by T J Reeder
That lasted until the door flew open and two hornets flew in, stuffing their mouths and trying to call me names for warning Benson about their plan to switch guns. I was really amazed how they could stuff a whole cookie in their mouths and never miss a word.
PFM ( pure fucking magic). I think even Charley was impressed.
They left vowing revenge. MA said they sure were cute for something so dangerous. We agreed. Kinda like having a badger for a pet.
The door opened again and Charley’s pet Chinese Col. came in, looked around and held out a plate piled high with warm cookies.
He said, “Beware; sneaky Asians bearing cookies.” I said I could overlook any sneakiness on his part but wanted to know how he escaped the two cookie moochers that just left.
He smiled real big and said, “Confucius say, when moving thru enemy lines, carry two plates of cookies.” I looked at Charley and asked how we beat them. He said, “Because the enemy had the wrong man in charge”, as he took another cookie.
Chang said he was heading to see us, smelled the cookies and when he arrived he found a lovely Asian woman at the ovens. They had a nice visit; she was happy to speak her native language and
pointed out the Saloon. She handed him a plate of cookies, and after thinking for a minute said, “Here- take this one too. It might save you.”
He asked what she meant but she just smiled and said, “You will see.” And he did. He was almost to the door when ‘They’ stormed out, ganged up on him and took a plate of cookies as payment for something somebody did to them. I held up my hand as Charley pointed at me.
Chang did the ‘Ah So’ thing and said he now understood. After a moment he asked if I had ever thought of selling them? Charley choked on some cookie and I just hung my head.
I asked Change if after five minutes around them would he buy them. He said no, but he would help me find somebody deserving of their attention.
Won’t work, I said. They would just kill him and come home, more pissed off than now. He nodded wisely.
We sat for a while, then I asked Chang if he had any idea if there was more ships coming from China. He said he had no idea but for now he doubted it greatly.
He said they had been hit harder than most places, and the Party was losing control of the people and the country. Entire areas had just formed their own leadership and were living a more free life. They weren’t likely to return to the former one.
He said for the most part the entire army had simply picked up, took their weapons and went home- which meant there was a lot of armed towns and villages that weren’t gonna live that way anymore.
Good for them! And I was willing to bet that same thing had happened all over the world. But history had shown us there was always more tyrants waiting in the wings.
Right then my favorite history buff came thru the door, took one look, said, “Cool”, grabbed my coffee and the last three cookies and took a seat. We watched her snarfing the cookies and swilling the coffee. She smiled and belched like a trooper.
We all applauded. Good talent deserves recognition.
I reminded her she was sitting in a saloon. She said, “Like… Duh?” Chang said, “Sell her right now before the other two ruin her further.” She laughed at him and said, “Try it, Charley Chan!”
God, why me? Chang was laughing, so I told her to get to it. She said she had a message for me. I made the ‘come on’ motion with my hands, and she said, ‘Well, maybe when y’all start showing me some respect.”
I grabbed her and tickled her into giving up the message. She escaped and stood by the door waiting for my reply.
It was from the Utah Guard General warning me that the young hothead had left with a bunch of friends vowing to kill me and anybody who got in the way. Wonderful. Just fucking wonderful.
Fight a war and win it, and have to deal with this asshole. Charley offered to have his scouts find them and finish it out in the desert where the bodies would be gone in a day or two. I was tempted, very tempted. But it wasn’t my way to let others get bit stomping my snakes.
I looked at Kid and said, “Keep quiet about this. ‘They’ are not to know.” She looked down and all around… just not at me, so I asked if she had something to tell me. She said she had to ask them where I was, and they paid her in cookies to let them read the message.
So much for intel security. Tons of gold and silver in our stashes that nobody wants but just let a cookie appear and these people will rat out their own mother.
I said, “Come here”, and she did. I hugged her and said, “I know, it’s hard to say no to them.”
She countered with, “How would you know? You’ve never said it yet.” Smartass. I pushed her for the door and smiled at her retreating back.
Chang said, “To late. She’s contaminated.” And yes she is. But she’s sure cute. Chang agreed with a smile.
Now I had a problem. I wasn’t going to sit waiting for the idiots from Utah to show up and maybe cause harm to anybody here in our home.
I also didn’t want the girls involved. I also already knew there wasn’t one chance in hell of leaving them home. I know my girls, and right now they are trying to decide what to wear to the gunfight, (and I’m not talking clothes).
They will be working on which guns to take. I thought for one second about sneaking out right now but I knew that was wishful thinking.
Back in the day when I was a Marine…and young, we went out hunting for the bad guys. We called it the three ‘F’s’- Find ‘em, Fix ‘em and Fuck ‘em. Pretty simple, locate, pin point and call in the bad stuff. But those days were gone so now it was up to me.
