by Amanda Heath
That made him raise an eyebrow. “What kind of issues?”
I shrugged my shoulders. “The kind I’m not going to talk about with a stranger. She’d kill me and you probably.” Then I chuckled. “I will say we both have issues but I tend to go in the opposite direction.”
Tate took a big sip of his beer and set the bottle back down gently. “I think everyone has issues Farah. Some of us just have issues that make it hard to live the way people want us to.”
“People suck,” I muttered because it was true. “Especially the ones I’m related to.”
“I’m not touching that one with a ten-foot pole,” he told me, laughing softly.
“Yeah, I wouldn’t either. People generally run in the other direction when my issues get brought up. You’re holding up pretty well.” Then I bit my lip because some people really don’t like my sarcasm. I can’t tell you how many bitch fights I’ve been in because of it. Those are never fun.
Tate chuckled and I remember the noise washing over me like silk. “I think my issues would scare you. They scare most women off.”
That made me furrow my brow and turn my seat to face him fully. “That’s not ominous or anything. Please explain.”
He took a deep breath and then a deep pull from his beer. “I’ll make you a deal.” When I nodded he went on to say, “When you tell me about your issues, I’ll tell you about mine.”
I opened my mouth to say it, just blurt it all out but then I lost my nerve. People really do run in the opposite direction when I start talking about my past. No one wants to deal with a damaged person like me. We bring all this baggage and they have no room in their little houses for it, so they just slam the door in your face.
“Not so easy is it,” Tate muttered, waving his hand for another beer. “When you’re ready, I’m all ears.”
I remember studying him after that. The way his stubble looked rough and his lips looked tight. You could see it in his shoulders too; they were broad and packed with muscles. Sitting there just drinking him in, I realized Tatum Spears just might be my type. Damaged. Gorgeous. Built. Nice. The gentleman thing though was throwing me off. I didn’t date gentlemen. They tended to be too soft and easily controlled and I don’t want to control anybody.
“When I was sixteen I was at this party I shouldn’t have been at. I wasn’t hanging out with the best people at that point but I learned later on it could have been worse.” I paused when his eyes went from his bottle to mine, but only for a moment. “People were breaking shit and fighting. I was scared and I didn’t know what else to do, so I called my Gran. Normally Pops would answer the phone, because it was a thing I did. I’d call him in the middle of the night and he would come and get me, no questions asked. I probably wouldn’t have asked Gran to come get me but I was scared and drunk. I think I was stoned too, I can’t really remember.” I lift a hand up to wipe down the side of my face. I hate this fucking story. Every time I relive it or tell someone, I get all those emotions back. Self-loathing, grief, sadness and guilt. “I remember her getting there and getting in the car. I must have fallen asleep because when I woke up there was a tree sticking out of the front of the car and Gran was gone.”
I blink several times, unbelieving that I even told him all that but somehow it had felt good. “It was six hours before someone found us. I was pinned in by the tree and…and Gran had flown out the windshield. She had laid out there and bled to death while I was passed out.” I lift both my hands up to slide through my hair, tugging just a little bit to stay focused. If I didn’t, I’ll be there again. I’ll be sitting in that car for six hours screaming for her and never getting an answer.
Tate put his hand on my thigh and squeezed. He never made a comment on what I told him and I found that comforting. Then he ripped the world out from under me. “When I was sixteen, I got drunk and decided to drive home from this party. My girlfriend, Sky, she was with me. I don’t remember the drive but I remember waking up the next morning in a hospital bed. Max was sitting next to me and he told me what had happened. I was hanging on by a thread, broken ribs, broken leg and arm, concussion and I had just had surgery to remove my ruptured spleen. Sky...never made it out of the car, alive anyway.” I knew that was going to be the ending to that story. I felt my hand move to his on my thigh and I squeezed.
