It's Wrong for Me to Love You

by Krystal Armstead

  I started to cry again, about to slide my feet into my pants when Aaron grabbed my arm and took the pants from me, tossing them back to the floor. I tried to pull away from him, but he pulled me closer to him.

  “Heaven, you know I want you.” His eyes glistened. “I mean, not just in this way, but in every way.”

  I looked up at him, lips trembling, as he slid his hands up my back. He unhooked my bra. I shook my head, trying to back away from him, but he moved with me. “Aaron, this is wrong! You know this is wrong!”

  He held both straps to my bra, pulling the straps from my arms, and from my body. “Heaven, you can’t tell me that you don’t want me as much as I want you. You know you want this dick.”

  I did. I did want the dick, but I still tried to resist him.

  I reached for my bra, but he tossed it over in the pile with my jacket, shoes, and purse.

  “Aaron, we can’t do this,” I cried as he slid his shirt over his head, then pulled the drawstring to his pants. He dropped them to the floor then stepped out of them.

  Aaron pulled me closer to him. In an instant, I was in his arms, legs wrapped around his waist, and he was carrying me over to his bed. He lay me down on his bed, his body hovering on top of mine, and he gently kissed my lips.

  My body melted in his arms. He felt so good. Every hair on my body stood straight up. Every inch of my body was burning hot. My clit was throbbing. My pussy was already dripping wet.

  I held his face in my hands, pulling my lips from his. I looked into his face. I could feel his heart beating against my breasts.

  “Please, Heaven, I need this. I need you.” He gripped my waist in his hands. “If you never wanna see me again, just please, be mine for this one moment.” I could feel his dick through his boxers.

  I looked into his eyes as he sat up and reached for his nightstand drawer. My body trembled. Aaron stood from the bed, dropping his boxers. I watched as he bit open a Trojan, then slid it on his thick, long, hard, curved penis. He didn’t give me a choice. He didn’t hear my cries. My body language was all he paid attention to.

  I sat up from his bed as he tugged on the reservoir tip of the condom to make sure there was enough room for his semen. That thing was huge, and there was no way that I could brace myself enough to be able to handle it. I shook my head as I tried to get up from the bed. “Aaron, we can’t do this to her!” I cried out.

  Aaron held my thighs, pulling me toward him, causing me to fall back on the bed. He quickly slid my panties from my body, down my thighs, over my calves, and past my ankles. He tossed them on the floor then climbed on top of me. “Heaven, you already knew when you came in this room that I wanted this pussy. You already knew what was gonna happen,” he whispered, gently kissing my lips.

  “Aaron!” I screamed out, as he held my body against his by my hips. “Wait wait wait! I can’t—I can’t do this!” I cried, feeling like I was going to have a heart attack.

  Aaron gently kissed my neck as he gripped my thighs. He didn’t hear my cry for him to stop. “Can’t” wasn’t in his vocabulary. “No” wasn’t a word he understood. He was going to take my pussy, no turning back. He knew I wanted his body, even though I was terrified.

  “Sshhh,” he whispered as he reached down to hold his dick and slide it into me.

  I shut my eyes as tightly as I could and gripped his biceps.

  He pushed his way through me, stretching my vagina like a speculum.

  Before I could scream out in agony, his lips were caressing mine. I dug my nails into his back as tears slid down my cheeks, soaking his pillow.

  Aaron slid himself all the way into me. He stopped kissing me, then looked into my face.

  I looked up at him and watched as he eased his way out of me, snatched off the condom, tossed it on his nightstand, then slid his way back inside of my wet pussy. He didn’t even ask whether I was on birth control.

  I cried, “Aaron, what are we doing?”

  He started to stroke, and my soul was on fire. He dug deeper and deeper into me. He kissed my lips as he brought my vagina to tears.

  “Heaven, I love you. Shorty, I knew you would feel like this,” he whispered in my ear.

  I just cried, locking my legs around his waist.

  It felt too good, too amazing. I was floating on air.

  “Got-damn. Shit.” His body became moist. “So, this is what Heaven feels like.”

  I screamed out in pleasure, holding on to him.

  Just when he threw my legs over his shoulders, about to work the shit out of my pulsating pussy, the door to his room flew open.

