Embracing Change

by Debbie Roome

  “I’d love to.” Sarah held the sapphire one in front of her. “What an incredible colour.”

  “It makes your eyes shine like sequins.”

  Sarah stripped to her underwear and pulled the first dress on. “It’s a little loose on the sides, but otherwise good.”

  “I seem to remember it was loose on me too. Try the red one. I think that’s a tighter fit.”

  Sarah slipped it on and twisted in front of the mirror. “It’s gorgeous, but it makes my butt look fat.”

  Jade snorted. “Yeah, right! You’re still too skinny, although you look better than you did.” She unzipped the blue dress from its hanger. “I think this is the one for you.”

  Sarah pulled it over her head and the satiny folds moulded to fit her shape.

  “Stunning,” Jade declared. “Absolutely stunning! It fits you better than me.”

  Sarah twirled in front of the mirror, feeling like a fairy princess. “I must say it’s flattering.”

  “Sit here,” Jade instructed, dragging a chair in front of the mirror. “I just need to snitch some supplies from Mandy.” She came back with an assortment of hair pins and ribbons, and combed Sarah’s hair into sections. “I did a hairdressing course before my journalism diploma, and your hair is begging for this.”

  Ten minutes later, Sarah could hardly believe her reflection in the mirror. “I can’t believe you did that so quickly.” She turned her head from side to side, admiring the soft curls that hung loosely round her face. “Please say you’ll do it for me on the 13th?”

  Joel had arranged to pick Sarah up at 7pm and the door bell rang promptly. “He’s going to fall over backwards when he sees you,” Jade whispered as she dashed off to open the door.

  “I think she’s right,” said Trisha, who had supplied a gold chain and hooped earrings as accessories, as well as doing her makeup. “You look beautiful.”

  Mandy looked up from her magazine, a pained expression on her face.

  “What do you think, Mandy?” Trisha asked.

  “’Mmm. Lovely.” She went back to her magazine as Joel entered the room, handsome in a black suit with a pale blue shirt and navy tie. He stopped short as he saw Sarah.

  “Isn’t she gorgeous?” Jade giggled.

  He walked around Sarah, examining the way the dress fell in smooth folds, accentuating her shape. Then looked at her hair, smooth chocolate curls woven with a single blue ribbon. “Gorgeous doesn’t quite describe her. I’d say stunningly beautiful.”

  Sarah’s cheeks warmed at all the attention. “We’d better get going. Don’t you have to photograph the guests arriving?”

  “My first job is to photograph you. Find a spot with a plain backdrop while I get my camera.” It was the first time he’d done formal poses of her and she was impressed with his skill, the ease she felt as he clicked picture after picture.

  The only thing spoiling it was the thought of Mandy’s picture, hanging on his wall.

  The party was being held in an hotel in town and they arrived there just before 7:30. “I hope you realise I’ve never been to a posh event like this?” Sarah said as they entered the plushly carpeted lobby. “You’ll have to coach me in what to do and say.”

  Joel laughed. “Do I strike you as being the cultured type? We’ll have to help each other out here. Just stick close and you can be my assistant.”

  By 9pm the party was in full swing and Joel had taken portrait shots of most of the couples. As suggested, Sarah helped with the poses and recorded names and addresses. The fact that she looked as good as the cream of Christchurch society was a plus, and she relaxed and started having fun.

  “That’s it for now,” Joel said at last. “Let’s go and sit.”

  The room was set with white-draped tables accented by red and gold overthrows. Glass bowls of roses were set amongst sprinklings of gold stars, and a display of the Papua New Guinea charities dominated the back wall. After a sumptuous dinner of seafood, lamb shanks and venison, a live band struck up a waltz.

  Joel looked at Sarah. “Any good at ballroom dancing?”

  “I did lessons for a couple of years.”

  “That’s more than I did.”

  He smiled and she thought again how handsome he looked in formal wear.

