The Adventures of Smoke Bailey

by James Morrow

  “No,” said Smoke. “My destiny is to find The Most Amazing Thing.”

  “It is very powerful,” said The Most Amazing Being. “As soon as the Sphere falls into your hands, the Guardians of Space and Time will grant you two wishes.”

  “Two wishes? Only two? Not three?”

  “Yes—two. We’re talking reality now, traveler, not fairy tales. For most people, two wishes are quite enough. You really can’t complain. Remember, you get them without even opening the Sphere.”

  “A Sphere that can be opened?”

  “Indeed. It can be cracked like an egg. If and when you do open it, the Ultimate Powers of the Universe will be set free. Thus, before you dare to crack the Sphere, you must know exactly what you are doing. Mark my words, traveler, the forces within The Most Amazing Thing can be the doom of you.”

  Smoke had never before felt so sure of himself. “Once I have the Sphere,” he said in a strong, clear voice, “I’ll decide whether or not to crack it. For now, all I know is that I want to find The Most Amazing Thing. Is it far from here?”

  “It is right above our heads. On top of this mountain is a glass plateau. On the glass plateau sits The Most Amazing Thing.”

  “The slopes of this mountain are pure glass!” Smoke protested. “How can I possibly climb them?”

  “I’ll show you.”

  They left the cave, squicked across the rubber snow toward The Most Amazing Being’s fire. Fierce winds rushed up. As the sun began to set behind the Glass Mountains, the slopes exploded with blinding reds, oranges, pinks, and violets.

  The creature’s hand pushed against the thick red smoke of the fire. “Touch this,” it said. The smoke streamed toward the darkening sky.

  The boy touched the smoke. His fingers pulled back as if the smoke were hot. But the smoke was not hot. It was just…firm.

  “It feels like rope!” gasped Smoke.

  “Quite so,” said The Most Amazing Being. “And tomorrow morning, when you start to climb it, you will find it to be stronger and safer than any rope you have ever used. It will take you all the way to the glass plateau, traveler. It will take you to The Most Amazing Thing.”

  “Sounds easy,” said Smoke Bailey, bursting with confidence.

  “Yes.” said The Most Amazing Being. “But let me offer a warning. Others have come before you. They all failed. You must beware.”

  “Beware what?”

  “Beware the Keeper of the Sphere.”

  Chapter Seven

  The Most Amazing Thing

  Before going on with his story, my uncle announced that we ought to have some dessert. “I can understand why you didn’t finish your termite soup,” he said, “but I’m sure you’ll like Metallican ice cream.”

  Smoke was right. Metallican ice cream is the greatest thing since Metallican root beer. Shoveling a great, cold, creamy wad of the stuff in my mouth. I asked. “So what happened next? Did the red smoke ladder work as well as The Most Amazing Being said it would?”

  “Oh, the ladder worked fine,” my uncle replied. “I was no monkey, of course. My climb to the top was not exactly the sort of thing you’d see in Wintergreen’s Floating Carnival—unless maybe you’re watching the clown act. But up I went, hand over hand, foot over foot, winds tugging at my hair and whistling in my ears…”

  To make a long journey short, fifty minutes of climbing, and Smoke stood on the glass plateau.

  It was a harsh place: cold, wind-swept, lifeless. Ungraceful birds flapped through the thin air. Mounds of rubber snow cluttered the glass ground. Gray clouds clogged the sky.

  Smoke looked over the edge of the mountain and saw the morning sun pushing between the distant peaks. Fog hung low in the valleys.

  In the exact center of the plateau, an object floated about five feet off the ground.

  A metal ball.

  A yellow sphere.

  The Most Amazing Thing!

  The boy charged forward. Could this be all there is to it? he wondered. I just have to run up and snatch the treasure?

  The Sphere looked dead and cold. But then, suddenly, the clouds moved apart. Bathed by the morning sun, The Most Amazing Thing appeared to grow warm. A rosy-golden glow danced on its surface. Then a series of halos grew outward from the Sphere: purple, blue, green, orange, yellow, red. A circular rainbow. The boy had never seen anything so beautiful.

  But Smoke was not the only one rushing toward the treasure. Looking up, he saw his competition. He saw the Keeper of the Sphere.

