It's Wrong for Me to Love You

by Krystal Armstead

  Aaron’s parents lived in California. When he got into some sort of trouble, hanging out with the wrong crowd, they sent him to live with his father’s half sister, who was an officer in the army, stationed at Fort Meade. From what I knew about his family, I wasn’t exactly the type his family would have accepted. I wasn’t “paper bag” light or from a rich, prestigious family. I was the brown-skinned daughter of a poor drug addict, who didn’t know which one of many lays fathered her three children.

  I was put in a pretty tough spot. I was in love with a man who was untouchable in every aspect. It was obvious by the look on Charlie’s face when she mentioned being pregnant that Charlie was afraid of losing Aaron. I had no idea their relationship was a mess. I hadn’t been around Charlie or her friends in years to know anything about the rumors that caught Aaron’s attention. From the moment the two had started dating, I’d tried to keep my distance. My heart had been sealed shut for years before Aaron came along. Jamie had ruined every man’s chance at breaking my heart. I swore the day that he left me that I would never fall in love again. However, from the moment I looked into Aaron’s eyes that day in my African American History class, my heart was his.

  There we were, cruising down the street in Aaron’s candy-painted maroon Chevy Impala. The late-night slow jams played on the radio. The fact that it began to rain didn’t help brighten the mood either. My cell phone was on vibrate, but it was ringing off the hook. Family members were blowing up my phone, calling, texting, leaving voice mails. Even Jamie happened to get ahold of my cell phone number. The dude left three voice mails, and I deleted each one of them, without listening to the messages. Alisha called, Renée called, even Darryl and Jade called. The only one who I expected to call hadn’t called even once. Charlie was feeling some type of way about me that night. I knew it wouldn’t be long before I would have to deal with her wrath, regardless of whether she knew something was going on.

  I couldn’t handle any more drama from anyone that night. I looked over at Aaron, about to ask him exactly what friends were going to be at this party. Aaron was deep in thought, temples twitching. I knew he was angry with himself but probably angrier with the family tradition that he would be forced to follow. I grabbed his hand in mine, kissed it, then held it up against my chest. I wanted to tell him that everything was going to be okay, but I wasn’t so sure how things would turn out myself. All I knew was that Aaron and Charlie were going to be married, and I was going to have to watch.

  We got to the party within an hour and fifteen minutes. The parking lot was packed. It was about 11:00 that night. To be honest, his friends’ party was a lot better than mine was. I at least felt welcome at their party. There was no drama, no family asking me why I didn’t have a man, no presents from Juanita, no pregnant best friend, no cousins making me feel guilty about my feelings, no old boyfriend, no tears, no pain, and no heartbreak. We drank, we danced, and we had a great time. I made it through three slow dances and three Long Island Iced Teas before Aaron had to call it a night. I don’t think he could take any more skin-to-skin contact that night without wanting to undress me.

  Chapter 9

  The After-Party

  Ne’Vaeh

  We made our way down the hotel hallway toward the suite that Aaron’s coach and manager reserved for him that night. Aaron’s hand trembled as he slid the key card into the key slot. He opened the door, and we walked in. I was in awe walking into the hotel suite, which was more like a two-bedroom apartment. Fresh roses were in every vase. Scented candles were scattered around the living room, down the hallway, and all over the kitchen. The hotel room smelled like the cleaning crew had just left. The carpet smelled like Carpet Fresh, the wood floors in the hallway looked like they’d just been mopped, and the furniture looked like it had just been polished. I felt like I was on my honeymoon, and I wasn’t even the one who was about to get married.

  Suddenly, I felt like shit.

  I turned to Aaron as he slid my jacket from my shoulders.

  He tossed the jacket on the sofa. “Shorty, I am drunk as fuck!” He laughed a little.

  I nodded in agreement. My vision was a little blurry, and I could barely stand up straight. “Yeah, boo, I had a little too much to drink myself. Not to mention all the weed that you and your homeboys smoked around me got me feelin’ like I was the one chiefin’!”

