Just Breathe

by Vincent Morrone

  “Detective Shaw,” Captain Fuller said. “Please have Mr. Hunt and Mr. Hegel released. And have someone go to the hospital and place these other two mopes under arrest. And let’s find their buddies.”

  Diana breathed a deep sigh of relief and looked over to Detective Shaw to thank him. However, the look in his eyes made her stomach queasy.

  Within a few minutes, they were both standing out in the main squad room. Shaw had told Cassie what happened and that both Ben and Noah should be out soon.

  Cassie jumped up and down and went to wait by the door that led to the interview rooms. Diana edged toward Shaw, wanting a word alone.

  “Thank you,” she said. “I believe it would have panned out in the end, but you made it much easier on them.”

  Shaw nodded. “That’s twice Noah’s saved my girl. And I know Ben. He’s a good guy. Noah’s not just a client to you, is he?”

  “No,” Diana said. “He’s not.” She looked to where Cassie stood, her arms crossed, waiting. “Your daughter likes Noah. And I know Noah likes Cassie.”

  Shaw nodded.

  “And you’re worried about what Stewart said in there,” Diana said. “Aren’t you?”

  Shaw looked toward his daughter. “I’m trying to keep an open mind. I understand kids do stupid things sometimes. If he’s got a juvie record…”

  “He doesn’t,” Diana said. “Noah has never broken any law. He’s never been arrested. He’s the kindest, gentlest person I’ve ever known.”

  “He didn’t look all that gentle on those videos,” Shaw said. “Not that I’m blaming him.”

  “Good,” Diana said.

  “Look,” Shaw said. “I’m usually a pretty good judge of character. I’ve liked Noah since the first time I met him. But this is my daughter. Have you ever had children?”

  Diana winced at the question.

  “I had a daughter,” Diana said. “Once.”

  When Shaw looked at her, she saw sympathy in his eyes.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Thank you,” Diana said. “Noah is the closest I’ve come to raising a child myself. I can’t tell you what Stewart was talking about. It wouldn’t be hard for you to find out, but I’m asking you not to. Let Noah tell you. Give him some time.”

  Shaw looked over as Noah came out. Cassie launched herself into his arms and kissed him. He smiled and blushed, and Cassie swatted him. When Ben came out, she did the same.

  “Like I said,” Shaw replied, “I’m usually a good judge of character. I’m okay for now. Besides, they’re ‘just friends,’ right?”

  Diana smiled. She was going to have to have a talk with Noah.

  Chapter 9

  Noah sat on the edge of his bed, staring at the clock on his wall. If he left now, he’d be too early. He didn’t want to be too early. He could go downstairs and get in another quick workout. That usually helped him calm down, but then he’d need to shower again. Then he’d be late. He definitely didn’t want to be late. He had homework that he could do, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to concentrate on that.

  “Big date?”

  Noah looked up to see Walter standing in his doorway. Noah shook his head.

  “One of Cassie’s friends is having a party,” Noah explained. “We’re going together. I don’t want to get there too early. Or too late.”

  “A party.” Walter smiled. “That sounds like a fun date.”

  “Cassie and I aren’t dating.”

  “Yeah I know,” Walter said. “Have you considered that you’re not just hurting yourself by denying your feelings? You’re also hurting Cassie.”

  Noah shook his head. “Not as bad as if I dragged her into this.”

  “Shouldn’t that be her choice?” Walter said.

  Noah looked at the clock. He didn’t have an answer for that.

  “I’d like to ask you a question,” Walter said. “It’s important.”

  Noah looked to Walter.

  “I’m very proud of the fact that you protected Cassie,” Walter said. “And I’m so happy that you called Diana when you were taken to the police station. I was just wondering why you didn’t call me.”

  “I’m sorry,” Noah said. “I probably should have. I just… I didn’t know what was going to happen. I didn’t know if they might arrest me. I didn’t want you to see me like that. To give you another reason to look at me and see… him.”

  “Is that what you think I see when I look at you?” Walter asked, face pinched with hurt. “Good Lord, Noah, what do I have to do to convince you that I love you?”

