Jenny hung up the phone and ran to her room. She collapsed on the bed and began to cry uncontrollably. She was so happy these past few days; it was like being in heaven. She thought the other day when Henry came to her after James had called that she just might have imagined that Jesus wanted her to go back to James.
Is this really and truly the cross I have to carry? Is this the real reason for my healing and return?
But what about Camilla, and my family here…and what about Henry?
My dear, sweet Henry, whom I love more than words can say.
Chapter Sixty Three
Jenny was so exhausted after her call from Mrs. Hamilton that she fell into a deep sleep and didn’t wake up until the next morning. She was surprised to find herself still dressed from the day before. As she slowly orientated herself, she hoped that what had happened yesterday was all a dream, but slowly the reality of Nancy’s call glared in her mind.
Oh, what should I do?
Oh how I wish Tammy was alive, Jenny thought. She would be on the phone to her in a second. Perhaps she would call Camilla and talk it over with her. And then there was Matti and Chloe…she would start with her daughter.
Jenny got up, washed herself and made a cup of tea. She looked outside and noted the blue sky. There was a slight breeze in the air. She could tell by the swaying of the tops of the tall fir trees in the backyard.
It was early, just a few minutes after seven. It was Thursday and Camilla would be getting ready for work. She didn’t start at the tutorial school until nine-thirty, perhaps she would have a few minutes to talk. Jenny didn’t think she could last until after dinner. She needed to talk with someone…her daughter was used to speaking to girls in difficult situations. Yet, what she had to share involved her, too. It had to do with family and she might find it difficult to be objective. No, she would call her daughter; they had talked about her relationships with James and Henry before. She would understand.
Jenny picked up the phone in the living room, sat down and dialed the number.
“Hello…”
“Hi Jeremy, I hope you were up?”
“Oh yeah, for over an hour. I’m an early riser, a practice Dad drilled into me. You have to start the day right.”
Jenny wished she could say the same for her day. “Is Camilla up and around?”
“Yeah, she is just coming out of the washroom, hang on.”
Jenny heard Jeremy calling his wife and Camilla exclaim, “What does Mom want so early?”
Camilla’s footsteps could be heard rushing to the phone.
“Hi, Mom! This is an unexpected call so early. Have you got something exciting to share with me?”
Jenny held back her tears… “Do you have a few minutes to talk, Camilla? If this is a bad time…you may be getting Josh ready for play school and all…”
“No, Jeremy usually does if he notices I’m running late. I have time, Mom, what’s up?”
“Oh, Camilla, I am so torn over what to do. James, my ex-husband has been calling for me to come back and yesterday his mother called and said James is critically ill and pleaded with me to come back too…”
Jenny could no longer hold back her tears…
“Oh, Mom, what a difficult situation to be in. I know how much you love Henry and your plan is eventually to marry him. Would this be just a temporary visit to go back?” Camilla wanted to know more facts.
“I think James wants more than just a visit and he is trying so hard. All the years we were married he was never there. It was always his business that took priority, but now, with his illness he so regrets it all and wants to try again. My heart goes out to him and yet it is really Henry that I truly love.”
Camilla was silent as the full ramifications sank in of what all this would mean, if Jenny returned to Ottawa.
“Camilla, I truly believe he needs me at this time…I don’t know what the future holds, but I have to go.”
“Oh, Mom, I don’t know what to say…usually I can come up with some solution, or advice, but…oh my gosh, this must be so terribly difficult for you to be caught in between like this.”
“It’s heart breaking, Camilla. I want to stay and get married to Henry but that’s another problem. The Church doesn’t recognize the divorce between James and I, which is another hurdle. There is the possibility of an annulment, but that’s remote if not impossible. Even if I don’t go back, what is the future for Henry and me? I know for certain Henry wouldn’t go against the wishes of the Church. And even if we were able to get the annulment and get married, I may feel guilty for abandoning James. He is so filled with regret over our failed marriage and seems to be trying so hard to change…and then there is my son, J.J. and grandson…Oh, Camilla, I am so torn as to what to do!”
Jenny could hear Jeremy in the background asking what was wrong…
“Just a minute, Mom…please get Josh ready and take him to school. Mom is having some difficulties, I’ll explain later…Yes, love you, too…sorry, Mom…I would hate to see you go away, but that is selfish of me. But then I think about Josh as he is beginning to love you so much. I know how much he missed Grandma Pederson and now to see you go away…oh, these are all such selfish thoughts, Mom. Even if it’s how I feel you shouldn’t have all this pressure on you… I just don’t know what to say.”
A silence hung on the phone. Both women began to cry.
Slowly, Camilla began. “Mom, I have to meet with one of the girls that is going through a crisis, too. It may take me most of the morning and then I will take the afternoon off and come over. There has to be something that we can do…usually when we see doors closed, there is always another that opens…just hang in there, Mom. I’ll be at your place as soon as I can. Are you going to be okay…?”
“Yes, Camilla, I’ll be fine. Do what you have to do. If you can take some time off later, I would love to see you.”
Jenny was on the way out to the patio deck with a cup of tea when Chloe called.
