Coffee, Love, and Other Stimulants

by Roselyn Jewell

  At John’s celebration dinner, we all toast to his success.

  “I should be able to drink champagne at my own celebration,” he grumbles. He sips his ginger ale.

  “Three more years, John,” I tell him. He rolls his eyes. I already know his time at college will be the exact opposite of mine. He’ll party and have sex without falling in love. It’s so strange to remember I did such an intimate act with Taylor without feeling any closer to him. But when I slept with Todd, and with Adam, I feel incredibly connected.

  I set my glass back down. “This toast reminds me…Sam is engaged to her girlfriend.” My parents exchange a look, but John gives me a high-five.

  “Well, I never understood the whole thing with two women,” my mother says. “But I’m happy for both of them. Sam is such a nice girl.”

  “She is,” I agree. After we finish eating, John heads off to talk to some of his athlete friends. My parents begin to argue about whether they should let John go to a party on the bad side of town. I take out my phone and call Adam. He answers after it rings five times.

  “Hello?” he says and he sounds wary and distant.

  I push a chipper smile into my voice. “Hey, it’s me.”

  “I’m busy.”

  I try to not let his clipped tone bother me. “I just wanted to talk to you. I missed you. You should take a break from studying for a minute.”

  “I can’t. I need to go.”

  I hear a click and the call ends. I bite my lip.

  My mother comes over and puts a hand on my shoulder. “Is something wrong?” I swallow hard and clench my phone in my hand. “No. I just wanted to check up on somebody…”

  She gives me a sly, sideways look. “Somebody special?” My face heats all the way up to my roots. “Oh, my God, there is! Who is he? That was a short call.”

  “His name is Adam. He’s really dedicated to his studies and his work like I am. He just needs to concentrate and can’t stand to have any distractions.”

  “Is he cute?” she asks.

  I nod and smile. “He has the most amazing green eyes.” I show her a photo on my phone from the day we were at the park.

  She squeals and hugs me tight. “He is gorgeous. I am so happy for you! I was worried that you would be too obsessed with school to find someone, but now you’ve found someone as handsome as the devil, and he has the same dedication as you. I’ve wanted this for you for a long time.”

  “Thanks, Mom.” I kiss her cheek. She smells of Skin so Soft and lilacs. She renews my confidence in Adam. He is my perfect match and once we graduate, we’ll have a lot more free time to spend with each other. Fate brought us together. Love will do the rest. I hang onto that thought.

  ●

  Graduation feels like a long dream where my feet are lighter than air and everyone I care about is there—my parents, John, Adam, Sam, and Ahanna. Okay, so it’s almost everyone. I am not going to think about who is missing. When I accept my diploma, I look out at the crowd seated in the quad. In the back, even with cameras flashing, I see Todd. He gives me a small smile and pride fills in my chest. I’ve restrained the joy of my achievements because I want to remain humble, but seeing Todd frees all my emotions and they spill out in a burst that leaves me ready to shout.

  My parents host a graduation party at a fancy seafood restaurant called The Sea Pearl. Adam is there. As soon as he sees me, he comes over and kisses me. I introduce him to my family. My mother gushes over him. I sit next to him and our hands stay clasped until our drinks are served. It makes it seem strange that I was ever worried about his behavior.

  All my co-workers arrive. I hug each one and thank them for their congratulations. Todd is the last one to approach. He barely touches me as we hug. The absence of his grip makes my body parts feel detached from each other as if somehow they’ve been torn apart.

  Everyone hands me a gift. My parents give me a new cell phone. My brother buys me an iTunes gift card. Sam and Ahanna’s gift is a coffee mug shaped like a globe that says Class of 2014. —Cindy goes all out on mother of pearl earrings, and Lynda’s present is a business card case. Dinner is served but Adam insists I open his present before we eat.

  His present is in a bag. I pull out the gift wrap from the top. Inside is a sterling silver heart-shaped locket with my initials and the date carved into the back.

