Casey led Paige up the back stairs while exactly who could stay was sorted out. Family photographs and children’s framed art lined the wall. Paige passed them slowly to look at each one, and to search for Jake.
They came to the top and into a large room. Two entire walls were dedicated to built-in bunk beds, two sets on each wall that met in the corner for a total of eight beds. The rest of the space was available for open play and from the looks of it had been well used over the past few hours.
“Are you sure this is okay?” she asked Hannah.
“Positive. We haven’t done it in a while.”
“But you’re so…”
“Pregnant?” Hannah laughed.
“No. I meant…” That’s exactly what she’d meant, though not in a bad way.
Hannah smiled. “It’s fine, really. Stephen will handle it.”
“I’ll blame this on my two,” Abby said. “They’re usually the instigators.”
Casey made her way up a ladder only slightly slower than the other kids and sat on one of the top bunks. “It’s so cool! I already picked out my bed.”
“Wow, this is a great room.” And the kids did seem to know what was going on, like this wasn’t a new thing.
“Yeah, I’m not sure if Stephen is planning to have eight kids or if it’s for the cousins, but either way it works.”
“Can I stay?” Casey yelled, now sitting on the next bed over with Caroline.
“It’s amazing. All of it.” The room, the kids, the women. She had exactly zero friends with kids.
“Matt and Stephen can’t sit still,” Abby was saying. “You’d think they’d be busy enough with their work outside the house, but no. Always a project.”
“They did it first for the riding camp cabins,” Hannah told her. “Then Matt did it for Abby, then this house.”
“Mine’s next,” Beth said. “My youngest is eight, but it’s just too cute. You know Marge is dying to turn her basement into sleepover central.”
Hannah’s and Abby’s eyes went wide. “That is the best idea I ever heard. A grandparent sleep station.”
“Can I stay?” Casey called out.
“It’s not easy to get alone time,” Abby said with a smile. “I should know.”
“What? You’ve got built-in babysitters,” Hannah said.
“True. Annie and Gracie are always willing. Even Jack does a good job, but there was a time. Dark days.” She grinned and faked a shiver running through her body. “Though Matt can get creative when he needs to,” she added with a slightly dreamy look.
Paige felt a tingle zip through her, thinking of all the ways she imagined Jake could get creative. Pictured them trying to sneak away for stolen moments. “How long have you been married?”
“Nine years this January. I can’t even believe it’s been that long.” Abby turned the diamond ring on her left hand.
“And they’re still sappy sweet in love,” Beth said, smiling.
“And going to Fiji for a week,” Hannah added. “So jealous.”
“Yes, I have Matt’s parents to thank for that. They offered to keep our crew. I know you’ll both be stepping in to help, so thank you ahead of time. And you’re one to talk, Hannah. You and Stephen still live like newlyweds after five years. So do you and Tony,” she added, looking at Beth.
“Yes, though if you count when Tony and I started dating, not even dating, ‘going steady’ ”—she said with air quotes—“we’ve been together almost thirty years.”
Paige got that empty feeling again, staring at the obvious love on Beth’s face. On all their faces. What would that be like? To love a man and have him love you back. To be with one person forever and make a real family like the ones she’d seen here. She hadn’t thought it was real. Hadn’t believed in it at all.
“We all got lucky, that’s for sure. And there’s one more brother to get lucky with,” Hannah said, smiling, and all the women turned their eyes toward her.
“JT’s never brought a girl home before. Not in all the time I’ve known him,” Beth said.
“Oh, well…It’s just for Casey,” she said again.
“Do you really believe that?” Hannah asked. “I have a lot of kids come ride here, and none get an escort by the man personally making their prosthesis.”
“Oh, well, I—”
“We don’t mean to put you on the spot,” Beth said. “I just…I’ve known JT a long time, since he was a little boy. He went through a really rough time, but…I noticed a certain stillness in him tonight. He looked happy. Content.”
