Custodians of the Cosmos

by Drayton Alan

  “Note made,” the computer replied.

  Kale was glad to be of help in such important research.

  “Now, Kale, after you were cut by the plant, did the site of the wound experience any burning, infectious oozing, or maybe searing nerve damage?” The captain’s face looked hopeful.

  “No, it was so sharp, I hardly felt it. And before I knew it, they had transported me to sickbay and were giving me pain and anti-infection meds. So, I experienced none of those effects.”

  “That’s a shame, I was really hoping you might describe the plants after effects. It would be a real bonus if the plant were to have long termed deleterious effects.”

  “I’m… sorry, sir?” Kale said, uncertain if he was.

  “Oh, don’t be. I’m quite happy you weren’t badly maimed. I’m merely focused on my research. Besides it couldn’t be helped, perhaps next time.”

  “Next time, sir?” Kale was afraid to think of what the captain meant by next time.

  “Oh, not you, just theoretical. I meant next time someone attacks and blunders into the bush. I’m hoping this incident will convince someone at the Coalition to run a test planting of my little beauties in a security situation. It’s a shame I had to shoot that squidman. I would have liked to have gotten his impressions of the full-frontal assault. I imagine he could’ve told me a thing or two.” The captain chuckled as if he had shared a joke.

  Kale smiled and tried to look like he found it funny. But he couldn’t conjure a chuckle of his own.

  “I blame myself,” the captain continued. “It was too dangerous to let the squidman continue his attack, the bush might have been harmed if I had let it live.”

  “Yes, you arrived in the nick of time,” Kale said. “I’m grateful, sir.”

  “Oh well, about your report. I see that you used a vac-bot as an offensive weapon, is that something the custodians train for?”

  “No, not that I’m aware of,” Kale said. “It was something I thought of at the moment, I suppose.”

  “Ah, so you’re a young man who’s not afraid to improvise, commendable... good quality to have in a custodian then.”

  “Sir.” Kale decided this was an appropriate time to ask. “I was hoping to not stay a custodian. I’d really love to be an officer someday.”

  “Have you ever considered applying to the academy?”

  “Yes sir, actually that’s why I became a custodian. I wanted to get into the academy, but my test grade fell just short of making it there on a scholarship. I hoped by becoming a custodian on a starship I’d be able to meet an officer who might consider being my sponsor.”

  “I see, well that might be a... plan, a bit unconventional perhaps, but practical. I like practical thinking.” After considering it for a moment the captain continued, “Listen, I’ve decided if you keep up your duties and Lieutenant Lou gives me a good report, I, myself, will sponsor you to the academy. What do you say to that?”

  Kale’s heart soared. He was speechless and sat a moment staring.

  “You’re not certain you want my recommendation?”

  “No, sir! I mean yes, sir, I would like that very much! Thank you, sir, I was just… I mean it’s such an unexpected privilege, sir.”

  “Yes, it is, so keep up your part and I will make it happen. In fact, I’ll ask Lou to assign you to some cleanup jobs planet side. That way you’ll see what real officers do on an away mission. You can participate after the Math of the battle.”

  “The Math of the battle, sir?” Kale asked.

  “Yes, that’s when the custodians come into clean up a battle scene, no good leaving a mess behind us. That would be bad public relations for the Coalition. I think you’ll like that.”

  “Yes, sir, I would.”

  “Very good—you can show yourself out, oh and be sure to report any pain or infections from your wound directly to me, if such develop,” the captain said with a hopeful smile.

  “I will, sir.”

  As Kale was rising to leave, the first officer, Commander Frakes, came into the lab.

  “Excuse me, sir, do you have a moment?” Frakes asked the captain.

  “Certainly, Number Two, what is it?”

  “I wanted to discuss your plans for this year’s crew morale building event. I think it will raise a good amount of money for the orphan’s fund.” As he was approaching, Frakes tripped on the water hose the captain had been using. Frakes fell flat on his face.