“Hello, Auntie Jen! Is that you? I can hardly hear you.”
“Yes, it’s me, Chloe,” Jenny said, catching her breath and trying to compose herself. “It’s so good to hear from you. In fact, I was thinking of calling you.”
Chloe didn’t pick up on the troubled tone in Jenny’s voice and began sharing an experience she just had.
“I’ve sure had an unsettling morning at the centre, Auntie. A pregnant girl, Gail, who I have been counselling to keep her baby came in to the centre this morning with her sister. Boy, was her sister ever upset with me!”
“What happened, Chloe…?” Suddenly, Chloe’s problem gave Jenny some relief from her own dilemma.
“Well, Gail’s sister said I had no business talking Gail out of having an abortion and that it was her right to do what she wanted. She went on and on how the fetus wasn’t anything more than a mass of blood cells and that it was Gail’s body and I should be minding my own business. This led into a confrontation that lasted for over an hour.”
“What did you tell her, Chloe?” Jenny wanted to know.
“Whenever I could get a word in edgewise, I tried to explain that our viewpoints had some middle ground. I tried to explain to Gail and her sister that we care deeply for both; the baby and the mother. The question I asked her was, “Why can’t we love both? Why do we have to destroy the one?”
“That’s a good question, Chloe, what did she say to that?” Jenny was eager to know.
“She didn’t answer my question but kept following the argument that it was Gail’s right to choose to do as she wanted with her own body, as she claimed earlier. So I asked her again, ‘To choose what? Is it Gail’s right to choose to kill the baby in her womb? Doesn’t the child have rights, too?’”
Jenny remained silent, hoping Chloe would go on.
“It’s just a fetus, it is not a human being,” she went on to say. So, I asked her, “When is it a human being?” “When it’s born,” she responded “and takes its first breath.” I tried to explain something
I knew she already knew, that the moment the sperm fertilized the egg, a human being was created. In a matter of days, the identity of a human emerges and soon a separate tick of the heart can be heard, two different brain wave patterns can be identified, as well as two different blood types and in some cases, two different sexes! What further proof does one need? Some babies are born three months premature and what comes out of the womb…a human being!”
“It must be so frustrating for you at times, Chloe.”
“Well, discussions like this usually end up going around in circles because there really is no case or justification. Abortion is simply choosing to terminate the life of a child and in all too many instances, is nothing more than another form of contraception. The argument that it is a woman’s right to control her own body just doesn’t make any sense. In all other areas of our society, the rights of individuals are limited when they infringe upon the rights of another. Sadly, abortion is an exception; women have the legal right to kill an innocent, defenseless human being simply because that human being is within their womb.”
“Oh, Chloe, if I had terminated the life of Camilla, it would have haunted me for the rest of my days. I just know I would have been devastated.”
“Unfortunately, most women know that what they are about to do is wrong and what the consequences will be. However, they don’t see any other options. They feel trapped by circumstances: their boyfriend wants them to, their parents encourage them to, or their future will be affected. The list goes on…”
“But there are so many alternatives and support agencies—”
“Exactly, Auntie! That’s why we are here to show girls that there are better choices to abortion. That’s what I tried to show Gail and her sister. There are thousands of helping centers that provide financial aid, medical services, legal advice, counselling, a place to live, a job, education, assistance to parent the child or make an adoption plan.”
“I remember you also telling me there are retreat centers to help women who have had an abortion…”
“Yes! The one we spoke of was Rachel’s Vineyard Retreat, but there are many others. Fortunately, we are getting the message out that we are here to help women who are suffering from Post Abortion Trauma. We are here to help them, not condemn them. We are here for the mother and the child. And this is what we ask of abortion defenders, to be the same. How can one say they love the woman without loving the child in her womb? How can one say they can harm the child without harming the mother?”
“Why can’t we love them both, Chloe?”
A long silence travelled over the phone line as both women reflected upon the senselessness of abortion.
“Millions upon millions of babies are terminated each year, Auntie. So many lives affected. The pain and heartache we see is so sad and devastating. If only people would realize that by remaining silent, they are not helping women who are considering to choose abortion nor helping women who have had an abortion. Both perceptions convey the message that they don’t understand the woman’s pain, the issue, that they simply don’t care or there is no hope—its legal, can’t do anything about it! So, at the end of the day, most remain silent and allow this holocaust to continue.”
“Yes, as you said, in all too many cases it’s the silence which has led to make such a disastrous choice in the first place.”
“Gail’s sister’s argument that it was none of my business to interfere may be sincere, yet lacks understanding. It’s everyone’s business. We never hear someone say, ‘I would never abuse my child, but if you want to, that’s your choice.’ No, we would intervene out of care and love for each other…Oh, Auntie, it’s such a huge concern for society and somehow we must wake people up to voice their opinion! I am so glad Mom got me started in all of this and made me aware of what is going on and the need to cry out.”
“Yes, I was just thinking of Tammy the other day and how much I miss her and the chats we used to have. She was such a dear, dear, close friend.”
“You were like sisters, that’s why I call you Auntie! Do you ever hear from Uncle James? I barely remember him. He was never at home when I came to visit you on the estate.”