Because of her? Is that what they thought? She wouldn’t have thought she’d have the power to influence a man like Jake.
“Mom! Can I stay?”
“And…our talking time is up,” Beth said with a soft smile.
“She’s welcome to stay,” Hannah said. “You’ll have to tell me if there’s anything special I need to do.”
“No. She can handle it.” She couldn’t believe she was actually considering letting her daughter sleep over, but she realized Casey could handle it. “She’ll take it off when she’s ready and put it on when she needs it.”
“Mom, please! I want to stay!” This time Casey added a little teary-eyed desperation.
“We’ll just be a phone call away if she changes her mind, or if you do,” Hannah said.
A slow smile spread across Abby’s face, and the women exchanged another knowing look. “Not likely with JT to keep her company.”
—
JT met Matt and Stephen in the kitchen, throwing away paper plates.
“Where’re you off to?” Matt asked.
“Casey’s spending the night. I’m going to run down and get her stuff.”
“Try not to sound too excited,” Stephen said with a grin. JT glared, but his brother just laughed. “I just did you a solid, man. Use your time wisely.”
He should have known it’d be a big deal bringing Paige and Casey here, like bringing a girl home for dinner, though that’s not exactly what he’d been thinking when he planned it. Going by the looks he’d gotten all night, big deal didn’t even come close. He’d barely escaped getting cornered by his mother. He could tell she was dying to question him.
“I’ll walk with you,” Matt said.
The night was noticeably cooler than it had been a few hours ago. A light breeze had the tall pines rustling. He walked beside his brother. It shouldn’t feel odd, they were brothers for God’s sake. But when had he ever just hung out with Matt?
He’d said goodbye to him when he was six, spent his childhood idolizing him from afar. Then he’d had his accident, and he’d been the one to leave.
“Cole and Caroline are big,” he finally said.
“Yes. They’re all growing fast. Too fast.”
Time goes by, he thought. He’d missed a lot.
“When are you going back?”
“Tomorrow afternoon. I have to work. So does Paige.”
“Why do you sound so unhappy about that?”
“She works too hard.” And he wanted to wrap her in cotton. “This has been great, though. I’m glad they came. I wish Casey could stay longer.”
“Jack will be sorry he missed you. He’ll be playing JV in the fall. I know it’s a long way, but he’d love it if you came to one of his games. You know you’re still his hero.”
Even though he hadn’t played through college? How much more proud would Jack have been if his uncle had gone pro? And how much would Matt not want Jack looking up to him if he knew the whole truth of the accident? Those were the kinds of thoughts he battled against around his family.
But still…“I’d like that,” he found himself saying and meant it. Maybe he’d bring Casey and Paige. “Send me the schedule. I’ll see what I can do. That’s great about Annie’s shooting win.” His oldest daughter had recently won the Junior Three Gun competition.
Matt smiled. “She’s amazing, that’s for damn sure. I’d trust her at my back.”
“All I remember i
s a little girl in braids who barely said boo.” Because he’d barely met her. Seen her maybe once at the rehearsal dinner, then the wedding, then…everything had changed.
“Yeah. Things got crazy in our house, especially after the twins were born, so I made a promise to spend some one-on-one with each of them at least every month.”
“Good idea.” A good father idea.
“It was Abby’s,” Matt said, his lips curled up like just saying her name made him happy. “So anyway, Annie was first, and when I asked her, she blew me away. Of all the things I considered, I never expected she’d say she wanted to shoot a gun. It went from there. Jack’s always a sport. You get out any kind of ball and that boy is happy. Always has been.”
“And what about Gracie?” He pictured the little girl with curly hair and big eyes.
“Anything and everything at a fast pace.”
JT smiled, thinking that sounded like Casey.
“I’ve painted pottery, beaded bracelets, even took her to get her ears pierced. That about killed me. Right now, it’s mostly horses for her. Charlie always wanted to go to work with me, so that’s what we did. Hammering, destroying drywall. He’s twelve now, and actually a pretty good sidekick.”
