21st Century Orc

by Gregory Loui

  Then the Warchief stabbed his song-hammer out at the horizon.

  “Behold! The finish line for our race! The blighted mountains of Mork-hador! The resting place of Malakoran and the other twelve gods.”

  The last remnants of the orcs’ slain gods lay at the edge of Gore’s vision. A spine of pale bones peaked out of the desert, surrounded by a hedge of fingers, reaching up to the sky. Though Gore could hold the image of the bleached bones in her fingers, even the smallest mountain stood over five miles tall.

  “Whoever makes it to the top first wins!”

  Gore’s heartbeat grew faster and faster as she waited. Through the roar of engines sparking to life, a great beast roared, echoes bouncing through the caverns. Gore looked around for the source, then narrowed her eyes at the base of the mountains, watching as a cloud of dragons rose into the sky.

  “There are no rules! Anything and everything is allowed! Any questions?” asked the Warchief. He chuckled when not even a fire-cricket answered him. “Good. Then let us start… let the blood of our world’s finest warriors satiate the old gods…”

  The Warchief hopped down from the statue and marched over to the Blight-krieg. At the same time, glint-powered cords ripped through the air. Popping on her goggles, Gore glanced out of the corner of her vision. Butt-monkey hopped onto a ruined archway, surrounded by a array of loudspeakers.

  “FIVE!”

  Debbie reached around to pat Gore on the shoulder while Bones’s face leered over the window.

  “FOUR!”

  The other racers revved up their motors, roars mingling together in a dissonant chorus. A few turned to glare at Gore and offered crude gestures. The elf in particular, Arianel from the Torretto Trials, spat at Gore and mimed pulling back her bow to snipe Gore in the head.

  “THREE!”

  Her lips curling back into a snarl, Gore raised her two fingers high at the rest of the racers. One laughed. The rest scowled.

  “TWO!”

  Taking a deep breath, Gore turned back to the road in front of her and the fallen gods in the distance.

  “WITNESS!” roared the War Chief, slamming his song-hammer into the earth. “WAAAAAAGH!”

  As explosions of sound and light burst out all around her, Gore roared and stepped onto the gas.

  The racers leapt forward as one into the main canyon.

  For a moment, Gore took in the natural beauty surrounding her. Walls of earth rose up on either side. Twin rivers entwined through the canyon floor, slow, shallow and silver in the moonlight. Jagged rocks curled out of the silt before breaking apart against metal bumpers. The ground rumbled

  At once, gunfire broke out between the racers, tracers rounds slicing through the air and metal as cars rammed into one another. Metal screeched and flesh rent apart as the racers struggled for supremacy. Screams filled the air, mingling with gunfire. Great centipedes squirmed out of the ground, razor fangs slicing apart unfortunate cars while explosions rocked the earth, sending superheated bits of rock pinging off the Magnum Orcus. As explosions burst into brilliant life all around her, Gore growled, trying to ignore all the fighting and just pull ahead of the herd.

  Not easy with all the bastards swarming the Magnum Orcus.

  “Go left!” shouted Bones, slamming one hand into the roof of the Magnum Orcus while the Dakka burped. Gore glanced to the right. Just in time. A Battle Ram, alight with green flames, swerved into the Magnum Orcus’s path, chased by a trio of Squirrels. A great centipede snagged one of the Squirrels.

  Gore growled and jerked the wheel to the right side. The Magnum Orcus responded at once, growling as the engine roared, pouring all its power into a single burst, coming to life for a single moment.

  The damn elves and centipede never saw the Magnum Orcus coming.

  “Blight!” barked Bones. His forehead slammed into the roof of the Magnum Orcus as her brother ducked to avoid an unfortunate Squirrel. Gore and the Magnum Orcus laughed. Flesh crunched against rock. “Blight! Did you get more reckless, Gore?”

  “Shut up,” laughed Gore as she weaved the Magnum Orcus through the chaos, dodging gunfire and rockets from one of the Warboy’z cars. “Look for a path through this damn canyon. We need some breathing room. We can’t keep with these bastards and survive this jagding chaos!”

  “Wait. There! A ramp to a higher level,” gasped Debbie, hopping onto the side of the Magnum Orcus and pointing to Gore’s right. Gore glanced around and saw what looked like an old herding path overgrown by walking-cactus winding up along the canyon wall.

