Were Me Out: Shift Happens Book Four
Page 1
Were Me Out
Shift Happens, Book 4
Robyn Peterman
Visit Robyn’s Website
Contents
Acknowledgments
Book Description
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Epilogue
Note From The Author
Excerpt: Matchmaker Abduction
Book Description
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Book Lists (in correct reading order)
About the Author
Copyright © 2017 by Robyn Peterman
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is coincidental.
This book contains content that may not be suitable for young readers 17 and under.
Cover by Rebecca Poole of dreams2media
Edited by Meg Weglarz
ISBN: 978-1-941377-16-1
Dedication
For Donna—my wonderfully nerdy BFF.
Acknowledgments
This book was a blast to write. I adore Junior and Sandy tremendously. However, writing the story is only part of the journey to getting a book published. There are many people to thank and I’m a lucky girl to have such a talented and wonderful support system.
Rebecca Poole—your covers are brilliant as are you. Thank you.
Meg Weglarz—your editing always makes me look better than I am. Thank you.
Donna McDonald and JM Madden—a gal couldn’t ask for tougher, brilliant and more awesome critique partners. Thank you.
Kris and Donna—your insight into my technical needs for this book ROCKED! I’m a slight disaster on the computer… You saved me big time! LOL Thank you.
Wanda, Susan and Melissa—you are the best-est beta readers in the world. Thank you.
Wanda—you rock hard. Thank you.
My family—none of this would be worth it without you. Thank you for being mine. I adore you.
Book Description
Why do I have to have my tail in a knot for the one hot, sexy Werewolf who can’t seem to keep his Johnson in his pants?
I’m a nice girl—really I am. I’m just a typical computer-hacking, knife-throwing, Star Trek-obsessed, overeducated Werewolf nerd who can’t seem to get her love life to compute.
However, it’s time to grow up and face the music or more accurately the man I’m in love with… Junior aka Jacob Wilson—the Alpha of the Georgia Pack. First I’ll have to stand up to some nasty gals who’s pants are so tight I can see their religion. Then I'll claim my man.
What should be an easy feat, gets sucktastic when you throw in a three hundred year old fabulous gay Vampyre, an antiquated motherboard from the 90’s and a challenge from the vicious, deadly Alabama Pack. Not to mention a libido that is out of control. Mine.
So I’m just gonna dive in—head first and eyes closed. Love conquers all. Right? As long as reality doesn’t wear me out, I plan to win.
Chapter One
“That was a nard hole move,” Junior shouted at his deputies as I winced and tried to slip from the room unnoticed.
As the computer-hacker-guru-extraordinaire slash the gal who made sure the office didn’t go to hell in a handbasket, I was usually exempt from Junior’s displeasure. But that didn’t mean I wanted to witness it.
Junior was generally a laid back good ol’ boy, but when he was pissed people tended to duck and cover. Not many wanted to induce the wrath of the stupidly handsome, six foot four brainiac. As Alpha Werewolf of the Georgia pack and Sheriff of Hung, Georgia, he had a lot on his plate.
Bubba and Duke, the town’s deputies, hung their heads in shame and a healthy dose of fear. The asshats in trouble were Lion Shifters with an unhealthy penchant for attention—naked attention. Hence their latest stunt.
“Sorry,” Bubba mumbled as he sucker punched Duke in the head. “I told you we shouldn’t have done it.”
“No, you didn’t,” Duke countered, titty-twisting his partner in crime. “It was your dang idea—well kinda.”
“Daggonnit, you’re right,” Bubba agreed, slapping Duke’s hand away while still getting a covert forehead smack in.
“I do not get paid enough for this shit,” Junior groused, running his hands through his hair and holding his temper in check.
Simply another abnormally normal day in the Hung Police Department.
My biggest problem at the moment? I wanted to jump the sheriff’s bones—very bad idea. He was hotter than hell when he was mad. Wait…he was hotter than hell all the time.
Quit. I needed to quit. This was a disaster waiting to happen. I’d have no one to thank but myself if I didn’t march my sorry ass out of Junior’s office and get a new job—and a life.
Going unnoticed by Junior was almost next to impossible. He had it in his thick, and unfortunately very good-looking head that we were meant to be.
He was incorrect—wildly incorrect.
I wasn’t meant to be mated with a manwhore who couldn’t keep his pecker in his pants no matter how good looking or smart…or hot. Nope, I was sensible. I was a good girl, for the most part, who would mate with a Werewolf who was a gentleman. Of course using the term gentleman and Werewolf in the same sentence was an oxymoron, but whatever.
I would have two children and I would bake cookies and go to PTA meetings. My mate would have a job that didn’t require guns or wrangling naked deputies. He’d come home at five and ask me about my day. I was going to have a normal, horribly predictable, boring practical life.
Shit—the thought of that future sucked.
I was in big trouble.
