Waiting for Something

by Whitney Tyrrell

  “We won’t. I still love you. Let me have your hand.” He put it against his heart.

  “This is yours and don’t wreck it,” he kissed my cheek softly.

  “I’ll see you soon. Be nice to your little brother. He needs you,” I felt my heart sink.

  “And I need you. Feel free to stay at the apartment. No parties,” he kissed me on the lips this time and turned to get into the cab by Carter. I watched them wave as they drove off and my heart left with them.

  Twenty One

  “Oh, hun, it’s so nice to see. How are classes going?” my mom started the car and we drove off from the apartment.

  “Classes are fine. They’re really pushing me which is good.” I didn’t feel like small talk and my mom caught the drift.

  “Well, I’m just glad you’re happy,” she smiled.

  “I never said I was,” I slumped back in my seat and that was the end of that.

  We walked into my house to my brother and his friends playing video games and eating tons of popcorn.

  “Dillon, your sister’s home,” my mom came up behind him and kissed the top of his head.

  “Mom, stop, seriously. Hi, Ali, welcome back,” he didn’t take his eyes off the TV.

  “Is he always like this?” I looked at Mom.

  “Unfortunately, yes. He’s a handful,” my mom sighed.

  “Well, how’s dad? Where’s he at?” I couldn’t hear him singing in the kitchen like usual.

  “He’s working right now. He wants to make the funeral so he’s putting in a few more hours today.” We walked up the stairs to my bedroom.

  “Oh, well that’s nice. Have you talked to the Jake or Carter?” I hadn’t heard from them since the day they left and it’s been two weeks now.

  “No, I’m afraid not. Marlie said she’s been seeing them on the beach a lot.” My mom started to help me unpack.

  “You talk to Marlie?” Even Marlie has been oddly quiet with me.

  “I see her in the store down the block sometimes. She stopped me last week. Justin was with her. They look happy.” I knew what she was getting at now.

  “Mom, don’t start this. Please, not this weekend,” I put my shirts in my closet.

  “I just want you to be happy, sweetie. Those Thompson boys, as sweet as they are, they have baggage. I don’t want you to get your heart broken.” I froze in place and felt my palms clam up and my heart swell.

  “That’s none of your business, Mom.” She bought it, even with my voice as inaudible as it was.

  “I’ll leave you to unpack,” she kissed me on the cheek.

  I finished unpacking and let myself relax as I laid down on my back on the bed. It felt good to be home but I was home for such a depressing reason.

  “Ali, get your butt up. We’re going out.” I heard Marlie come rushing in.

  “No, I don’t want to move,” I groaned and sat up.

  “You can’t mope around all day. Justin is waiting in the car. Let’s go,” she pulled me off the bed.

  “Fine,” I slipped my shoes on.

  “Carter and Jake will talk to you when they’re ready. Until then, we have to keep your mind busy.” We walked downstairs.

  “Oh, good. Marlie’s here,” my mom smiled as we walked to the door.

  “Hi, Dillon,” Marlie smiled and he blushed.

  “What was that?” I looked at her when we walked out.

  “He likes me,” she grinned.

  “Hey, now, be nice to him. He is my brother,” I rolled my eyes and we got into the car.

  “You talking about Dill?” Justin grinned from the driver’s seat.

  “Yes, we are. Our little Ali is concerned,” Marlie mocked me.

  “Ok, this is all irrelevant, so who cares? Where are we going?” I dropped it.

  “Dancing,” Marlie grinned.

  “Where?” We’ve never been dancing all together.

  “Bassmnt. I heard they serve great booze,” Justin looked all excited.

  “We’re not 21,” I rolled my eyes.

  “Tonight we are,” Marlie held up some fake IDs.

  “No, I am not drinking. I’ll go and have fun but no drinking for me.” They didn’t push me any further.

  We got to the club and the place was packed, mostly with slutty drunk girls and creepy spikey-haired douchebags. This was nothing like the place I went to in New York and I actually wish it was.

  “Ali, come on,” Marlie waved us in.