  Noah got up and started toward his grandfather, but Walter had already turned away.

  “Say hello to your mother before you leave,” Walter said as he went into his own room and closed the door.

  * * * *

  “So are we clear on the plan?” Brady asked as he pulled up in front of their friend’s home.

  Ben rolled his eyes. “Yeah. It’s not all that complicated. I still think this is a bad idea.”

  “It’ll be fine,” Brady said. He looked over to Ben, who wouldn’t make eye contact.

  “Are you still upset with me?”

  Ben sighed. “Look, I get that coming out to your family isn’t easy, but if we’re trying to be in a real relationship then you’re going to have to tell them.”

  “I know,” Brady said. “But it’s not that easy. You don’t understand my dad. What if he can’t stand to look at me ever again?”

  Ben wanted to tell Brady to just man up, but he was trying to be supportive. That’s what he’d been telling himself for the past couple of weeks. It was his own damn fault for getting involved with someone who hadn’t fully come out yet.

  “Just make it soon,” Ben said. “I really like you Brady, and I want to make this work.”

  * * * *

  When Noah arrived to pick up Cassie, he was exactly on time. Which meant that Cassie was late.

  Tyler had let him in. He was hoping to hear about how Noah had single-handedly “beat the snot” out of six guys.

  Noah refused to go into details except to correct Tyler’s belief that there were six and that he fought alone.

  “Ty,” Detective Shaw said. “Stop harassing Noah. Go play your video games.”

  Tyler rolled his eyes and left, leaving Noah alone with Shaw.

  “Come in,” Shaw said, inviting Noah into his home office. “You know Cassie’s going to be at least a half hour late.”

  They both sat in chairs near the desk.

  “I figured.”

  “Yet, you came here on time,” Shaw said. “Which means you are either very polite or you wanted to talk.”

  Noah felt his face flush. “Both, I suppose. I know you talked to Diana. She told me what the ADA said.”

  Shaw nodded. “I don’t know what it was that weasel Stewart had, or thought he had on you.”

  “You didn’t look?” Noah asked.

  “No,” Shaw replied. “Diana asked me not to. She wanted me to give you a chance to come clean. Now, I want to respect your privacy, but you’re with my daughter.”

  “We’re not dating.”

  Shaw laughed. “Yet. Cassie likes you. You like Cassie. She wants to date you. You might as well just make it easy on yourself and ask her out. Just be respectful and remember I have a gun.”

  Noah forced a smile.

  “I’m kidding,” Shaw said. “Look, Noah, you can talk to me. I can’t imagine anything in your past is so bad that you should be this torn up about it. Diana said you didn’t have a juvie record. Not even an arrest.”

  “No, sir,” Noah said. “The other day was as close as I’ve ever come to being arrested.”

  “So then?” Shaw said. “If you were never involved in a crime…”

  Noah broke eye contact, which was all that Shaw needed.

  “You were involved in a crime?” Shaw said. “Noah, before we go any further, should I be reading you your rights or something?”

  Noah shook his head.

  �
��No, sir,” Noah said. “I didn’t commit a crime. You have my word. I was more of a witness.”

  “You were a witness?” Shaw repeated. “To an unreported crime?”

  “No, sir,” Noah said. “It’s been reported. Extensively at this point. The person responsible is behind bars, where he belongs.”

  Shaw sat back and listened carefully. He watched Noah’s body language. And waited.

  “If I tell you,” Noah said, “you may not want me leaving the house with your daughter.”

  Shaw didn’t seem fazed. “Let me ask you this: are you the person that I think you are? The person who cares for my daughter and won’t ever let someone hurt her?”

  Noah nodded. “Yes, sir.”

  Shaw spread his hand, palm up. “So talk to me.”

  Noah sat back. He looked at Shaw. Cassie always talked highly of him. He knew not all fathers were alike. Not all ex-marines were alike. Detective Shaw looked more like his own father, but everything about him—the way he acted and reacted—reminded him more of his grandfather.