  Aaron smiled a little. “It’s been a long day. I mean a very long day. I’m staying here for a few days because I ain’t trying to go back to my apartment. I don’t wanna deal with Ashton’s mouth or run into Charlie. You can stay with me for a few days if you want to, shorty. You know you need a break.”

  I sighed. I did need a fucking break. Not just from school, but from “Mama” Renée. She was always on my ass about every decision that I made. Not saying that I didn’t need it, but just like Aaron said, her life wasn’t up to par to be talking about anyone else’s. “What about a change of clothes, Aaron?”

  “I already got you.” He grinned. “There’s an outfit in the back room for you. You know, some sweats, a tank top, a pair of Reeboks. C’mon, shorty, let’s get in the shower.”

  He was too amazing, and the more I was around him, the more I hated my life. I never got what I wanted or what I needed. Everything that I wanted seemed to be out of reach. There I was, alone in an expensive hotel with my best friend’s soon-to-be-fiancé. I wanted that boy more than I’ve ever wanted anything. It was hard to enjoy the moment when I knew it wasn’t going to last forever.

  “So, you just knew that I’d give in and come here with you tonight?” I looked up into his face as he grabbed me by the waist, pulling my body up against his.

  Aaron licked his lips. “Nah, but I was hoping you would ditch your cousin and roll with me. She’s miserable, shorty. Any decision that you make, she’ll have something negative to say about it. Let’s just enjoy the moment. We can drink a little bit more if you want. We can get in the hot tub. We can fix something to eat. Whatever you wanna do, it’s totally up to you tonight, Heaven.” He gripped my dress in his hands.

  Our eyes held their gaze as he slid my dress up over my head then tossed it on the sofa. I stepped out of my heels. Then he held my hand, leading me down the hallway to the bathroom. The bathroom was huge, about the size of my old bedroom at Charlie’s house. Large, scented candles surrounded the huge tub, which was in the center of the bathroom. Everything I needed to take a shower sat in a basket on top of the sink’s countertop—bath sponge, vanilla-scented bath wash, shampoo, a bar of soap, face wash, washcloth, and towel.

  “H-how did you know what my favorite body wash is, Aaron?” I exclaimed.

  Aaron smiled at me before walking over to the shower. “You remember the other day when I had you in my weight room, and I was playing in your pussy? Well, I still remembered the scent you left on my fingers. It smelled like a mix between vanilla and butterscotch. I couldn’t find butterscotch at the store, so I went with vanilla.”

  He knew just what to say to get my adrenaline pumping and my hormones raging. Even though he had me feeling some kind of way about him, my emotions were overpowered by the guilt of being infatuated with my best friend’s boyfriend. I stood there, barely able to move as Aaron slid back the frosted glass door, then turned the shower on. Steam immediately filled the bathroom.

  My heart pounded in my chest as he sat down on the toilet seat to untie his shoes. He kicked them off, then slipped his shirt over his head, tossing it on the floor. He pulled off his tank top, then stood up to unbuckle his pants. He looked up at me, noticing that I wasn’t undressing along with him.

  He walked over to me and pulled me closer to him by my hands, snapping me out of my “what-the-fuck-am-I-doing” daze.

  “Heaven?” He looked down at me.

  I looked up at him, bottom lip trembling. “M-maybe we shouldn’t do this, Aaron,” I whispered. “Haven’t we done enough already?”

  Aaron shook his head, letting go of my hands, removing the belt from his pants.
“Nah, we haven’t.” He unbuttoned his pants, dropping them to the floor. I watched as he slipped off his socks, then his boxers. He looked down at me as he slid his hands around my waist, then up my back to unhook my bra. “Just forget about everyone else. Right now, it’s just you and me. Charlie doesn’t even exist right now, if you ask me.”

  The steam in the bathroom caused my curls to go limp. My damp hair hung just below my shoulders. Aaron gently kissed my lips, running his hands up and through my hair, yanking it just a little. My body was on fire, and I felt light on my feet. I would say that I was floating on air, but I was really floating on weed and alcohol. I had been drinking nonstop all day, and my body was feeling it. I didn’t have the strength to resist Aaron that night, and he knew it too. I grabbed the body wash, loofah, shampoo, then followed him into the shower. I’d barely lathered my hair or body when Aaron turned around to face me. My whole body trembled under the showerhead that night. I was feeling all types of emotions, mostly heartbreak.