  “I’m gunna go get us drinks,” Justin shouted as we got in.

  “Just a ginger ale for me.” Marlie shot me a look.

  “Fine, I’ll take a dirty martini.” I did need to loosen up.

  “I’ve missed you,” Marlie squeezed me.

  “Okay, dork, you can let go. I missed you too,” I somewhat shoved her off me.

  “So how is New York?” We sat at a booth.

  “It’s amazing. I met this girl Jackie. She’s a little nuts but I think we’ll get along and then Jesse. He’s great. You’d love him,” I couldn’t help but smile when I mentioned him.

  “Is this Jesse guy something serious?” Marlie wasn’t good at beating around the bush.

  “No, it’s nothing. I mean it was something but when I went to Jake’s the night everything happened, that changed.” Justin came back with our drinks.

  “Thank you, sweetie,” Marlie kissed him as he handed us our drinks.

  “No problem, baby,” he winked at her.

  “Okay, disgusting. Guys, I’m right here,” I joked.

  “Here’s to a night full of memories we won’t remember.” We all cheered and I downed my drink in one gulp.

  “Pace yourself, hun,” Marlie laughed.

  “Let’s go dance.” I got up and felt the alcohol sink into my veins.

  “We’ll catch up.” I saw them start fooling around a little. They were adorable together. I wanted that.

  I made my way to the dance floor and started dancing with a random group of people that seemed nice enough.

  “Hey, sweetheart,” I heard a familiar voice and turned around.

  “Jake! You’re here! Is Carter okay?” I freaked out and hugged him close. It felt good to be in his embrace again.

  “Carter’s with Justin and Marlie. They told me you were on the dance floor. Ali Cat, I missed you.” The music slowed and I felt like the DJ knew we were having an intimate moment.

  “Dance with me,” I wrapped my arms around his neck.

  “It’d be my pleasure,” he pulled my waist close to his.

  “I’ve missed you.” I rested my head on his shoulder.

  “Sorry for not calling. It’s just been crazy.” He didn’t say it back but I knew he missed me.

  “Don’t apologize. You’re fine. At least you’re here now,” I smiled to myself.

  “I’m staying here, Ali Cat,” his voice shook a little.

  “What do you mean?” I pushed back and looked at him.

  “Let’s go back to my place and talk about this.” He had pain in his eyes.

  “No, I don’t want to wait. Tell me now.” I looked at him with the same pain.

  “I’m not going back to New York, Ali Cat. At least not for now,”he held me at arm’s length.

  “Why?” That’s all I could say., That’s all I could think of.

  “Carter is transferring to the University here so I thought it’d be best if I came home too. My personal assistant is taking care of all the moving and selling. I’m sorry, Ali Cat. It’s just what’s best for now,” he shouted over the music.

  “It’s okay.” I took a step back and walked away.

  “Ali Cat, please, don’t be mad,” he came rushing after me.

  “I’m not mad. I’m incredibly heartbroken. Jake, for once we were on the same page.” I felt the tears coming and quickly pushed them back.

  “We can make it work. I’ll be faithful to you, I promise.” He was serious.

  “I can’t do distance, Jake. It never works,” I grabbed my things from the bo
oth where Marlie and the guys just stared at us.

  “We’re different than you and Carter were.” He said it. The first time either of them has ever admitted that two brothers had been with one girl.

  “That’s the problem, Jake. I’ve fallen for two brothers that cause me nothing but heartbreak. I gotta go.” I excused myself and left while Carter and Jake just stared at each other.

  “Ali, wait up.” I heard Marlie come after me but I kept walking.

  “Marlie, I can’t have fun right now, okay? I just need to be alone and I just need time,” I turned to her once she exited the building.

  “Just be safe. I love you,” she gave me a hug and I knew she understood.

  I got a taxi and went home. I changed into the oversized tshirt that Jesse gave to me and let myself unravel. I haven’t felt this low and worthless in a long time. For the next three days leading up to the funeral I wouldn’t eat or talk. I let my phone ring and I refused to see anyone.