  “You probably already know more than you think,” Noah said. “You’ve probably heard of Nathaniel James Hunt.”

  Shaw nodded slowly, probably recalling the details.

  Noah saw the moment he put the pieces together.

  “I remember that story,” Shaw said. “I remember what he did. I remember the part about… That was you?”

  Noah nodded.

  As Shaw continued to take in what that meant, Cassie came to the door.

  “You ready?” she asked.

  Noah looked to Shaw, who smiled at his daughter.

  “He’s all yours,” Shaw said. “Have fun. Listen, we still have some animal running around this area, so be careful.”

  “We’ll be fine,” Cassie said.

  “I promise to take good care of her,” Noah said and offered his hand.

  Shaw took it and gave it a firm shake. He looked Noah directly in the eyes when he said, “I know you will. And what I said before about what you should do? That still holds.”

  * * * *

  “What were you talking about with my dad?” Cassie asked as Noah opened the passenger door.

  Noah waited until she got in, then shut the door and went around to the other side of the car. “I wanted to thank him for what he did,” He said as it got in. “And I guess he wanted to get to know me a little better.”

  “Don’t we all?” Cassie said. “Noah Hunt, the great mystery.”

  Noah pulled out of the driveway carefully, and headed toward the address Cassie had given him earlier.

  “Some mysteries are better left unsolved,” Noah said. “Have you considered that you might not like everything you find?”

  “Sure,” Cassie said. “That’s part of the fun.”

  Cassie said it with humor, but it was clear that Noah was taking her seriously.

  “Are you worried that if I were to find out about something in your past that I wouldn’t want to be around you anymore?”

  Noah didn’t answer.

  “I can’t imagine that happening,” she assured him. “Noah, we all have things in our past. Things we wish we weren’t there. But they are. If it’s a part of you, I want to know about it.”

  Noah listened as he pulled into a parking spot about half a block away from the party.

  “Would you talk to me?” she pleaded.

  Noah killed the engine, but made no move to get out of the car. He gripped the steering wheel and tried to gather the courage to let it all spill out. But he couldn’t. The idea of seeing Cassie’s eyes fill with hate and disgust at the sight of him was just too much.

  “I want to,” Noah said. “I just…”

  He trailed off, unsure of what to say.

  Cassie took his hand. He looked into her eyes.

  “Cassie,” he said.

  “Yes?”

  “Thank you for being my friend,” Noah said finally.

  Cassie face became angry. Her eyes narrowed and she pouted.

  “Sure,” she said as she reached for her door handle. “That’s me. Your best buddy.” She got out in a hurry and started across the street.

  Noah chased her.

  “I’m sorry,” he said as he caught up with her. “Cassie, you have to understand that’s the best I can do. It’s all I can give.”

  “Bullshit,” Cassie said. “It’s all you’re willing to give. Noah, you’ve saved me twice. You’ve let me cry on your shoulder. You’ve listened to me confess my deepest, darkest moments. But you won’t share any of those parts of yourself with me. Do you think I’m too weak or fragile to handle it?”

  “No, absolutely not. I think you’re one of the strongest and bravest people I know,” Noah said. “You’re just better off not knowing.”

  Cassie rolled her eyes.

  “Your call, bud,” she said as she brushed past him. “Now, I’ve had a rough couple of weeks. Two exams, three quizzes, two encounters with Lisa the Bitch, being accosted by Trent and his gang of Neanderthals and then having to worry about your sorry ass getting locked up. I need to unwind. So I’m going into that party, getting drunk and just maybe I’ll find some guy who isn’t afraid to put his hands on me.”

  She stormed off into the house with the music blaring. Noah stood there and watched her go in. Maybe this just wasn’t worth it? Walter was right. He was hurting Cassie by hanging on, but not giving her what she wanted.

  If only there were some way of explaining to Cassie why he wouldn’t take that next step, wouldn’t risk seeing to horror and disgust on her face.

  Maybe if she got drunk enough, he could tell everything. And if it didn’t go over well, he might convince her that it had never happened?