  Aaron held my face in his hands, looking down intently. “Heaven, baby, I know you’re upset with me.”

  “Yes, I am, Aaron! If you wanted me in high school, you should have just said so!” I exclaimed. “I would have done anything you would have asked me to! I was in love with you from the very first moment I saw you! You were so beautiful! Oh my goodness, Aaron, if you would have asked me back then, I was so ready!”

  Aaron sighed, shaking his head to himself. “Shorty, I had no clue. You barely even looked at me! I got with Charlie because I didn’t think I had a chance with you.”

  I shook my head, looking up into his face. “Well, now, you have the girl of your parents’ dreams. The woman your mom and dad would want you to be with. She’s having your baby, whether or not you like it. I love you, I really do, but you belong to Charlie! I don’t know what is going wrong in y’all relationship, but I promise, I am not the answer.”

  Aaron shook his head in disagreement. “Nah, shorty, you are the answer. I have loved you for almost three years but was too afraid to get rejected by you. Shorty, you were so mean and stuck-up in high school!” He laughed a little.

  I blushed. “No, Aaron, I was not mean or stuck-up. I was just hurt. Someone who I loved hurt me when he left me, so I kinda kept my guard up. But you broke down my walls, Aaron. Like now, for instance. I’m naked in a shower with my best friend’s soon-to-be husband, and for what? To get heartbroken all over again?”

  “I never meant to hurt you, Heaven. Just when I decide to tell you how I feel about you, Charlie tells me she’s pregnant. I mean, she told me right when I was about to break up with her, shorty. The girl wasn’t even planning to tell me because she didn’t plan to keep the baby. But as soon as I tell her it’s over, yo, shorty drops the news on me.”

  I continued washing my hair. “Well, Aaron, any woman in her right mind would say just about anything to keep you.”

  Aaron looked at me as he continued to lather his body in Lever 2000. “I can’t stand the fact that your dude, Jamie, is here. The nigga had me ready to pop off in that bitch tonight, I’m tellin’ you. He knows the way I feel about you. Even hinted to Charlie that I was a little ‘too concerned’ about him coming to see you.”

  I looked up at him.

  Aaron looked down at me, pulling me closer to him. His body was so silky, so smooth, and so warm. “I missed out on my chance of being with you the way that I wanna be with you, which is why I brought you here tonight. If I can’t have you forever, I thought I should at least get to spend some time with you for just a little while.” His heart beat rapidly against mine. He gently kissed my lips, and I nearly melted in his arms. His kisses soothed my soul, instantly taming my heart and my mind.

  “Let’s just—” I whispered in between kisses. “Let’s just go to bed. I just want you to hold me, please. That’s pretty much all I can handle tonight.”

  He lifted me up in his arms, wrapping my legs around his waist as he opened the door to the shower and walked out, carrying me out of the bathroom.

  We were soaking wet, suds dripping everywhere. He carried me into the master bedroom, sat down on the bed, then lay back, holding me against his body. He gently kissed my neck as I buried my face in his. Having sex was the furthest thing from either of our minds at that point. I think we were both too drunk to perform that night. Our drunken asses fell asleep right there, wet as hell.

  * * *

  I awoke early that morning to the smell of pancakes, bacon, and eggs. My head was pounding. For a minute I forgot where I was until I sat up, looking around at the hotel room, remembering the events that had happened the night before. I looked over at the alarm clock on the nightstand. It was 6:15 a.m. I had class that morning at 11:00, and I had to finish my term paper, which was due the next day.

  A white robe sat on the chair in the corner of the room. I got up from the bed then walked over to the chair to put it on.

  “Aaron?” I called as I walked down the hallway to the kitchen.

  There he stood over the stove, in his tank top and boxers. Oh my goodness, the boy had a body on him. He was chiseled and cut as if someone had carved him out of stone. He was a little cocky, yes, but in an adorable kind of way. The more I looked at him, the sadder I became. He wasn’t mine, and he was supposed to be, and that shit was eating me up.

