The Affair_A gripping psychological thriller with a shocking twist

by Sheryl Browne

  She placed the phone on the bed and let it go to voicemail. Jessica’s spare bed in her spare room, pretty and prissy and nothing like her own. Sophie missed it already. She missed him. Missed Luke so much it hurt. It felt like her intestines were all twisted up inside her. Turning away from the phone, she curled herself into a ball, clamping her hands to her tummy and wishing the cramps would go away, that everything would go away. Especially her mother. All of this was her fault. All of it.

  Plucking at a loose edge of wallpaper, she ignored the phone when it rang again. He was a bit keen, wasn’t he, to drop another bombshell in her life? She didn’t have a life any more, though, did she? Not one worth living. Sophie’s anger intensified, twisting itself into a tight knot, like a snake squirming around in her belly. She’d never hated her dad. She’d been pissed off with him sometimes, yes, but he’d never been a rubbish dad, distant like some of her friends’ dads were, or overbearing: laying down the rules, expecting her to jump to his command. He’d always tried to talk to her, even when he completely didn’t get it. He’d smiled when she’d needed him to, making her think that whatever trauma she was going through maybe wasn’t such a big deal after all. She didn’t hate him now, though she wanted to. She just wanted him to do what he’d always done – make things all right. He’d always looked out for her, taking the little dickhead who was bullying her at junior school aside and making him stop with no more than a succinct word. Wiping away her tears and bathing her knees when she grazed them, which she always seemed to be doing when she was small.

  He’d taught her to ride her bike on her own in the hall, she recalled, rather than risk her skinning her knees again on the icy pavement outside. Sophie’s mouth curved into a small smile as she remembered how he’d whooped like a big kid when she’d finally got the hang of it. His eyes had been so full of pride, she felt like she’d climbed a mountain. And then he’d gone slightly cross-eyed when one of the rugs that covered the flagstones had slipped from underneath him and he’d landed flat on his back.

  She pictured herself dropping down to clamp her hand to his cheek. ‘Are you hurt?’ she’d whispered fearfully.

  He’d lifted his head and given her a wink. ‘Nothing damaged but my pride, Pumpkin,’ he’d assured her. He had been hurt though. He’d dislocated his shoulder, they learned later, but hadn’t said anything, in order to protect her impressionable five-year-old’s feelings.

  She wished she could be small again, his little girl, safe in the unshakeable belief that her dad would be there for her forever.

  He’d never lied to her either. Was he going to now? Would he try to soften the blow with more lies, she wondered? Would he quietly distance himself from her, or just wash his hands of everything and walk away?

  Unfurling herself as her phone rang for a third time, Sophie leaned her back against the wall, brought her knees up to her chest and reluctantly picked it up.

  ‘Hi, Sophie, it’s Dad,’ Justin said when she answered, causing the icy dagger to inch further into her heart. ‘Are you busy?’

  ‘No. Just sleeping.’ Sophie plucked nervously on her eyebrow stud. ‘Sorry, I muted my phone.’

  ‘Are you okay?’ Justin asked, immediate concern in his voice.

  ‘Yeah, just stomach cramps.’ Sophie shrugged. ‘You know.’

  ‘Ask Jess for a hot water bottle,’ Justin advised, sounding like he always did, as near normal as it was possible to be in the abnormal shit-fest their lives had become. ‘Take a couple of paracetamol and curl up under the duvet for a while.’

  ‘I will,’ Sophie said, thinking that a truckload of paracetamol might be the only thing that would make this pain go away. ‘So, why the call?’ she asked him, bracing herself for bad news – which it would be, whatever he said. If he didn’t tell her, he’d be lying, leaving her with the uncertainty of when the bomb would drop. And if he told her… Sophie tucked her knees closer to her chest. She didn’t think she could bear it.

  ‘I just wanted to let you know your mum’s on her way over,’ Justin said, causing her to immediately uncoil.

  ‘Why?’ she asked apprehensively. ‘I mean, why’s she coming here now? I’ve only just got here.’

  Justin hesitated. ‘There’s been a problem… at home,’ he said carefully.

