by Amanda Heath
“Hey!” she answered cheerfully. “You’re up early.”
“Yeah…I’m gonna ask you to do something and you can’t say anything. Not until way later, okay?”
She was quiet for a second then she said, “I’m afraid to even think about what you’re going to tell me.”
I rolled my eyes. It had been a long time since I called her because I got too fucked up to get a ride home. “Okay, yeah. Fuck,” I muttered, unable to form the right words.
She was quiet again and this time she was cautious with her response. “You got laid, didn’t you?”
I nodded even though she couldn’t see me. “Dude, please just come get me. I swear I’ll explain when you get here.”
I put her on speakerphone while I looked at my map app to find the address. “Oh my God he lives at Meadow Falls? That’s like the upper class place! He’s rich?”
I shrugged my shoulders. Sarah and I knew each other so well she knew my responses, even if they weren’t uttered out loud.
“Okay, I’m putting on pants and getting my ass over there! Am I going to get to see Mr. Rich?”
I rolled my eyes. “No. Just hurry.”
I sat on the curb wishing I had my jacket, but I hate them. I refuse to wear one most of the time. Now if it’s raining outside or freezing I’ll wear one, but any other times I don’t.
Ten minutes later my sister pulled into the parking lot. I let out a sigh of relief. I went and hid behind some bushes in case Tate came outside to see if I was still here. I ran to her car and jumped inside, not looking around.
She put the car in park and just sat there. She wasn’t moving until I explained. “Okay, you know that guy who was waiting with me when you picked me up a couple of weeks ago?” When she nodded I went on. “That’s the guy. Tate Spears. Anyway he was at the bar last night while I was there, we got to talking and yeah I came home with him.”
She opened and closed her mouth like a fish. “You went home with Mr. Tall, Dark and Handsome? Fuck you lucky bitch!” Then she smacked me on the shoulder and I grimaced.
She finally put the car in drive and that’s when I finally looked at Tate’s front door, only to see Max standing there. At first he looked confused and it slowly turned to anger. I waved at him while Sarah drove away.
“Sooo how was it?”
I looked up and prayed for divine assistance but obviously that wasn’t going to happen. “It was really fucking good. He’s fucking hot as hell and likes to talk dirty a little bit. Apparently he’s rich but I didn’t know that. Yes, he has a hot brother, whose name is Max and no I won’t be seeing him again.”
“What do you mean you won’t be seeing him again? Are you crazy? You better jump on that ship before it sails!” She tapped her fingers against the steering wheel. Always a sign she’s about to lay into me. “You never go out and meet guys. You haven’t had sex in five years for crying out loud. And obviously he had some kind of something that you liked. Probably that hot bod.”
“He’s amazing, okay.” I leaned my head against the passenger side window and watched the road until I got dizzy. “I’m not going there because he’s got more baggage than I do. And no, I’m not going to explain it to you because it’s his baggage not mine.”
She clucked her tongue and I wanted to smack her. I hated when she made that noise, which was all the time. “So…you have baggage. We all have baggage.”
“Yeah, but his baggage is the kind where you’d have to knock down a ten-foot thick titanium steel wall before you can even begin to deal with it.” My breath fogged against the window and I barely contained myself from drawing little hearts. Sarah hated it when I left smears on her windows.
I could tell from the other side of the car that her lip was curling. “Yeah, that’s you and your baggage. I get it now. It’d be like two colliding semis if the two of you got together.”
I could only nod.
Little did I know that I left my money at his house. See, I don’t like purses either, so I had my money and my phone stuffed in my pocket. The money fell out at some point.
I’m not naïve. I knew he was going to show up at Roadhouse with my shit because he’s a decent guy. So I didn’t worry about calling and cutting off my card or freaking out over losing the twenty-dollar bill. And I was right.
That night after I finished closing up at the Roadhouse, Tate was sitting outside by his truck. Seeing him again after last night was surreal. I couldn’t believe that this gorgeous man had taken me home, the dirty scruffy emo kid.
