by Lindy Zart
Blair hadn’t said it, but Lola knew she’d probably have to testify against Bob at court. A chill went down her spine. She never wanted to see him again. Would her mother be sitting on Bob’s side of the courtroom when that time came? Would her mother have to testify? Would charges be brought against her mother as well?
At least he was stuck in jail throughout the process. That made her feel a little more secure.
Lola took a shuddering breath and looked up. She blinked her eyes against the sunlight, breathless with what she saw. Lola slowly stood.
It was Jack, standing near the fence gate. His hands were shoved in the pockets of his jeans. He had on a Batman shirt and holey jeans. Jack’s hair hung partially over his eyes, his lips curled in their derisive way.
He was the most beautiful sight Lola had ever seen.
She took a staggering step toward him. He quickly closed the gap. Lola stared at him, devouring his features with her eyes. It was impossible to believe the effect Jack had on her.
“Miss me?” he said in that mocking way of his, but the unsteadiness of Jack’s voice belied his calm exterior.
Lola inhaled Jack’s wonderful scent, a tremulous smile on her lips as they embraced. Lola clutched him to her, loving the feel of his warm body against hers. It was scary how every part of her being reacted to his presence, to the very sight of him.
Eyes closed, Lola let everything fall away but that very moment. She didn’t think; she just felt. Jack’s hands went up her back, down her back. His cheek pressed against her hair. His lips grazed her temple. Rightness cocooned them. She loved his touch, his scent, his voice, the way he made her feel. She loved…
She jerked away, wide eyes trained on him.
Jack’s brows lowered. “What is it? Did I hurt you? Is it your chin? What, Lola?”
“I…um…” was all she could get out.
His fingers gripped her shoulders. “Talk to me. Are you okay, Lola?”
Lola wordlessly nodded.
“Then?”
“Nothing. I…I’m just so happy to see you.” It was the truth.
Jack expelled a noisy breath. He looked away, nodded. “You have no idea how happy I am to see you.”
Lola’s stomach fluttered and what she was sure was a goofy smile covered her lips.
“I wasn’t sure the greeting I would get after what I told you last night.”
“Jack, you have no idea how unimportant what you told me last night is compared to everything else going on.”
“I don’t know if I should be offended or relieved.”
Lola smiled and rested her head on his shoulder. “You didn’t say goodbye when you left.”
“Sorry about that. You were finally sleeping. I didn’t want to wake you. And the nurses kicked me out.” Jack grabbed her hands and held them, eyes on her. “How’s your aunt treating you?”
Lola looked at the house; her house. “Good. I like her.”
“She seems decent.”
“She is.” Their eyes met.
“I’m glad.” Jack avoided her eyes as he said, “I have something for you.”
Lola gave him a curious look. “You do? What?”
He laughed and ran a hand through his hair. “It’s a surprise. Come on.”
“This isn’t going to be like last time you wanted me to do something and I met your sister that hates me, is it?”
“She doesn’t hate you. She just doesn’t know you. Isabelle doesn’t trust easily, which you can understand.”
“I do.”
She grabbed the hand he offered, following him around the house. He stopped beside an old beat up red Ford truck parked along the curb.
“Is this yours?”
He opened the driver’s side door and reached inside, the faint sickly sweet smell of farm wafting out. “Technically, it’s the farmer’s I work for, but he lets me drive it whenever I need to.”
“Does this farmer know? About your dad?”
“He suspects.” He paused. “I keep to myself, Lola. I do my work and keep my mouth shut. That’s the way I want it to be.”
There was an unspoken warning in his tone to not press. Lola didn’t.
Jack pulled his arm out, a 10 X 13 canvas in his hands. He held it facing him, eyes fixed on Lola’s face.
“This is for you.”
Lola took it from Jack with hands that shook, swallowing hard. Jack looked at the ground as she turned it around. Lola stared at it, overwhelmed.
