Coffee, Love, and Other Stimulants

by Roselyn Jewell

  She takes a gulp of her beer. “Do you know how Todd met Destiny?” she asks. My stomach ties into knots, but Cindy doesn’t seem to notice. “He and Kaelyn were leaving the mall when it was raining. He saw her struggling with her bags, so he went over to her with an umbrella. He carried some of her bags and walked her back to her car. He is the sweetest man. I’m glad he’s found someone. He’s been alone for too long.”

  “Yeah, it’s great.” I try to sound enthusiastic.

  Cindy smacks her hands against the table, hitting it a bit too hard. “We should ask him to come here. He should be closing up right now.”

  I make a mental note to call Cindy a cab to get home. She shouldn’t drive. And I mumble, “He probably just wants to go to sleep.” I keep remembering the last time I met up with Todd in a bar. That can’t happen again now.

  Cindy waves away my remark. “I’ll guilt him into hanging out with us,” she says and is already texting him. She sets her phone down and smiles. “Remember when he liked you? That was cute to watch, but now both of you are with somebody else! It’s funny how the world works. I guess it just wasn’t meant to be.”

  “I guess not,” I say and sip my beer.

  Her phone vibrates. She clicks on the screen and a big smile bursts on her face. “He’ll be here in about ten minutes.”

  “It’s getting late. Maybe I should just head home.”

  “Don’t be a party pooper, Kate. You and me and Todd used to work together all the time and I miss that. At least stay for one beer.”

  I sigh. “One beer.”

  She claps her hands together. “Yes! I’ll go get the beers.”

  She bounces to the bar. I watch her talk to a stranger with her hands accentuating every word she says. I check my phone. Nothing from Adam. I miss him the most when I’m surrounded by other people. I want someone to notice me in a crowd and see that person’s face light up. I want to be able to think, there’s my other half. I click on Adam’s number and hold it up to my ear.

  “Hey, this is Adam. I’m not here right now so please leave a message or send me a text. I’ll get back to you when I can.”

  His voicemail beeps, but I hang up. I don’t want him to think I’m being needy. Even if I am. I glance over at Cindy. She’s still talking to the stranger. I can vaguely hear some conversation about American Idol or menstrual Midol. The words get scrambled from across the room.

  Someone touches my arm. I jerk away, sloshing my almost empty beer, before I realize it’s Todd. “Whoa, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

  “Oh, jeez, it’s not your fault I’m jumpy.” He frowns, and I know we’re both thinking about Taylor. I sit up and run my hand through my hair. “Um, Cindy is bringing beers over. Or at least that’s what she said she was going to do.”

  He looks over at the bar. Even in the dim lighting, I notice how firm his jaw is and I regret never taking the chance to kiss it. Shit. I shouldn’t be thinking about him this way. We’re both in relationships.

  “Where’s Destiny?” I ask.

  “At home,” he says and slides into the seat next to me. I wonder if they live together? Does he kiss her goodnight every time before he goes to sleep?

  Hands folded on the table he asks, “What about Adam?”

  “Working.” I drain the last of my beer. “Or probably sleeping now.”

  Cindy comes back with a fresh round and sets the bottles on the table. She flings her arms around Todd. “Todd! We’re all together again!”

  “I know.” He untangles Cindy’s arms from around his neck. “It’s so strange not working with you two anymore.”

  We all sip our beers and chat about the pharmacy and our customers. This is my fourth beer and it must be getting to me because Todd seems to glow. He has that kind of light inside that anyone can see. I know people are attracted to it like moths. But he won’t burn you.

  Todd glances at me. Before I can look away he asks, “Can I trade shifts with you next Saturday? Kaelyn has a dance recital at four in the afternoon.”

  “Yeah, definitely.” I sip my beer and smile. “I wish I could see the recital though.”

  “Don’t worry. I’m sure the next time she sees you, she’ll show you the whole thing. She might even improvise a little bit when she forgets some steps.”

  I laugh. His phone vibrates. The name Destiny Wilder flashes across the screen. He reads a text and his smile slips away.

