hematoma.’ It’s all a bunch of medical babble to me, but it’s basically internal bleeding, or a hemorrhage. The doctors performed emergency surgery right away, but it was too late. I’m sorry.”
The finality of her tone of voice struck Luke as odd. What was she sorry for?
It was too late, she had said.
Then, all at once, he realized what she meant.
Luke was numb. It was like being struck on the head by a football. He had so many questions he did not know where to start.
“Why didn’t you call me?” he finally asked, his voice rising several tones.
“I called your work at 6, but no one picked up. So I called your house and left a message.”
“But this doesn’t make any sense. She’s a nurse. She would know the symptoms.” Luke tried to process what had happened.
“You know her. She took care of everyone but herself. She had to teach today and she promised the kids a treat.” She paused. “Her body‘s at Vancouver General Hospital. I‘m holding a service next week.”
He was completely silent. His mind was processing too much at the same time. He felt like he needed to sit down before his head exploded.
“Florence,” he began tentatively. “Did Alyssa mention if she was going to meet me at the park?” He did not feel like talking, but he had to know.
“She didn’t say. She said ‘bye’ to me in the morning, then went to work. That’s all I know.” She paused. “You know, I might have been hard on her, but I loved my little girl. I just wanted her to be her best.”
Florence began to cry. Her choking sob turned into hyperventilation.
Luke tried to inhale, but found he was unable to. He felt like an invisible hand was squeezing his throat.
“But I was going to propose to her,” he muttered. “I was going to propose to her.”
He did not know whether Florence had heard him. She was still weeping hysterically.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I can’t talk anymore.”
Then, she hung up.
Luke stood there in the stillness of his apartment with the phone receiver in one hand.
As he stared out the window at the starry night, his only thought was, I wished I had gone on that walk with her.
Hiding In His Dreams Page 8