  Until that moment, Smoke had naturally supposed that the two-headed Gaxonfrax who had popped his balloon was a grownup. Now he knew that it was just a child. He knew this because he was staring at the Gaxonfrax’s mother. Or maybe it was the Gaxonfrax’s father. In either case, it was about the size of a rocketship. Its talons looked like iron gates. The beating of its wings sent the rubber snow whirling. When it skreeeeeee’d, the sound was so loud it cracked the glass under Smoke’s pounding feet.

  He ran faster.

  The Keeper of the Sphere opened its left beak. A jet of flame shot out, blasting Smoke’s hair, making him as bald as a clam. Skreeeeeee.

  The Sphere was only a few feet away. But then, as Smoke reached forward, his legs became tangled up in each other. He tripped. The Gaxonfrax swooped down. Its right talon closed around Smoke’s right ankle. Its left talon closed around Smoke’s left ankle.

  “I’ve really made a mess of things,” thought Smoke.

  He was off the ground now, waving his arms like a child having a tantrum. And then, just when all seemed lost, the Gaxonfrax’s huge form glided directly over the Sphere. Smoke stretched out his arms as far as he could. His fingers brushed The Most Amazing Thing. He grabbed it. It was incredibly heavy, a hundred pounds at least. To this day, Smoke is surprised that he did not drop it.

  Two wishes. According to The Most Amazing Being, that was what the Guardians of Space and Time now owed Smoke. As the Gaxonfrax’s talons dug into Smoke’s legs, he decided the moment was ripe to try out a wish.

  “O, Guardians of Space and Time.” Smoke screamed, “vanquish this terrible beast!”

  The Guardians of Space and Time answered quickly.

  The Gaxonfrax opened its talons. Still clutching the heavy prize, the boy fell into a snowdrift.

  Meanwhile, the Guardians of Space and Time continued to take Smoke’s wish seriously. A darkness came. At first the boy thought something had gone wrong with his eyes. Then he thought something had gone wrong with the sun. But then he realized that a vast shadow was slithering across the ground.

  Still lying in the snowdrift. Smoke looked up at the shadow’s owner.

  Another Gaxonfrax.

  The largest one yet. It was about the size of the town that Smoke had grown up in. Either of its two beaks could hold a house. Or a herd of Spotted Woggles. Or the Keeper of the Sphere which is exactly what happened.

  Snap! Crunch! Gulp! And the Keeper was gone. Swallowed. “Vanquished,” as Smoke had said in his wish. About as vanquished as it could get.

  And then the impossibly large Gaxonfrax soared away.

  In his mind, the boy checked off Wish One.

  Getting back down the ladder with the Sphere was probably the most difficult and dangerous thing Smoke had ever done. Three different times the hundred pound ball nearly sent him tumbling into the clouds. But at last he found himself on solid ground.

  The Most Amazing Being’s fire burned brightly. Its cauldron bubbled merrily.

  And The Most Amazing Being itself?

  Smoke looked around. Near the entrance to the dark cave, a Popberry tree grew. It had not been there when Smoke had started up the ladder. He knew that this tree was The Most Amazing Being. Strolling up to it. Smoke plucked a bright yellow Popberry and dropped it in his pocket. A souvenir.

  One wish left. Of course Smoke didn’t want to run through his entire supply of miracles in a single morning. But he wanted to leave the Glass Mountains as quickly as possible, and there seemed to be no
other solution.

  Smoke hugged The Most Amazing Thing to his chest. A warm, weird energy flowed into him. The Sphere hummed and shook.

  “O, Guardians of Space and Time, restore my ship, the A-Liner, to me!”

  Once again, the Guardians of Space and Time did not fool around. One second Smoke was staring at a low-hanging cloud. The next second the A-Liner was dropping out of it.

  A brand-new basket hung beneath the gas-bag. The bag was completely repaired. Only by looking closer did Smoke see the thin seam that had once been a hole.

  Smoke placed the heavy Sphere in the balloon basket, covering it with a rug from The Most Amazing Being’s cave. Then, after carefully tying the A-Liner to the Popberry tree, he ran to get Merton.

  The shy Girfleez was still waiting by the upward-flowing waterfall.

