“No they don’t, but whatever. I’m going to my room. Marlie, wanna join?” I looked over my shoulder, hopeful.
“Actually Justin and I gotta get going. We have some planning we need to get done.” I could tell she felt bad.
“It’s cool. I’ll see you tomorrow?” I gave her a hug.
“I’ll be here,” she squeezed me back tightly.
“I actually gotta get going too. Some friends invited me to their place,” Carter looked at his phone and shoved it back into his pocket.
“Well looks like it’s just us five.” My dad was so cheerful and so stupidly blind.
“Sounds like fun,” I could feel my teeth grind together.
“Take a seat, kiddo,” my dad patted the cushion between him and, of course, Jake. I practically had to drag myself to the seat.
“Do we really have to watch basketball?” I played it off as some stupid girl thing. Score.
“Nope. Dill, find a good movie we can all watch,” my mom came in with some popcorn and a glass of wine for herself.
“You kids want anything to drink?” she set her glass down.
“I’ll go get it. Dill, you want something?” I stood up and looked at Dillon.
“An MD, duh. Dad, does the movie have to come from a legal site?” Yep, this was my brother, a douche.
“I’ll help.” Before I could protest, Jake followed behind me. I couldn’t let him know I was worried about my feelings for him. He’d just feed off them and play a game.
“I can get the drinks on my own,” I shoved past him to get to the fridge.
“What crawled up your butt?” he took a cookie from the jar on the counter.
“Excuse me?” I watched him take bite. Damn he had nice lips.
“You are being extremely short with me, Ali Cat. Why? Because I found out that you’ve had sex with your new boy toy?” he leaned against the counter.
“My parents could hear. Keep it down and he’s not my boy toy. He’s my boyfriend,” I snapped.
“Right, my apologies,” he chuckled.
“Ali, we picked ‘We’re the Millers.’ Is that okay?” my dad yelled from the other room.
“Yeah, Dad, it’s fine. Look, I don’t know why you’ve suddenly decided to be a jerk but seriously, if you’re going to hang out with me and my family, keep it to a minimum,” I growled.
“Don’t worry, Ali Cat,” he grabbed another cookie, slapped my ass and walked by into the living room. Ass.
“Alright, start the movie,” I sat down with my drink and the movie started. Longest hour and a half of my life.
“Dad, Mom. Wake up,” I shoved them awake after the movie finished.
“Well, guess we’re older than we remembered. Come on, darling, let’s go to bed.” My dad yawned, they stood up and stretched.
“Don’t forget to unplug the Christmas tree lights,” Mom’s voice was in mid-yawn.
“Love you guys. Sleep tight.” My dad followed my mom upstairs.
“Love you.” My mom was really out of it.
“Night.” I shut the TV off.
“What are you doing?” Dillon looked up from his phone.
“You need to go to bed,” I looked at the clock.
“Um, sorry, since when was midnight late?” he scoffed.
“Whatever. I’ll walk you to your car, Jake.” He was just sitting there enjoying the scene.
“Alright, looks like it’s a one man sleepover yet again,” he got up.
“What do you mean?” I walked to the front door and watched as Dillon turned the TV back on.
“Carter’s been sleeping over at this girl’s house a lot lately. I think they’re dating. I’m not really sure. He hasn’t clarified it with me so I’m still kind of confused on that part.
“So you’re alone? In that huge house?” I kind of felt bad for him. It was Christmas time.
“Yeah. The only reason the place is even decorated is because of our house maid.” He seriously didn’t think it was that big of a deal? I couldn’t just let him be alone.
“Dillon, I’m gonna be at Jake’s for a while.” Whatever happened, happened. I just have to trust myself.
“Yeah, whatever. See ya.” We walked out to Jake’s car.
“What are you doing?” he looked confused.
“I’m not going to let you be alone during this time of year,” I got in on the passenger side of his car.
“You don’t have to, really. I’m not trying to make you feel bad for me.” He got in on the other side.