  The captain got up out of concern. Kale wanted to help but didn’t. He remembered how upset Frakes had been when he’d tried to help him the other day.

  Frakes, with impressive agility, jumped back to his feet without effort. Kale was impressed by the unusual maneuver.

  The captain was still concerned; he took a few steps forward but stopped.

  “I’m okay, just a little clumsy lately,” Frakes said. He brushed the dirt off his shirt and pants.

  “Yes, I’ve noticed that since you had your—” the captain stopped mid-sentence, remembering Kale was in the room. “Um, before you had your updated training.” He said that last part in an odd way.

  Frakes ignored the captain’s question and began again. “I was asking about the crew morale building event. I was able to play that holovid you loaned me! I know I must have seen it somewhere before, but this time I really took to it. It’s as if it entered my soul, the performance is an amazing experience. I felt like I was actually in the play. It even has a participation mode. That’s a new feature where you can substitute holo-actors for humans. That way we don’t need a full cast to put on a production.”

  “Oh, yes that.” The captain seemed distracted. “Very impressive indeed. I’m glad you enjoyed it. What do you think of having the crew perform it for this year’s exercise? I’m still torn between that and The Mikado. Either way it’s time we did something from Gilbert and Sullivan.”

  Kale felt out of place; he wasn’t sure if he was expected to leave or stay while the officers conferred. Yet he had a great deal of experience with plays and acting. So, he stood there trying to be silent and respectful looking for an opportunity to share his expertise.

  “The Pirates of Penzance is my choice. It’s the perfect vehicle for our teamwork initiatives. Please, not The Mikado!” Frakes became insistent.

  “Why not The Mikado?”

  “I really dislike the three little girls number, sir. I’ll not have my crewmembers portraying silly schoolgirls, Penzance is so much better. Pirates, swordplay, romance.” Frakes’ voice was unusually excited about the play.

  “Okay, I suppose Penzance will do,” the captain agreed, but he rather favored The Mikado. “Do you think we can get enough of the crew to volunteer?”

  “I will get Lieutenant Commander Nord to use his power of persuasion to find volunteers, he excels at recruiting. I’ve invited a small group this evening for an impromptu showing tonight in my quarters, you are welcome to attend, sir.”

  “I wasn’t aware you had a personal holoprojector,” the captain asked. “I’d assumed you’d used a holosuite. How are you able to view a holo-performance in your room?”

  “My brother is letting me use his,” Frakes said.

  “That’s nice, but it’s a shame we don’t have more holoprojectors for the crew to practice. We only have the two holosuites, I know they will be eager to interact with the recording once we announce the play.”

  “Well, sir, all the maintenance robots have projectors, perhaps when the robots are off duty the crew can use those?” Frakes gave a big smile.

  “Okay, it’s settled, we shall do the Pirates of Penzance. Besides, I have always loved the role of the pirate king. I think I shall make a fabulous pirate,” the captain said.

  Frakes’s face and demeanor changed. It was obvious he’d intended the pirate king role for himself.

  Kale felt out of place. He sensed a coming disagreement and wanted very much to leave, but Frakes was blocking the main aisle. He didn’t want to interrupt the discussion to ask pardon.
The only other path to the door would take him next to the razor bush. He stood there frozen in indecision.

  “I’m sorry, sir,” Frakes said. He was choosing his words carefully. “But I had pictured you as the major general. You do have the rank. Besides, would it be appropriate to depict you as a pirate? I mean, as captain you have an image to uphold and a reputation.”

  “Me, the major general, preposterous. Who would be the pirate king, then?” the captain asked.

  “I would, of course,” Frakes said. He would've thought the choice was obvious.

  “You want to be the pirate king?” the captain asked, as if the notion of Frakes playing the role was beyond comprehension. The captain barely contained a snicker, instead his face seemed to take on a disconcerting sneer.

  Frakes was getting angry, but he held his tongue. There was an awkward pause in the conversation as the two men locked gazes, neither willing to back down from their position. Kale wished he could fade into the wallpaper.

