A House Divided

by Kimberla Lawson Roby

  “I know, but I just wish he knew that I would never, ever hurt him again. Even if I wanted to I wouldn’t, because I know how good he is for me.”

  “Just hang in there. I know Phillip is taking a while to come around, but it’ll happen.”

  “I hope. I don’t know why it’s taking him so long, though, when we spend just about all our time together.”

  “Spending time and living in separate households is a lot different than being married. But if you really love him and want to be with him again, there’s nothing wrong with waiting. You owe him that.”

  “You’re right, Daddy. And hey, before I forget—I just talked to Matt, and boy, is he happy. I’ve never heard him so excited before.”

  “Yeah, he’s definitely a proud father. We all wish he and Racquel could have waited until they’d graduated college and gotten married, but we love little MJ already.”

  “Matt told me the baby will be home by this weekend, so Phillip and I are driving over to see him. Oh, and he sent a photo to my phone. What a gorgeous little thing he is.”

  “Wait until you see him in person.”

  “I can imagine. Matt also told me about Charlotte. He said things between her and Vanessa have been horrible.”

  “That’s an understatement.”

  “Why is she acting this way?”

  “She’s obsessed. The baby is all she talks about, and she thinks Vanessa is trying to keep her away from him.”

  “That’s crazy.”

  “She’ll never admit it, but Charlotte hasn’t liked Vanessa since the beginning. And once she decides something, that’s just the way it is. No one can change her mind about anything.”

  “That’s really too bad, and I can tell Matt feels like he and Racquel are in the middle of all this.”

  “It’s unfortunate, but I’m not sure what else to do,” he said. “I just talked to her earlier about it, but she was pretty upset when she hung up.”

  “Well, you know Charlotte and I still aren’t on the best of terms, so I’m not saying anything to her.”

  “Hopefully, this’ll pass.”

  “I hope so, too. Especially for Matt’s sake.”

  “Well, I’m almost at the church, so I’d better go. But it’s good hearing from you, baby girl,” he said.

  “I’ll see you this weekend.”

  “Sounds good. Love you.”

  “Love you, Daddy.”

  Chapter 13

  Curtis jotted down a few notes relating to the sermon he was writing but glanced over at his phone when it rang. It was another blocked phone call. There was no doubt that it was the same person who’d called earlier, and these calls were beginning to unnerve him. Still he answered.

  “Hello?”

  No response.

  “Hello…who is this?”

  There were still no words from the other party.

  “I really wish you’d stop calling me.”

  Finally, Curtis heard a click, and he laid his phone down.

  This was only the second call, but it worried him. So much so that he unlocked the right drawer of his desk and pulled out that threatening letter he’d received. He read it again, still not wanting to believe anyone would dredge up such old news. Yes, he’d been wrong—dead wrong—about the way he’d handled a couple of situations in the past, but he had repented and was now a good man. He was a faithful man of God, he was faithful to his wife, and he was dedicated to his children and the members of his church. So why wasn’t that enough for everyone? God had certainly forgiven him, so why couldn’t folks worry about themselves and just leave him and his family alone? Curtis blew a sigh of frustration, folded the letter back up, and slipped it inside the envelope. If only he’d thought twice about doing what he’d done so many years ago, he wouldn’t have to worry about anyone finding out about it now. But it was too late for regrets, because the deed had been done and someone was planning to use it against him. Well, actually, there were multiple deeds, but the one outlined in that letter would become the news of the century if this mystery person followed through on his or her promise to go public. He would likely lose his ministry over this one, and there would be nothing he could do about it.

  Curtis placed the envelope back in the drawer and locked it. He wasn’t sure what to think or how he was going to sleep at night, but for now, he would pray and try his best to keep his faith strong. He would ask God to soften this person’s heart before they told things that Curtis wanted no one to know about. Obviously, those who’d been involved knew the full story, but Curtis hadn’t heard from them.

  Curtis leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes, but then his phone rang. This time it was his office line, and he knew it was Lana.

  “Yes.”

  “Pastor, your two o’clock appointment is here.”

  “Give me five minutes.”

  “Of course.”

  Curtis tidied up his desk a bit, said a prayer, asking God to clear his mind of his own problems so he could focus on the couple he was about to meet with. When he finished, Lana knocked on his door.

  “Come in.”

  “Hello, Pastor,” the caramel-skinned, muscular man said. “I’m Dillon Tate, and this is my fiancée, Melissa Warren.” Melissa was nearly the same height as Dillon, who was about six feet tall, and she’d been blessed with the looks of a supermodel. They each looked to be no more than in their mid- to late twenties, though.

  Curtis shook their hands. “It’s very nice to see you both. I remember meeting you a few months ago after service, and I’m glad you decided to come in for counseling.”

  “Thank you for seeing us,” Melissa said.

  Curtis walked around to the other side of his desk. “Please have a seat.”

  They both sat down, and Melissa set her handbag at her side in the chair. She was just that small. Not too small, but it was obvious that she watched what she ate and worked out pretty regularly.

  “So,” Curtis said, leaning back and clasping his hands together. “Lana tells me that you’re wedding is scheduled for August?”

  “Yes,” Dillon said.

  “That’s seven months from now, so I’m glad you came in early.”

  Melissa crossed her legs. “We really wanted to get started with our sessions before we continue on with the rest of the planning.”

  “Understandable. Well, what I normally like to do is give you an opportunity to lay out any concerns or crucial questions you might have.”

  Melissa looked at Dillon. “Are you sure you’re okay with this?”

  “Go ahead,” he said.