“Yes, I have heard from him quite a bit lately, Chloe. It’s interesting that you should ask. I was actually thinking about calling you to talk about James and discuss a choice I am struggling with.”
“Oh, Auntie, here I’ve been rambling on and forgot to ask how things are going with you! What choice is troubling you?”
“James is ill, Chloe. Apparently he’s as sick with cancer as I was. He has called me several times asking for me to come back and try again—”
“But what about, Henry? You two are so much in love. I thought you were going to get married? Oh Auntie, what a position to be in!”
“Apparently, from all reports, he’s a changed man and I must admit he sounds so completely different from the way he used to be when he calls.”
“And what about J.J., gosh, I haven’t talked to him in ages nor met his wife or seen his son! There just were never any family ties created.”
“That’s right, Chloe. And J.J. still isn’t talking to me. I thought if I do decide to see James, I could perhaps talk to J.J. and see my grandson. It’s just that, I don’t want to give James the wrong message…”
“And you don’t want to hurt or worry, Henry.”
“Yes, I’ve prayed so long for us to be together and now this has come up and there are other complications that have to do with the Church. The Catholic Church doesn’t recognize divorce and so this is a major impediment for Henry and I to get married.”
“Oh, my, Auntie, isn’t there anything you can do?”
“The only option is to have our marriage annulled. To show that there was never a marriage between James and I.”
“Well, in a sense that’s true, Auntie.”
“But I did make a vow to love, honour and cherish, in good times and in bad, until death do us part and so did James to me.”
“I hate to think this, Auntie, but that may be your only hope, that Uncle James passes away. Oh, that doesn’t sound right, does it?”
“No, I am actually praying for his healing, Chloe. I do want the best for him and yet…” Jenny’s words trailed off.
A silence fell over the line again. Neither Chloe nor Jenny saw any solution in sight. Jenny did however feel better than before. Chloe’s concern took her mind off her matter and just talking about it more calmly gave her a different perspective.
“The best solution is to take one step at a time and deal with challenges as they arise. Fretting and worrying won’t help the situation.”
“I agree, Auntie Jen. Things have a way of working out…”
“Henry and Father Engelmann would say to trust in God’s divine providence. He knows all things and can make what seems impossible, possible!”
“Daddy says that all the time—”
“Yes, how is Robbie doing? I haven’t spoken to him since I got out of the hospital. I wanted to thank him for all his prayers and his prayer partners. I’m sure all those prayers from everyone were heard by the good Lord.”
“You can count on it, Auntie. I’ll tell Dad you called and ask him to phone you, he might have some suggestions. By the way, how is Camilla? It was so nice meeting your daughter when I was there. She looks so much like you and such a lovely lady. We had so much in common when we spoke. We’re both counsellors, and we were born out of wedlock and…we both could have been aborted!”
“The thought makes me shiver, Chloe. I thank God everyday for blessing your mom and me with such lovely girls. Oh thank you, thank you, thank you Lord!”
“Oh, Auntie, I am so elated that you were so miraculously healed. I would have missed you so terribly. I love you so much!”
“I love you, too, Chloe. Please say hi to Robbie and tell him to call me when he has a minute. Camilla is coming over after lunch, so I’d better get going.”
“Say hi to her for me. I’ll keep you in my pray
ers that everything works out for the good, Auntie. Bye…”
Jenny slowly hung up the phone and looked at the kitchen clock. It was still early. There was another half hour before the gallery opened, she had to talk to Henry and tell him what she had decided to do.
Chapter Sixty Four
Henry was working on a framing order when he felt a presence. He looked up and was startled to see Jenny standing at the doorway that led to the café side.
“Jenny! It’s so good to see you! What brings you here?”
Henry put down the mat board sample he was holding and walked over to the love of his life. Unbidden tears were sitting on the edge of her eyelids and it took only one more blink for the tears to begin sliding down Jenny’s cheeks. Henry knew what might be troubling her, but he so desired to kiss her and hold her that everything else could wait. They warmly embraced and kissed tenderly.
“Come, let’s sit down.” Henry led her to the bay window in the back section of the café. A few patrons were having coffee in the front section. They could vaguely be heard but not seen from that area. They sat at a table for two and immediately reached out their hands to each other. They gazed into each other’s eyes for the longest moment and then Henry asked, “What’s wrong, Jenny?”
He knew what it might be troubling his sweetheart, but hoped that his assumptions were wrong.
They were right!
“It’s James, Henry. He wants me to come back. Late yesterday, his mother, Nancy, called and pleaded with me to come as well. Apparently, James’ condition, although stable, is not very good; he should be in the hospital but refuses to go. He is adamant that I return and wants to see me on the estate again before he will agree to be admitted to the hospital.”
Henry squeezed Jenny’s hands and shook his head. “That puts so much pressure on you, honey…what do you want to do?”
“That’s why I’m here. I want and need your input.”
A concerned look grew on Henry’s face, “Your marriage with James was never fulfilling and he was the one that divorced you…are you sure you want to go back and…this would be just temporary, wouldn’t it?”
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