  “Debbie, Watch out!” shouted Bones as he reached down and grabbed Debbie, yanking her back up onto the roof, just in time to save her from being crushed by a Warboyz car.

  The Magnum Orcus and her head whipping to the side, Gore growled and slammed her foot down on the accelerator as the Magnum Orcus’s spikes ground against the Warboyz car. But then hooks slammed down into the Magnum Orcus, keeping the two cars from separating. Gore cursed. Blight. Orc laughter filled her ears. She glanced out the side of her vision at the Warboyz as two orcs leapt over onto the roof of the Magnum Orcus. But, while the screams of Debbie and Bones fighting the Warboyz punctuated the engine’s roar, Gore focused on the Warboyz driver.

  “Whatcha gonna do?” screamed the driver as he jerked the wheel to the side, slamming his car into the Magnum Orcus, over and over again. “WHATCHA GONNA DO?”

  She reached down under her seat and pulled out the launcher.

  “This,” growled Gore as she emptied an entire clip of pellets into the Warboyz car.

  Just a foot away.

  And somehow she still missed the driver.

  “Jagd,” cursed Gore, though her lips curled into a smile as the Warboy arched his head back in a laugh.

  “HAHAHA! Jagding bitch! That’s what you get! That’s what you- uh oh,” gasped the Warboy as he realized that sparks arched out of the his car. Then a explosion of glint-power and superheated plastic blew up in his face.

  “Debbie and Bones, cut the hooks!” barked Gore. She turned to the Magnum Orcus and whispered to the core. “Come on, let’s put a little bit of power into this.”

  “Little busy,” gasped Bones as his head popped into Gore’s sight. Gore blinked. A pair of hands wrapped around Bones’s throat. Then a chainsaw revved up in the background. “This is gonna take a moment. Sorry.”

  Gore sighed and palmed her forehead. She reached for her pistol.

  “On it!” barked Debbie as a Warboy tumbled down the front of the Magnum Orcus and then off the side. A moment later, another body fell off the Magnum Orcus.

  “Come on…” growled Gore as she angled the Magnum Orcus at the incoming ramp.

  The weight of the Warboyz car still weighed down on Gore, however.

  “And… we’re free!” barked Debbie as the weight dropped away in a pop. Gore jerked the Magnum Orcus to the side, avoiding a jagged rock that the Warboyz car slammed into with full force. Green flames lit the rocks for a brief moment.

  “Glad to hear it,” murmured Gore as she drove the Magnum Orcus up the ramp and onto the trail carved into the canyon wall. Gore bit her lip as she leaned close to the dashboard and whispered, “You all right?”

  “Ae, Paheka,” whispered the core, though only with the slightest murmur. Gore’s lips twisted. Too bad the core couldn’t interface with non-glint powered objects like cars. Gore shook her head. Too much of the core’s power was diverted to running the Magnum Orcus’s systems, the AI needed to take a backseat for a little bit anyway. Gore smiled, however, as she rubbed the wheel. Her masterpiece…

  “Who are you talking to?” asked Debbie, hopping to the side of the Magnum Orcus as Gore glanced down to the floor of the canyon, where the rest of the racers still battled one another for supremacy.

  The pack had dwindled from eight to five. Magical and mundane explosions lit up the sky.

  “The Magnum Orcus,” laughed Gore as she looked to the end of the canyon. Soon the canyon and the streams emptied out into a
massive swathe of flat desert. Gore’s lips twisted she had to plan a way to keep away from the rest of the racers. “Remember? Rudimentary Artificial Intelligence?”

  “Oh, right,” muttered Debbie, shaking her head as she glanced at the rest of the racers. “Wait a moment… shit! Watch out! Two Squirrels!”

  “Language,” cackled Bones while Debbie hopped back onto the roof of the Magnum Orcus. Gore glanced around. The Squirrel leader from the Toretto Trials and one of her cronies sped after the Magnum Orcus. Bone’s Dakka burped, taking out the unnamed Squirrel, then clicked, signaling an empty clip. “Ah jagd… Cover me while I while—”

  Then a glowing arrow arched through the air and through Bones’s hand, pinning Bones’s wrist to the roof of the Magnum Orcus.