  “Sweetie, it’s time to get ready,” my mom came in and sat on my bed.

  “Is it really today?” My voice was raspy.

  “I’m sorry, dear. Come on. Be brave for those boys today, okay?” she kissed my forehead and I got up slowly and reluctantly.

  “Breakfast?” I came down after getting ready and my dad was, of course, cooking.

  “Just toast,” I mumbled.

  “That’s better than eating nothing,” my dad smiled graciously.

  “We’ll leave in about a half hour. Oh, Alice, Jake dropped this by.” My dad always called me by my real name.

  “A note?” I took it and opened it up.

  I’ll never stop loving you, Ali Cat.

  I felt my heart flutter and then sink back down to reality.

  “What’s it say?” Dillon tried looking over my shoulder.

  “It’s nothing, okay? Get away,” I shoved him back with my elbow.

  “Hurry and eat. We gotta get going.” My mom came in while putting on a pair of earrings.

  Once we got to the church I saw Marlie and Justin standing over by the boys. I didn’t care what had been said, I was going to be there for my guys.

  “Ali, thank you for coming,” Carter hugged me tight and I held him close to me.

  “You’re going to be okay. I promise,” I whispered in his ear.

  “Jake.” I hugged him close but he felt distant.

  “Thanks for being here. It means a lot,” he smiled softly.

  “Let’s go inside,” Marlie suggested and I painfully agreed.

  “Thank God it’s not an open casket,” Justin put his arm around Marlie’s waist while we walked by pictures of the couple with their boys and other family and friends.

  “I don’t think I’d be able to handle it.” I felt my skin redden and my eyes start to brim with tears.

  “I don’t think you can handle this,” Marlie grabbed my hand.

  “I can’t,” my voice barely audible.

  “Go. Be with him.” Marlie’s eyes looked reassuring. I stepped back outside and realized that I had to be there for both of them.

  “I’m not going anywhere,” I stepped in between them and held their hands.

  Once everyone stepped inside and sat down, the funeral service was about to begin and we three still hadn’t stepped inside yet. The two boys and their dad’s two brothers were ushers. The rest of the family stood behind them and I was welcomed in the procession as well. As we made our way up to the front of the church I couldn’t help but feel my heart slowly crack and I knew that I was going to break down. But when Marlie gave me one more reassuring look, I knew I had to be strong. After the ceremony and burial some of the guests came back to the dining hall in the church basement for the meal.

  “Ali Cat, can I talk to you for a second?” Jake came up from behind me. We hadn’t talked all day.

  “Sure. What do you need?” I followed him to a secluded area.

  “I can’t lose you again.” He was broken up.

  “Jake, you’re staying here. I’m going back to school. I told you I’ve tried that situation before and it didn’t work. I love you and after everything, we’ve always found our way back to each other, so I wouldn’t doubt that we’ll find each other again. I love you. Always have, always will.” I gave him one last, long, sweet kiss and left.

  I knew I was walking away from a lot but I had to be able to do what I had planned for myself and that was school and New York. We lose our way but we always come back and I had to have faith in the fact that the same thing would happen again.

  Twenty-Two

  “Ali, we’re going to be late for class again,” I heard Jackie yell from the hall.

  “I’m coming, I’m coming. Give me a break.” I ran after her.

  “Tell me more about your date with Jesse,” she winked.

  “Not everyone sleeps around like you,” I half teased.

  “Ooh ouch. No, really, how was it?” she looked excited for me.

  “It was really great actually. He took me to dinner and then we went to one of those theaters that play old movies and watched ‘Singing in the Rain.’ I got to pick.” I felt myself redden.

  “That’s it?” she seemed bummed.

  “What did you expect?” I laughed.

  “Well, at least a kiss goodnight.” Her voice made it seem like a kiss goodnight is only natural.

  “I’m still healing,” I brushed my hair back behind my ears.

  “It’s been two months. Jake hasn’t called or texted or anything. You gotta try and move on, Al.” I knew she was trying to be as supportive in the only way she knew how.