  After a moment Frakes said, “Perhaps we can have tryouts and let the crew vote on them anonymously?”

  “That’s a clever idea,” Kale blurted out before thinking. He instantly regretted speaking.

  Both men’s gazes turned on him. They had all but forgotten him, but now they focused laser sharp. The mood in the room had gone from warm and merry, to cold and threatening.

  The captain blinked, looked at Kale, and said, “Perhaps you should show yourself out now, Yeoman.”

  Frakes agreed. “Shouldn’t you be cleaning something?”

  Kale was devastated, he had gone from soaring to crashing. He quickly left the room heartbroken, surely, he had botched his chance at a recommendation.

  He walked down the passageway in a stupor replaying the incident in his mind. He convinced himself he’d blown it, there was no way he’d be able to get back in the captain’s good graces. He wasn’t paying attention and tripped over Chopi’s mop.

  “I’m sorry, Chopi, I didn’t see you,” Kale said.

  Chopi gave him one of his odd alien smiles and nodded. “Good meeting you had with captain?”

  “Yes, well it was good at first.” Kale smiled back.

  “So, he will sponsor?”

  “Maybe, I’m not really sure now.” Kale wondered how Chopi knew about his dream of becoming an officer, but decided it wasn’t a secret, he had told several people in hopes of word getting around.

  “All things are as should be. You’ll be chosen one,” Chopi said.

  Kale had found his conversations with Chopi confusing at best.

  “Yes, I may get chosen for the academy, that’s been my dream.”

  “Dream is good, then. I would select you as chosen one, okay?” Chopi said, as he continued to mop.

  “Sure, I hope I can get accepted.”

  “Chopi make you chosen.” He smiled and turned his attention back to his work. He continued his way pushing the big mop down the hallway, away from Kale.

  Kale said goodbye and walked away. After a moment, he thought of a question, but Chopi was nowhere in sight. Kale puzzled over it, only for a moment, and then made his way back to the maintenance shop.

  ***

  Back at the shop, Idonna and Belle were discussing new color trends to include in the maintenance robot’s database. This was what Idonna did, she followed all the latest ship decorator news feeds and bloggers. Always staying current is a lot of work. Knowing which design rage and color scheme was sweeping the Coalition’s fashion scene and programming it into the ship’s database was an unending job.

  As they worked, Idonna brought up her favorite subject with her best friend, namely her career and love life.

  “So, why don’t you leave dis ship and go back to your work planet side? I can’t be guessing why you here doin’ dis crap work girl. I know it aint cause you sweet on Frakes?”

  “Don’t even. That man is the most irritating, frustrating, detestable piece of work I’ve ever met.”

  “Yeah, but you got da feelings for him.” Idonna said.

  “Feelings of nausea and disgust.”

  “No, dere’s something else. Girl, your eyes give it away, dat’s why he won’t leave you alone. You mouth say ‘No’ but you eyes saying some-ting else. He see dat, and he know.”

  “Okay, there is something there, but I swear it isn’t romance. It’s more like...” Belle thought a moment, then said, “Motherly concern? How is that even possible? I worry about him somehow, as if I’m responsible. Crazy, right?”

  “Yeah, for sure dat. You at the time of you life when you wanting da babies? If you feel dat way, you should go home, earn some money, find da nice man, and have babies. Dat’s what gonna satisfy your motherin’ feelings.”

  “I will someday, but not yet. When I settle down, I want a man not a child. I got burned before, never again. Besides the money’s not all that great.”

  “Da money back home gotta be way better than dis.”

  “It is, but it's not about money,” Belle said.

  “Hun, it always be about da man or da money, at least with my people it is. You might tell yourself dat it not, but trust me girl, it is.”

  “I don’t care about either. I love my work. I don’t need a man. Besides, I don’t even spend what I got.”

  “Oh, girl, you need to spend some on your friends den.” Idonna gave a big friendly laugh.

  “If you ever need any—” Belle began.