“No, I know. That’s why I’m doing it.” I buckled my seatbelt and we backed out of the driveway.
“I’ll start the fireplace,” he unlocked the front door and walked in.
“Wow, the place looks amazing.” There were Christmas lights everywhere. It looked like stars.
“Yeah, I love it. See that bottle of whiskey?” he pointed to the counter.
“What about it?” I took my shoes and jacket off.
“This past week I’ve been sitting in the quiet, looking up at the lights and drinking that whiskey. It’s been great. Bring it over here.” I did as I was told and he sat down, unscrewed the lid and took a swig.
“I’m not going to drink that,” I stayed standing. Standing and staying sober was the best way not to let my feelings get ahead of me.
“Fine, I’ll make you hot chocolate,” he got off of the couch and headed to the kitchen.
“Jake, stop. Talk to me, like really talk to me.” The distance between us was killing me.
“What do you want to talk about?” he was playing dumb.
“How have you been since, well, everything?” I sat on the bar stool in the kitchen.
“I’m fine and so is Carter. We’re healing but we’re okay. Is that all?” he kept making my drink.
“No, it isn’t. Why didn’t you at least try and contact me?” I started to feel angry and I didn’t want to, not with Jake.
“Because you asked me not to.” He had a point.
“So then you must not care about me that much if you were just going to listen to some stupid remark of mine.” Damn, that wasn’t fair.
“No, Ali, it means I DO care about you. Don’t you get it? For months I have hoped and prayed that by me listening to your one request you would realize how important you are to me and how no matter what I would always do what was best for you.” He stopped mixing the powder and stood there facing the cabinets.
“Jake, I didn’t know what to say.” He was right.
“’Hello’ would have sufficed.” Again, he was right.
“You’re right.” It was quiet between us for a few minutes.
“You know what? I can’t do this anymore,” he broke the silence and for a second I was scared.
“What do you mean?” I held my breath.
“I can’t not touch you the way I’ve been dreaming of for months. I can’t keep my distance and to hell with Jesse. I’m sorry but I see it in your eyes too. You want me just as bad as I want you.” He finally turned around and I could see passion behind his eyes again.
“Jake, I can’t do this to him. He really is a great guy.” I felt ashamed for how I felt about Jake. But why should I? I loved him. There. I said it. Well, metaphorically.
“I have to touch you, Ali Cat.” He was practically begging me.
“Jake, I just can’t, okay? Just drop it.” I got off the stool.
“Fine. Okay. I’ll take you home,” he ran his fingers through his hair.
“Jake, in any other case I would but I’m with Jesse now.” I felt tears brim in my eyes.
“I don’t want to hear it anymore. I’m sick of the same bull shit with you.” He was getting upset.
“Jake, you’re being unfair. We’ve both messed up in this relationship,” I closed some of the distance between us.
“Yeah, but the difference between me and you is that I haven’t dated anyone since you. You’ve been with my brother and now this Jesse guy.” His face was red.
“Jake
, I’ve tried to move on just like you. People move on in different ways. I know you’ve been having sex still, Jake. I’m not dumb. You probably have a different girl every night.” I was lashing out on him but maybe it was good to get this out.
“You know, at least I didn’t have sex with a family member of yours.” Ouch. That stung. That really hurt.
“Jake you’re being mean.” I felt my feelings start to get hurt.
“Yeah, well it needs to be said, Ali. You’re kind of being a skank by sleeping with all these guys. California did change you. When you came here, you were so innocent.” He crossed the line.
“Fuck you, Jake. Maybe if you would open your eyes you would realize that you were the one that changed me! You made me into the person that I am because whether you like it or not you’re pretty damn fucked up yourself,” I practically shouted at him and walked off slamming the front door behind me.