  “Come on, Merton!” signed Smoke. “You needn’t be afraid any longer! The Most Amazing Being is nothing but a tree now!”

  As they rushed back to the cave, Smoke told Merton all about the great deeds he had accomplished: climbing the strange ladder, outwitting the Keeper of the Sphere, getting the treasure, and restoring the A-Liner (with a little help from the Guardians of Space and Time).

  Before setting off, Smoke and Merton decided to take the Encyclopedia Obscura with them. They figured that, being a tree, The Most Amazing Being would have no further need of it.

  And so it was that, when the time came for the repaired A-Liner to rise into the winds, it had to lift the combined weights of twelve encyclopedia volumes, one golden Sphere, one Girfleez, and one Smoke Bailey. Huffing and puffing, the balloon ascended slowly. Soon it was caught by a strong breeze.

  Smoke and Merton sailed over the Glass Mountains.

  They sailed across the jade ocean.

  They sailed into Darksome Mire.

  They sailed through miles of Nearmist.

  And yet they were still a long, long way from home.

  Chapter Eight

  Smoke’s Choice

  “I’m confused,” I said.

  “Confused?” my uncle replied.

  Although it was very peaceful having Smoke’s cat on my lap, my legs were falling asleep. I pushed the cat away and stood up. “Yes. You had the treasure. And you had A-Liner back. So what went wrong?”

  “I’ll tell you what went wrong,” said Smoke.

  And he did.

  For the first couple of weeks, it appeared that Smoke and Merton would have no trouble bringing The Most Amazing Thing back to civilization. The Night Rocks were many, the Mire Crabs were few, and the Popberries were at their peak of ripeness. They tasted like honey-covered peaches with chocolate pits.

  But then the air darkened. Winds howled. The mist began to curl and turn like the surface of The Most Amazing Being’s brew. Storm!

  Not just any storm, either. Merton claimed it was the biggest, fastest, most violent storm ever to muscle its way across Darksome Mire. The A-Liner was caught in a wildly twisting tornado of Nearmist. The balloon basket became a roller coaster car. Up and down, round and round, up and down, round and round.

  Round and round. That wasn’t so bad.

  Up. This was all right too.

  Down. Ah, that was the problem. Every time the storm pushed the A-Liner toward the ground, Smoke feared that they would hit the tar—hit it so hard that the A-Liner would be buried right to the top of its balloon. They would be shipwrecked!

  And so it became necessary to lighten the load. Smoke grabbed Volume One of the Encyclopedia Obscura. Opening it, he saw a diagram for assembling a device that could turn a pound of mud into a pound of gold. Oh well, he thought. I’ve never had much use for money. He threw Volume One over the side—splat!—and watched it disappear into the tar. The A-Liner moved up a few feet.

  But the winds continued to shake the balloon, pounding on it like a hammer pounding a nail, driving it nearer and nearer to the tar.

  No doubt about it. Other books would have to go.

  Splat! Volume Two. Among its secrets were instructions for building a machine that would make your bed and walk the dog.

  And still the storm raged.

  Smoke tossed out Volume Three. With it went a method for teaching a six-month old baby how to play the violin, read eight different languages, and program a computer. Next Smoke gave up Volume Four, including a map that showed all the planets in the Milky Way where you could get a really good pizza.

  But it was no use.

  So the rest of the encyclopedia went overboard. Splat! Splat! Splat! Splat! Splat! Splat! Every last volume.

  And still the A-Liner was out of control.

  “Well,” signed Merton, “it’s been dandy knowing you.”

  “What are you signing about?” asked Smoke.

  Merton slung his left leg over the side of the basket. His enormous webbed foot dangled in the air. “There’s only one way to save this ship. You’ve got to get rid of all the extra weight, including the 250 pounds of Girfleez Mire Person you’ve been carrying around.”

  “Don’t leave, Merton!” signed Smoke. “We’ll think of another way to lighten the ship! I’ll go on a diet! I’ll even toss out The Most Amazing Thing!”

  Merton stuck his right antenna in his left ear, which in the Girfleez language meant, “Phooey.” He went on, “I belong down there, anyway. I’ll be fine. I can’t be more than…oh. I’d say a few miles from home.”

  “A few thousand miles, Merton. Get back in the balloon, and let’s figure out something together.” Smoke gripped Merton’s arm to make sure that his web-footed friend did nothing rash.