It was Lola’s face in black and white. It was her from before. Lola’s eyes shone, her lips curved in a secret smile. He’d captured a part of her she’d lost. It was beautiful, perfect. She was better in the coal drawing, better in Jack’s eyes than she’d ever be in real life. The way he saw her…it was awe-inspiring and humbling.
“I don’t look like this,” she whispered, tears burning a trail down her cheeks.
“This is how I see you,” Jack answered quietly.
A sob escaped her and Lola turned away from Jack. He gently tugged the canvas out of her hands and pulled her toward him, his lips warm and firm against hers.
Jack’s body was tightly wound, his kiss passionate and consuming. Lola’s body responded and she kissed him back with all the feeling she had, wanting to show him what she couldn’t say.
Him. She loved him.
***
Lola went back to school after missing a week. People stared. She didn’t know if it was because of the stitches on her chin, the fading bruises on her face, or because they knew what had happened to her. Maybe it was all of those things.
She felt stupid, like a loser. Things like that were only supposed to happen to kids that asked for it, that were troublemakers and came from poor white trash families. Lola used to be that naïve at one point too and so very wrong. No longer.
One of the first people to approach her was Rachel. She didn’t stare at her, she didn’t even speak. Rachel grabbed Lola in a tight embrace.
Lola hugged her back, not realizing until then how very much she’d missed her friend. It overwhelmed her, made it hard for her to speak.
“Do you have to work tonight? If not, we’re hanging out. No excuses,” Rachel stated when she pulled away, wiping at her eyes.
“I don’t have to work. With everything going on, they said I could have a few weeks off.” Lola glanced around the emptying hallway. It seemed like everyone was watching them, but that couldn’t be.
“How did you…find out?”
Rachel picked at the hem of her black wrap around shirt, not looking at Lola. “Everyone knows. Not really sure how it got around, but it did. You know how people are.”
She also knew how judgmental, stereotypical, and mistaken people could be too. What they thought happened and what really happened were most likely two very different things.
The bell rang.
Lola looked up and caught Roxanne’s eye. Roxanne quickly looked away and strode in the opposite direction. There had been no animosity in her gaze, which was a first. No Sebastian by her side either.
“Come on, we’re going to be late.” Rachel tugged at her hand and propelled Lola toward their first class of the day.
***
Lola looked for Jack throughout the day, missing him and longing to see him, but not once did she catch a glimpse of him. She was scared for him. He usually only missed school when his dad was especially violent. Lola imagined all sorts of terrible things and by the end of the day, she was in a panic.
She’d searched the halls for Isabelle, but not surprisingly hadn’t seen her either. Which wasn’t unusual.
Sebastian was another story. He was like her shadow most of the day, an overprotective, overbearing shadow.
The final bell sounded, signaling the end of the school day and there he was, hovering behind her as she hurried out of the school. The sun instantly heated her, hot and cloying with humidity.
“Lola, we need to talk.”
“Not now, Sebastian.” Lola took in the surrounding bu
ildings and trees, wondering if Jack was somewhere near, watching and waiting. She looked for an old truck that had seen better days. Lola’s shoulders slumped when she found not a trace of Jack.
“Yes, now.” Sebastian pulled her around to face him. He looked like he was searching for words, like he thought if he said the wrong thing she would break.
“Call me later, Lola,” Rachel said with a wave, smiling at Lola. She nudged Sebastian’s shoulder as she passed and Lola didn’t miss the way Sebastian’s eyes followed Rachel as she walked away. Interesting.
“I need to…” Sebastian sighed, ran a hand through his hair. “Can I give you a ride home?”
Lola searched for Jack once more before giving up and focusing her attention on Sebastian. “Okay.”
She waited until they were in the car to say, “You know, I’m not going to fall apart.”
He fiddled with buttons and knobs, turning the air conditioning on. Almost immediate relief washed over Lola’s flushed skin.
