“It’s that damn Hamilton pride…Thomas and I were talking about that the other day.”
“Tell me, James, what do you think got you started thinking more about your past marriage and your life in general?” Thomas was interested in knowing and now Matti was, too. She sat up and moved closer to the edge of her chair.
James looked at Thomas wondering about his question and how it was relevant to their present discussion. James barely moved in his chair when a sharp pain made him wince.
“Can I be getting you something, Jim?”
“No, not now…thanks, Matti…well, Thomas, you were there that day I noticed a bouquet of flowers in the angel’s basket. When you told me that Marjorie placed them in there for me the year before when she left the estate, in thanks for giving her the garden, I would have to say that touched me…it touched my heart. But like we were talking about, my pride wouldn’t allow me to accept the gift of love as you called it at the time, but I never forgot it. After all I did to that woman over the years and for her to still thank me…”
James couldn’t go on as a surge of emotion overcame him. Unbidden tears surfaced. Normally, it would have embarrassed him, but somehow it didn’t matter anymore; he was beginning to adjust to talking to his newfound friends. Matti reached across the table and patted his hand resting beside the tea cup.
“I suppose the illness made me stop and not only think about that, but it brought into my mind, all the acts of kindness Marjorie showed me at other times and her downright acceptance of me, despite my behavior and attempts to provoke her. Half the time I felt silly standing there spouting off and Marjorie simply accepted it.
“At first I thought it was stupid on her part, but then…I saw it as a deep inner strength that I didn’t have. It unnerved me, to tell you the truth. But to answer your question, Thomas, I suppose what it all comes down to as to what it was…I would have to say it was this question: What did Marjorie see in me that she liked? What was it that despite my rude behavior and all the other stuff that made most people fear me, hate me or dislike me at the very least, that she could accept and love? How could one be so blind as to not see the real James Hamilton!?”
“But the real James Hamilton to Miss Jenny, James, was not how you were everyday with her or others. The real James that Jenny saw was the James that God created. That’s what she focused on. When you were reading the Bible the other day, you asked why would Jesus , the son of God, be so foolish to come down to earth and put up with us humans and allow himself to punished, tortured and crucified? It’s the same reason, James. He loves us, He hates our sins, but He loves all of God’s children and wants us to be with Him when we pass on. Jenny was being Christ like all those years, James, right up until the day she left. And even then on the last day, she gave thanks for your kindness.
“Look at the power of that act.”
James nodded, “Yeah, it got me thinking…” James suddenly stopped and gestured for Matti to fill up the empty vial on the table. She quickly got up and brought more medication to James and a full glass of water. After he swallowed the pain killers, he spoke. “Why did you want to know how I got started thinking about my past marriage and myself, Thomas? And how is this related to getting J.J. to come back?”
“It came to me that the way Miss Jenny brought you around to reassessing things in your life; you might also apply to your son. I’ve seen him talk to you disrespectfully and it can test one’s patience, but I’m thinking that maybe you might just show acceptance and kindness to J.J. Like Miss Jenny did to you. You say you have already asked him to be more forgiving of his mother and that she was not at fault and you took full responsibility, so what more can you do? The other day when he acted out, you said you almost took a strip off his hide. What would that have accomplished…?”
“We would have ended up in a big fight, that’s what.”
“That be for sure—” Matti concurred.
“Exactly, he would leave and probably spend the next few days fuming over what you said and what he should have said and on and so on. But, you didn’t. You reacted much like Miss Jenny; with patience and acceptance. Now, it may appear as if nothing was registering in that boy, but perhaps there was in the same way Miss Jenny got you thinking about yourself and your behavior. Loving another can be difficult, but we are called to do it. Sometimes tough love is needed, but in this case, the boy is confused. I have a feeling he knows what he should do, but…”
“His damn pride is getting in the way.” James winced hard as he spouted out the words.
“Amen, brother,” interjected Matti.