  “Eh, Aaron, where is the—” His roommate Ashton and his girlfriend Alisha were standing in the doorway, mouths dropped open.

  “Got-damn, muthafucka!” Aaron yelled. “Don’t you knock?”

  “My bad, A!” Ashton was shocked and embarrassed as he slammed the door closed. There was a pause, then loud whispers. “Oh, what’s up, Ne’Vaeh?” Ashton hesitantly said.

  I cried out as I pushed Aaron off me. I heard Ashton and his girl whispering between themselves as they walked away from the room.

  Aaron sighed as he got up off me, sitting on his bed. He reached for me to help me up off the bed, but I pushed his arm away. “Heaven, baby, I’m sorry,” he whispered.

  I looked at him, tears brimming, threatening to spill over. My pussy was still throbbing. We barely got it in that morning, but my pussy was already sore. Though I was angry and embarrassed, I couldn’t help but think about what my body would feel like had we gone all the way to the finish.

  “You’re ‘sorry,’ Aaron? Sorry? Your fuckin’ roommate and his girl just walked in on us fuckin’! I know both of them! I’ve been going to school with Alisha since third grade! You think she doesn’t know that your girlfriend is my best friend? Do you really think that she’s not gonna say anything to Charlie? She fuckin’ hates Charlie! And forget Alisha—what about Ashton? He grew up with Charlie! He’s gonna tell her!” I cried, getting up off the bed.

  Aaron watched as I went over to my clothes and rushed to put everything back on. He didn’t know what else to do except put his clothes on as well.

  I put my clothes on in a minute—tops. Aaron stood there in his clothes as he watched me slide into my shoes and slide my arms through my jacket’s sleeves. I picked up the gift bag and walked up to him to hand it back to him.

  Aaron looked at me as if he was hurt. “What are you handing me this for, shorty?”

  I shook my head, tears rolling down my face. “This doesn’t belong to me. It was a great thought. It was a wonderful gift. I don’t deserve anything like this.”

  Aaron shook his head. “Shorty, I can’t take this back to the store. This stuff is nonrefundable, Heaven.”

  “I don’t care what you do with it, Aaron, I just can’t take it. Give it to Charlie or some other girl, for all I care! And stop calling me ‘Heaven’!” I cried.

  Aaron shook his head, taking all of the gifts out of the gift bag, and taking my large purse from my shoulder.

  I tried to get my purse back from him, but he pushed me away.

  He shoved the dress and jewelry down in my purse. He looked up at me and handed my purse back to me.

  I snatched my purse, putting the strap back over my shoulder.

  His eyes glistened as he reached for me, but I pulled away. He knew that I was hurt, angry, and embarrassed out of my mind. He also knew that I loved each and every inch of him that morning. He had entered my soul that day as well as my heart. I was in deeper than I wanted to be. He reached for me again, pulling my body up against his. “Shorty, they won’t say anything, I can promise you that,” he assured me.

  I shook my head, tears saturating my face. “I can’t believe I let you do this to me! I’m smarter than this! I know better than this shit! Aaron, why didn’t you just stop when you heard me crying for you to stop?”

  I shook my head, looking up into his face. “I can’t even be mad at you. What was I thinking, coming to your be
droom, when you made it perfectly clear two days ago that you wanted to get me naked? I’m so fuckin’ stupid.”

  “Baby, nobody thinks any less of you.” Aaron dried my face with his big warm hands.

  I looked into his face. “But I think less of myself, Aaron. What am I doing here?” I cried aloud.

  “This is where you wanna be. This is where you need to be.” Aaron placed my hand over his heart, then placed his hand on top of mine. His heart beat strong against his rib cage. “You feel this? You did this to me, shorty. Not Charlie, not anybody else but you.”

  My heart skipped a few beats. I slipped my hand from under his. “I-I have to go, Aaron.” I didn’t know what else to say.

  “Let me at least drive you back to the dorm. It’s the least that I can do,” he suggested.

  I backed away from him, shaking my head. “No, no, you’ve done enough. It’s obvious that we don’t need to be alone together. I’ll just catch the bus back.” I turned away from him, about to walk toward the door when Aaron pulled me back to him.