Sebastian pulled the car out of the parking lot, eyes trained straight ahead. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“You. Hovering. I’m fine. I don’t need a bodyguard.”
“I want to be there for you, Lola.”
“Why?”
He glanced at her, frowning. “Because we’re friends. That’s what friends do.”
Lola took a deep breath and stared out the passenger window. “We haven’t talked in a year, Sebastian.”
“I know. I don’t know what I did to push you away, but I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry,” she interrupted, twisting her body to face him. “It’s my fault. I pushed you away. I thought I was protecting you. I’m sorry for that. But it doesn’t change the fact we haven’t talked in a long time. We don’t even know each other anymore. You’ve changed. I’ve changed.”
I’ve changed so much.
The car came to a stop. They were at Blair’s.
“I know that, Lola. But what hasn’t changed is how I feel about you. I love you. You know that. You’re my oldest friend. Yeah, things are awkward now, but it’ll get better.”
He reached over and touched her cheek. “You’ve been through something terrible, something you never should have gone through. I want to help you, to be there for you.”
Lola put her hand on his. “Sebastian, you were there for me when it mattered most. Don’t ever forget that.”
He tugged his hand away and looked out the window, jaw tight. “It never should have gotten to that point. I should have done more. I should have figured it out sooner. The way you were acting…”
“Don’t put any blame on yourself, Sebastian. You did what you could and I will forever be grateful for that. For you.”
Sebastian turned back to her, offering a semblance of a smile. “We’ll get through this, Lola, and be stronger friends because of it. You just watch.”
His optimism was admirable and maybe naïve. She wished she could be so unfailingly confident about it.
“I don’t know how to make it better, to get past this awkwardness, Sebastian. We don’t know each other anymore.”
He smiled. “I refuse to believe that. Deep down, where it matters, we’re still the same.”
In her friend’s smile, Lola allowed herself to feel hope for the first time in a long time. True, she and Sebastian could never have the kind of friendship they used to have, but maybe it could be better. Different, but better.
The closeness they’d shared was gone and Lola didn’t know if it would ever come back, but there was no reason they couldn’t be friends.
Stop pushing people away.
She smiled, a small laugh falling from her lips. Lola reached across the console and hugged her friend, feeling a little more whole. “I’ve missed you.”
Sebastian squeezed her to him. “Me too.”
“One condition.”
He pulled back, grinning. “What’s that?”
“Stop being my bigger, more muscular shadow.”
“Deal.”
Lola opened the door and got out; Sebastian followed. She immediately longed for the cool interior of the car, her skin rapidly damp with perspiration.
They walked up the porch steps. At the door, Lola took a deep breath and turned. There was something she had to say, something they needed to discuss if they were ever going to move on.
“I remember what you said to me the last time we talked, before we stopped talking all together. That had nothing to do with my avoidance of you. You know that, right?”
Sebastian averted his eyes. “Yeah. Sure.”
He didn’t believe her. Was that why Sebastian had kept his distance for so long? Had he been embarrassed? The things he must have thought.
Lola touched his shoulder. “Sebastian, it had nothing to do with you asking me out, although the timing was really terrible.”
He looked at her, caught her smile, and shook his head in self-derision. “I tend to have bad timing a lot.”
She didn’t want to cross-examine that comment. “Is that why you started dating Roxanne? Because you were hurt?”
“Partly.” He looked toward the street. “I mean, Lola, we were together all the time, since we were kids. And then, bam, out of nowhere, you didn’t talk to me anymore. Only it wasn’t out of nowhere ‘cause I’d just confessed to you that my feelings for you were changing and I thought we owed it to ourselves to test out dating.”
Lola looked at her tennis shoes. “Only I said I didn’t think it was a good idea.”
Sebastian sighed. “Yeah. There was that.” A sad smile formed on his lips. “Like I said, at first I was mad, hurt, and acted like I didn’t care you were avoiding me. I kept my distance too, nursing my wounds.”
“Dating Roxanne,” she interrupted dryly.
