It's Wrong for Me to Love You

by Krystal Armstead

  “Charlene Campbell, got-damn, I know that ain’t you!” a familiar, deep, sexy voice exclaimed over my shoulder.

  I looked up to see Jamie “Memphis” Green looking back at me. I stood from the table in shock as he turned my body around to face him then threw his arms around me, squeezing me oh so tight. Oh my God, his body was so soft and warm. And he smelled so good.

  Jamie Green was Ne’Vaeh’s first and only boyfriend. She was in love with that boy, from the top to the bottom of her heart. It nearly killed that girl when he left her back in high school. There he was, standing before me, tall, milk chocolate, handsome, delectable, looking good enough to eat. His hair was close cut. His eyebrows and goatee were perfectly trimmed. He was dressed in a clean, crisp, white T-shirt and ankle-length khaki shorts. Fresh Air Force Ones were on his feet. I could see how chiseled his body was through his shirt. He looked a-maz-ing, got-damn.

  “Oh my goodness! What the fuck!” I covered my mouth, giggling.

  Jamie laughed a little.

  “OMG, how you’ve grown up! You’re not Li’l Memphis anymore!” I watched him smiling. “Boy, what are you doing here?” I exclaimed.

  “I’m here with the football team. You know I’m at Memphis State right now, right? I’m sure you seen me doing my thang on TV.” Jamie smiled, showing his dimples, pearly whites and all.

  I looked at him, rolling my eyes, shaking my head, “Humph, still cocky, I see. I have my own life, Jamie. Don’t nobody got time to be watching your conceited ass on TV.”

  Jamie laughed a little. He had the most gorgeous smile. He was still sexier than a muthafucka, and he knew it too. “So, what are you doing here?” he said as he licked his lips.

  “Vacationing with the squad. You know we’ve been doing it big since freshman year in high school.” I smiled up at him.

  Jamie looked around for the squad. “Where they at? Who’s here with you now?”

  “They went to some spa. I had to get away from them. Alisha’s the captain of my team. Yeah, you know I’m hatin’ that. I ditched the crew. I’m here on my own,” I responded.

  “You wanna kick it with your boy today? I mean, if you’re not too busy. You look busy.”

  My heart skipped a few beats. I didn’t know what to say except, “I have a boyfriend.”

  Jamie laughed a little to himself. “I have a girlfriend—what’s your point?”

  I looked up at him. “My point is I don’t think it’s appropriate to be alone with you, Jamie. You might not be good at keeping your hands to yourself. I’ve heard about you. You know it’s a small world. Cheerleaders talk. And most of their talk is about you and your dick.” I looked him up and down a little, pursing my lips.

  “Oh, it’s like that, huh? I haven’t seen you in, what, three-and-a-half or four years. We’ve known each other since second grade, shorty, and you can’t come chill with me, get some lunch, go to a movie, or hit up a mall real quick? That’s fucked up.” Jamie held my hand, pulling me a little closer to him.

  I looked up at him. His intentions were probably very innocent, but shit, mine weren’t. He looked too hot and too damn tasty. If wherever he took me to didn’t have a lot of people there, oh yeah, I was gonna fuck the shit out of him.

  “We need to talk, catch up, and shit. I miss y’all, man. My niggas are having a barbeque at my man’s beach house around six o’clock; then they’re heading over to that college football party at this club. Call your girls, tell ’em to meet up with you. My team would love to see your girls, man.” Jamie grinned, still holding my hand.

  I looked up at him. I really wanted him to ditch his crew, take me back to his hotel room, and fuck my pussy dry. I should have been thinking about Ne’Vaeh at that time and how much she would have loved to hear from him. When he left her, she cut off all contact with him. It was his choice to move to Memphis to live with his father. He didn’t have to go, but he did, and she felt abandoned.

  I should have been thinking about her, but I was only thinking about my own needs at that time. Someone finally wanted to spend some time with me, and I wasn’t about to pass that up.