  I looked up at him as he pulled me close, up against his chest, and he gently kissed my lips. My knees grew weak. My stomach was doing all sorts of twists, flips, and somersaults.

  “I love you, Heaven. I’m sorry, but I love you,” he whispered in between kisses.

  I held his face in my hands. He held my waist in his hands. I could feel his pulse through his lips, through his hands, through his skin. I was lost in the moment . . . that was, until there was a knock at the door to his room.

  “Umm, Aaron, uhhh, ya girl, Charlie’s on the phone,” Ashton hesitated through the other side of the door.

  I cried aloud in Aaron’s mouth as I pulled my lips away from his.

  His eyes glistened. “Baby, I’m sorry,” he whispered.

  I opened the door, rushed past Ashton down the hallway, and raced down the stairs. Just when I opened the door about to rush out into the cold, Alisha was finishing a Newport, on her way back into the house.

  She grinned at me as she flicked the cigarette butt into the grass. “Where you off to in such a hurry, Cutie?” She exhaled smoke through her nostrils. Just like Aaron, I don’t think she’d ever called me by my name ever since I met that girl.

  “I’m gonna miss this bus if I don’t hurry.” I was nearly out of breath. “You know how them fuckin’ bus drivers will have you chasin’ their ass down the street.”

  “I know that’s right. These bus drivers around this muthafucka are ratchet as hell. I’ll give you a ride.” Alisha’s looked at me. “It’s too fuckin’ cold to be waitin’ on a damn bus. Fuck that shit. And what you look like walkin’ up them bus steps in fuckin’ stilettos?”

  I hesitated.

  “C’mon, I’m headed in your direction anyway. I gotta go to my mom’s crib to get a change of clothes. Your cousin invited me to your party—I gotta go get cute. I know your shit is gonna be off the chain tonight! I can’t wait!” Alisha grinned, nudging me in the shoulder.

  My eyes glistened. I just knew she thought I was a damn slut for fuckin’ my own best friend’s boyfriend.

  Alisha rolled her eyes, pulling me by the arm off the porch along with her to her car. “Girl, c’mon, and stop actin’ childish.”

  We cruised down 495 in her burgundy Dodge Charger, on our way to my dorm. I needed to attempt to get some sleep before my cousin picked me up at noon. She was supposed to be taking me to lunch with the family and with Charlie who felt like family. My intentions were to meet up with Charlie at the airport at 10:00, but after what happened that morning with Aaron, there was no way that I would be able to face her that soon. I had to get myself together. My emotions were running wild. My mind and heart were racing.

  Alisha glanced at me while she was driving. She was probably the most popular girl from middle school all the way through senior year in high school. She was dark-skinned with long, sleek, shiny black hair. She had the prettiest smile and the smoothest skin. Not to mention, she was thick as hell and had an ass like whoa! which made her a favorite among the guys. She and Charlie always bumped heads. Neither of them were fans of the other. Alisha always called Charlie the blue-eyed devil. She had been accusing Charlie of sleeping with Ashton junior year after homecoming. Ashton and Charlie both denied it, but Alisha knew in her heart that the man she had been with since seventh grade had been unfaithful. She’d found an earring similar to one that Charlie had lost around the same time, in the backseat of Ashton’s car. She even found an empty condom wrapper in Ashton’s pants that night. She was in love, but she was no fool.

  “You know, I never liked Charlie, right?” Alisha stated.

  I looked at her, eyes puffy and all.

  She grinned a little, glancing over at me.

  I shook my head, knowing that she was trying to make me feel better, but I was in no mood for jokes. “Alisha, I’m really not in the mood. Please talk your shit about Charlie some other time, okay?”

  She glanced at me. “So, you’re embarrassed because me and my man caught you fuckin’ Charlie’s man this morning, huh?”

  I didn’t say anything. I just gazed out of the window.

  Alisha sighed. “Not that you owe me—or anyone else for that matter—an explanation, but . . . Did you sleep with Aaron to get back at Charlie for something?”

  I looked at her, shaking my head. “No. What has Charlie ever done to me?”

  Alisha ignored the question. “Do you like Aaron?”

  I shook my head. “I don’t just like him, Alisha, I love him.”