  Idonna interrupted, “I’m just having fun, you keep your money, but I do like expensive gifts sometime.” She laughed again. “But you're not really happy, so I ask again, why you here?”

  “I’m not sure, but I’m not ready to go back either.”

  “Why’d you leave dat place, anyway?”

  “I’m not even allowed to talk about it, and that’s one reason. I didn’t like all the secrecy. The cybernetics group was going way too far with my research. Sure, I know they want to create a combat robot able to replace soldiers in the field. That’s not a secret, but I had real reservations about the process, there are too many things that can go wrong. I shouldn’t be talking about this.”

  “What you afraid of? Dey gonna make a robot go back in time and kill somebody’s momma? Sounds like a bad movie plot. You are being dumb girl. Even without da money, it's gotta be better den working here.”

  “I’m fine here, you stop worrying about me.” Belle looked at Idonna’s big smiling face and repeated, “I’ll be fine.”

  “Whatever girl, I don’t say no more. But every time you look at me, you know I’m tinking it.”

  Belle hugged her friend and went back into her office to check on a robot she was working on.

  Idonna filed several upholstery samples she’d ordered from the ship’s large replicators, she tried to keep physical samples of all the latest patterns. Sometimes seeing a picture on a screen wasn’t enough, she needed to touch and feel a new décor before she planned it. The life of a Coalition decorator was a demanding one.

  Kale entered the room and took inventory of the supplies on a shelf. Taking inventory was the standard thing custodians did when there were no gut-strewn hallways or bathrooms to clean.

  “Hey Kale, you get to talk wit’ de captain den?”

  “Yeah, we talked.” Kale didn’t hide his disappointment.

  “How’d it go? You don’t seem so happy.”

  “It went okay, I guess. The captain said he might even give me a recommendation to the academy.”

  “You don’t be too excited for it mon. Why you lookin’ sad?”

  “Cause, I think I messed up. I commented on something he and Frakes were discussing and I made a fool of myself. Why can’t I keep my mouth shut?”

  “Well den, dat’s not so bad, people say wrong tings all da time. I do it lots.” Idonna laughed at herself.

  Kale laughed too.

  “But you still got him to talk about recommending you, right?”

  “Yeah.”

  “And he didn’t say he wasn’t goin�
�� to recommend you, den?”

  “No.”

  “Den you did your job. You work hard and you get your dream someday. Dere’s one ding you gotta watch out for when you chase dreams. You know what dat is?”

  “No, what?”

  “Dat you don’t sleep away your life and miss every day dat you should be livi’n in.” Idonna laughed.

  He smiled. “Thank you, good advice.” Kale pondered her words a few moments. It was easy to get so obsessed with a dream you missed the day-to-day joys.

  Lieutenant Lou came out of his office and announced, “I got good news for everyone. Please come into the main room.”

  The rest of the maintenance crew filed out of back storerooms and the custodial break area. They gathered in the main room of the shop.

  “Captain just sent word, looks like we get to stop at Space Station Falcon. So, everyone gets shore leave.”

  There was a feeble cheer from the janitorial and maintenance staff. They went back to inventorying shelves and sitting in the break room complaining, which is the other predominant occupation of custodians.

  Lou turned to Belle. “Except you, Tink, looks like Falcon has a big problem with their robots. It’s gonna be a working stop for you, sorry kid.”

  “No worries,” Belle said. “It’s not like I have a social life.” She went back to her office.

  Kale was left alone in the main room, so he drifted back into the break room, looking worried. Nigel saw the look and approached him.

  “What’s the problem, Newbers? You look a bit confrazzled?”

  Kale looked around not wanting to share his insecurities with everyone, and said, “I’ve heard stories about Falcon Station, its reputation is bad. My mom warned me about the things a man might pick up from all those aliens. Where should I go? Wait, no. Where shouldn’t I go?”

  “Now don’t you worry none, I got ya covered. Let old Nigel take you under his arm and I’ll show you the station.”

  The thought of being under Nigel’s arm gave Kale an uncertain itchy feeling, but it would be better having someone to guide him.