  * * *

  Of course, Alisha had something to say about Jamie’s invite. She sat down alongside me on a bench outside of the beach house belonging to Jamie’s friend that evening. I’d never seen such beautiful scenery. The man’s house was so peaceful, so serene. It was as if Jamie’s friend, Alonzo, lived on heaven’s beach.

  “I cannot believe that you just happened to run into your best friend’s ex, almost 1,100 miles away from home.” Alisha laughed to herself, crossing her legs, showing those fat-ass thighs the niggas loved oh so much.

  I rolled my eyes at her. That bitch always had something smart to say to me. “Look, just because you’re captain of this team doesn’t mean you’re captain of my fuckin’ life, Alisha,” I snapped at her.

  She laughed aloud. “Whoa, let me keep my opinions to myself then! All I’m saying is that when you saw Jamie, the first thought on your mind should have been Ne’Vaeh, and not yourself. She loved that boy with all of her heart back in the day. She cried for nearly two years over him leaving her, or did you forget that?”

  I looked at her. A twinge of guilt stung my heart. I couldn’t care less about Ne’Vaeh when I ran into Jamie. All I cared about was my own selfish, horny needs. Jamie was making me feel the way Aaron used to make me feel. Aaron had made me feel like royalty when we first started dating, and I needed that old feeling back, even if it was from my “sister’s” ex-boyfriend.

  “He’s been all over you since we’ve been at this party.” Alisha couldn’t help but notice. She looked at me, her brown eyes searching my face for remorse. When she found none, she shook her head. “I don’t give a fuck how you feel or don’t feel about Aaron, but Ne’Vaeh loves you like a sister, Charlie. The kind of friendship y’all have doesn’t come around that often. You really wanna fuck that up by fuckin’ with her heart? I don’t too much care for you, and you know that, but Ne’Vaeh is good people. You’ve known the girl since third grade. Don’t do this shit to her like you did to me. . . .”

  Alisha made tears fall from my eyes. I dried them as fast as I could. The bitch fucked up my relationship because she thought I was fuckin’ her man, Ashton. Okay, I will admit one thing: I sucked his dick. It was more of helping him out than it was sexual. He was about fourteen years old. We were chillin’ in his room, doing homework as usual. We were watching some movie that had a sex scene in it, where a woman went down on this guy. Ashton looked at me, asking me how it felt. I told him I didn’t know because I wasn’t a guy, but if he wanted to know what it felt like, I would show him. I sucked him off for five or ten good minutes before he busted in my mouth. I went to the bathroom, brushed my teeth, and that was it. We never talked about it again. I’m sure he never told her about it, though I figured he asked her to do it to him the same way that I did.

  I couldn’t care less about what Alisha had to say about what I chose to do with my life.

  “I’ve done a lot of wild shit in my time, but I never fucked any of my friends’ men, and I didn’t fuck yours, Alisha. You didn’t have to go telling Aaron all about my past, because it was none of your fuckin’ business. Thanks to you, Aaron won’t fuck me, touch me, kiss me, talk to me, or fuckin’ look at me!” I stood up from the bench.

  A slight grin grew across her face. “Why are you mad at me—because you chose to be a ho in high school? Be mad at yourself, shit. You should’ve never fucked with my man, Charlene. I told you I was gonna get you back.”

  “Trust me, bitch, if I wanted Ashton, I’d be with him, believe that shit! You worry about your fake-ass life and stay the fuck out of mine.” I stormed away from her and passed Jamie, who stood alongside his friends near the grill.

  Jamie caught my arm and pulled me to him, looking at the dried-up tears on my face. “What’s up, ma? What’s wrong?”

  I looked at him, tears lining my lashes. “I’m not feeling this. I’m leaving. Y’all have
fun with the squad. Trust me, that sexy li’l Puerto Rican chick named Lailah, the skinny white chick named Nicole, and Rita, that thick-ass, dark-skinned chick will fuck you and your team’s brains out. Have a fuckin’ ball.” He loosened his grip on my arm, and I walked away.

  I went inside the house to grab my jacket and purse. It was about 7:15. The night was still young. The party was just getting started, and Alisha had to start fuckin’ with me, fuckin’ up my mood.