  He looked over at me as I sat down at the kitchen table.

  Two wineglasses, both filled with orange juice, an ice bucket with a bottle of champagne, ketchup, syrup, salt, and pepper sat on the table. I was in awe. I looked up at Aaron, shaking my head at him. “Oh my goodness, what time did you wake up to do all of this?”

  Aaron grinned. “Man, you look beautiful when you wake up in the morning.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Aaron, please. I know I have the breath from hell right now, and my hair looks like a bird’s nest.” I ran my fingers through my tangled hair, which was still damp. “I look like something from The Nightmare Before Christmas right about now.”

  Aaron laughed aloud. “Girl, you’re somethin’ else! Never did know how fine you are.” He walked over to me with two plates stacked full of food and set the plates on the table.

  Bacon, eggs, pancakes, sausage, and hash browns were on my plate. He was too much.

  Aaron looked at me as he handed me a fork and a knife.

  I took the utensils from him. I knew from the moment we started eating that I wasn’t going to make it to class that morning.

  “Do you have classes today, Heaven?” Aaron dug in.

  I nodded, cutting my pancakes into small pieces.

  “You goin’ or you hangin’ out wit’cha boy today?” he asked, already knowing the answer to that question.

  “I don’t feel like facing the world just yet, Aaron,” I whispered back.

  He agreed. “Me neither, shorty.”

  “But I do have a term paper that I really need to work on today. I’ve been trying to get it done all weekend.” I looked up at him.

  “There’s a laptop in the other room, shorty. Everything you need is right here.”

  I dried the tears that slid down my cheeks. Yeah, I’m a crybaby. Get over it. “I don’t wanna waste time crying or feeling sad. Just once, I would like to feel happy and loved, even if it’s only for a day or two. Let’s talk, let’s laugh, and let’s drink. Today, I’m yours. So whatever you wanna do, just ask, or better yet, just do it.”

  Aaron grinned. “A’ight. Let’s hurry up and eat.”

  * * *

  Aaron lay on the bed watching TV as I blow-dried, then flat ironed, my hair that morning. He wasn’t lying when he said that he had everything that I needed for me at that hotel. He bought me a full change of clothes and sexy lingerie. I stood at the mirror admiring myself in the silk burgundy bra and panties that he bought me.

  Aaron looked up at me as I unplugged my flat iron.

  I walked over and sat beside him on the bed.

  He pulled me closer to him by my hips. I knew he was scared of where his
life was going. I knew he had no clue about what he was going to say to his family about Charlie. I don’t think it was so much the baby that bothered him. I think it was more of the fact that since Charlie was pregnant with his baby, he would be forced to marry someone who he wasn’t in love with.

  “I got a call a few days ago, shorty, from my agent. He said that there were a few teams that wanted me. It was just a matter of which team offered the most on my contract.” He looked into my face.

  My eyes lit up. It was the best news that I had heard all weekend. “That’s great! Wow, so, which team do you wanna go with?”

  He shrugged. “I don’t know. It all depends on Charlie now. I would like to go with LA, or overseas, but we’ll see.” He swept my bangs from my face.

  I smiled, happy as hell for that boy. “That’s amazing, Aaron! I’m so happy for you. See, I told you that you were a star!”

  Aaron laughed a little to himself. “A star, huh?”

  I looked into his face. “You don’t seem too happy about this, Aaron. Why don’t you sound happy about joining the NBA? Your parents would be so happy for you!”

  He shook his head. “Nah, not really. I haven’t even told them. As a matter of fact, my parents thought I was going to school to be a doctor. My father even had medical schools picked out for me already, shorty. Hanging out with the fellas from the basketball team is what got me kicked out of school in California. I got caught selling drugs for my homeboy back in South Central.”

  I shook my head. “Aaron, why the hell were you selling drugs? And why the fuck were you even hanging out in South Central? Word around town is your father is some sort of royalty, and your family has money for centuries to come!”