“What’d you do? Call to see what time I got off?” I raised one eyebrow, ignoring the butterflies in my tummy.
He smirked at me and I figured I had it right. He moved closer to me and it was all I could do not to take a step back. “Why’d you run?”
That did make me take a step back. “I didn’t run. I walked softly.”
He lifted one shoulder up and dropped it. “Same difference.”
The butterflies kept taking nosedives every time he opened his mouth and spoke. “It doesn’t matter. I’ll just take my money and you can go.”
This was the moment I got a real look inside Tatum Spears’ personality. Before, I just thought he was a nice person who didn’t take much. Then I thought he was a really good lover.
He was also somewhat immature. He took my wad of money and my debit card and held it over his head. “Come and get it, doll face.”
I blanched at the endearment. “Who the fuck calls a girl doll face?”
“Me.” He stood there holding my stuff way over my head with his tan pants and red button shirt with his shiny shoes. It was so strange. “You got a beautiful face, baby. Makes me think of those porcelain dolls. You even have the creepy sightless eyes sometimes.”
I huffed out a breath and reached forward to smack him in the arm. “You’re a fucking asshole.”
“Never said I wasn’t.” Then he wiggled my stuff up in his hand. “You gonna climb me like you did last night? I’m down for that.”
I rolled my eyes, completely done with this conversation. I turned on my heel and walked away from him. I was going to go wait by the front entrance for Sarah, who couldn’t be on time for once in her life.
“Farah,” he called behind me. “Farah, stop. I’ll give you your stuff.”
I wasn’t going to fall for that so I just kept going, not even turning around to see him. If I did I would have seen him right on my heels. Then he scooped me up and carried me over to his truck. The butterflies were going retarded at that moment. I couldn’t keep them still no matter how I cussed them out in my head.
He set me down after he opened his truck door. My butt hit the soft seat and I glowered at him. I knew I could get away if I really wanted to, but I knew Tate wasn’t going to hurt me.
“Back off Tatum,” I told him, trying to get myself under control. It’s not every day you meet a man who can carry you around like a sack of potatoes. Also up a flight of stairs while said girl is kissing you.
He chuckled and I liked that. It made him seem younger. Before that night the man acted like he was thirty going on sixty. When, in fact, he’s only three years older than me. “Farah, what am I going to do with you?” He leaned in, his lips headed right for mine.
I screwed up my lips and put my hands out. “What, I screw you once so that makes you think you can kiss me whenever you want?”
He looked in my eyes while he thought that over. “I wouldn’t kiss you if I didn’t think you wanted me to.” Then I felt guilty for saying that.
“Shit.” I rubbed a hand over my face. “You…and me…and yeah, ” I said, like that would explain everything.
“What?” he said, trying to hold in his laughter.
I closed my eyes and leaned into his chest, which was right there. “It scared me. Waking up with you. I’ve never done that before. And I wasn’t even sure where I was and what would happen if you woke up and didn’t want me there.”
His hands went up into my hair and I moaned. “No
w, now none of those noises. We’ll end up in the back of this truck.” He kept his hands in my hair though, and thankfully, because I really needed someone to comfort me right then. “I wouldn’t have made you leave, Farah. And it sure as shit wouldn’t have been awkward or anything else your mind could come up with. I would have gotten ready for work and made you stay in my bed all day.”
That made me bark out a laugh. “You don’t know me at all.”
He put his face against my head and I could feel his lips move in what I assumed was a smile. “You’re right and that really sucks. Because I want to know you, really badly.”
All of a sudden I felt like the whole situation was way too intimate and familiar. So I moved out of his arms. “You won’t say that once you get to know me.”
“You’re right, I won’t.” Then he grinned when I frowned. “I’d already know you, Farah.”
I shook my head at that. “Aren’t you moving a little fast or something?”
He took a step back and studied me for a moment. “Have you never just hung out with someone? Had fun for a little while?”