As the tears ran down my cheeks I felt myself feel lighter, like all the feelings and emotions I had bottled up were finally pouring out. I felt relieved getting all the things I’ve been wanting to say out in the open. I knew that now we could never be what we could have been. Our ties were cut and we let ourselves go. My heart would mend. I just didn’t know how long it would take.
“Marlie, what are you doing here?” I sniffled as I reached my driveway.
“Carter is freaking out! Apparently Jake went ape shit because you two had a fight and got into a wreck.” Her eyes looked panicked.
“What? Is he okay? Where is he?” He must have left right after I walked out. He probably took the alley. That’s why I didn’t see him leave.
“He’s going to be okay. He’s in the hospital but he is pretty beat up. They want to keep him in the hospital for a few days just to make sure there’s no internal bleeding.” I felt her calm down as she talked.
“Will take me to the hospital? He’s such an idiot,” I got into her car.
“I don’t think now’s the time to be calling him an idiot,” she drove off.
“Yeah, well I think after him calling me a skank, it’s okay,” I rolled my eyes.
“What happened between you two?” We drove through the neighborhood.
“Long story short, we’re officially over. Forever. No going back.” I felt my heart ache as the words came out of my mouth.
“I’ll believe it when I see it,” Marlie mumbled under her breath.
“I heard that.” I wasn’t in the mood for this bull shit.
“If you’re done then why are you having me take you to the hospital?” she looked over at me.
“Because he still means something to me.” Who did she think she was? Right, my best friend.
“Fair enough. Go ahead and go inside. I’ll find a spot to park,” she let me out at the front entrance of the hospital.
“Hi, can I get the room number for Jake Thompson?” I went up to the front desk, still catching my breath.
“Room 126. He should be just right around the corner.” The lady didn’t seem too thrilled to be there. As I turned the corner, I bumped right into Carter.
“Carter, how is he?” I stood back.
“He’s going to be alright. He’s pretty pissed off, though. What happened between you two?” He looked pretty upset too.
“We got into a fight. What else is new, right?” I tried to joke around but he wasn’t going to have it.
“Ali, I’m not sure you should go see him.” His eyes reached mine and I saw a glint of the pain.
“Why not?” I felt my breath shorten.
“I only know a little of what happened but he’s pretty hurt emotionally.” Things started to get awkward.
“Carter it’s me. C’mon, don’t get like this.” I felt tears sting my eyes.
“Ali, I think it’s over for real now. You need to back off.” His words cut my heart like knives.
“No, seriously, can’t I just see him?” I felt my soul darken.
“He needs to heal. I don’t think it’s best for you to see him right now. I’ll tell him you stopped by.” Carter practically matured overnight.
“Yeah, okay. Thanks.” I didn’t know what to do.
“Ali, he’s in 126.” I saw Marlie reach us.
“I know. I’m not allowed to see him. Go on and visit him. I’ll just get a cab home,” I walked past her and let the tears fall down my cheeks when no one was watching.
Once I got home I really didn’t want to talk and I think my parents understood what happened. Marlie must have filled them in. It’s like I’m gone for one semester and everyone’s moved on without me. Jake and I were screwed. Marlie and I haven’t been getting along the best either. Carter’s practically a stranger now. My parents go to all of them before me. And Justin is just kind of there, like usual. I had no one and even though Jesse and I were together, I didn’t see a future with each other. I laid in my bed, wrapped myself in a little ball and let my tears wash me away. I felt nothing and that was because I was nothing.
“Honey, it’s been two days. You gotta get up and eat something,” my mom peeked her head into my room.
“I’m not hungry,” I turned away from her.
“I know you’re hurting but it’s almost Christmas Eve. You can’t spend the entire break feeling sorry for yourself.” She laid on the bed next to me.
“That’s easy for you to say. You’re not broken and forgotten.” I still couldn’t look at her.
“How are you at all forgotten?” She ran her fingers through my messy hair.
“Everyone practically forgot about me once I left for New York,” my voice cracked.