  “Open it,” Adam urges. I unlatch it. Tucked inside the locket is a photo of us on the yacht. I fling my arms around him and give him a big kiss.

  “It’s perfect,” I say. We eat and the food is made even better by the company of my friends and family. I can’t stop smiling. After we’re done, my mother puts my presents into plastic bags and everyone goes their separate ways. Sam leaves with Ahanna to her apartment, my parents go home, and Todd, Cindy, and Lynda return to their families. Adam gives me a kiss as we sit alone at the table with only the crumbs left on the table now.

  “My apartment will be empty tonight. Do you want to come over? Have a private celebration?”

  “Sorry, sweetheart” He lifts my hand and kisses the back of it. “I have to work early tomorrow. But I can walk you home.”

  He keeps his arm around my waist as we walk, and we each carry a bag full of my presents. Everything seems more beautiful. The night sky is the richest blue, and the crowds seem to be filled with vibrant energy. It seems to me that Adam and I find peace in just being together. I rest my head on his shoulder. We stop in front of my apartment and set his bag and mine on the stairway. He pulls me close to him and kisses me hard. His tongue slips between my teeth, and I touch the tip of it with my tongue.

  With a groan he pulls back. “I wish I could spend the night with you.”

  “You can always spend the night later,” I say and hand him a small wrapped box.

  “What’s this?”

  “Your graduation gift, of course.”

  He grins. “I told you not to get me anything.”

  “I’m not the best listener.”

  He tears the wrapping paper and opens the small box. Inside is a stainless steel wristwatch. It’s not a Rolex, but it looks like one.

  “Are you trying to say that I’m always late for everything?” He takes out the watch, and I help him put it on. It gleams against his wrist. He kisses my cheek. “It’s beautiful. Thank you.”

  “Something about it just made me think of you.”

  He runs his hands down my arms. “Well, my new watch says it’s getting late. Good night, Kate.”

  I reach for his hand and hold his fingers with mine, but he is already pulling away. “I love you.”

  “How did I ever get so luck as you meet you?” He touches a finger to my nose, turns and hurries away.

  I rush up into my apartment and into my bedroom. I empty the bags of my presents. One wrapped gift falls out from the bottom of the bag. I realize I never opened Todd’s gift. I undo the wrapping and uncover a wooden case. I open it.

  Inside a beautiful platinum plated pen glints in the light. The engraved words shine. Dr. Kate Hathaway. I pick up the card that came with it. The front has a turtle holding a balloon saying, “Congratulations!” I flip it open.

  Dear Dr. Kate Hathaway,

  When I first met you—a wide-eyed intern filled with wonder and ambition—I knew you were special. I didn’t even interview anyone after you because I knew no one would work as hard or as passionately as you. You have proven my initial thoughts were more than correct. You have an incredible mind and a heart that I admire in every aspect. You are a remarkable woman.

  Yours,

  Todd

  Just underneath Todd’s name Kaelyn printed hers in block letters.

  I press my fingertips to my lips. My heart expands to an impossible size. I place the card on the top of my dresser, but take it down again. I lie down on my bed and read his words over and over until his handwriting scrolls through my dreams.

  ●

  I take the North American Pharmacist Licensure Examination, with questions that test my
knowledge of pharmacotherapy, medications, and healthcare. I won’t get my results for seven days, but I right away I am confident about most of the questions. If I pass it means I answered over sixty percent of the questions correctly, I can get my license then.

  I haven’t seen Adam much since I’ve had to dedicate the last couple of weeks to studying. After the test I stop by his apartment. When he answers the door, I wrap my arms around his waist and press my body against him.

  “Wow. Maybe we should have longer breaks between seeing each other if it makes you this friendly.”

  “I’ve just missed you,” I say. “One of us always seems to be busy…so I figured today we could be busy together.”

  He closes the door behind me and leads me to his bedroom. We undress each other in frantic lust. He grabs me around the waist and tosses me on the bed. He rolls a condom on. He lies on top of me and I feel him enter me in one swift movement. He slides his fingers into my hair as he thrusts and I watch his face as he concentrates on his movements. I try to move my legs so his thrusts will rub against my clit, but he’s moving too quickly for me to adjust myself.