  “What’s wrong?” I ask.

  He shakes his head. “I texted Destiny that I was having a drink with you two, and she’s upset now.” He sets the phone on the table and stands. I glance at his phone.

  Why would you hang out with those two instead of me? You shouldn’t be going to bars without me. Leave and come see me. Now!

  I lean away and Todd grabs his phone. “I’ll see you both—”

  “Nevermore?” Cindy asks.

  “During shift change,” he says. “Thanks for inviting me. Sorry I couldn’t stay.” He hurries out the door.

  “What was that about?” Cindy asks.

  I frown and drink my beer. “Seems like Destiny lives up to her name. She controls everything that happens.”

  Cindy sighs, shaking her head. I take another sip of my beer and try to hang onto that feeling of being noticed.

  ●

  When I arrive home, I stumble straight into bed. I curl into a ball and pull my blankets over my head. As I fall asleep, the memory pops up of Todd touching my skin with his broad, warm hands. My body tingles. I remember feel of the muscles on his back under my palms. I dream of Todd coming to my apartment—but it’s my old place not this one. He cups my face and kisses me until I see stars. When he pushes into me, the stars realign inside me. He smiles at me and I gasp with pleasure, but then he pulls out of me and rolls onto another woman. Destiny. They make love next to me. I start to cry. My tears distort the two bodies next to me. I blink and now I see Adam with a faceless woman.

  I wake with a start. The clock says it’s already twenty to nine. A week is too long to be away from Adam. It’s messing with my head. My mind made up the image of Todd coming home with me because it’s the first time I have seen him socially in a long time, and I miss having a man around.

  I grab my phone and call Adam. It goes straight to voicemail.

  Throat dry and head pounding I mutter a message, “Hey, haven’t heard from you in awhile. Hope you’re not working too hard. Miss you. Love you. Call me.”

  I end the call and stumble into the shower. After I finish getting ready for the day, my phone rings. The display shows Adam’s calling.

  “Hey, what—?”

  There’s a click and then silence. I glance at the phone. He hung up or maybe he lost signal.

  I get on my laptop to check my mail and he calls again.

  “Hello?” I ask. Another click and silence. He must have bad service or maybe his battery is dying. Sam sends me an email of possible bride and bridesmaid’s dresses and mentions Ahanna’s sister won’t be attending, so I’ll be the only bridesmaids. I tell her I like the short white dress for her, which is simple but elegant, and the pale-pink strapless dress for me.

  As I click send, my phone rings again. Adam again. I pick it up, but I don’t say anything. I hear someone’s shallow breath for a second before they hang up. This is getting bizarre. Is he sick? Hurt? I grab my apartment keys and rush out the door.

  I’m halfway to Adam’s apartment when I remember I’m still wearing the same clothes I wore to the bar. They’re a bit wrinkly and a faint scent of alcohol and fried food hangs on them. I hope Adam doesn’t think I’m a mess. I also hope he’s okay. Thoughts of heart attacks and home accidents dance in my head, sending my pulse skyrocketing.

  When I reach his building, I notice a sporty BMW in his parking spot. How annoying that someone took his space.

  I skip steps as I run up the stairs to his apartment. I knock on his door. No answer. I get out my phone and call him. I hear his ringtone inside. He wouldn’t leave his phone at
home would he? A thousand thoughts swarm my head. Would he do something desperate for money, and now somebody is holding him captive inside? Is he hurt and can’t reach the door?

  I pound my fist against the door, my heart racing. I imagine my fist is my heart and it’s beating against this barrier between Adam and me.

  The door swings open and I nearly fall inside. A petite blonde stands in the doorway. She’s wearing one of Adam’s t-shirts and nothing else. She raises her eyebrow at me. She gives me a smug smile. “You must be Kate. I’m Gretchen.”

  Chapter 4: The Reality

  I take a step back into the hallway. My heart was beating a thousand beats per minute on the way here and now is stagnant. Numbness spreads through me. I get out of here, but I know I need to face this.