  “Let’s give it a whirl.” He led her onto the dance floor, resting his right hand on her waist. His skin was warm and she could feel the heat of his hand through her dress.

  “One-two-three, one-two-three. Isn’t that how you do it?” He led well and soon they were gliding across the floor.

  “This is the best fun I’ve had for ages,” she said as they swept around a corner.

  “Better than Christmas in the park?”

  “Different.” Because I’m with you and the centre of your attention.

  After another waltz, they stood waiting to see what was next. The band struck up a lively tune and the floor filled with couples doing the twist. “Come on, let’s show these oldies how to do it,” Joel laughed.

  They tried their best to keep up and copy some of the moves, but Sarah was breathless after five minutes. “I know when I’m defeated!” She sagged against him. “I give up.”

  They returned to their table, and sipped champagne and chatted until the MC called for everyone’s attention. “I’d like to introduce Eric Cahill, who will address us on behalf of the Board of Trustees.” Sarah listened to the speeches with half an ear until she heard Joel’s name mentioned. “I’d like to thank Joel Baxter for agreeing to be our photographer tonight. He’s a sought after professional and we’re very fortunate to have him with us. Joel has not charged us for his time or expertise, and if you order a portrait, the money will go directly to the children’s fund.”

  Sarah poked him. “You didn’t tell me that.”

  “I didn’t need to.”

  The speeches continued, and wound up with a thank you for the donations to the Christmas fund. “We have six containers of toys, clothes and food, en route to Papua New Guinea, and it’s all thanks to your generosity. It may not seem like much, but it will make a significant difference to the lives of the families who receive a parcel.”

  There was a loud round of applause and after it died down, he announced dessert would be served.

  Joel turned to Sarah. “What do you want for Christmas?”

  She was silent for a while, thinking it over. “Some paints. The colours are coming back and I think I could try painting again.”

  Joel’s smile said it all.

  Chapter Twenty Eight

  I’ve been walking on air since Saturday night. The ball was amazing and Joel treated me like a princess.

  From the journal of Sarah Johnson

  Monday15th December

  I’ve forgotten my phone.” Sarah turned to look at Joel. “I think I left it on my bed.” They had only just pulled away from the house, so when Joel started to turn the car, she stopped him. “Just pull onto the side and I’ll run back.”

  The morning air was balmy against her cheeks as she jogged down the street. Both of their neighbours’ homes were decorated with Christmas lights, and icicles spilled from the gutters. Sarah was in good spirits as she pushed the door open and walked down the passage to her room.

  A scuffling noise was her first clue that someone was already in there. Slowing her pace, she carefully pushed the door open, not knowing what to expect.

  Mandy was on her way out, barefoot and dressed in her Air New Zealand uniform. Guilt clouded her face and her creamy skin looked flushed. “I misplaced my tights,” she said. “I was just checking your drawers for them, sorry.” She slipped past Sarah and disappeared down the passage.

  Sarah stood confused for a moment before moving across to the chest of drawers and pulling open the top drawer. Her underwear lay untouched inside, folded and rolled, splashes of white, skin, and vibrant pink, trimmed with lace and satin. She pulled the other drawers open one by one, her eyes wandering over the contents. Her shorts were wrinkled, as though someone
had been digging under them.

  A sick feeling rose up as she yanked open the bottom drawer. Her shirts were bunched up and the corner of her journal was peeking out. A terrible sense of betrayal washed over her. Mandy—reading my journal? Exploring the place where I record my innermost thoughts and desires, the place where I write my dreams and fears? How could she do such a thing?

  As the shock subsided, a fresh stream of thoughts filled her mind. Is this the first time, or has she done it before? How much does she know?

  Sudden indignation overcame the shame and hurt. She slammed the drawer shut and ran down the passage, but she was too late. Mandy was reversing her car down the driveway. Sarah watched her through the window, fury surging up inside her. She stalked down the passage to Mandy’s room and threw the door open. The air was lightly fragranced; perfume and makeup were strewn across the dressing table. A pile of clothes and pyjamas were tossed in the corner. A sure sign of guilt. Mandy always left her room pin neat.