  He dismissed the idea as quickly as it appeared. If Noah was honest with himself, he was a little pissed. He never looked at himself as a hero, but he had saved her two times. Couldn’t she cut him a break? Didn’t she have any idea how hard it had been for him to open up to her as much as he had?

  Of course she doesn’t, you fucking moron. How could she, you won’t share.

  Noah sighed. He had a week until his birthday. The McMillians were counting on him. Maybe after that?

  No, you know it won’t end then. There’s always next year. And the year after that.

  How could he drag her into his mess of a life? Maybe he should just turn around and leave her here. Her friends were all here. Ben or Coretta or someone would see she got home okay.

  But Noah had promised her father he would make sure Cassie was safe. He may have screwed everything else up with her, but he’d get at least that much right.

  Noah took a deep breath and went in to find Cassie. He promised himself he’d just hover around the edges of the party and keep an eye on her.

  But he knew going in that it was a promise he was going to have a hard time keeping.

  * * * *

  It took Noah only a few moments to find Cassie. She was hanging out in the corner of the room with Megan, Coretta, and a few other girls Noah didn’t know. She had a beer in one hand that she sipped from and was swaying to the music.

  She made eye contact for a brief moment, then looked away. She was still pissed.

  Noah quickly scanned the rest of the room. Brady was walking through, passing out beers and trying to talk to everyone. He passed by Ben, but the pair never made eye contact. Noah read their body language. Something was off between them. They were keeping their distance, almost pretending that the other one wasn’t there. Except they each kept looking at one another when neither would notice.

  Coretta’s boyfriend, Malcolm, was holding court on the couch, talking sports, no doubt. Most of the guys he was with were listening to whatever he was saying and laughing.

  There were plenty of people here that Noah didn’t know. He’d seen almost all the faces before, he just never knew the names. Some had already paired up. The rest were trying to.

  Two guys stood out to him. Both seemed to be alone, like him. Both were watc
hing the room, like him. But while Noah was taking in the entire room, these two, one in the kitchen doorway, the other by the stairwell, were staring at Cassie and the other girls.

  Noah recognized the one by the kitchen—Connor, the guy who talked to Cassie after her first encounter with Lisa. Connor had hooked up with Megan at the last party and was probably just trying to casually get back onto her radar. At least, according to Cassie.

  Noah didn’t worry about him. He didn’t look like he had the courage to approach them.

  The other one, Noah didn’t know at all. He was tall, with blonde hair and green eyes that had been fixed on Cassie from the moment Noah had walked in.

  What was worse, Cassie was looking at him as well.

  Noah watched as Cassie drained her beer and handed the empty bottle to Brady who replaced it with another. She took a quick swig as Brady whispered something in her ear. Noah couldn’t help but notice how she avoided looking in his direction.

  Ben came up to him. “You want a beer?”

  Noah shook his head. “I’m not twenty one.”

  “Neither are a lot of people here,” Ben said. “We won’t let anyone drive drunk. You’re not gonna narc us, are you?”

  “No,” Noah said. “But drinking has never appealed to me.”

  “Yeah well,” Ben said as he took a sip, “some of us can use it.”

  Noah watched as the blond guy moved closer to Cassie.

  “You and Brady having problems?”

  Ben looked at Noah. “Not much gets by you does it?”

  Noah shrugged as Cassie took another deep pull of her beer. The blond guy was now talking to Brady. Brady glanced over to Noah and Ben for just a moment, trying his best to look casual, but the blond kept his eyes fixed on Cassie.”

  “You’d be surprised,” Noah answered. “You want to talk?”

  Ben started shaking his head, but then he spoke. “Brady’s family doesn’t know he’s gay,” he said. “Therefore, they don’t know he’s dating me. I answered his phone the other night when his mother called. Brady had a look of panic in his eyes.”

  “Have you talked to him about it?” Noah asked as he watched Brady hand the blond not one, but two beer bottles. The blond nodded and closed the gap between himself and Cassie, offering her one of the bottles.