  “Bitch!” gasped Gore as the Squirrel leader hopped onto a higher level on the cliffs above the Magnum Orcus and pulled back her bow. Magical energies screamed through the air, filling Gore’s vision. “Jagding overpowered mastodonshit magic! Why can’t we use it?”

  “Orc magic is different,” Bones chuckled through hisses of pain. “It’s based on tribal affilia—”

  Debbie screeched as she picked up the Dakka and began firing away at the Squirrel. Every single shot missed.

  Wincing, Gore sighed and glanced off the path. Below her lay rocks, sand and a Battle Ram. Gore’s lips twisted, weighing her options. For a moment, Gore contemplated driving off the cliff to certain doom to escape the elf behind them.

  Gore glanced back.

  Then she made her choice.

  “Jagd it. Hang on!” growled Gore as she whipped the wheel to the side and veered off the cliff, aiming the Magnum Orcus right at the Battle Ram.

  “Wait, what?” managed Debbie just before the Magnum Orcus’s bottom smashed into the Battle Ram, bouncing and throwing everyone into the air for a moment.

  For a moment, time ground to a halt as sparks and shards of metal flew around Gore. Beside her, flying out one window and out the other, a glowing arrow whizzed past Gore’s ear, fires nipping at Gore, igniting her dreadlocks. She looked out of the window to lock eyes with one of the dwarves on the roof of the Battle Ram. The dwarf’s brown eyes bulged to the size of the Magnum Orcus’s wheels as his mouth formed into a curse and he dove to the side. The rest of the dwarves on the roof of the Battle Ram soon followed suit.

  Gore might have laughed if not for the bile moving up through her own body as she screamed and braced for impact.

  Pressing her foot down on the accelerator so hard her toes cramped, closing her eyes, Gore prayed the Magnum Orcus would stick together as the Magnum Orcus spun around her.

  Then the Magnum Orcus’s wheel hit the ground and spun, lunging forward across the canyon floor away from the exploding Battle Ram. The shockwaves traveled though the ground and into the car, bouncing Gore up and down on her seat. Fires licked across the back of Gore’s neck through the layers of metal and car protecting her. She blinked.

  Four down. Four to go.

  “What?” gasped Debbie again, blinking her disbelief from her eyes. “What the jagd? What the? Wait— we’re alive! We’re alive!”

  “Not for much longer if you keeping celebrating,” growled Gore as she jabbed the dragon blood button. The Magnum Orcus roared and sped up, trying to disengage from the pack of direwolves it had landed itself in. Out of one minefield, into the next. Just like everything else in Gore’s life.

  She glanced to one side. The last Dwarf Battle Ram engaged the Warchief in an all-out war. Spinning webs of magic and mundane explosions ripped the air and ground apart between the two as orcs and dwarves leapt from their respective vehicles onto the other. Gore gulped and turned away. She snarled. The Squirrel leader hopped down from the cliffs onto the canyon floor behind the Magnum Orcus, picking off any great centipedes that tried to attack, ready to pick up the fight where they’d left it.

  “Blight…” muttered Gore as her hands flew across the panel, readjusting all of the Magnum Orcus’s systems. The car hadn’t taken too much damage in that last skirmish but every little bit added up. “That elf just won’t call it quits.”

  “We can take her,” growled Debbie though her voice wavered. “We can take her…”

  “No, we can’t,” muttered Bones as he dragged himself onto his feet.

  “Stop being such a drowner.”

  “Both of you,” growled Gore, “Focus. We’re onto the long stretch.”

  The Magnum Orcus burst out of the canyon onto the flat earth of a dried sea. The Squirrel followed them just a hundred yards behind.

  Here, Gore noted, the Magnum Orcus should have the advantage in terms of sheer power and speed. But with so little cover, the Squirrel could hit them from anywhere in the whole Blighted world with her bow. That meant that Gore would have to either stick in close or speed up out of the Squirrel’s range. Gore’ hand hovered over the dragon blood button. If she turned around, that meant the Squirrel had a clear shot at Gore. But if she didn’t, the Squirrel would have a clear shot at Debbie and Bones.

  Making her decision and slowing down the Magnum Orcus, fingers tapping the wheel of the Magnum Orcus in a nervous tempo, Gore growled, “Jagding Blight…”

  But she forgot about the other racers.