  The door slid back and in came Jamie. I looked at him as I slid my purse over my shoulder.

  “Wanna talk about it, shorty?” he said softly, his eyes searching my face.

  I shook my head, “Nah, not really. I don’t know what I was thinking, going on a trip with Alisha’s ol’ hatin’ ass. I’m taking the first flight up out this bitch tomorrow morning, believe that!”

  Jamie laughed a little. “You gonna let Alisha chase you away from a good time, shorty?” He shook his head. “Nah, man, you can’t go. How long were you supposed to be here in Florida?”

  I looked at him, “A week. Why?”

  “Because I’m not ready for you to leave yet.... You could stay with me for about four days.” Jamie looked into my face.

  My heart jumped. “With-with you? Seriously?”

  He nodded. “Why not? I have a few television appearances this week, but that’s about it. I’m free. We leave in five days. I wouldn’t mind the company. I’m staying at my cousin’s house on the other side of the beach. He let me stay in it for the week, while he’s away on business. I’m all by myself, shorty. C’mon, stay with me.”

  I looked up at him, hormones jumpin’, and pussy already starting to throb in my panties. “You promise not to touch me?”

  Jamie laughed to himself, “Yo, I don’t make promises that I can’t keep.”

  “Whatever, Jamie. I just need to get out of this house now. Alisha is gonna make me fuck her ass up. Always talkin’ shit.” I looked up into his face.

  “Let’s roll, then, shorty. I’ll try to be on my best behavior. You shouldn’t look so good if you don’t want anybody to touch you. I’m just sayin’.” Jamie looked down into my eyes.

  Boy, he was turning me the hell on.

  I rolled my eyes, trying to play off my attraction to him. “I can’t believe I’m actually contemplating your offer. I know better than this.”

  Jamie grinned a little.

  He took me back to the hotel to get my luggage. Then he took me to a movie that night. We sat close, shoulders touching. His hand rested on my knee as we ate popcorn out of the same bucket, laughing at the same parts, and getting upset at the same parts. It felt like a real date. He treated me as if he cared about me. He knew I was hurting about something, and he did everything that he could to make me smile. When his phone rang, he didn’t even look at it to see who it was. I was his number one focus at that moment, and I needed that desperately.

  We sat on the steps outside of his cousin’s beach house that night smoking, drinking champagne, and eating fresh fruit. I was feeling real nice. The wind blew through my hair. I loved the salty, yet sweet smell of the air.

  Jamie laughed after reminding me of our many memories in middle school. “Man, we had some crazy times back in middle school, shorty! I don’t even know how the fuck I passed! My ass was foreva’ skipping school and shit!” He took a hit from his Newport 100. “Remember Mr. Nelson’s art class? We used to throw paint at that nigga! And remember smokin’ weed in the back of the gym?”

  I slid the cigarette from his lips, then put it to mine.

  Jamie looked at me and grinned.

  “Those were some good times, boy!” I laughed, “Those were the good ol’ days. Those days are long gone. I’d give anything to get those old days back, I’m tellin’ you.” I took a sip of champagne.

  Jamie exhaled deeply. “Shit, you ain’t never lied.”

  There were a few moments of silence.

  “Are-are you happy?” Jamie hesitantly asked.

  I looked at him, shaking my head. “No. Not really. This time right here with you is the happiest I’ve been in a long time,” I admitted. “You?”

  Jamie shook his head, taking his cigarette back from me. “I thought I wanted this life, but it’s not what it’s cracked up to be. I got muthafuckas thinking they control me and shit. I got my manager, then the agent, then the coach, then my endorsers, then my professors, then I got my family asking me for shit when they ain’t ever did a got-damn thing for me. I love playing football, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t have time to enjoy the game anymore. Everything is happening so fast. Endorsement deals, television appearances, muthafuckas asking to write a book about my life, radio interviews, magazine photo shoots, parties—it’s almost unreal. You know, I’ve been through so much bullshit in my life. I don’t have the support from my family—shit, if you even wanna call them backstabbing, dysfunctional muthafuckas family. My dad tries to be supportive, but you know he’s sick, which is the whole reason why I moved back to Memphis.”