  Sophie almost laughed. That was one way of describing a total fucking catastrophe, she supposed. ‘What kind of problem?’ she asked warily, praying that if he couldn’t tell her the whole truth, he wouldn’t give her a load of bullshit. He’d be struggling with it as much as she was, after all. His pride would be badly bruised this time. His heart pulverised, all thanks the woman who had vowed to stay faithful to him. Cow.

  ‘A break-in,’ Justin supplied, after a pause. ‘Nothing major taken,’ he added quickly, obviously trying to reassure her. ‘Some jewellery: your mum’s gold locket, a few other things. No items of yours, as far as we can see. I think your mum will feel safer there with you and Jess though.’

  ‘A break-in?’ Sophie felt goosebumps prickle her skin. ‘But… when?’ she asked, disbelieving. How? How did this shit just keep happening?

  ‘While we were out. At the funeral.’

  It took a second for Sophie to digest. While we were saying goodbye to Luke, someone had… Tears springing to eyes, she glanced upwards.

  ‘Okay, Pumpkin?’ Justin asked softly, which only made it worse.

  ‘Yes,’ Sophie blurted quickly. She couldn’t cry. All the hurt stuffed inside her would come tumbling out if she did. She couldn’t talk to him either. How could she? From him, at least, she wanted honesty. She didn’t want to be pacified. She wanted the truth. The unedited, ugly truth.

  ‘You didn’t notice anything missing or moved in your room, did you, Sophie?’ Justin asked her.

  Shaking her head, Sophie tried to focus. She hadn’t. But then, she’d been in such a state of shock that she probably wouldn’t have noticed if Santa Claus plus his reindeer had dropped down the chimney. ‘No,’ she said. ‘What about you? Are you coming here too?’ She hoped her broaching of the subject sounded innocuous.

  ‘I, er…’

  Sophie tried to suppress her growing sense of dread as Justin searched for an answer.

  ‘No,’ he said, eventually, over a long intake of breath. ‘I’ll, er, be staying in a hotel, just for a while. I… have a work trip, a conference,’ he went on falteringly. Lying badly.

  And Sophie’s heart splintered. ‘Right,’ she choked, feeling the knot in her stomach tighten into a fist. ‘I have to go. Dinner’s ready. I’ll see you… whenever.’

  Twenty-Three

  ALICIA

  Alicia gazed out of the taxi window, seeing nothing of the normality going on around her, her mind instead full of disjointed snapshots of her life: Justin in the delivery room, nestling Sophie gently in his arms, swearing to his new baby girl that he would die to protect her.

  His awe when he’d watched Sophie take her first steps. His fierce sense of pride as she’d accomplished each achievement in her life, big or small. The adoration that shone from his eyes whenever he quietly listened to her singing. The same adoration she’d seen in his eyes for Lucas, as he’d watched his baby boy grow.

  The tortured, terrifying heartbreak when he’d realised he couldn’t save him. Alicia would never forget that look in his eyes.

  The thunderous look, bordering on hatred, she’d seen when Paul had followed her into the house. She would take that memory to her grave.

  He knew – at least part of it. He would be beyond devastated, and she didn’t dare hope he could ever forgive her, but if he ever found out about Sophie, the possibility she might not be his, it would kill him. At least Paul couldn’t disclose that to him, though. He couldn’t reveal what he didn’t know. She’d never told him about her pregnancy. For Justin’s sake, she’d sworn she never would.

  Realising they’d arrived at Jessica’s, Alicia paid the taxi off and climbed tiredly out. She needed to be with Sophie. To hold her close and never let h
er go. To try somehow to stop the hurt, the immeasurable pain her daughter would be going through. She had no idea how she could, apart from simply being there for her. She knew she hadn’t been, through all of this. And now some heartless animal had invaded their home. Sophie would be terrified by that knowledge.

  She’d barely taken a step when a car drew up as the taxi pulled off. Paul Radley. Alicia’s blood turned to ice as she recognised his car. How in God’s name did he know Jessica’s address? Jessica had gone out with his friend for a while, not him.

  ‘Alicia,’ Paul called, winding his window down.

  Alicia glanced towards the house, and then took a breath and walked towards him.

  ‘I just wanted to check you were okay,’ he said, smiling as she approached.

  ‘So you followed me?’ Alicia looked at him, astonished.