“Whenever I have concerns, James, I give them up to God to solve and ask for His direction…if you’re in agreement, I’d like to pray about this matter.”
James didn’t look up; his gaze was still focused on Matti’s hand resting on his. He felt the love and care flow through her touch and it overwhelmed him. Over the years he had treated her badly as well, and here she was showing such care…he was glad that she still hadn’t removed it.
“Y…yes, Thomas, go ahead…I suppose it couldn’t hurt.”
Thomas shoved the coffee mug aside and slid his chair closer to the table and to James. He placed his left hand on top of Matti’s which was resting on James’ and his right hand on James’ shoulder. He bowed his head and quietly reflected before he began, “Lord, You said where two or three are gathered in Your name that You are here amongst us. We give You our brother’s concerns about his marriage and family.”
“Yes, sweet Jesus…” echoed Matti.
“We ask You to come into their hearts and bring Your healing and peace and understanding and forgiveness. Help James to love his son and to accept him where he is at in life. Let him be a beacon of light that brings his family together—“
“Oh, yes, Lord, You be bringin’ bountiful blessing to this family…”
“We also ask You, Lord, if it is Your will, that You heal our brother of his illness. And we further ask that You reveal Yourself to brother James in a special way that he receives You in his heart—”
“Do Your healing, sweet, Jesus…”
“We ask these things in Your name…”
Almost in unison, both Matti and Thomas said, “Amen.”
They all sat back and no-one spoke. Matti looked like she was still in prayer…her lips were moving.
James was deeply touched by the prayer and heartfelt concerns of his employees…his friends. He brushed away a tear sliding down his cheek and said, “Matti, could you fetch the wheelchair and wheel me out to the garden…I’d like you to come along, too, Thomas, if you will.”
Matti and Thomas helped James out onto the patio and set him in his wheelchair.
“Let’s go to the gazebo,” ordered James.
Matti pushed James in his wheelchair and Thomas walked along side of James.
“What’s that smell in the paving stone, Thomas? It’s appealing somehow.”
“Yes, it’s the thyme, James. It’s a herb that we plant in between the paving stones and as one walks on it, the herb releases its fragrance. Miss Jenny loved the smell, too.”
When they got to the gazebo, James turned the wheelchair so it faced the Angel of Thanksgiving.
“There’s something about that angel that I can’t quite explain. Thomas, would you pick several of the wildflowers and place them in the angel’s basket? You can pick a couple too, Matti if you wish.”
“I love the red poppies and white daisies. They go together so nice.”
“Thomas snapped off several wildflowers and placed them in the basket alongside the ones Matti had just placed there.
“When Marjorie was ill, I placed flowers in the basket for her and the next day Matti, you called from Regina to tell me that Marjorie was healed. I don’t know how much there is to all this prayer stuff, but I would like to ask the angel to take our thanks to whoever does the healing, and ask that my son forgive his mother and me…and I would like to ask a special favor, to…to, have Marjorie come back
…”
Once again, unbidden tears filled James eyes. It was evident, the Holy Spirit was softening James’ heart. Thomas was going to add a prayer, but he didn’t think it was necessary. Anything he would say now would never carry such a heartfelt prayer to the good Lord.
Matti must have been thinking the same thing. She softly, whispered, “Amen.”
Chapter Sixty One
It was a gorgeous, September fall day. The leaves were beginning to turn into their golden colours and along with it, came the smell of another dying season. The odour of green trees and grass was gone and the scent of wheat being cut down over a mile away, only confirmed the death of another year. Many of the barren trees before him in the valley, exhibiting their skeletons, testified still further to Henry’s senses. Soon the prairies would be covered with a blanket of white snow and the swirling winds would churn snowflakes obliterating the valley view before him.
As much as he loved the fall, he had to admit he loved the cold blizzard winters too. He loved to be cocooned by the fireplace and read a good book or lose himself in a landscape painting in the warmth of his studio. Henry felt certain if he lived in a more moderate climate, he would never have been as prolific a painter as he was. As a gallery owner, he had to say, Saskatchewan, perhaps more than any other province, had many artists that produced vast amounts of art for others to enjoy. He was certain it was the hardy winters that were behind it all.