That’s what it was. This thing between us. Why I was always drawn to him whenever he came into the restaurant. We were kindred spirits in the fact we both got drunk and caused someone’s death. I knew the crushing pain of being irresponsible and people blaming you for the death of a loved one. The blame isn’t even the worst part. It’s the resentment. You know, why am I still here when the other person was a better human being and now I was just taking up space?
“This became the most depressing day I’ve had in forever,” I said, looking at him with something building under my skin at his touch. I was falling into it, this unmovable force drawing us together. Maybe I didn’t want to get to know him but I wanted to feel something then, something other than the pain.
I’ve spent most of my life running from the pain.
His other hand came up and cupped my cheek. My eyes met his and something passed between us. “I’m going to stop drinking now. You should too,” he told me and all I could do was nod.
You might think it’s crazy but in that moment, we weren’t strangers anymore. If anything, Tate understood me better than anyone else ever could. We shared one of the darkest things you can share and we lived through it. Even on those days we wished we were dead instead. We may not have known each other, but we understood and we knew the only things that mattered.
We sat there in silence for a good thirty minutes, just watching the TV above the bar. His hand never left my thigh and my hand never left his. Then he got up, taking my hand with his. He threw some money on the bar and then he pulled me out of the restaurant.
“Do you have a car?” he asked me and I shook my head.
He then dragged me to the nice truck I had seen him in the other day and he opened the passenger side door. I climbed up into the cab of the truck, letting his hand go with regret. He reached in and squeezed my thigh before shutting the door. When he got in on the driver’s side, he patted the middle seat and I moved over until I was sitting flush against him. His hand brought mine up to rest on his powerful thigh that time. Then he started the truck and backed out of the space.
“You didn’t even ask me if I wanted to go home with you,” I pointed out, thinking that the whole night had been weird but, oddly enough, it didn’t freak me out.
I heard him chuckle. “Do you want to go home with me?” he said to the front windshield, never taking his eyes off the road as he drove.
“Yeah,” was my reply.
***
His lips are soft. Softer than my fluffiest pillow on my bed at home. They kissed me with the ease of someone who knows what they’re doing. He also kissed me slowly, like he had all night to do just that. I hadn’t been kissed in years and it was the most intense moment I’d ever had with a man.
After my Gran died, I went a little crazy. I did things I would never have done before. Drugs, sex with guys I shouldn’t have been giving the time of day to. That lasted for six months. Then my Pops stepped in, cleaned me up and I’ve been sober and abstinent since then. Five years without kissing, without sex and now I’d gone home with a guy I barely know, yet I felt like I did know him.
I knew how good he was, regardless of what happened in his past. He didn’t know me from Eve, yet he was worried about my well-being, after Sarah’s ex. He watched me while I was working, when I didn’t know he was. It might be a tad bit creepy, but it also turned me on.
Anyway, I knew enough that I wouldn’t regret sleeping with him. He wasn’t a lowlife piece of shit and it’s not like I was asking for forever. He was the first guy I’d felt anything for in five years. Really felt something, other than lust. I wanted to explore it for a little while.
When we pulled up outside a
brownstone apartment building, I felt the nervous energy coursing through my body explode. I think everyone has that moment, right before you have sex with someone new. You’re excited, ready for it, yet you have this reservation because it’s something you’ve never tried before. I fucking love that feeling. I loved it even more because I never expected to feel this way with Tate.
He turned off the truck and opened the door. Instead of shutting it and waiting on me, he grabbed my leg and pulled me towards him. I let out a tiny squeak, I’m ashamed to admit. Yeah he’s a big guy, I just didn’t expect him to be so strong. Then his hands reached up to cup my face and those soft as hell lips touched mine.
I think if someone was standing outside looking at us, they would have been able to feel it. The sensations running through us, the lust ignited with that one kiss and the all-consuming way it reached into us.
I’m telling you this for a reason. Life before Tate was a sad, sorry excuse for living. After I met Tate, things started to make all kinds of sense. I was floating in space before my lips touched his and after that, I grounded, centered on him.