  An explosion lit the night, bright red consuming Gore’s vision for a brief, brilliant moment, sending a massive shockwave through the air and earth. As Gore tried to blink the spots from her eyes, she glared through the explosion. The Squirrel rode up beside the Magnum Orcus. The two women locked eyes for what felt like an eternity to Gore, though it was only a split second The elf sneered at Gore, raising her bow high and pulling back a glowing arrow.

  “Jagding Blight…” growled Gore, lunging forward and jerking the wheel to the side, causing the Magnum Orcus to spin out of control just as the Squirrel released her arrow.

  The bolt of lightning and steel pierced Gore’s shoulder, throwing Gore to the side. Sparks arched through Gore’s entire body, breaking her apart cell by cell. But Gore pushed past the screams and spasming muscles, jabbing the dragon blood, injecting all her fury into the Magnum Orcus’s engine while her free foot slammed into the brakes. The Magnum Orcus howled as she spun around.

  And the trunk smashed into the Squirrel.

  The elf’s screams echoing in the distance, Gore grinned and shook her head, focusing all her attention to rein in the Magnum Orcus. Her hands blurred across the panel, feet pressing down on the accelerator. After a few moments, the Magnum Orcus growled and resumed its journey to the fallen gods.

  “Damn…” muttered Bones as he crawled to look at Gore, “I thought we were goners there for a moment… by the Blight, that was some awesome handling on your part, sis. You jagding showed that Squirrel who’s boss!”

  “Um… guys, that Squirrel’s still coming,” muttered Debbie, causing both sisters to turn around.

  The bloodied Squirrel sped across the desert sands after the Magnum Orcus, her motorcycle squirming with bits falling off but holding together somehow as the Squirrel drew back her bow.

  “Oh, you’ve gotta be kidding me,” growled Gore as she snapped the arrow out of her shoulder, preparing for another clash with the Squirrel. Her hands spasmed.

  “WAAGH!”

  War drums beat against Gore’s ears. She cursed and turned around. Blood drained from her face. The Warchief rode the Blight-krieg right behind them. The massive beast bore down upon them in an avalanche of flame and fury. Gore’s eyes bulged. The Squirrel leader tried to swerve out of the way of the Blight-krieg’s path. Only the Warchief’s song-hammer swooped down and crushed the unfortunate elf into the rocks.

  “Oh Blight,” growled Gore as her grin grew. Her eyes flared gold and red. Her heart beat faster and faster, howling for the confrontation. The Magnum Orcus agreed, engine roaring and tires screeching across the rocks, sparks spilling out of the exhaust to light up the night sky. Whipping the wheel around, Gore jabbed her thumb against the dragon blood button. “Brace for impact!”

/>   CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT

  The Magnum Orcus

  “Why are we turning around?” demanded Debbie as Gore aimed the Magnum Orcus right at the Blight-krieg. Meanwhile, Bones’s laughter filled the air and the Dakka burped. Gore laughed as well. The bullets pinged off the Blight-krieg’s armor like sparks. “Why are we jagding turning around? Oh Forge Master!”

  Gore laughed louder, the Magnum Orcus roaring like a dragon as the orc jabbed the dragon blood button again. Twice in less than a minute. The core shuddered and shook, screaming with rage and fury and excitement, igniting the new fuel within the engine in miniature explosions that shook Gore’s bones. Sparks, bright as the stars above, burst out from every chink in the Magnum Orcus, bringing the metal alive with light and life.

  The Magnum Orcus roared her challenge.

  And the Blight-krieg answered the usurper’s claim.

  “HAHAHA! ANOTHER SOUL BEAST IN THESE LANDS?” demanded the Warchief as he raised his song-hammer high, prompting the orcs on the sides of the Blight-krieg to pound their drums with increasing fury. Gore narrowed her eyes, focusing all her attention on the incoming vehicle, letting her thoughts fall away under the pounding of the engine. “BRING IT, BITCH!”

  “You would like that, wouldn’t you?” asked Gore, her voice raising into a snarl. “YOU WOULD LIKE THAT!”

  “Um… Gore?” asked Debbie.

  “Shut up. Sorry,” growled Gore as her hand reached out and pressed a few buttons on the Magnum Orcus’s panel, shaking her head. Gore shook her head again and again, trying to clear the rage from her eyes. No. Not now. Had to…

  Then she glared at the approaching avalanche of steel and fire, and her heart ignited once more.