“And you’ve still got Mary and the twins. Damn. Now I know why you started carving out time.”
“Yeah. But it’s all good. Most of the time it’s all of us, one great, big, chaotic jumble.”
He glanced at his brother. “And you wouldn’t have it any other way.”
“Nope.”
“I’m almost afraid to ask, but do you think you’ll have more?”
“Hell, no. Not after I watched Abby labor with the twins.” Matt stared beyond the trees. “That was the hardest day of my life.”
“I don’t think I ever apologized for that day, when you first told us about Abby.”
“No need. You were a little shit, but…” Matt laughed and grabbed him around the neck, then let go. “It’s all good.”
They walked the rest of the way in silence. JT went into the cabin and grabbed the things as Paige had directed. Casey’s pajamas and toothbrush and Bob.
Matt looked up when he came outside, and they started back up the hill. It’d been good to be with the family tonight. Really good. He seemed to fit in better on this visit than he ever had before. Paige and Casey had a lot to do with that. For the first time he felt more on an even plane with his older brothers.
“So what’s going on with you and Paige?”
JT stared at the dark in front of him, then the blanket of pine needles passing beneath his feet. “I don’t know.” He knew what he wanted to be going on. “I haven’t known her that long.”
“Doesn’t always take that long.”
“I guess not.” He glanced at the pink pajamas with the white puppies in his hand.
“You want to talk about it? I have some experience in women with children. You’re right to go slow if you’re not sure.”
He probably did need to talk, but he didn’t know what to ask. Matt had been so sure when he’d told the family about Abby that day. A woman he’d met at the beach and fallen in love with in a week.
But hadn’t he fallen in love with Paige in a day? A minute? And that wasn’t the problem. He was sure about them. He wasn’t sure about himself. “How did you know?”
“I loved them. I loved them more than anything, more than myself, and I knew I’d do anything to make them happy.”
JT nodded, the harder question beating at his mind. How did he know he’d be a good father? A good husband?
“You can’t make it happen,” Matt said as they reached Stephen’s house and climbed the steps. “Or,” he added with a knowing look over his shoulder. “Make it not happen.”
Chapter 23
Thirty minutes later he was walking through the woods with Paige’s hand tucked tightly in his. “Second thoughts?”
“No.”
“You sure?” He peeked over at her, thinking maybe she answered too quickly. “If she needs anything, Hannah will call us and we’ll be up the hill in two minutes or Stephen will walk her down.”
“I’m fine. It’s good. I’m glad she stayed.”
He pulled her to a stop and searched her eyes to see if she was really okay. Deciding she was, he slid his hands down and around her lower back. “I’m glad she stayed too.”
“Oh, is that why you were all for the sleepover?” she teased.
“No.” He kissed along her jaw. “I was going to do this anyway, it’s just going to be faster now.” He tipped her face up to his for a kiss, loving the way she kissed him back and knowing it had to be quick and light or they wouldn’t make it to the cabin.
“Was it weird having me here?”
“No. Absolutely not.” He hugged her against him. “If anything, it made it better.”
“So you’re glad you came?”
“Absolutely. A very good decision,” he added against her lips. “And about to get even better.” He took her hand and started walking again, eager to get to the cabin and kiss more than her lips.
“I love it here. It’s magical, something right out of a storybook.”
He agreed, but thought mostly the magic was her.
“I was always jealous of the kids at school and their vacations to the beach or the mountains.”
“I can’t see you being jealous.”
“I was. Not for the places, just the trips, the time. Riding in a car, asking, ‘Are we there yet?’ ”
“You never did that?”
“No. The only time I packed my stuff was when the landlord pounded on the door, threatening to throw us out. I’m not sure he ever would have, but I went through a phase of keeping my stuff in a trash bag beside my bed. Like…”
“Like what?”