Henry tried to guess what his mentor would be preaching about as he sat in the front pew with Jenny. He could feel the gentle squeeze of her hand in his. He knew she was probably thinking about the same thing.
It never failed to amaze Henry how Father’s sermons always cut to the heart of life and seemed to speak directly to each and every parishioner in attendance. Truly, when Father spoke, his lips moved but the words he uttered were guided by the Holy Spirit. Father Engelmann was the closest person he had ever met who seemed to fit the Scripture reading by St. Paul. “It is no longer I who live, but it is Christ who lives in me” (Galatians 2:20).
“Good morning my dear brothers and sisters in Christ. Once again, it is such a joy to be back in this beloved parish. Father Knuka had to return home this week as his mother is critically ill and was hospitalized. We shall be offering up this Mass for her and the family.
“When I lived here with Father, he often spoke of his home in New Brunswick and how he missed the beautiful fall colours. He would often say how the landscape in the Maritimes was blessed with such a variety of trees. So many different species growing side by side and their identity revealed in the fall by each possessing a different color. The result was a vibrant, dazzling display of God’s creation and beauty. He often said that one day he and I should make that trek.
“Well, I can just imagine the beauty of Father Knuka’s province, but I have to say, the colours in the valley, where Henry Pederson’s acreage is situated, perhaps contain a little slice of that beauty in the Maritimes. The colours of the trees and the quiet repose of the prayer house beside the pond is a feast for my eyes as well.”
Gazing at Henry, he continued, “I am so grateful to Henry for allowing me to spend so much time there.”
Father nodded to Henry’s smile and added, “Just this past week while at the prayer house, contemplating what the Holy Spirit wanted me to say, I recalled one word in Jenny’s beautiful sharing a few Sundays ago that stood out in my mind; repentance. Ach, mein Lieber Gott, of course, that would be the perfect sermon to follow up on our talks on suffering. Jenny so beautifully and powerfully shared how she was led to repentance and joy as she fully realized what God and His Son had done for her. Yes, repentance is at the heart of the Gospel and when one has a contrite and repentant heart and comes to Jesus, there is great joy and jubilation as Jenny so beautifully expressed. I could only imagine the wings of Jenny’s guardian angel flapping like that of a hummingbird!”
The congregation chuckled over such a happy image! Jenny leaned towards Henry and whispered, “I wish I could have seen my guardian angel like Father did. I can just imagine Hannah flapping her wings like that.”
“Yeah, it would have been really something to see mine too, like Father described to us. I wonder why we can’t remember.” They sat back and listened to Father explain why heaven is so happy over a repentant sinner.
“Repentance, especially if it’s sincere, humble, and we come before our Lord, broken in our sin and plead for forgiveness, our contrition goes straight to the heart of God. To one who recognizes his sinful nature and the gravity of what he has done, to him much is forgiven. And when He forgives, it releases such immense freedom within us, we feel like floating. The joy that erupts inside, sets the heart on fire for the Lord as Jenny so aptly said in her sharing. This is the kind of warrior the Lord wants and needs. One that is fully alive with the Holy Spirit!
“Only through repentance can others see the light in your eyes and your being. Without it, your faith is only partially alive. How can we be co-workers with Jesus to continue the redemption He started unless we have fallen on our knees and begged for forgiveness for what we have done? Then, we are prepared to spread the joy of forgiveness to others! The light within you is contagious and instills faith and hope and spreads God’s love.
“Daily, we must repent and humble ourselves. The more we do so, the more we will be raised and receive His grace and light. God works through broken people, not the proud or arrogant who feel self righteous. No, people who know they are sinners and how far they fall short of God’s goodness and come before Him and when necessary, to our fellow man and say, “I am so sorry,” will be richly rewarded. Just like a seed has to die and be buried in the earth to bear fruit, so too, we must die to ourselves and bit by bit, we too, will grow out of our imperfections and faults and become soldiers for the Lord. In such repentant sinners, God can show His glory and light.