  “Then you didn’t do anything wrong.” She glanced at me.

  My eyes widened. “How could you say that? Charlie loves Aaron!”

  Alisha smirked. “Are you serious? You have no idea, and I’m not gonna be the one to tell you.”

  I looked at her. “What do you mean?”

  Alisha laughed a little. “Let’s just say that Aaron is the farthest nigga from her mind right now. I told Aaron back in high school that he should’ve hollered at you, but no, he had to listen to his boys, who told him that you were still stuck on Jamie. Aaron told me back then that he liked you. Maybe I should have been the one to tell you. I don’t even know why you’re crying about this shit. You should be happy!”

  There the tears were, freely flowing down my face again. “Happy? You’re trippin’. I don’t care what you say, Alisha—I’m wrong for this shit.”

  “Well, I tell you what, I know Aaron’s not feeling bad about it. He’s been talkin’ about breaking up with Charlie for weeks. He talked to the girl about marriage, and she dissed him. He probably was just sayin’ the shit to see what she said, but that’s beside the point. She doesn’t care about him. Probably only got with the boy because she knew that you were feelin’ him first.” Alisha glanced at me again.

  I shook my head. Why was everyone bad-mouthing my best friend? “She’s not even like that, Alisha. We must be talking about two completely different Charlies. The Charlie that I know has been my best friend ever since elementary school. When no one else took the time to be there for me, she was there. My mother murdered my brother and beat my sister until she ran away. Haven’t seen my sister in six years, and though I miss her, Charlie has done one hell of a job playing her part. Charlie has always been supportive, and she’s always had my back. She feels like family to me, and for me to go and do something like this to her . . .” I fought back the tears. “I don’t even deserve to have her as a friend.”

  Alisha shook her head at me. “You’ll find out soon enough, Cutie. She’s not the girl you think she is. I’ll just leave it like that, because I already know that whatever I say, you’re not gonna believe me.”

  I just looked at her. Alisha was always the gossip queen of our clique. I didn’t have time for her drama today. Whatever she had to say about Charlie didn’t matter at that moment.

  * * *

  I sat nervously in my dorm room that day around noon. It took me at least two hours to find something to wear. I hung the dress that
Aaron gave me on a hanger on the knob of my closet door. I must have walked past that dress fifty times before breaking down and deciding to put the muthafucka on. I slipped the dress over my head, pulling it down past my waist, and over my hips. Then I slipped my feet into a pair of burgundy stilettos, glossed some burgundy lipstick over my lips, and slid the strap to my matching Coogi purse over my shoulder. My hair still managed to stay intact. All I had to do was separate the curls a little with my fingers. I looked at myself in my full-length mirror. I was lookin’ good, but I felt like shit.

  I sat there shaking my leg nervously when my cell phone vibrated on my lap. It was a text from Renée, telling me that she’d pulled up outside my dorm, and for me not to take all damn day because the family was waiting for me at Venus, a soul food restaurant owned by my cousin, rapper and superstar Darrick “D-Allan” Allan’s ex-wife, Jade Abdula-Matthews. It was an honor that she would even let all twenty-five of us dine at her restaurant on such short notice, let alone free. She was in town for the week, and I couldn’t believe I was going to get the chance to meet her. Seeing her around usually meant that Cousin Darryl, Darrick’s fraternal twin, would show his face. I didn’t see much of him these days. He’d taken a break from producing records and went straight to working with film. He was married to Anastasia Jones, one of the hottest singers, dancers, and choreographers there was. She was phenomenal, and I hoped that she would show up at my birthday party as well.

  “I cannot believe you missed your own birthday breakfast this morning.” Renée rolled her eyes at me as I got into the passenger seat and closed the door behind me. “You had my ass up at seven-thirty this morning, and I don’t wake up that early unless I’m goin’ to work.”

  “Sorry, girl.” I looked at her, “I didn’t wake up until almost eleven.”

  Renée looked at me as we drove off, out of the parking lot, away from my dorm. “Oh, yeah, I forgot—you did say that you were working on that term paper.”

  I glanced at her. I had forgotten all about that damn paper. I would be pulling an all-nighter this weekend to finish it, that was for damn sure.