“I hadn’t had sex in five years before last night.”
He barked out a laugh but quickly sobered when he realized I was serious. “What the fuck, Farah? Why didn’t you tell me that? I would have been a lot more gentle.”
I scowled at him and leaned against the steering wheel. “For one thing, do I look like I want it gentle? For fucks sake I have a face full of metal. That screams I want it hard and fast.”
“Quit being a bitch, Farah. And you have all that metal in your face because you want it there. It doesn’t say anything about you, other than you like pain.”
“Tatum. Seriously, we don’t have anything in common. You’re business casual and I’m emo kid couture,” I said.
Tate shook his head and moved in closer to me. He put his arms above his head and leaned into the truck. “You know,” he started. “You know we have way more in common than that.”
“You just want to hang out? You promise?” I had decided to give it a try. I knew he’d see, that we weren’t compatible and it was going to end in flames. That’s pretty much how everything in my life ends.
He moved his lips closer to mine and those stupid fucking butterflies started having babies upon babies. I thought I might throw up. “Yeah, baby. I promise. No pressure. I know that’s what neither of us needs.” Then he kissed me and kissed me some more.
By the time Sarah pulled up, twenty minutes late I might add, I was seriously turned on. Though Tate never invited me back to his place and I never asked. Though I did give him my number. And that’s how my long, stormy relationship with Tatum Spears started.
Six
Farah
I wake up the day after Sarah’s funeral lying next to Max. It’s not what you think though. I would never go there, ever. I hate Max the majority of the time and he’s Sarah’s. That would break all kinds of rules and I’ve long since stopped breaking rules.
No, he woke up last night and started crying. I wasn’t sleeping so I came into his room and climbed into bed with him. We had a talk I’m still reveling from. It wasn’t long before we both fell asleep. I guess we just needed someone to be there.
I slowly climb out of the bed, rubbing my eyes and trying not to trip over the clothes all over the floor. Blake is at Max’s parent’s, which is a godsend. I don’t think either of us could deal with him properly today.
I open the door quietly and step out into the hall. My feet pad softly against the floor as I make my way to my own room. I stop dead in my tracks though when I hear Tate’s voice from the living room.
“I don’t know, Beth. It’ll probably be another week before I can even think of coming home. My brother needs me,” he says and I know he’s on the phone.
My blood boils like the fires of hell are racing through my veins. I hate that fucking name and I hate the person who it belongs to. Beth fucking Norman. It’s all I can do not to scream at the top of my lungs and hit Tate over the head with a heavy object.
“No, you don’t need to come down here.” He pauses because I know he wants to tell her I’m staying in the same house as him. He won’t though because he knows she hates me just as much as I hate her. “Max is hurting, babe.”
Ugh, babe. Thank the fucking lord he never called me babe. I probably would have killed him. I shake my head at that. I’m so violent when it comes to Tate. I’m even more violent when you bring up Beth’s name.
I hear him sigh and I’m frozen in my hiding spot. “No, she’s not here. Max and Farah hate each other. Sarah being gone has only made that more apparent.” I don’t know why he’s lying to her.
Then it hits me.
And my heart breaks into a hundred pieces.
Tears sting my eyes and I have to bite my lip so I won’t scream with the pain.
I feel like he stabbed me in the heart.
After the past five years, he still picked her over me.
“Okay, me too. Talk to you later. Kiss Kaley for me.” I hear him let out a deep breath and I know he’s feeling bad for lying to her. She’d kill both of us if she knew I was living here while he stayed. Even though I can barely stand the sight of him.
I move to the end of the hall and look over the railing. His back is to me and he’s looking down at his phone. I don’t think as I move down the stairs without making any noise. I pick up the weapon I see sitting on the floor by the coffee table. I raise it above my head and then I put every bad feeling inside of me into bringing the object down on his head.
Tate lets out a shocked noise as the plastic sword connects with his scalp. He turns around and his eyes go wide when he sees me standing there, branding the sword up again and going straight for his face. “You fucking son of a bitch!” I yell, swinging that sword at him hard.