“As I was thinking on these things in front of the prayer house, I was gazing out at the beautiful valley before me. I too, had a beautiful vision like Jenny. I could visualize John the Baptist standing next to the meandering stream feeding into the pond, shouting for us to repent because the Messiah was here and that the kingdom of heaven was at hand. This was the image that was before the people at that time when Jesus began His ministry. John was introducing us to the Good News! The Messiah was here; He will open the gates of heaven and repentance was the way to enter and go straight to the heart of God!
“As my vision expanded, the sight of John the Baptist standing by the stream faded. The pond before me became the Sea of Galilee, I could almost smell the salt in the air. Off in the distance, great throngs of people were climbing the hills. My ears began to hear a soothing, commanding voice echoing ever so clearly in the valley. There on the hillside, was Jesus preaching the Sermon on the Mount that was so beautifully recorded in Matthew’s Gospel in the 5th to the 7th chapters. It was as if I were there amongst the crowds of people listening to the Messiah as He expounded upon His laws of Love. His words were radical and filled with truths. What He was saying was so different from what the people had known and heard before. The beatitudes brought tears to my eyes; blessed are the poor in spirit, blessed are those who mourn over their sins, blessed are the meek, the merciful, the peacemakers…
“As His teachings went further, I soon found myself upon my knees. The wisdom of His words pierced my heart. To forgive, to love your enemies, to be faithful to your spouse, handling money, not to worry and live for today, how to pray. He laid out the map that we must follow as a guide on how to approach God and deal with other people! His words were the path to the fullness of life!
“It grieved my heart that over all the years since our dear Lord spoke those words, there are still so many who have not taken them to heart. There could be such peace and love in the world if people would be obedient to His teachings. We are little different today from the people back then. For three years, Jesus chose to live in poverty, rather than riches and comfort, and travel from town to
town, region to region telling us over and over how we must live in a fallen world and by living that way for Him, promises us eternal life. How foolish it is that many people still have not listened and taken such wisdom to heart? There are still many Christians and church-goers who have shut out the Lord or are lukewarm to His love and teachings. What more could the Lord have done to not only lay it all out for us how we should live but then went on to lay down His life for us so that we can come to the Father and spend eternity with Him!
“Tell me? What more can He do?
“I have come to see that this is the dilemma of mankind right from the beginning and not just a modern day phenomenon. Man has always been secular, more drawn into worldly ways, than God’s ways. Man has always lowered God’s standards to man’s standards to make being a Christian more comfortable. Perhaps it is more so today than before, but we are still dealing with many of the same issues. Clearly, the message of the Lord’s teachings have not sunk in and really taken hold of the hearts of mankind!
“Please don’t be offended or perceive my next remarks as judgmental, rather use my comments to search your own heart as to where you stand with the Lord. If a man comes to church still bearing unforgiveness towards someone, what is the point of coming? Did Jesus not say, if you come to the altar to give me a gift and hate your brother, first go seek reconciliation and then come and give your gift? If one has slandered his or her neighbour, was dishonest in their dealings, told lies, was covetous and has any sins in their heart, they must first repent; otherwise the light of Jesus Christ will not be in you. He wants so desperately to come in to your life, but it is you who shuts Him out!
“It is plain to see that what we lack is Jesus in our hearts and the truths of His words. He did not become man and teach His message for three years prior to His death for nothing. There was deep purpose and necessity for Him to lay out the map for us to follow to ensure our journey in life leads us to our heavenly home. Unless we are transformed by the renewing of our minds, we will never enter through the gates of heaven that He opened by laying down His life. Were His efforts to teach us how to enter heaven in vain!? Will we be lost in a world that is passing and we along with it!?
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