  Sarah’s rage ratcheted down a notch. Maybe she was looking for her pantyhose, and yielded to a moment’s temptation? She hadn’t been out of the house for more than a few minutes, so Mandy wouldn’t have had time to read much.

  She slammed the door and went back to her own room, opening her journal to the last entry, trying to imagine how the words would sound to Mandy.

  I’ve been walking on air since Saturday night. The ball was amazing and Joel treated me like a princess. Our friendship grows stronger each time I see him and I’m hoping it will eventually develop into something more. I often think of the kiss we shared and wonder if he does too. We see each other once a week or so and I live for those times. I feel so alive and fulfilled when we’re together. The only thing I don’t like is the way he tends to preach at me. He says I need to give my heart to God and deal with unforgiveness and hatred. I’m better than I used to be but somehow I can’t take that final step of handing everything to God. Maybe I’m afraid that the bitterness is stronger than love.

  Her cheeks flamed with humiliation. Of all the entries for Mandy to read. She felt she’d never be able to look her in the eye again.

  She was locking the journal in her suitcase when Joel knocked on her bedroom door. “Is everything alright? I saw Mandy racing down the road, and you’ve been gone for ages.”

  Sarah bit back the words that threatened to spew out. No point in making accusations and dragging Joel into it, much as she wanted to explode and pour out venom about fake Christians and hypocrisy. “My phone wasn’t where I thought it would be, but I’ve got it now.”

  The day didn’t go well from the start. Joel was unusually tired and Sarah was having trouble concentrating, with all her thoughts focussed on Mandy.

  “Where are we going?” she asked.

  “I’ve told you already. To the Christmas tree exhibition at the Arts Centre.”

  “Sor-ry.” She dragged the word out.

  Joel tried to lighten things up. “Can you believe it’s only ten days till Christmas? You must come along to the Christmas Eve service. It’s fantastic and we …”

  “I won’t be there,” Sarah cut in.

  Joel looked at her. “What’s wrong, Sarah? You’re being really grumpy today.”

  She couldn’t hold it in any longer. “I’m sick of Christians who don’t live what they preach.”

  Joel’s eyes widened in surprise. “What have I done?”

  “Not you, Mandy.”

  “Mandy?”

  “She’s a snoop!”

  “A snoop?”

  “Stop repeating what I say!” Sarah snapped. “I caught Miss Perfect reading my journal.”

  Joel’s expression deepened to shock. “Did she have it in her hands?”

  “No, but she’d been in my drawers looking for her pantyhose, and the shirts covering my journal were wrinkled.”

  “You must be mistaken, Sarah. Mandy wouldn’t do something like that.”

  “The guilt was written all over her face.”

  “Did you ask her about it?”

  “She didn’t give me a chance.”

  “So this is based on a wrinkle in your shirts? I think you’re being very presumptuous.”

  “And I think you’re being very biased. You should have admitted months ago that you fancy Mandy.”

  “That’s rubbish, Sarah. I’m just saying that you’re judging her. Mandy is a strong Christian and I know she loves the Lord dearly.”

  “And I don’t? Is that it?” She grabbed her bag from the floor. “Stop the car.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I’m going home.”

  “Don’t be silly!”

  Sarah grabbed the hand brake and yanked it, causing the car to spin wildly for a moment.

  “Sarah!” Joel slammed on the brakes and pulled over as she threw the door open. “You need to grow up!” he shouted after her. “Stop wallowing in self-pity and face your demons. Why don’t you go home to South Africa and get it out of your system once and for all? Go look Dlamini in the eye and see who’s the stronger …”

  His words faded as Sarah turned the corner, heading for the nearest bus stop.

  Back home, she went over to the chest of drawers and pulled out the ticket that nestled safely in a document folder. A friendly voice from the airline answered the call, and was understanding as Sarah explained she needed to get back to South Africa as quickly as possible.