My hands landed on his shoulders while my ass moved me closer to his body. His tongue snaked into my mouth, bringing with it the taste of beer and the snakebites we ate at the bar. There was also something spicy there, something uniquely Tate. I remember moaning into his lips and wrapping myself closer, trying to crawl into him.
His hands left my face and went down to my ass, lifting me. My legs wrapped around his waist, my arms around his neck. We never stopped kissing, him with complete control of my mouth and me hanging on for the ride.
His lips finally did leave mine when he arrived at the front door to his apartment. I never stopped moving mine, leading them over his rough jaw and down his corded neck. I could hear his breathing laboring over the rush of blood in my ears. The door finally opened and we shoved inside.
My back had bruises the next day because he didn’t make it far into the house before I was pushed up against a wall. He grabbed my hands from around his neck and flattened them against the wall, his mouth taking mine again. His tongue, warm wet and soft, licking into my mouth, chasing after mine.
I had this…urge to fight back a little. He was taking complete control and I wanted to gain some back. So I wrestled my hands from his and dropped to the ground, shoving him back until he hit the wall behind him. Then I was on my tiptoes wrapping my hands around his head and sticking my tongue down his throat, taking a lot of pleasure out of his growl.
Then he was ripping my shirt off over my head and turning me around so my ass fit against his crotch. He wrapped a hand in my long hair, pulling my head to the side. He kissed and licked along my neck while my butt gave his dick all the attention it wanted. He used his other hand to take my bra off, leaving my nipples free to the cold air, their puckered state leaving me aching.
My panties had gotten wet a long ass time ago.
His hands, now free, cupped my breasts, rolling those puckered nipples between his fingers like the most gifted guitar player. My hips rolled back against him, loving the feel of his serious erection.
“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck,” he chanted against my neck, almost breathless. Then he let go, picked me up under my knees and walked down the hallway we were standing in. He opened a door at the end and carried me through. Then I was lying on a bed, his hands going for my jeans. One of his knees was on the bed, him hovering over me. I sat up a bit and threw his jacket off his shoulders.
He looked down at himself like he didn’t understand why he was still wearing all his clothes. That’s when he stopped with my clothes all together and started taking off his. His jacket came off in one fluid movement. He kicked off his shoes under the bed I assumed, considering I couldn’t see. He started unbuttoning his shirt with his eyes on my chest. I watched him, more than excited and ran my hand down my throat to my breasts. My nipples ended up between my own hands as I rolled and tugged him, smiling at his groan.
Bored with that, I moved down to my jeans unsnapping them and pushing them down my legs along with my panties. I kicked off my chucks and socks just as he got to his pants. Then I took a finger and moved it around my sex, playing lightly with my clit while he watched.
I never moved my eyes from him and once he got that shirt off, I was just gone. All those muscles packed into his body. They moved and flexed with him, it was seriously more than I could take. I had to let some of this tension off, even if I had to do it myself. Once his slacks landed on the floor I felt my eyes widen. His dick reached up to his belly button, all smooth skin and rock hard flesh.
“It’ll fit,” he said, his voice shocking me enough that I moved my eyes up to his. My finger still moved on my clit and his eyes moved to watch, flaring when they reached the sight. His arm flew out and opened a drawer on the nightstand next to his bed. He pulled out a condom. He used his teeth to rip it open and I watched, fascinated, while he rolled the thing on without taking his eyes away from me playing with myself. “God I bet you’re so fucking tight.”
I let out a moan at that and rolled my hips, hoping he’d hurry the hell up. Then he was climbing on top of me, his hand moving down to mine. He didn’t move it, just moved with it over my clit and down to my opening. His lips started kissing my jaw, my lips and my neck. “So fucking wet.”
He moved his lips to one of my nipples and the second he got it in his mouth, his cock entered me in one smooth thrust, causing me to cry out and stiffen up. “Fuck,” I groaned out, not used to the fullness.