  “Very well,” signed Merton. “But I simply can’t stand the thought of your throwing The Most Amazing Thing over the side. You earned that Sphere and you should keep it.” Even as Merton signed, a downward wind, the strongest one yet, pushed them swiftly toward the mire.

  Merton reached toward Smoke and placed his palm on Smoke’s forehead.

  “What are you doing, Merton? We’re dropping to a gooey death and you’re—”

  “In Girfleez the palm on the forehead means good-bye,” signed Merton as he tore himself free and leaped over the side of the A-Liner. Smoke saw his friend land on the tar—kersploosh! went Merton’s webbed feet—and begin jogging toward the horizon.

  Freed of Merton’s 250 pounds, the A-Liner shot skyward. With equal speed, Smokes spirits fell. He missed his friend already.

  An hour later, the storm ended. And Smoke’s troubles—did they end, too? No such luck.

  Like the Pied Piper leading the rats out of Hamlin, the storm took with it every bit of wind that had ever blown across Darksome Mire. Suddenly there wasn’t enough breeze around to lift a feather. There wasn’t enough breeze to make a spider’s web tremble. Or to cool the face of a flea.

  When the winds died, the A-Liner happened to be hanging about fifteen feet from the surface of the mire. Smoke was becalmed in the exact dead center of nowhere.

  Hours passed. At first Smoke decided to be brave. “Fine with me,” he signed to himself. Signing without Merton made him feel lonely.

  After three days of nothingness, a small breeze began scooting across the sky, somewhere above Smoke’s head. He looked up. A Popberry quill sailed by on the newborn winds. Then, a hundred quills.

  Immediately Smoke fed the last of his fuel to the fire beneath his balloon. The added heat lifted the A-Liner several dozen feet, but the winds remained frustratingly out of reach.

  I’ve got to get higher, Smoke thought, as the balloon started to drop again.

  He stared at The Most Amazing Thing, his last bit of extra weight. The Sphere sparkled in the sun. It seemed to be grinning at him.

  A choice, then.

  A difficult choice.

  The most difficult, most terrible, most stomach-burning choice a person should ever have to make.

  Choice One. Crack open the Sphere. But to do so meant unleashing energies that would…

  That would what? Turn Smoke into an Amazing Being? Or turn him into a P
opberry tree? Lead him out of Darksome Mire? Or lead him toward forces he would spend the rest of his life trying to tame?

  Choice Two. Lighten the load.

  With both his hands, Smoke grasped The Most Amazing Thing. It had never felt heavier. Slowly he lifted the metal Sphere from the floor to the edge of the basket, his muscles straining, almost popping out of his skin.

  Smoke studied the landscape. No Night Rocks. No Popberry trees. No Mire People huts. Nothing. Once the Sphere was gone, finding it again would be a nearly impossible task.

  And yet Smoke’s mind was fixed. He would take the low road. The smooth road. The safe road. He nudged the Sphere. It rolled several inches along the rim of the basket. Gravity did the rest.

  There was a high-pitched whistling as the Sphere pierced the Nearmist. Then, a THUD as it struck the tar.

  Instantly the A-Liner rose up. Higher, higher. How massive that Sphere must have been! Higher. How cold the air was becoming! Higher. How good those winds felt!

  As the winds nudged the ship along. Smoke thought about The Most Amazing Thing in the Whole Wide Galaxy. He pictured it sinking into the depths of the Darksome Mire.

  And now he had no choice but to leave it there.

  Chapter Nine

  My Choice

  A stillness crept through my uncle’s apartment. The cat slept silently atop the old wooden trunk. Nothing remained of the fire but orange embers and a few lingering twists of smoke.

  “There’s not much more to tell,” said Smoke. “The winds continued to push me around the mire—this way and that, hither and thither, yon and beyond. The days piled up and became months. The months piled up and became years.

  “But then, at long last. I happened upon the great city of Metallica. At first I was happy just to be living in a place where you didn’t have to worry about Mire Crabs or Nearmist storms. But before long I grew restless, I still hungered for The Most Amazing Thing—though by now it was probably not a Sphere but another sort of object. And then I got the idea of making a new and better balloon.”