  “How would this evening suit you? It’s peak season but we’ve just had a cancellation.”

  “This evening?” Sarah repeated the agent’s words. That was so soon!

  “Yes. You’d have to be at the airport two hours from now.”

  Thoughts of Mandy blurred her mind, filling her with humiliation. Then she thought of Joel, the words he’d hurled at her, the fact that he hadn’t believed her. “That will be perfect, thank you.” She wrote down the details, hardly believing what she was doing. Christmas is family time. I’ll be able to think more clearly at home. Aware the seconds were ticking by, she threw armfuls of stuff into her suitcase and powered up her laptop to e-mail her parents.

  That done, she scribbled a quick note to Jade before calling a taxi:

  I’ve gone home to South Africa. Not sure for how long. Things happened today and I need to get away. I’ve parked my car round the back—feel free to use it—and my rent is paid for the next four weeks. Please tell Mandy to regard it as my notice period. I’ll let you know what my plans are. Thanks, Jade … have a good Christmas.

  Chapter Twenty Nine

  In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.

  —Ephesians 4:26

  After their exchange of angry words, Joel turned his car round and drove home, foot flat on the accelerator. “I can’t believe she did that, Lord. She could have killed us both! How stupid and immature.” The only response was a still small voice in his heart. In your anger do not sin.

  He twisted the keys from the ignition and stomped into the house, only to be met by Shelley carrying her leash. He softened his tone somewhat. “You want to go for a run?” Personally, he felt like punching a hole through the door, but that would be ridiculous. Instead, he stripped off his jeans and put on some old shorts. “Let’s go.”

  The Labrador threw herself into the back seat and drooled alternately over the windows and Joel’s neck. “We’ll go and look for possums in Bottle Lake Forest, shall we?” Shelley gave a sharp bark, approving of whatever her master ever said.

  The forest was almost deserted and Joel found himself calming down, as he’d hoped. The solitude and endless rows of pine trees were like a soothing balm. He prayed as he walked, Shelley snuffling under bushes and bounding after the odd rodent that scampered past. “What’s happening, Lord? Have I got too involved with Sarah? Why can’t she see the truth in what I’m telling her? If only she would give herself fully to You; learn that she can trust You in everything …”

  The only reply was the chirping of insects and the still sm
all voice. In your anger do not sin.

  He slithered down a slope covered in pine needles and threw a stick for Shelley. She brought it back a minute later, water running in silvery streams down her body. “You found the creek, did you?” He rubbed her ears. “Come on. We’ll have to go for a run now. You’re not getting in my car like that.”

  He set off, feet pounding the packed earth path as he wound through the trees. It felt good to be pushing his muscles, feeling the burn as he forced them uphill and tested them to their limits. A half hour later, he leaned against a tree, panting as he followed the trunk with his eyes. It was perfectly straight, growing tall and strong towards the sun. Then he looked around and saw hundreds more trees that looked exactly the same. “I’m lost, Shelley. You going to help me out here?”

  The dog sat on her haunches and gazed dolefully at her master. After a few minute’s rest, Joel turned and tried to retrace his steps, but everything looked the same. He couldn’t see anything that looked familiar, or an opening that might be a clearing or car park. Just forest, and narrow winding paths in every direction.

  “What now, Lord?”

  In your anger do not sin.

  Joel kept walking, his mouth dry and legs leaden. After another ten minutes or so he spotted a jogger on a track in the distance. He called out, but the regimented trees absorbed his voice. In desperation he cut through the forest and started walking down the track he thought the jogger had been on. Nothing. He could feel his blood sugar dropping and he was becoming more uncomfortable as the minutes passed.

  The still small voice stirred again. Are you ready to listen now?

  He sank onto a log. “Yes, Lord. I’m sorry for being so angry. I shouldn’t have lost my cool with Sarah. She says I’m always preaching at her and here I go and cause a big fight.”