He waited until I adjusted before he started moving. His mouth sucking at my breasts and his hand playing with mine on my clit. My back was arching off the bed before long as he fucked and sucked.
He lifted his head up, his green eyes flaring with so much heat I had to gulp down my dry throat. “So fucking tight. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” He rose up a little bit, enough that I could remove my hand from my sex and wrap my arms around his neck.
Then I flipped him on his back. He never left my body. “Jesus,” he muttered, looking at me with surprise. I didn’t comment on it, I just moved my hips to my own beat. I slid on him, all wet and hot, so fucking turned on. I lifted my arms up to take my hair up off my neck.
My eyes were closed so it was a shock to me to open them and find him staring at me, closer than he was before. He’d moved up to his elbows, his hands gripping my thighs, using his thumbs to spread my legs farther apart. “I wish you could see this,” he whispered and butterflies came alive in my stomach. “So fucking beautiful, moving up and down on me like that.” Then his eyes moved down to where we were joined. “Fucking perfect wet pussy. Fuck.”
He sat up fast then made me move to lay down on my side. One leg each pressed together, my other leg thrown over his hip. My head ended up resting on his bicep and his other hand was rubbing up and down my waist, causing goose flesh.
The thing that made it all more real, pleasurable and intense was his eyes right there. He didn’t say the words or use his hands, he just used his eyes. They wouldn’t let me look away; I was stuck staring into their green depths seeing all the things he was feeling right then.
Rapture.
Lust.
Happiness.
I had a feeling he didn’t feel happy a lot. It made my heart lurch but I hid it. He was thrusting into me, slowly driving at his own pace and I was more than happy to let him.
His groin was rubbing my clit deeply and I knew I was going to come soon. I could feel it start in my toes and move up my legs. On the opposite end tingles started at my scalp and moved slowly down to my face, then my neck, my chest and finally exploded when it reached my stomach. I was shaking, my eyes never leaving Tate’s.
Then he smiled and the look was so fucking smug.
That’s when I leaned over to his ear, finally breaking eye contact and whispered, “I want you to come, Tatum. I wanna feel it so bad.” I licked the shell of his ear and blew a little. “Please, Tatum. Fill me up.”
It was unstoppable after
that. He yanked on my hair, causing my face to fall back but I didn’t have to worry about looking into his eyes. No, I could feel his cock spasm as he came, his mouth attached to my neck and that hurt.
“Ow. Shit,” I said, trying to push him away to rub the spot. I don’t know if he bit me or sucked too hard. He used his lips to soothe it though.
***
I woke up with the sunlight hitting my face. I slowly opened my eyes, blinking a few times, trying to get the confusion out of my head. I knew it wasn’t my room at Pops’ or the living room at Sarah’s apartment where I crashed sometimes.
I’d never woken up on some guy’s bed with some guy before. Though even at that point Tate wasn’t just some guy. He was more than that. Especially after what had happened the night before. I’m still ashamed to admit I freaked out.
I remember untangling myself from his arms, feeling a sense of loss I didn’t understand. It was insane the amount of hurt that floated around inside of me. I wanted to stay there, in that bed with Tate but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. What if he woke up and kicked me out? What if it was awkward? I just couldn’t handle it at all.
I couldn’t find all my clothes though and that was upsetting. My pants, shoes, socks and panties were all on the floor. So I picked up his shirt and threw it on, buttoning it up as I carefully opened his bedroom door. I had my shoes in my hand so I wouldn’t squeak against the tile floor. I didn’t even look around me to check out the surroundings I didn’t see last night. I found my shirt though and my bra sitting on a little table right beside the door. That made me lift an eyebrow, considering I knew for a fact those clothes got thrown around on the floor. Plus, Tate never left the room after we had sex last night. And I doubt he would just fold them and set them down.
Shaking my head I carefully opened the front door, locking the handle before I shut it. My phone and money were in my wallet, so I reached in there and called my sister.