I said to Chang and Charley that I’d see them when I got back. I headed up to the Rock Pile where I found all my gear laid out waiting for me.
What they called the ‘B’s’- BDU’s, Boots, Body Armor and my usual weapons. They were waiting beside Beth, who wasn’t real happy, but neither was I.
She didn’t like being left behind and I didn’t like leaving her behind. I was getting tired of all this fighting shit. I needed a vacation and said so.
She said, “OK, when you get back we are going to take one- all of us including the babies and Kid. And we are going to the high country and sit in hot pools and eat brook trout and not go near other people.”
I hugged her close and said, “You got it baby- start planning it.” She smiled thru tears and said, “It’s already planned. I did it while y’all were gone this last time.”
I hugged her tighter and said, “Can I rest for a week before we leave?” She laughed and was joined by the girls.
Sandy sweetly pointed out I was getting a bit old to be running around the country fighting all the time. I shook my head.
We headed for the motor pool and I used the five watt to call Ralph. I told him we needed some eyes in the sky as fast as he could get up there.
He said he was taking the big bird so he could cover more ground faster. I was impressed that he never even asked what we were looking for, then I found Charley and Chang waiting in the motor pool along with several of the scouts.
…And of course Willy and Joe. I just shook my head. Guy can’t sneak off to a little gunfight without everybody wanting to come play. I love ‘em all.
I tried to get the girls to go with Ralph as observers for him but all I got was ridicule and name calling.
It was a good try (“It was not, it was lame like all the rest of your so-called attempts at being sneaky”) OK, maybe it wasn’t.
I looked around and saw kid standing there so I walked to her and picked her up and hugged her close and told her I loved her. She just buried her face in my neck and repeated my words.
I asked who was flying with Ralph and was told it was two of Charley’s scouts. That should work. The plan called for Ralph to locate them, land and let the scouts out, and return to base.
We loaded up and rolled out heading north and west; not pushing it just letting Ralph do his job.
We stopped for the night in
the open desert. Ralph landed the plane and we fueled it from cans in the trailers. We had a meal of Canyon MRE’s and called it a night.
Morning came when it was supposed to and we woke to the smell of coffee. I hurt all over- this sleeping on the ground is tuff on us old folk. I miss my bed at home and my babies. Hell, I even miss Walker….well OK, maybe that’s going a bit far. I then got an elbow in the ribs so I got up.
We ate granola washed down with coffee and rolled out. Ralph took off half an hour before we did and was flying the most direct route from SLC to the Canyon; not that this shithead had a real clue exactly where we lived but he would find out.
We just eased along slow while Ralph flew and looked. It was later in the day before Ralph spotted what had to be them heading right at us. I decided we would meet them in Moab since it seemed they would come that way. If not no loss, but I wanted to be there when they got there.
We sped up, made Moab by dark and checked to see if the motel was now being run by somebody who knew what they were doing. As soon as we walked in the door it was clear the place had new owners. It was spotless and smelled great- the bar was open, we got rooms for the whole crew and parked the vehicles out of sight in back of the barn.
The new owner was a lady who right off said, “John Walker, welcome! and the same to all of you and your lovely wives.” I was surprised, but it was getting that way. We seemed to be known.
We got our rooms, dumped our gear and headed for the café, hoping it was even open. It was and smelled good so we settled down and waited for the waitress who was a twin for the lady at the motel but younger. She laughed and said, “Yep, mom runs the motel and I do the café.”
We ordered and found the coffee was lacking. Sandy took off and returned with a bag full of coffee already ground. She took it to the kitchen and was rewarded with a hug.
By the time the food came the coffee was done, and much better, I might add. I looked around and decided I liked the place and the young lady.
(Meaning I hoped the fight didn’t take place in here.)
I planned to be in here when they walked in to eat, maybe we can settle this with words. I doubted it but one can hope.
We had a good meal and headed for our rooms. We slept like rich folks, and the bed was great after nights on the ground. Morning came and I tested the shower and it had hot water. I got right in and soaped fast, because it was gonna get crowded. And it did. I almost got the soap rinsed off before they crowded in. I gave up and got out to laughter.
We headed down for breakfast and found the rest of our crew sitting around the room. I counted heads and found three scouts missing.
Charley was waiting for us so we joined him in the far corner. He said they were in high overlook spots just in case.
Nothing slips past Charley. Willy and Joe were sitting in the far corner facing the door. Both had shotguns laying on the table.
The young lady came out, looked around and took our order but never said a word.
We had a huge breakfast. Granola and coffee really don’t cut it for long.
She must have heard about ‘Them.’ She brought a tray with a huge platter of hotcakes and another of eggs. She sat it close to them and got a big smile from them. She brought mine and Charley’s and they were so busy we actually didn’t have to fight for it. It was refreshing.