“None of us forgot about you, sweetie. We’ve all missed you a lot. Marlie asks me about you at least three times a week and she tells me how she misses you. Carter and Jake miss you too. They’ve been wanting to fly out and see you for a while. Of course your father and I miss you, and believe it or not, so does Dillon. You’re not forgotten, sweetie. You’re missed.” She wrapped me in her arms.
“It just sucks. I feel like I don’t even fit in anymore. I’ve missed so much.” I snuggled against her body.
“I know but you always have a home here. Never forget that,” she kissed the top of my head.
“I don’t think Jesse and I are going to last long.” I have no idea where that came.
“Why’s that?” She knew the answer but she didn’t say it.
“I still have feelings for Jake.” Saying his name hurt like hell.
“I know you do, sweetie.” She knew that every time we’ve been together it’s always ended badly, so of course she was worried.
“Mom, can I tell you something?” We haven’t bonded in so long and I felt like she should know.
“Of course you can, sweetie.” She laid there calmly.
“Jake was my first.” Okay, she probably didn’t want to know that.
“I figured. Just be safe.” She didn’t get upset or anything.
“I am always safe. When I moved to New York I went to one of those clinics and started birth control. Don’t tell Dad.” I forgot she was my mom for a second.
“Well that’s very responsible of you. And trust me, I won’t,” she laughed softly.
“I missed you.” I felt her arms squeeze me tight.
“I’ve missed you so much. I love you, beautiful.” She always knew how to make me feel better.
“I think I should probably shower,” I laughed a little.
“That would be a perfect start. Get cleaned up and then come downstairs. Grandma and Grandpa are going to be here for supper,” she kissed my forehead and left the room.
I stretched out for the first time in a few days and checked my phone at the same time. No surprise, I had a bunch of texts and calls that I missed. Most of them were from Marlie and Jesse, but I did have one from Jake, which surprised me the most. I didn’t want to read it but I didn’t want to delete it so I just left it in my unread messages. I quickly responded to Marlie and Jesse, letting them know that yes, in fact, I was still alive
and I was okay. I grabbed my towel and hopped in the shower. As I dried myself in my bedroom, I heard something at my balcony. I quickly put my silk robe on and peeked through my curtains and looked down at the sand below.
“Jake?” I couldn’t believe he was here.
“I’m coming up.” He got onto a table and pulled himself up.
“What are you doing here? And you could use a normal door like the rest of us.” I left distance between us.
“I didn’t come here to see anyone but you,” he straightened himself out.
“Okay, well what do you need?” I didn’t want to get attached again. I just started letting go.
“Why are you in a robe?” he looked at me perplexed.
“I just got out of the shower. Is that okay?” I was good at distancing myself.
“What’s wrong?” Now he was pissing me off.
“Let me think. We get into a huge fight, we’re done with each other for good, you get into a wreck and your brother won’t let me see you in the hospital. That’s just a few things,” I put my hands on my hips.
“I’m sorry about that.” Same old shit.
“Here, let me show you something.” I bashed my foot down on his.
“What the hell?” he winced and stepped back in pain.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” my voice was sharp.
“It still hurts like hell, Ali.” he sat down and took off his shoe.
“Exactly, Jake. Just because you say you’re sorry doesn’t mean everything is suddenly better. You can’t be here. I’m working on moving on and so should you. Please, leave.” I gave us distance again.
“Okay, I get it. Just know I’m never going to give up.” He slid his shoe back on and headed back down the balcony. As I closed the French doors behind him, I felt my heart turn to glass and just shatter.
“Alice, please come down here.” I heard my dad’s voice.
“Just a minute,” I pulled on some sweats and threw on a sweatshirt.
“Why did I just see Jake walk away from the house?” He looked mad.
“Dad, nothing happened, okay?” I didn’t want to get into this with him.
“Has this happened a lot?” Great.
“No,” I rolled my eyes.
“Young lady, come back here. Do not roll your eyes at me,” he pointed his finger at me.
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