Coffee, Love, and Other Stimulants

by Roselyn Jewell

  “There is just enough room for them.” I smile at him and tuck the vase onto the top of my filing cabinet. “There’s just enough room for you too.”

  I sit on the edge of my desk and rest my head on his shoulder. He wraps his arm around my waist. Glancing at my corkboard I ask him, “Would you pay two hundred to check if you had skin cancer?”

  He doesn’t ask about the question, but asks his own. “Can’t you just look for irregular moles?”

  “Sometimes there aren’t any.”

  “Well…it’s always good to check.”

  He pulls down the sleeve of my blouse and kisses my shoulder.

  “No melanoma there,” he murmurs and I feel his words and his hot breath against my skin.

  “Maybe it’s hidden.” Twisting I unbutton my shirt. “You should check everywhere.”

  He kisses my collarbone. His fingertips trace the curve of my hip. I giggle. I can’t believe I’m doing this here. I unclip my bra. He sweeps the straps off my shoulders. The air conditioning chills my breasts and my nipples tighten. It’s odd to be half naked at work, to wonder if someone will walk in on us with me looking ready for a porn movie. But I can’t wait. I’ve missed so much with Todd.

  I lie back on my desk happy now that all my paperwork is pinned to the wall. He brushes his fingers over my tight nipple, a light caress that leaves me tingling and hardens my nipples even more with an ache that shoots down to between my legs. A shudder of desire sweeps through me. My body is sensitive to his every touch. I feel as if I’ve put myself on display for him. He drags off his shirt. I stare at him, fascinated at how his muscles ripple and move. He looks carved, sculpted, but he’s not intimidating. I reach up and trace my fingers over his abs. His skin is warm and damp. A small noise slips out of his lips—something between a moan and a gasp.

  I raise my hips and fumble with the fasting to my trousers. He helps me slide them off. I’m already wet for him. He turns and reaches over to lock the door. . I’m glad of that. It might be exciting to think about being caught making love on my desk but I want to focus everything on being with Todd.

  He runs his hands up my legs, planting a kiss in the middle of my thigh, first on the right one, then on the left. Excitement ripples through me. When he kisses between my legs, I jerk away and demand, “What are you doing?”

  He puts his hands on my helps and tilts his head. “What do you mean? Haven’t you ever done this?”

  I shake my head. My skin is on fire. Now he’s going to think I’m inexperienced.

  He smiles. “Just relax.”

  He places his face back between my thighs. I know about oral sex, I’ve given it, but I have never been the recipient. Self-consciousness clouds my thoughts until Todd’s tongue touches my clit. My heart accelerates. My mind blank. I arch into his mouth as his tongue strokes me, washing waves of pleasure through me. He teases me with small nibbles and when he begins to suck on my clit, it feels like every atom in my body is constricted into the tiniest space and then is set free in a burst. I tremble and he pulls me close to him. He licks me again and sucks hard. He pushes a finger into me and keeps sucking. Another finger and then a third. He fills me with his hand, pushing hard into me while he licks and tugs on my clit. I squirm with need, but Todd holds me down with his other hand. I feel possessed by him. Marked and claimed. It’s as if he won’t accept anything but my surrender to my own desire. He pushes his fingers in deeper, twists and wiggles them. And nips my clit.

  The world flames into color and heat and a wave of raw sizzle that leaves me dizzy. I muffle a scream. I can hear my ragged breaths. My muscles go limp.

  Todd keeps working his fingers in me, pushing, licking me now with his tongue. I start to feel the pressure build inside me again. How can I. I put a hand on his shoulder but he doesn’t stop. Instead he keeps working his fingers in me, pushing deeper. I spread my legs for him. He moans as if he loves this and suddenly I want him inside me.

  “Todd?” I say his name but the need in my voice must say more.

  Todd doesn’t need to say anything, but he does. Looking up, his chin glistening with the wetness he pulled from me he mutters, his voice rough and sexy, “I love you.”

  The world seems so sweetly divine that my office becomes a little piece of heaven.