  Paul furrowed his brow. ‘Why would I do that? I know where your sister lives. I dropped David off here from the tennis club several times. I was just concerned, that’s—’

  ‘What do you want, Paul?’ Alicia asked him tersely. Maybe he was genuinely worried – she’d always been rubbish at reading the signs where Paul Radley was concerned – but whatever his reasons were for hounding her, he must know that he was putting her marriage in jeopardy.

  ‘Look, Alicia.’ He sighed. ‘I know I took off suddenly, and that you probably don’t want to see me…’

  Probably? Alicia laughed incredulously.

  ‘Can we talk? Please?’ he asked her. ‘Five minutes. No more, I promise.’

  Alicia glanced nervously back to the house. She didn’t want him anywhere near her daughter.

  ‘We can drive around, if you like? Or we can just sit in the car.’

  Alicia hesitated, and then braced herself. ‘Just five minutes. And we’ll stay here,’ she said, walking around to his passenger side. ‘So?’ she asked, climbing in.

  Paul looked her thoughtfully over. ‘I’m concerned, Ali, that’s all,’ he said kindly. ‘I know asking you if you’re all right is ludicrous. Clearly, you’re not going to be, after all that’s happened. I’d just like to help, if I can.’

  Alicia glanced warily at him. Surely he must know that the only thing he could possibly do to help would be to leave her alone? ‘There’s nothing you can do, Paul, really,’ she assured him. ‘Thank you for the lift to the reception, and for bringing my phone back – it was kind of you – but I really think it’s best if we don’t have any further contact. I have my family to think of.’

  Letting out another heavy sigh, Paul nodded. ‘Your daughter,’ he said.

  ‘And Justin,’ Alicia reminded him. ‘Look, Paul, I really should go inside. I need to talk to Sophie.’

  ‘Right,’ Paul said, as she reached for her door. ‘Give her my love.’

  Her heart immediately skipping a beat, Alicia froze.

  ‘Sophie,’ Paul clarified, as she looked cautiously back at him. ‘Give her my love, will you?’

  ‘What?’ Alicia stared hard at him.

  Paul looked away, placing his hands on the steering wheel and fixing his gaze straight ahead. ‘I’ve been wondering… about the timing of your pregnancy.’ He paused pointedly. ‘I talked to Jessica at her party. She mentioned she’d been thinking of having a joint party with Sophie for her upcoming sixteenth. Naturally, that gave me pause for thought.’

  Alicia’s heart stopped dead. Jessica? But, surely she would have realised she wouldn’t want him to have her date of birth?

  ‘Is she mine, Alicia?’

  Alicia didn’t answer. She wasn’t capable of formulating an answer.

  ‘I have a right to know, Alicia. If she is my daughter—’

  He stopped, his grip on the steering wheel tightening. His eyes were dangerous, when they came back to hers. ‘Well?’ he demanded.

  ‘I… I don’t know,’ Alicia stammered, completely destabilised. ‘I…’

  Paul sneered. ‘I see. But you didn’t think to mention the fact that you were pregnant?’

  ‘No, I… You went away. I—’

  ‘I rang you! I emailed you! You didn’t return one of my calls. Not one! Why? I loved you. I couldn’t stop thinking about you. Why didn’t you—’

  ‘Loved?’ Alicia stared at him, stunned.

  Paul tugged in a terse breath. ‘I’ve missed her childhood, Alicia,’ he growled, his jaw tightening. ‘Those years of watching her grow up, they were mine.’

  ‘That’s rubbish!’ Alicia countered, her anger unleashing. ‘What happened between us was a mistake. It was wrong – you know it was. And what if I had told you? You left! Went off to your bright new career in Dubai. Why would I have imagined you would have been remotely interested in a child you might have fathered?’

  ‘I didn’t leave voluntarily,’ Paul said, after a second. ‘I had a spot of bother. With the Financial Conduct Authority.’ He paused, embarrassed. ‘An investment complaint. It was all cleared up eventually, but… The point is, I was interested. I asked you to join me. You didn’t even bother to reply.’

  ‘Join you?’ Alicia studied him, now utterly bewildered. ‘I was married. I loved my husband.’

  ‘But you still came back. Made love with me,’ Paul retorted. ‘What we had was good, Alicia. Special. You can’t deny that.’