He ignored that. “But, after a while, I really missed my friend. And that’s what I realized you would always be; my friend. From the way you were acting, I thought it was too late for us, that we couldn’t go back, that you hated me.”
“I’m so sorry, Sebastian.”
“It doesn’t matter now. I wish I had known, Lola. I wish you had told me what was going on. I could have helped. My mom and dad too. You’re like their kid to them too, always have been.”
“He said he would hurt you. I couldn’t risk it.”
Sebastian stared at her, finally nodding. “I understand why you did what you did. I don’t like it, but I understand. I would have done the same, if it meant protecting you.”
They were silent, both digesting their exchanged words.
“Can I ask one thing?”
Lola glanced at him. “Sure. Anything.”
“Why wasn’t it a good idea? I’m curious.”
How did she answer that? Lola trailed a hand along the back of a wicker chair, choosing her words carefully.
Maybe at one point, for one fleeting instant of craziness, she had thought of Sebastian as being possible as more than a friend, but Jack had completely wiped out any such notions with one surly look and mocking comment. And Lola was more prone to think it had been loneliness and longing for her friend more than anything that induced the insane thought anyway.
It wouldn’t have worked. Sebastian was too much of a friend to think of any other way.
“We grew up together. You were like my brother, Sebastian. I’ve seen you pee yourself. You’ve had my puke on you.” Lola smiled when he shuddered. “I guess, we were too close, if that makes sense. It’s hard to be romantic with someone who knows all the disgusting things you’ve done throughout your childhood. Does that make sense?”
“Yeah.” He laughed. “It does.”
Lola was beginning to feel more like herself again, just standing there talking with Sebastian. It was wonderful. It wasn’t the same as it used to be, but that was okay.
“So. Rachel, huh?”
Sebastian shoved his hands in his pockets, conspicuously not looking at Lola.
“She’s a good person. We’ve always been friend
s. She’s sweet,” Lola added approvingly.
“As opposed to?” One eyebrow lifted.
“Not going there.”
“Probably best.” Sebastian looked at her. “So. Jack, huh?”
Her face burned. “Yes,” she said, back straight, eyes trained on Sebastian.
Sebastian raised his hands and backed away. “Hey. Whatever. I don’t know him. I’ll have to trust your judgment.”
Warmth trickled through her veins. Lola grabbed Sebastian and spontaneously kissed his cheek. “Thank you.”
The door opened. “Hi, guys.” Blair smiled at Sebastian and turned to Lola. There was a smudge of flour on her cheek and white handprints on her yellow top. “How was your day?”
It was a simple question. There was nothing significant about it; nothing to cause such a response in Lola. Her eyes watered and her throat tightened.
“That bad?” Blair sighed and reached for her, rubbing her back.
“No. It…was…fine,” Lola said, trying to steady her voice.
“Then why are you crying?”
Lola laughed and cried at the same time. “I don’t know. Because no one’s asked me about my day in a very long time.”
“Well, expect it now. Lola, there is someone here to talk to you.” Blair gave her a look. Lola’s heartbeat picked up. “It’s a social worker.” And her stomach plummeted. Not her mother. Not Jack.
“Oh. Okay.”
Sebastian touched her arm. “I’ll see you tomorrow. You’ll be fine,” he added as he took in her features.
She didn’t feel like she was going to be fine. Lola felt like she was going to throw up. Or pass out. Or maybe both.
Lola took a deep breath, held the hand Blair offered, and followed her inside.
***
By the end of the visit, Lola was exhausted. She’d had to retell the events that had landed Bob in jail. Each word had been like a stab of pain to her chest. The social worker had been nice and apparently Lola would be seeing Alice Johnson, the social worker, for weekly visits for some time.
An attorney had been appointed to her case as well. Lola wasn’t exactly sure what his role was; he’d said something about looking out for her best interests. She was confused because she’d thought that was what the social worker was doing too.