“What the fuck, Farah?” he asks, trying to back up but running into the couch.
Tears flow down my face and I can’t stop myself. I’m so angry with him. So fucking angry. I want him to suffer because I’m suffering with all the shit I’ve put up with. “I hate you, Tate. I fucking hate you so much!”
He falls down on the couch because I won’t stop beating him with the sword. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” he questions, using his arms to try and ward me off but I’m a force to be reckoned with.
“You, you piece of shit!” I climb on top of him still using the sword to bring all the pain I can.
"What the hell are you doing?!" Max yells out from the top of the stairs.
I bite my lip and look down at Tate. The play sword is still in my hand over my head waiting for another chance to hit him. I'm straddling his hips and I kind of forgot how we even got this way, "Ummm..." I stutter out.
Tate clears his throat and looks up at his brother, "Just a bit of foreplay."
My face screws up in anger and the sword comes down on Tate. "You wouldn't know foreplay if it bit you on the ass!" I say, repeatedly beating Tate with the plastic sword. I know it stings because Blake's hit me enough times with it.
Tate finally throws his arms over his head trying to protect himself. "You lie! You're the one who is always telling me to 'put it in' or 'fuck me now, Tatum’. It's your fault!"
"She calls you Tatum in the bedroom?" Max asks.
I glare down at Tate with all the pissed off anger I can muster. "You answer that question and I'll show you foreplay with this sword and your ass."
“Seriously though, what is wrong with you two?” Max’s voice is scratchy and tired from sleep. I feel bad now for waking him up.
I put the sword down and climb off of Tate, disgusted with both of us. I shouldn’t have gotten so mad but, fuck, I can’t help it. After all the shit I’ve gone through and the shit Tate’s done to me, I lost it.
“Nothing is wrong with us, Maxwell. Butt out,” Tate states, rubbing his arms where the sword hit him the hardest.
I roll my eyes and look up at Max. “Did he tell you he went back to Beth? Or did you
think that wasn’t something I needed to know?”
Max’s face drains of color and I know he knew. It’s safe to say I’m going to lose it again. “You son of a bitch! Did you tell Sarah? Huh? Did you keep that from the wife you loved so much?” I’m screaming now and I’m so happy Blake isn’t here. He really doesn’t need my drama in his life, the poor baby.
He opens his mouth to respond and I throw my hand up, cutting him off. “For fucks sake,” I mutter, moving around the coffee table and up the stairs. When I pass Max I make sure to give him a deadly stare. “I’m going to Pops’. If either of you,” I make sure to meet Max’s eyes and then Tate’s, “come after me, I swear to God I’ll murder both of you. I’m fucking done with both of you.” And I mean it. Max wouldn’t stop me if I wanted to come and pick up Blake to hang out. He knows I’ll kill him if he talks to me ever again.
Sarah would die all over again if she found out Max kept this from her. It was bad enough he kept that Tate was leaving away from her. I clench my teeth as something becomes clear in my head. Max had said he thought Tate was going to take me with him, but that’s not true, considering he knew he was going back to Beth.
I make it to my room before I really lose it. I start ripping shit off the walls, all my DD posters and pictures of Sarah and me, plus some of Tate. I throw my lamp at the door satisfied when it breaks on impact. I pull open a drawer from the nightstand and I pull out my scissors. Then I start shredding my bedspread until it’s in little pieces. I stab my pillows, ripping out the stuffing, laughing as it rains down around me. I look under the bed for the toolbox I keep there. I pull out a hammer and use it against the walls. Leaving holes anywhere I choose.
Max throws open the door, his mouth hanging open at the mess that is me. “Farah! Fucking stop!” he bellows but I ignore him.
He moves into the room but I stop him before he can make another move. The hammer is clutched in my hand, raised to come down on his head. “If you fucking move in my direction I will hit you with this. Hard. I’m not playing around Max.”