  I looked at him, shaking my head. “I never knew that, Jamie.” I’m pretty sure Ne’Vaeh didn’t know that was the reason that he left either.

  Jamie nodded. “Yeah, shorty. I wanted to get to know my father before he . . . ya know. Basically, what I’m saying is that I don’t have the support that I need to keep myself motivated to make it through all of these changes and to stay focused on my goals. If it weren’t for my coach, teachers, and all y’all believing in me, I would be back on the streets. Coach Jackson believed in me, working the shit out of me to improve on my skills. I have everything that I could ever want, and more except—” He stopped.

  I looked at him.

  He looked at me, his brown eyes sparkling under the moonlight. “I have this girl who wants all of the perks of this lifestyle, but isn’t willing to deal with all that comes with this lifestyle, ya feel me?”

  I rolled my eyes. I knew what the hell that meant. “You’re cheating on her, huh?”

  Jamie laughed aloud. “Is that what you call it?”

  I just looked at him. “Really? Sticking your dick in a bitch who’s not your girlfriend? Yeah, honey, that constitutes cheating. Y’all niggas kill me.”

  Jamie took a hit from his cigarette. He shook his head. “I just can’t see myself with one woman.”

  I shook my head. “No, you just haven’t found the woman that you want yet. You haven’t found that one woman yet who makes you wanna settle down.”

  “I had a girl once who I just knew I wanted to be with foreva’.” Jamie shook his head to himself.

  I looked at him.

  He looked at me. “So-so, how is she?”

  I knew Ne’Vaeh’s name would come up sooner or later. I wanted to avoid that subject, but I should have known Jamie well enough to know when he wanted to vent about the past. So, I let him vent.

  “She’s still Ne’Vaeh. All school, no play. Since you left, niggas don’t stand a chance with her. She talked about you for two years straight after you left. She was really hurt. Took her a minute, but she learned to deal with the fact that you weren’t coming back. I know you stopped calling because she never returned your calls, but I think you should call her sometime. She hasn’t forgotten you, and I think she would wanna hear from you, boo.” I sipped from my champagne flute.

  Jamie shook his head. “Nah, shorty wouldn’t wanna hear from me. She’s mad at me for leaving her. Shorty, you know, she’s the only girl I ever loved. Everybody else—the girl I’m with now, included—was just a substitute. I never forgave myself for leaving her to stay with my dad, but . . . I had to go. My father came looking for me. He knew I needed him. Ne’Vaeh couldn’t understand where I was coming from because she was tired of people abandoning her. I didn’t mean to fuck shorty up the way I did, but I had to do what I had to do for me. This girl I’m with now . . . shit, I tried to love her, but you know how it is. Your mind can’t tell your heart what to do, you know what I’m sayin’?” Jamie’s eyes sparkled.

&n
bsp; I nodded, taking the rest of champagne left in the bottle to the head.

  Jamie looked at me. “So what about you?”

  I glanced at him before popping open a bottle of gin. “What about me?” I opened up a bottle of orange juice. I shook my head, not really in the mood for talking about my nonexistent love life.

  “From what I can remember, you’re not that much different than me, shorty.” Jamie blew smoke through his nostrils.

  I rolled my eyes, pouring a little gin in my orange juice. “People can change, Jamie.”

  “Can they?” He flicked his cigarette out into the sand, then sat back against the stair rails facing me.

  I nodded. “Hell yes. I met someone in high school. He’s the reason I wanted to change. I had to change. He saved me from myself. I mean, damn, you remember the old me, right?”

  Jamie laughed aloud. “Is this a trick question? You really want me to answer that?”

  I rolled my eyes, watching him laugh at me. “Yeah, okay, it’s obvious that you do. Yes, you’re probably the only guy on the football team that I didn’t fuck, and that was only because I have known you all my life and because you were Ne’Vaeh’s man.”

  Jamie smiled a little.