  “Come in.” Gretchen waves me forward. I stumble inside even though every instinct tells me to run away from this woman. Gretchen walks into Adam’s bedroom. I follow her, half expecting to see Adam either lounging on the bed or tied up in some strange kidnapping scenario. He’s not here, but two suitcases overflow with women’s clothes. Adam’s dresser is covered with make-up and hair products. Gretchen grabs a hairband. She pulls her hair into a ponytail and the shirt she’s wearing rises above her hips to reveal pink-floral underwear.

  “Where’s Adam?” I manage to choke out the words.

  “At work.” She gives a nonchalant shrug as if having a strange woman in her bedroom—no, Adam’s bedroom—is normal. I am about to explode with confusion and rising anger that churns inside me. She sits down on the bed and pats the space beside her. I don’t move. She smiles. “I’ve been suspicious of Adam for some time now, but this is the first concrete proof I’ve had that he’s a little weasel. So thank you for showing up.”

  She speaks with her hands, waving them as she talks, and I notice a diamond on her ring finger. On her left hand.

  Gretchen follows my gaze and wiggles her fingers so the diamond glints with color. “Yes, I’m engaged to the jerk.” She gives a small sigh and shakes her head with 'a what can you do' kind of gesture. “The wedding date is a year from now.”

  Everything inside me drops into my feet. My blood. My stomach. My heart. Even my brain. I’m struck dumb. I have so many questions, but I can’t form the words to ask them. Tears sting my eyes and fill my nose, but I won’t cry in front of Gretchen. I need to be the better woman here. I need to be someone worth keeping…someone worth giving up all other women for. But do I really want that with Adam now?

  “H-how long?” I ask. My voice shakes even more than my hands.

  “I’m here because it’s our three year anniversary,” she says. She looks down at her feet and wiggles her toes. I don’t know how she can be so relaxed. Or why she doesn’t put on some clothes. “I noticed Adam was acting differently but I thought it was just due to stress of graduation and trying to find a job.”

  “How did you figure it out?”

  She sits up. “I became suspicious because Adam would never answer his phone or texts when we were together. When we weren’t together, he wouldn’t respond to my calls and texts.” She smiles. “He should have known technology would be his downfall. He never could figure out how to use my universal remote.”

  The numbness spreads to my lips and face. I blink and ask, “Where do you live? I mean, I’ve been to his apartment a few times and you’ve never been here.” I want to think this is a joke—a really, really poor joke.

  Gretchen lifts a hands. She has perfect nails painted a bright red. “I live in Boston. Or I did live there. I moved here a few days ago.”

  “Adam said he had an interview in Boston for a job about a month ago.”

  “A month ago?” She rolls her eyes. “He wasn’t there for an interview. That was for my graduation.”

  Shaking my head, I tell her, “He never went to Boston other than that time.”

  “I usually come down here to see him. My father owns a plumbing company and he has an office in Boston and Pittsburgh, so it was easier for me to come here than for Adam to come see me.”

  The truth sinks in with sharp teeth. Adam’s been in a relationship with Gretchen since before I first saw him in the café. He’s been leading a double life. I am the other woman meaning his life with me is a complete and utter lie.

  “Are you alright?” Gretchen asks. “You look like a deer in the headlights.”

  “Aren’t you shocked?”

  “I’ve been suspicious for awhile.” She wraps her hands around one knee.

  “But you still moved here?”

  “Men are pigs.” She shrugs. Standing she goes to the dresser and picks up a tube of lipstick. She slides bright red over her lips. I imagine her mouth on Adam’s. I can almost hear the sweet words they whisper to each other before they have sex. I can hear her voice…

  “Were you the one who has been calling me from Adam’s phone?”

  She smiles. “Yes, sorry about that. I wanted proof of his infidelity. Before Adam left for work, I hugged him and distracted him with some line about us having fun together when he returns home and I slid his phone out of his pocket. I scrolled through his messages and found your text. I was just calling to see what your exact relationship with him was. For all I knew, you were a crazy stalker.”

  “I’m not.” I hug myself and rub my arms. My hands are so very cold. “We’ve been together for almost seven months.”