  Todd lifts up from where he stands between my legs. He drags my hips to the edge of the desk and settles himself between my legs. Slowly he pushes into me. I’m so wet he slides in easily. For an instant he holds himself still. He frowns and I see on his face the concentration he is using to keep himself from reaching his own satisfaction.

  Taking my hand, he puts it on my mound so I can feel myself and him. “Rub yourself,” he says his voice rough. “I want to see pleasure take you. I want to watch.”

  My entire body heats with a blush, but I trust Todd. I want this. I rub myself and I try to keep my eyes open and on him, but pleasure heats me and sweeps me away again. My hips buck up against him, but Todd holds himself still. He pushes deep into me and his not moving is driving me crazy. I rub faster and the world explodes into light again. Now Todd moves. He pulls out and pushes back in, slow and even, taking his time. My body is so sensitized now that I feel every inch of him. I try to grab his hips.

  He puts his hand on my stomach. “Just enjoy it,” he says and I hear the smile in his voice.

  He starts to pick up speed and I wrap my legs around him and gasp his name, “Todd!” I come again and this time he falls with me into that place where we become one body and one soul.

  ●

  My favorite part of being the Pharmacy Director is I get to talk to all the different units of the hospital and get their opinions on how the pharmacy can be more efficient. Most people find this kind of work frustrating because you can never satisfy everyone, but the staff seems happy with the work I do. Their appreciation for my work makes the frustration that comes with the job worth it.

  I’m walking to the maternity ward today. The nurses here are the kindest employees. But if one baby’s life is in danger they turn to monsters. That’s understandable.

  As I round the corner to the ward, I crash into a man. I stumble back and I recognize the bright green eyes first. It takes a second for my mind to connect his face to a name.

  “Adam?”

  “Kate?” he barely chokes out the word. I find myself reaching out my hand to greet him with a handshake.

  “How are you?” I should feel uncontrollable rage, but I don’t. I pity him. His eyes look the same, but he’s aged more than he should have. He looks tired and worried. Maybe if I’d bumped into him before I began dating Todd, I’d think about tearing his face off. But I have a good man in my life now. And Adam pushed me to grow, to take risks that I wouldn’t have taken on my own. I think maybe I wouldn’t be where I am if I hadn’t met him. And my history with Adam seems more like a bad dream.

  “I’m…good,” he says, stumbling over the words.

  I know a lie from him when I hear it now. “What are you doing here?” I ask. It suddenly clicks in my mind that he’s in the maternity unit. “You didn’t…you don’t…” I trail off, smiling for him. A baby is always good news. Or is it?

  Adam cringes. “Uh, yeah. Gretchen just had a baby.”

  His callousness rubs me the wrong way. Shouldn’t he say, my baby? Or, Gretchen gave birth. Anything would sound better than what his tone implies which is, Gretchen popped out this thing and I accept no responsibility for it.

  He smiles at me, the smile that used to charm me. “What about you? I never really saw you as the mother type.”

  I can’t help it. My lip curls back. I force the expression away. “I work here. I’m the Pharmacy Director.”

  “Really?” He brushes a strand of my hair away from my face. I step back, but he keeps smiling. “It’s great to see you. You look fantastic.”

  “Congratulations on your baby. I’m sorry, but I have doctors to see.”

  I step to the side to walk by him. He grabs my arm.
I glare at him and he drops his hold. He gives a small laugh. “Hey, Kate, come on. I’m sorry for the way things ended between us. I was a stupid, foolish kid who was in over his head. I didn’t expect to fall in love with you.”

  “So…let me guess…working for Gretchen’s father didn’t work out?” I ask.

  He flushes. “Her father and I…didn’t see eye-to-eye. But that doesn’t mean…well, it’d be great to catch up with you. Maybe you could buy me a cup of coffee for old times’ sake? I can’t pay for anything right now because I’m between jobs, but you seem to be doing well and it’d be good for us—”

  “Adam,” I interrupt. “Your baby was just born. You are literally the worst person I have ever known. You need to go to Gretchen and be with her and your baby.”

  “Kate, I—”

  “I’m with someone. I have a boyfriend who is amazing. He respects me as much as he loves me. Unlike you, I would never break his trust. Honestly, I don’t look back at my relationship with you as something terrible because if I never had a relationship with you, I wouldn’t have understood how rare and remarkable my relationship with him is. I also don’t want to go over old times or catch up with you. Not now. Not ever.”