“Like he might come any minute and throw us out into the night.” She shook her head at herself like she’d been silly. “I survived.”
“You did more than survive.” He brought her fingers to his lips. “And you know, you always shrug when you try to brush things off. Like you don’t want me to know it bothers you.”
She shrugged, and they shared a small laugh, but even in the quiet, he could feel she had more to say. They went a little further before she finally spoke.
“I don’t ever want Casey to feel like that, like the rug is about to be pulled out from under her. I never want Casey to know that fear of having no home, or to have to take her mom’s boyfriend’s half-eaten sandwich out of the garbage and put it in her lunchbox.”
Fuck. “Paige, I would never let that happen.”
“But, I can’t let that happen.” She pulled him to a stop. “I have to make sure it doesn’t, and I’m so afraid if I step off the line, I might go too far and never find it again.”
“And am I off the line?” That was his fear. That she would think of him as too big of a risk. That she’d walk away from what they could have.
“I don’t know. I don’t know what I can do here, with us. I don’t know what I can be and I don’t want to hurt you. I think—”
“Don’t.” He put his finger over her lips and curled his other hand around her neck, knowing she needed control like others needed air. “Don’t think. Just be with me. That’s all you need to do. You don’t have to know anything or decide anything. One day at a time. Nothing else will change. You’re not stepping off the line.
“No decisions. Nothing will change. You’ll work, you’ll go to school. You’ll stick to your plan. But don’t run away from what we have because you’re afraid. Or because of someone else’s mistakes.”
Her eyes searched his and he waited for what seemed like forever for her to agree. “Okay.”
Letting out a relieved sigh, he lowered his mouth to hers. After a long, lingering kiss, he lowered himself in front of her. “Get on.”
She did and he carried her the short distance left to the cabin. They made their way laughing, and he was grateful he could still make her laugh after the sudden s
trike of uncertainty he’d just seen in her eyes. His stumble up the steps had more to do with her teeth on his ear than him carrying her.
Paige got off his back in a slow, sensual slide, but he could still feel her body pressed against him. Her hands crept under his shirt and around to his stomach. His hand froze on the door to the cabin when her fingertips skimmed the waistband of his jeans. Thank God she was anxious, because he was desperate.
With extreme self-control, he covered her hand with his and somehow managed to get them both inside before it wandered any lower. Before the door clicked shut, his mouth was on hers. Before he’d flipped the dead bolt, his tongue swept inside and he tasted her, feasted on her.
“I missed you. This.” He tangled his fingers in her hair like an anchor.
She whimpered, trembling in his arms, her fingers digging into the back of his neck. With his mouth at her throat, he slipped a hand under her shirt. “I need you.”
He got rid of the shirt, then the bra, and went back to her mouth. Need and urgency mixed with desire and this new feeling that he needed her to belong to him, that maybe she already did.
They barely made it into the bedroom before her panties hit the floor. He laid her on the bed, shed his own clothes, then took a second. Completely naked, her chest rising and falling with every breath. “God. Look at you. You make me crazy.”
“In a good way?” she asked, a smile pulling at her perfect lips.
He levered himself over her, dipped his lips to just a breath from hers. “Yes. In a very good way.” The best. Then he proceeded to show her, starting at the top of her head and working his way down. He skipped her mouth so he wouldn’t lose himself in her kiss. And he would if he started there. He could spend hours with that mouth and never get enough. He sated himself with her breasts first, laving one nipple, then the other.
She moaned and moaned again, and her low sound of arousal drove him higher. And even though he wanted to be inside her with a desperation he’d never known, he went slowly, bringing her to the edge again and again. He wanted to give her so much pleasure that she’d know she belonged to him, that her body and heart would know only his. He grazed his teeth down her abdomen and lower, breathing in her scent. With his hands on her thighs, he held her open to him and in one long stroke of his tongue had her crying out his name.
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