  He gasps in pleasure as he reaches orgasm. He collapses down beside me and kisses me. I brush my fingers against his cheek. “I wish we could do this every night. I love feeling this close to you.”

  Tracing a finger over my skin he tells me, “You know with our schedule that couldn’t happen.”

  “Yeah, but now that my exam is done, it’ll be easier.” I roll up onto one elbow. “And once you get a job in your career, you won’t have to work so hard all of the time.”

  “I hope so.” He kisses my nose. “I’ve sent out resumes everywhere, but nobody is hiring in this economy. Except, apparently, in the pharmaceutical field. ”

  I stay quiet. Every time Adam mentions his future, he seems to become more and more frustrated. Sam thinks Adam is jealous that my future is set while his is still up in the air. I am not sure what to think.

  “Hey,” he says and taps a finger on my lips. “You seemed lost for a second.”

  I run my fingernails down his thigh and he pulls me closer to him. “I’m not lost,” I say. “I’m here with you and that’s more than I could ever ask for.”

  We kiss. There’s no use in worrying about the future when I am happy right now.

  ●

  I wake up with one of Adam’s arms slung over my stomach. I caress the inside of his thigh. A slow smile spreads across his face and he grasps my hand.

  “Good morning,” he mutters and opens his eyes. “Do you need me to keep you busy again?”

  I groan. “No, I have to get to work.”

  “The pharmacy is only about five minutes away.”

  “True.” I brush my hand over his chest. “From my apartment it’s about fifteen minutes.”

  “Which means you have ten minutes.” He raises my hand up to his thigh. “So…?”

  I tilt my head and ask, “We love each other, right?”

  He stills and raises his eyebrow. “We should show each other what we feel this morning the same way we showed it last night.” He rolls on top of me, one of his legs slipping between my legs. He trails kisses down my neck.

  I close my eyes, ready to purr. Instead I tell him, “We should move in together.”

  His whole body tenses and he pulls away from me. “What?”

  I stare at him and try a smile. “My lease is about to end. Sam is going to be moving in with Ahanna. Your apartment is close to the pharmacy and we never get to see each other because of our jobs. This way we could see each other every night.”

  He sits up. His bare chest seems so naked in the morning light. “I…I hadn’t thought of it like that. I think I need some time to think about it. If you were here all of the time, I would just want to hang out with you all day and right now I need to focus on my job search. And what happens if I find a job out of town? Then you would be left having to pay for my half of a lease.”

  “It was just an idea.” I touch his back.

  He relaxes, leans over, and starts kissing down my collarbone.

  “I’ll keep it in mind,” he mumbles as his hands trace down to my hips. He gets lost in the curves of my body and the conversation is dropped.

  Chapter 3: The New Career

  Now I’m about to become a pharmacist, I talk to Todd about a new schedule. We hash it out and decide to work opposite hours. I’ll never see him except when we’re changing shifts. I’m thrilled about becoming a pharmacist but adrift because I won’t have Todd beside me.

  “Kaelyn has dance lessons on Thursday from four to six, but I can take Friday nights so you can have a date night with your boyfriend,” Todd says.

  “Don’t you have to take Kaelyn to her mother’s on Friday?”

  He huffs out a breath. “Her mother is having some issues right now.”

  I nibble on my thumbnail as I stare at the schedule. “Then I could work Saturday morning so you can watch cartoons with your daughter.” He hesitates, his pen hovering over the schedule. “What?”

  “I thought if you had Friday date night, you’d be out late…and you would want to wake up with your boyfriend.”

  “Oh. Umm…”

  “I’m sorry.” His facing turns scarlet. The color starts at his ears and works its way across his face. “I didn’t mean to talk about your private life, I just want you to be…happy.”

  “Happy?” I know I sound empty headed, but I don’t know what else to say.