  Adam’s lower lip sticks out. “It’s your old boss, isn’t it?” He shakes his head. “I knew it. The way that guy looked at you… like you were one of the wonders of the world. What a pussy.”

  “Adam,” I say, clenching my fists. “I think you’d better leave. Right now.”

  “What?” he grumbles.

  “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” I punch him in the nose. He yells, grabs his face and stumbles back against the wall. I see the red of blood. I know he’ll never tell anyone that I hit him. He can’t have anyone think a girl gave him a bloody nose. And he won’t want to tell them how he deserved more than being punched out. I smiled at him and tell him, “It’s a damn good thing you’re in a hospital.”

  ●

  After my confrontation with Adam, I get through the day distracted and shaky. I am supposed to see Todd tonight but I feel less than enthusiastic about seeing any guy right now. Todd is wonderful, but I want to rise above my past. That’s hard when it keeps boomeranging back at me. But a promise is a promise.

  Todd’s house is a small cottage built of fieldstone. It’s cute. I’m almost to the door when it swings opens. Kaelyn comes bounding out and nearly knocks me over as she hugs me. “Kate!” she crows. “I knew you and my Dad would get together!”

  “Apparently you and everyone else,” I say. Todd appears in the doorway, drying his hands with a hand towel. I admire the way his biceps flex with the slightest movement. After Kaelyn releases me, I walk up to him and kiss his cheek.

  “Aww, come on,” Kaelyn says. “You can do more than that. I don’t mind.”

  I give him a quick kiss on the lips. Kaelyn grins and runs into the house. “Kate!” she calls out. “Come see my room!”

  I laugh. Todd shakes his head. “Kaelyn, after you show Kate your room, you have to go to sleep!” he yells into the house.

  “Uh oh, you’re the strict kind of father,” I say.

  He smiles. “Usually she would manage to get an extra hour out of me. But she has a big dance recital tomorrow.”

  He leads me to Kaelyn’s room. It’s pale pink with a canopy bed. Kaelyn shows me her new iPod, her books, and her very first bit of make-up—strawberry lip gloss.

  “She held her breath until I let her get some,” Todd mutters. “I thought I had enough will power to keep saying no, but she is one determined little girl.”

  “I wonder where she gets that from,” I whisper. I tuck my hand into the crook of his arm. He chuckles.

  Kaelyn bounces over to me. I have no idea where she gets all her energy. “Kate, do you want to see photos of my friends? They’re on the laptop in the living room.”

  “No, Kaelyn, it’s time for bed,” Todd says. “You have to be able to dance tomorrow.”

  She groans, but pulls open her dresser drawer and takes out some pajamas. Todd and I leave her, closing her bedroom door behind us.

  “Wait until you get to the teenage years,” I say. “You’ll dream of how great these years were.”

  He gives me a tour of the rest of his house. I’ve always liked the look of stainless steel and sleek lines, but his house with all its clutter and wood feels comfortable. I can picture myself in front of the stone fireplace, or eating at the black walnut dining table, or bathing in the clawfoot tub. I can also imagine Todd with me in every scenario. After Kaelyn is put to bed, we lie down next to each other on his wool rug in front of the fireplace. Reality is just as good as my fantasies.

  He leans over me and kisses me, his mouth soft and his tongue hot and tempting. His fingers stroke down my arm leaving a trail of desire behind.

  With a deep sigh I reach up to touch his cheek. “I have to tell you something,” I say, interrupting the perfect silence between us.

  “That doesn’t sound good.” He takes my hand and kisses my knuckles.

  I sit up. I can’t do this on my back. “It’s about Taylor. And Adam.” Todd’s body goes rigid. He places his hand on my leg. Wetting my lips, I tell him, “I don’t know how to say this…but…do you remember when I broke up with Taylor? And he began stalking me? Shortly after we broke up he…attacked me.” I swallow. I don’t think I’m doing a good job of this. But I don’t want there to be any secrets between Todd and me. “I mean…he tried to…force himself…on me.”