  Turning, she looks into the dresser mirror. She picks up a mascara wand and swipes it over her eyelashes. She doesn’t seem fazed at all. I wish I had her level of composure. And her legs. And her ass. And her face. In the mirror she glances at me. “You know, you look like you could use some make-up too. I don’t know how any woman can walk around without putting her face on.”

  My anger bubbles up again. I drop my arms to my sides. “Half the time I start working before the birds are up. I don’t have the time or energy.”

  “Ah, working class,” she says and makes it sound like a disease. “Still, your face is a canvas. You don’t want it to be blank.”

  I stare at her. “What are you if you’re not working class?”

  “My father is successful enough that I don’t need a job.” She turns away and brushes blush on her cheeks. “I tell him I want an apartment in Pittsburgh, he buys it. I tell him Adam and I want to fly to Hawaii, he buys the tickets. Some people call me spoiled, but why should I work when I don’t need to?”

  I gape at her. “So…Adam doesn’t need money?”

  She turns to me. “He knows he can get anything he wants from me.”

  Face hot and my stomach churning I ask, “What about now? Are you going to cut him off? He needs to understand that he can’t do this to people. We need to show him how big a mistake he made.”

  Gretchen turns around and leans her hip against the dresser. “How do you propose we do that?”

  I remember all the discussions I have had with Adam about moving in together, all the times he didn’t answer his phone, the times when I thought he was working. He must have been with Gretchen. Every moment with him means nothing. I have wasted so much time on somebody who feeds his own selfish ego. He has just been satisfying his libido with the two of us.

  I lift my chin and ask. “Can I stay here until Adam comes home from work? I think we should both confront him.”

  She shrugs. I need to see Adam’s face when he realizes he’s losing everything. That's the most satisfaction I will be able to get.

  ●

  For two hours I sit with Gretchen in Adam’s kitchen and listen to her compare Pittsburgh and Boston. She made coffee and neither of us drank it. The most amazing part is that her lipstick doesn’t smear or fade. Not even a little bit. She does at least put on some clothes, slipping on a tight dress that shows off every curve. I stare at her but I’m not listening to anything more than the drone of her voice. I’m thinking about the last year and a half, and how I’ve wasted it on men and bad choices.

  Adam seems gentle and sensitive, but is that
only because I was with Taylor before him? Taylor is selfish and possessive. I liked that Adam didn’t track my every move or get angry when I am hanging out with my friends. I thought he trusted me. Now I’m sure he didn’t care where I was or if I am dating someone else because he is too busy with his double life. All of this makes me question everything.

  Todd seems like a good person, but is he just as self-obsessed as the others? Did he use me for his older man fantasy of fucking the young intern? It seems like it since now he’s dating another fantasy and no longer needs my admiration. My moon spirals down. I can’t hold onto my anger and self-pity swamps me.

  All three of these relationships have failed miserably. The horrible truth is that I’m terrible at choosing men. The only place where I seem to have any sense is with my job. I need to focus on my career because I don’t seem to have the ability to choose the right man.

  I hear the doorknob turn. Gretchen shuts up for the first time since I came here, and Adam walks into the apartment. He sees us sitting at his table. His jaw drops and his face turns pale and then red. He can’t seem to move. I stand up and try to decide what I want to say to him first. Maybe that I hate him? Or maybe that he has to make a choice.

  Suddenly, he stiffens and glares at me. “What are you doing here?” he demands.

  I step back, hitting my hip against the table. What the—? He should feel foolish and embarrassed. How can he be angry at me?

  “Who do you think you are?” I fight to keep my voice level. “What made you think you could get away with this? Were you going to marry Gretchen and still tell me you love me? Or were you going to marry both of us? Who the fuck does that?”

  “Who do I think I am?” he yells. “I’m the guy who stood by while you were too busy with your career and your stupid job to pay attention to me. That’s who I am. And I did get away with it. You were too naive to see what was right in front of you.”

  I stride over to him and slap him across the face as hard as I can. His head snaps to the side. I pull my arm back to hit him again.