  Alicia laughed incredulously. To him, it had been. He’d kissed her tenderly before she’d left the hotel room that first time. He’d sent her flowers, she remembered, to the office. He really had thought it was special. A relationship. ‘You’re mad,’ she said, and turned to shove her door open.

  Paul idled for a second, after she climbed out. Alicia felt the hairs rise on her skin as she wondered whether he might try to follow her in. Then, at last, he eased away from the kerb.

  ‘I’ll be in touch,’ he shouted through his window as he drove off, causing cold terror to rip through her.

  Justin was going to find out, from him, and there was nothing she could do to stop it. She’d never said the actual words – told Justin that Sophie was his. Why would she? He’d trusted her, God help him. He’d never questioned her. He’d been the best father to Sophie that a man could be. She had to pre-empt Paul, talk to Justin before he did.

  It would kill him. His heart would be utterly broken.

  Swallowing back her deep sense of shame, the shame she’d carried, and which had intensified every time she’d lied, whether with words or by omission, she swiped a tear from her cheek and turned to the house, ringing the bell urgently, only to find Jess already swinging the door open.

  ‘Ali…’ Jess’s face was white, her eyes filled with apprehension as they searched hers. ‘Justin… He knows.’

  Alicia felt her legs go weak beneath her. Oh God, no. ‘How much?’ she asked, her voice hoarse. ‘How much does he know?’

  Stepping back to let her in, Jessica glanced guiltily down. ‘Sophie. He knows about Sophie,’ she said, looking wretchedly back at her.

  Alicia stared at her, uncomprehending. Surely Jess hadn’t…? She’d sworn she wouldn’t. She’d urged Alicia to tell Justin the truth years ago, but she’d promised she would never take it upon herself to do so.

  ‘I didn’t tell him,’ Jess said quickly. ‘I would never have done that, I swear to God I wouldn’t. But when he asked me outright… I was vague, but couldn’t lie to him, Ali. I’m just no good at it. He guessed. I think he’d half guessed already. I’m so sorry.’ She looked at her beseechingly. ‘So, so sorry,’

  Alicia nodded, the floor seeming to shift underneath her as she tried to digest, tried to imagine what unbearable heartbreak Justin would be going through right now. ‘It’s all right,’ she said, closing her eyes. It was her fault. Not Jess’s. Hers. She should never have expected her to lie for her. ‘I need to ring him. Talk to him.’

  ‘There’s something else.’ Jess caught her arm as she fumbled shakily into her bag for her phone.

  Alicia looked sharply up. What? What else could there be?

  ‘Sophie.’ Jess’s eyes were wide
with fear. ‘I think she might have overheard.’

  Alicia felt the breath being sucked from her body, her world unravelling, her marriage crumbling. Her husband’s life ruined. Her daughter’s.

  Twenty-Four

  SOPHIE

  She was here. Having watched her mum climb out of the car and come through the front door, Sophie stepped back from the window. A car driven by another man, she’d noted. She obviously had him at her beck and call, just like she’d had Justin.

  Sophie was disinclined to talk to her – what could she have to say, after all, that was worth listening to? On the other hand, what she did have to say would be important. For one, Sophie would quite like to know who her father was. She would also like to know why she’d decided it was okay to lie to her, as if she had some God-given right to fuck up her life because she’d given birth to her.

  She intended to have an exit strategy in place, however. If her mum fed her more bullshit, as Justin just had, she wanted to be well away from them both. Justin could bugger off on fictitious business conferences as much as he liked, and her lovely mother could stew in her own mess.

  Checking she had all she needed in her overnight bag, she glanced at her phone as it signalled an incoming call. Justin again. She’d guessed it would be. Obviously he’d heard the disillusionment in her voice when she’d ended their last call and was concerned. Or maybe he now realised that she knew what a complete screw-up her life was. Well, that was tough. If he were genuinely concerned, he wouldn’t have lied – end of. Rejecting the call, she selected Chloe’s number, and then waited worriedly as she took ages to answer. Please pick up, Chloe, she prayed silently, as she heard Jessica and her mum talking in the hall. She would be up in a minute, Sophie guessed.

  Was she contemplating dropping the news casually into the conversation, Sophie wondered, saying, Hey, what do you fancy for dinner? Takeaway? And then, Oh, and you’re the product of a seedy affair I had, by the way, but I decided to pass you off as Justin’s. Fancy some onion rings?