  “I know. That’s what the date was and I’m going to his apartment tonight to watch movies, so something could happen there,” I perked up a bit.

  “Now there’s something to tell me about.” We walked into the class right as the professor reached the door.

  “Right on time, ladies, as always.” It was a 9 AM class. Mornings and college don’t go together at all.

  “Morning, Mr. Morrison,” I smiled and took a seat.

  “But seriously, though, tell me what happens tonight,” Jackie leaned over her seat and whispered.

  “I will,” I rolled my eyes.

  “Ali, wait up!” I heard Jesse run after me as I walked across campus.

  “Hey there. What’s up?” He did make me smile. I liked him.

  “Just making sure you’re not gonna bail tonight,” he grinned from ear to ear.

  “Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere,” I laughed a little.

  “Good because it’s going to be the best date of your life,” he winked.

  “Well I’ve never been on anything too extravagant so you could be right.” I thought of the ice cream date at the 50s diner.

  “Dress down. You might get messy. I’ll catch ya later,” he grinned at me while he walked backwards.

  “Turn around! You’re going to trip,” I laughed and headed to my next class.

  “Ali, late again.” Mrs. Monroe met me right as we met in the doorway to the classroom.

  “I’m here, right?” I grinned and she just smiled.

  “Take a seat,” she got back her teacher face.

  Once class was out I was able to head back to the dorms where Jackie waited with makeup and hair supplies in hand.

  “Let’s get you ready.” She looked a little too excited.

  “Oh hell no,” I shut the door behind me.

  “Oh c’mon! It’s probably my only chance,” she had her puppy dog face on.

  “No, J. He said it was just a casual thing. At least that’s what it sounded like.” He never actually said it was casual. He just said I might get messy.

  “Well what did he say exactly?” A glimmer of hope stayed in her eyes.

  “That I might get messy and should dress down.” She was as confused as I was.

  “Alright, you got me. Well fine, another time I suppose,” she dropped the curling iron and went to my closet.

  “Now what are you doin
g?” I sighed and set my bag on the bed.

  “We have to find something casual but cute.” She went through some of my shirts and tossed me a simple, long-sleeved blue shirt with buttons and then continued by throwing a pair of my worn out jeans.

  “You don’t think this is a little too casual?” I held up the shirt.

  “No, you’ll lool sexy but casual. Trust me,” she grinned.

  “Not so sure I should do that,” I laughed.

  “Shut up. Put it on and then we’ll do your makeup.” I gave her a look.

  “Don’t worry, not too much,” she rolled her eyes.

  “Okay, so how do I look?” I turned around after putting on my stiletto heeled boots.

  “Sexy and casual, just like I said you would.” She looked satisfied.

  “You’re such a dork. So he should be here any minute. Am I forgetting anything?” I suddenly felt nervous.

  “Girl, chill out! You have everything,” she hopped off the bed.

  “I have to stop thinking about him. That’s what’s making me so nervous.” I started stressing myself out.

  “Thinking about who? Jake? Honey, he’s cute but he let you go. Don’t keep living in the past. You gotta put yourself out there,” she grabbed my shoulders.

  “You’re right and I really do like Jesse,” I tried to smile.

  “Who cares if you like him or not? Just make sure he’s a good kisser,” she giggled and I couldn’t help but do the same.

  “You’re terrible.” I heard him knock on the door.

  “Go have fun. I’ll be here,” she shooed me to the door.

  “No plans?” I was genuinely surprised.

  “Not tonight. This is all about you,” she flopped back down on the bed and opened up the Glamour magazine she had in hand.

  “Ali, wow. You look great,” Jesse smiled brightly when I opened the door.

  “Thanks, you look pretty nice yourself,” I let myself out and closed the distance between us.

  “Oh, sorry. Um, you ready to go?” He seemed nervous which was sweet.

  “Yeah, where are we going anyway?” We headed down the hall and out to his car.

  “Bowling,” he got into the car leaving my face in shock.

  “Of all the things to do in New York you picked bowling?” Now I got the casual dress, just not the messy part quite yet.