  Todd clenches his jaw. I close my eyes so I don’t have to see his reaction. If he decides I’m too damaged to love, it will break me.

  Opening my eyes, I stare at the orange flames in the fireplace. “And then I began dating Adam…and it was great. Or I thought it was. I found out after seven months he was engaged to another woman. I ran into him today. He just had a baby.”

  I feel Todd’s hands on my upper arms. I look at him. My stomach tenses.

  “I’m sorry,” he says. His voice is lined with anger. It takes me a second to realize it’s not aimed at me. “Those men…I should say boys…were stupid and full of themselves. If I’d known what either of them did to you I’d have used my access to drugs in a very criminal way.”

  I press my face against his chest. Tears soak into his shirt. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me close. He strokes my spine as the tears seep out. I don’t know if I’m crying over my past or crying from happiness that he can accept my past. An incredible relief floods me.

  Todd undresses me with more care than anyone has ever used with me. For each button he undoes he places a kiss over my skin. For each bit of clothing he removes he strokes my bare skin and then licks me softly. But I want to pleasure him this time. When I am naked he is still dressed. Sitting up I wipe away the dry tears. I push Todd down so his back is pressed against the floor.

  Now I take my time with pressing a kiss on his skin for every button I undo. I caress his skin, feeling muscle and bone and loving every inch of him. When he is naked I sit between his legs.

  “Kate?”

  I put a hand on his chest. “Just relax.”

  He smiles at me. He must remember how he told me that the first time he gave me oral sex. I take him into my mouth. He tastes good—salty and like Todd. I lick and tease and stroke him. Hearing him moan, watching him throw his head back and close his eyes leaves me wet.

  I coax a bead of moisture from his cock and I lick it. He tastes a lot better than Adam. Opening my mouth wide, I swallow him down. Todd bucks up but I’m not done with him.

  Pulling back, I straddle his thighs and sit over him. I take him inside me in a slow move that lets me feel everything. I can’t stop the moan of pleasure that tears out of me. Once I’m sitting on him with him deep inside me I start to rock my hips. Slow at first and then faster. Todd gasps and I lean down and take one of his nipples into my mouth. I such hard on it and nip at it, the way he did to my clit. His hips buck.

  “Like that?” I ask and move to his other ni
pple.

  Todd strokes my legs and I keep rocking my hips.

  Suddenly I want more.

  Sitting up I lift up. I plunge myself down on him in a sharp move. I do it again. And again. Todd grabs my hips and turns us so he’s over me now. He drives into him hard and deep and I let out a small scream.

  We climax together—something I never thought possible. Todd’s body covers me a heavy weight I welcome. He starts to move away but I drag him back and hold him close. “Stay,” I mutter.

  “I’m too heavy.”

  “No. You’re perfect. This is perfect.”

  I fall asleep and wake with my face dry and my head now pillowed on Todd’s bare stomach. . Todd is asleep next to me. He leans his back against the couch and I lay on him. He must have managed to get us into this position. We’re both naked. His arms still encircle me. Half of me wants to stay and sleep through until morning but the other half knows I have to be to work by six. I kiss Todd’s lips.

  His eyes flutter open and he mumbles, “Hey, what time is it?”

  “I have no idea.”

  He slips his arm out from under me and gets up. He glances into the kitchen to look at a clock. “It’s after two. I’m sorry. I know you only wanted to stay a couple hours.”

  I start to gather my clothes and slip them on again. “I want to stay longer than that. But all of my work stuff is at my apartment.”

  “You could always keep some things here,” he says but he sounds uncertain and hesitant. He grabs his pants and pulls them on.

  I stand and kiss him. “I like the idea of that. But what would Kaelyn think?”

  He grins. “Kaelyn has already told me her plans on building another bedroom for you. That was right after I talked to her about how we were seeing each other.” He wraps his arms around my waist and gives me another kiss. “I hope you don’t think we’re going too fast. After what you said about Taylor—”

  “You’re nothing like him. And, no, I don’t think we’re going too fast. When I’m with you…I feel like I’m home.”

  “I’ve always been in love with you.” He tightens his arms around me. “I feel like I’ve always been in this relationship with you. I love you.”