  “With your job.” He gives me a quick smile. “It will be the first job of your career and I want you to look back at it fondly.”

  “Of course I’ll be happy with the job. But spending time with your daughter is important. You should take Saturday mornings off. Watch SpongeBob SquarePants.”

  “Who?” he asks.

  “SpongeBob SquarePants. You’ve never seen it?”

  “I don’t even know what that is. Is it a person or a sponge or a…clothing enthusiast?”

  I laugh. “I’ll write it down for you.”

  From my bag I pull out the pen he gave me for graduation. I realize I haven’t thanked him yet. Showing him the pen, I tell him, “It was really generous of you…and your card was… kind and…exaggerated.”

  His forehead wrinkles. “It wasn’t exaggerated.”

  “You used words like incredible and remarkable.”

  “That’s the kind of person you are.”

  “I’m not that…”

  A woman walks up to him. Todd turns and I cut off my words. The woman’s wavy black hair is seductive and lush. Long legs are shown off by a short fuchsia dress. She cups Todd’s face in her hands and presses her lips against his. My face heats up as he kisses her back and his fingers slide into her hair.

  “…Incredible,” I say to finish my sentence. The woman steps back. Todd is smiling, a big dopy smile. The woman holds out her hand to me.

  “I’m Destiny,” she says her voice low and as compelling as the rest of her. I notice she’s wearing accentuated lashes and her eyeliner is perfect. “Todd’s girlfriend.”

  “I hope so. I’m Kate.” I smile but all I can think of is my clean face and grungy clothes. “I’m Todd’s…employee.”

  “Not for long.” Todd smiles at me but he keeps a hand on her. “Destiny, Kate is going to be the new pharmacist here. She’ll be my co-worker.”

  I nod like an idiot. Maybe I am incredible—incredibly stupid. This is the kind of woman Todd is meant to be with. His fleeting lust for me is better forgotten. He has a better woman in front of him so he can forget about what the sex was like with me.

  Now I just need to forget how good it was with him.

  ●

  I’m scheduled to be working when my test score is going to be posted on the state website. I set my phone to remind me to check my score, but I don’t need it to ring because I sit in front of my laptop as I stare at the clock. When it says ten-thirty, I sign into my account. I’m only a few points off from the maximum, so I�
�m pretty happy with my results.

  Todd, who knew my scores were being posted today, lingers in the doorway. I turn to him.

  “I failed,” I say and fight to keep a somber face.

  He chuckles. “Bullshit.”

  I can’t help but smile. “How could you be so sure I would pass?”

  “I’ve never known you to fail,” he says. I jump up to my feet and he gives me a big hug. I feel his breath on my ear and it sends electricity down my body. My nerves calm as I smell Destiny’s perfume on his shirt.

  I step away from him. “I have to call Adam and my parents.”

  He nods. “Of course.” He leaves the office.

  I dial Adam’s number and for the first time in a long time he answers right away. I burst out with my news. “Guess what?”

  “Kate?”

  “Who else would it be? I passed my boards.”

  “Awesome! I’m so proud of you. What do you want to do to celebrate?”

  Joy spreads through me like a wildfire. “I just want to be with you.”

  “Okay. I’ll come up with something.” There’s a pause and then his voice drops low. “Kate?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Congratulations again.”

  I hear the warmth in his voice and it seems to spread to me. “I love you.”

  “I’ll see you soon.”

  We hang up. I scroll through my contacts until I find my mother’s number, but I already have all of the praise I need.

  ●

  It’s over a week later that Adam and I get together to celebrate. We’re both so busy at work, it’s hard to find time to see each other. I am exhausted but I love my new job. I work with Cindy as my technician, but I’ve barely seen Todd except for my first shift when he visited to make sure I can deal with everything. I know most of our customers from my internship. They congratulate me on my new job, and it feels like everything in my life is falling into place.

  Adam takes me to the Battani Planetarium where a projection of the stars is cast onto the walls inside a dome. We sit in theatre seats, holding hands, as a woman in the center drones on about star formation.