“Sandy, where in tarnation do you think you’re going?” Junior asked as he pulled on his hair and gave Bubba and Duke the stink eye.
“I, umm…have to run to the Piggly Wiggly and get coffee filters,” I lied with what I hoped looked like a somewhat detached yet business-like smile.
“I’ll come with you,” he replied with a lopsided grin that made me melt—damn him. “Just got to lock up Dumb and Dumber and I’ll be ready.”
“You can’t lock us up,” Bubba whined. “Who’s gonna keep the peace around here?”
“You call strippin’ in the town square keepin’ the peace?” Junior growled. “You two jack holes nearly started a damn riot. This job requires people that can keep their pants on.”
“The money’s gonna go to charity,” Duke chimed in unhelpfully.
“Pants on,” Junior repeated.
“Umm…” Bubba said with a huge grin.
I just shook my head and sighed. Bubba’s “umm” was an accurate point.
“Don’t you say nothin’,” Junior warned and then glanced over at me to make sure I hadn’t sprinted out of the room. “My pants have been glued on for nine months straight. My days of boffing random gals are long over. Done. Kaput. Finished. Conclu
ded. Dead gone. My balls are so dang blue I’m pretty sure they’ve retreated back up into my kidneys.”
“I think you might be protesting a little too much,” I said, biting down on my bottom lip so I didn’t grin. He was every kind of ridiculous and I wanted to kick my own ass for being charmed by him.
“That didn’t sway you?” Junior asked in all seriousness.
“Umm, no.”
“Well shee-ot, my poor nuts are gonna shrivel up and fall off.”
“Is that possible?” Duke asked, horrified as he paled considerably.
“Damn straight it’s possible,” Junior went on, checking in to see if I felt sorry for him yet.
I didn’t.
“Pretty sure my man meat is next,” he added, to a chorus of terrified gasps from his halfwit deputies.
“You did not just say man meat,” I choked out, trying not to laugh.
“Crap,” Junior shouted, completely flustered and knocking stacks of paperwork from his desk to the floor. “I meant rod, not meat. Better?”
His hopeful smile was adorable, but this was a losing game and I needed to opt out soon. I wanted him so badly I couldn’t see straight—horrifying language and all.
“No, absolutely not,” I replied with an enormous eye roll as I began to tidy up the mess he’d just made—again.
When Junior got panicked, office supplies went flying.
“Tallywhacker?” Bubba suggested.
“No.”
“Love muscle?” Duke put forth, not wanting to be left out.
“No.”
“Enough,” Junior snapped and helped me repair the chaos he’d created. “You two strippin’ turd knockers are not allowed to talk to my girl like that. I’m the only one that can say those words around her. Clear?”
“Yessir,” Bubba said respectfully. “My bad. No more wiener talk.”
“Good. Get in the cell and do some deep thinking about showing your privates to the town during lunchtime. Mrs. McDonald damn near had a heart attack and that’s virtually impossible for an Octopus Shifter. She’s got three dang hearts.”
“We’re sorry,” Bubba muttered as he dragged his feet over to the cell and made himself comfortable on the cot. “You gonna lock it?”
Junior considered for a brief second and then shook his head. “Nah, but you two are in time out until I get back. You hear?”
“Yessir,” Duke grumbled, shoving Bubba over and slumping down next to him. “We did raise three hundred and six dollars for the new swing set at the park.”
Junior’s head dropped to his chest and he blew out a long slow breath. “Fine. Get out of the cell. You boys done good, but you did it in a dumbass way. You follow?”
“Uhhh…” Bubba replied, scratching his head in confusion.
Duke raised his hand politely and waited his turn.
“Is this gonna make any sense?” Junior asked.
“Don’t know,” Duke replied truthfully.
“Go for it,” Junior said.
“I think you’re sayin’ that it would be better to remove our clothes in public after lunch instead of during lunch. Meal times and peckers are not a good match.”
I slapped my hand over my mouth, but a small giggle escaped. Working around men all the time had screwed with my ladylike sensibilities. Of course having six brothers didn’t help either.
“No. That is not what I’m sayin’,” Junior snapped and stared hard at the ceiling for inspiration or words simple enough that the boys would understand. “Your Johnson does not leave your pants in crowds. Ever. If it does, it will be removed.”
“Harsh,” Bubba grumbled. “What if nature calls?”
“You ever heard of a bathroom?” Junior asked, grabbing his wallet, phone and gun as he gently pushed me out the door.
Thankfully we escaped before we could get into a debate about the usefulness of urinals versus trees and fire hydrants.
“We really going to the Piggly Wiggly?” Junior asked with a grin.
“Yes we are,” I answered, trying to sound prim, uninterested and bored.
Not possible. His scent alone made my head whirl. There was nothing even remotely boring about Junior, aka Jacob only to his mother, Wilson.
“Can I hold your hand?”
“No.”
“Can I stare at your ass?”