After we were done we went out onto the porch and sat down in the chairs and waited. I told Charley this looked like a scene from a B western; we just needed that stupid whistling in the background.
He said he liked those spaghetti westerns. I was stunned into silence and damn him he started whistling the tune from the movie.
We had waited for about two hours when the five watt clicked twice. Well, it was here. I really have no idea how it will go, but I plan to win one way or the other.
We heard their trucks long before we saw them. I swear every one of them had loud mufflers on them and I was willing to bet they were jacked up 6 inches. I was right. They rolled in and parked and got out laughing and just being loud. They had walked almost to the door before they even saw us and then they were bumping into each other in their haste to stop.
The loudmouth was right in front so I stood up and said, “OK, asshole, let’s get this done. I want to go home and be with my babies.” He was shocked. His mouth fell open and he just stood there.
His buddies were edging away from him leaving him standing alone. He was like a stone statue- I believe pigeons could have landed on his head and shit and he wouldn’t have known it.
I slipped off my coat freeing my pistol and stepped off the porch. Talk about a B movie…I swear if Charley started that damn whistling I was gonna shoot him.
I walked up to within ten feet of him and said, “Well, come on. Let’s get this shit over with.” He was blinking…a lot. He was licking his lips a lot and I knew right then he wasn’t going to fight. I walked up to him and lifted his gun and tossed it behind me.
One of his buddies lunged forward but stopped when he heard two guns clearing leather. He looked at ‘them’ and I know he thought, “Shit, two bitches. I can do it.” but he didn’t. He lived.
This had to end somehow so I told the kid that I was sorry about his brother but when a man tries to pull shit like he did there is always a price to pay. He paid. I asked him if he really wanted to die today. If so he could pick up his gun, or use a knife.
I looked at his buddies and said, “Well? You brave bastards were all for running down here to see him get killed so let’s start with you” and I pointed at one. He just stood there sweating. I asked the next one, who didn’t move.
I figured it was over and started turning away when one said, “Fuck you, old man, let’s do it”. Old man? Really? I looked at him and saw a skinny kid maybe 18 years old who was scared to death but had more balls than any of the rest (or else he was trying to look good).
I turned and walked right at him and said, “OK , do it! Right now! Do it!” And he did, he went for it and found a 45 eyeball looking him right in the face. He froze and slowly peed his pants. I took his gun and tossed it behind me and told him to go home and don’t follow these assholes anymore.
I felt I had to give him some saving grace so I looked at the rest of them and said, “Well, he has more guts then all of you phony fucks.” We made them pile their hardware in the street and all pile into one truck. It was gonna be a cold ride back to SLC but not as cold as the grave.
They rolled out trailed by a hummer with a 60 pointed right at them. They hit the road and took off like hell was after them- and in a way it was. The scouts stayed on them for several hours and then returned.
The girls were picking thru all the hardware and bitching about the shit weapons these assholes had. “Glocks, for god’s sake!” is how Sandy said it. We gave them to the ladies who were running the motel and café.
We also gave them the trucks, but only after the girls went thru them just knowing the really good stuff was hidden away and they hit pay dirt! Several boxes of Snickers candy bars! Now they were dancing!
They did give each of us one bar; the rest disappeared except for a box they donated to the lady at the motel who kept saying, “Bless you dear, bless you.” What is it about chocolate and women? Maybe we need to check the fort- hell they may have a ton of it.
In my head I heard (“Shit! May, did you hear that?”) Her reply was a chewing sound and (“Mmmmhmm”) (“Pig”) I heard next.
I had a feeling Mr. Whipple was going to be very nervous soon. They really did make him sweat and stutter, why I’ll never know. They like him but he just don’t understand them.
Hell, neither do I and they make me nervous sometimes. I hope he has candy or he won’t sleep for a week worrying that they will be back.
We headed back and yes, the fort had candy- tons of it, all in a climate controlled cooler. Yes, Mr. Whipple was nervous, but in a way he kind of stood taller when he said, “Sign here” and they did. There is hope. But he had candy so they were
being nice …
Beth met us at the motor pool, and Charley and his people headed home. Beth looked me over, removed the body armor; no bullet holes. She looked at the girls who said, “Who? Us? We didn’t do anything! Poor babies! Babies!” I took off for home. The trail is getting steeper somehow.
My (“Ours, dammit John!”) babies were sleeping, for about a minute- then ‘they’ just had to wake them up and we all ended up on the floor playing climb over daddy and pull his beard. Beth lay beside me smiling, and the girls went into their gun room which made me think maybe they found something they weren’t talking about.
The door flew open and Kid crashed into the house and said, “Quick, John- a message!” Beth yelled, “NO!” and Kid laughed and said, “Gotcha!” Beth was up and after her in a flash, she ran into the girls’ den of doom where Beth refuses to enter.