I paused for a moment and weighed all the options. He was going to keep asking for things until I agreed to something. I worked hard on my ass. If he wanted to appreciate it, so be it.
“Yes.”
“Hot damn,” he shouted. “Can I touch it?”
Expelling a sigh that sounded like an angry snake hiss, I turned on the big sexy lug. Junior jumped back and did his best to swallow his delighted grin. He failed.
“No you cannot touch it,” I snapped, lying through my teeth as I marched into the Piggly Wiggly with my head held high. I wanted him to throw me over his broad shoulders, carry me away to a cave and do me until I was cross eyed. That, however, would be a monumental mistake. “Right now my ass is private property. You touch it, you lose your hand.”
“Damn that’s hot,” he said loud enough for the entire grocery to overhear. “You gonna remove my lips if I kiss it?”
I felt the heat crawl up my neck as well meaning neighbors and friends attempted to unsuccessfully hide their smiles. Deciding the best way to deal with Junior was to ignore him, I did just that.
However, Junior was a difficult person to ignore.
Tremendously difficult.
Chapter Two
The Piggly Wiggly was packed and I spotted the clusterhump coming before it happened. My fangs dropped and the need to kill consumed me, but instead of acting on my baser instincts, I slipped behind a huge pyramid display of canned baked beans and tried to calm down.
I growled menacingly under my breath as I watched female Wolf after female Wolf make a play for Junior—all mini skirts, boobs and lip gloss. And why wouldn’t they? He was the Alpha, he was gorgeous and he wasn’t mated. He had the rep of being a player and all the gals wanted a piece of him.
Unfortunately, I did too. The opportunity of a naked Junior on a platter was mine for the taking. However, Tigers didn’t change their stripes and Wolves with over active peckers didn’t either.
I knew without a doubt if I partook in the main course he’d ruin me for all other men. I had more pride than becoming a notch in his bedpost. And I had my doubts about Junior being my true mate. All the rules that usually applied to that phenomenon were all messed up when it came to Junior and me.
If I was being truthful—and I wasn’t—I’d have to admit I’d had it bad for Junior since I was a teenager, but he’d never so much as noticed me. It wasn’t until I’d matured that he knew I was alive.
“You just gonna hide like a wussy while all those gals throw themselves at your man?” Essie inquired, scaring the hell out of me and causing a loud baked bean avalanche.
“He’s not my man,” I shot back, darting away from the beans and diving behind the banana bin.
“That’s not what I heard,” she said, ignoring the lewd performance playing out ten feet from us and putting a few bunches of bananas in her cart.
“You heard wrong,” I told my long-time, nosy, best friend. “He’s not the one for me. He’s a man hooker and I don’t want to spend the rest of my life in prison.”
“Not following,” Essie said, plucking off a banana from the bunch and peeling it.
I stopped a few cans of rolling beans with my foot and set them right. “If I kill everyone who’s ever been with Junior and everyone who wants to be with the manwhore, I’ll spend the rest of my very naturally long life in the pokey. I really don’t think I’m cut out for the big house,” I explained logically, considering everything I just uttered was wildly irrational.
“I see where you’re going with that.” Essie nodded her agreement and then ate her banana as she watched the shit show ensue.
“I can’t compete with that,” I hissed poi
nting at the most aggressive of the hussy mob. “Her pants are so tight I can see her religion.”
Essie laughed until she half choked on her banana.
“So you think I’m being smart here?” I asked, glaring out from behind bunches of yellow fruit.
I wished I’d stayed buried in the bananas. There were two busty brunettes practically dry humping the Sheriff. In all fairness, Junior didn’t look happy about the lap dance, but…
“You look good in yellow,” Essie said with a wide grin. “And no, I don’t think you’re being smart. Smart girls don’t hide behind beans and fruit while her future is being molested by horny she-Wolves.”
“He’s not my future,” I snapped.
“Whatever you say, Blondie,” Essie replied with a shrug and a smirk. “You coming over after work? I want you, Dwayne and Dima to try on your bridesmaid dresses.”
“Dwayne is really wearing a dress?” I asked forgetting about the hump-o-rama occurring in the Piggly Wiggly for a brief second.
“Yep. Dwayne is really wearing a dress,” Essie said with an eye roll and a chuckle.
“I’ll be there,” I promised. “Will you cover me? I need to get out of here.”
“Yes Sandy, I’ll cover you, but this is the last time. You need to man up and deal with this clusterwhomp or it’s gonna deal with you,” Essie said, far more serious than her usual carefree self.
“I know,” I replied with a sigh that sounded pathetic to even my ears.
“Where are you escaping to?” Essie asked as she expertly tossed her banana peel, sending four of the offensive skanks clear across the aisle to the cold cut counter.
Dang, I wished I’d thought of that. It was every kind of awesome to watch the pile of floozies slip ungracefully on the peel and land on the spiral hams.