  “This is kind of embarrassing to bring up, Pastor,” she said, “but it’s really bothering me, and I’m afraid of what it will do to our marriage if it doesn’t stop.”

  “Okay,” Curtis said.

  Melissa paused and then said, “Dillon is addicted to porn. He watches it all the time.”

  Curtis knew that tons of people struggled with this kind of addiction, but this was the first time anyone had brought it up during premarital counseling. “So, Dillon, when did this start?”

  “About a year and a half ago.”

  “Had you and Melissa already begun dating?”

  “I met her shortly afterward.”

  “Is there a reason you started?”

  “Not really…well, actually it was because I’d gone through a very bad breakup. Back then, I was looking for anything to take my mind off that.”

  “I see,” Curtis said, then he looked at Melissa. “And when did you find out he was watching this kind of thing?”

  “A few months ago. I was visiting him one evening and when he ran down to the store, I signed on to his computer. All I was planning to do was browse a couple of bridal sites, but I ended up checking his browser history. I saw all the sites he’d marked as favorites. That’s when I realized every one of them was porn.”

  “But it’s not like any of that takes away from the love I have for Melissa,” Dillon said. “I don’t even think
about those women once I turn off my computer. I watch those videos strictly for entertainment.”

  “Nonetheless,” Melissa said, “I don’t like it, and to me it feels like you’re cheating.”

  “But baby, you know I’m not. I don’t even know those women.”

  “Still. I don’t like it, and I really doubt that watching porn is the Christian thing to be doing.”

  Dillon didn’t say anything else, and neither did Melissa.

  “Do you feel as though you can’t stop?” Curtis asked.

  Dillon sighed loudly. “I tried.”

  “And what happened?”

  “I thought about it all the time…not the women…but the sexual activity. It even kept me up at night, and then I started thinking about it all day at work.”

  “And how long did you abstain?”

  “One week.”

  “Did you pray about it? Because sometimes the only way to rid yourself of a bad habit is to literally get down on your knees and ask God to remove it.”

  Dillon shook his head. “No.”

  Melissa looked at Curtis. “He didn’t pray because he didn’t really wanna stop.”

  “Is that true, Dillon?” Curtis asked.

  Dillon hunched his shoulders.

  “I know talking about this is uncomfortable, but it really is a good thing. Getting this out in the open and admitting that you have a problem is the first step.”

  “I believe that,” he said. “But Pastor, I’ll be honest. I love porn. And maybe if Melissa wasn’t putting me off, I could let it go.”

  She cast her eyes at him. “But you knew how I felt about sex before marriage when we first started dating. And you said you were fine with it.”

  “Well, I’m not,” he said matter-of-factly. “I thought I was, but baby, I’m a twenty-seven-year-old man who’s been having sex most of my life, so this abstinence thing is a bit much.”

  Melissa narrowed her eyes. “Wow. Well, that’s news to me.”

  “I’m sorry, but you need to know how I feel.”

  “And you couldn’t tell me that before today? You had to wait until we were sitting in front of Pastor Black?”

  Dillon looked away from her.

  Curtis knew it was time he intervened. “This is the reason premarital counseling is so important. Sometimes, couples aren’t able to express themselves openly until they have a third party present.”

  “I understand that, but I’m a little shocked that he hasn’t told me this before now.”

  “I knew you wouldn’t be happy about it,” he said, “so that’s why I never said anything. I really do love you, though, Melissa, but I’m also not without problems. I’m not perfect.”

  “I don’t expect you to be. But I do expect you to be honest.”

  Curtis leaned forward. “Are you willing to get help for this, Dillon?”

  “Yes, but how?”

  “I really want you to pray about this. First thing in the morning and then again before bedtime. Even in the middle of the day, if the desire hits you. I also want you to read Matthew 5:27–28 every day, which says, ‘Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, thou shalt not commit adultery. But I say unto you, that whosoever looked on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.’”

  “Can you write that down?” Dillon asked.

  “Yes,” Curtis said, picking up his pen. “I’ll give you a few other scriptures to meditate on as well. The other thing you need to know is that you’re not alone. As men, some of us struggle with our sexual nature. Even I have in the past, but I also know right from wrong and that sexual sin begins in the mind.”

  “We really appreciate this, Pastor,” Melissa said.

  “I’m glad to help in any way I can.”

  “Yes, thank you, Pastor,” Dillon said.

  “I’d also like you to start going to Sex Addicts Anonymous meetings. Prayer and scripture are a huge part of the process, but a 12-step program can also make a difference.”

  Dillon’s nervous stare indicated that he wasn’t too happy about Curtis’s latest suggestion.

  “It might not be easy having to share your personal feelings with a group of strangers, but these kinds of programs can do wonders for a person. Most people want to believe that sex, porn, shopping, and food addiction aren’t the same as alcoholism and excessive drug use, but they are all very similar in the way they affect addicts and their loved ones.”

  “I’ll give it a try,” Dillon said.

  Melissa grabbed his hand. “Thank you for being so willing to get help.”

  He smiled at her. “I know this is hurting you, and as much as I love it, I know it’s wrong. I wanna stop.”

  “And you can,” Curtis said. “It’ll take a lot of prayer and hard work, but you can do it.”

  “I’m so glad we came to meet with you, Pastor,” Melissa said.

  Curtis smiled. “I am, too. These are the kinds of things I’m here for,” he said. But then for some reason, he thought about those two phone calls and that scathing letter he’d received, and his smile vanished. Maybe because it wouldn’t be long before he would need help himself—a lot more help than Dillon needed—and that terrified him.

  Chapter 14

  Matthew had finally authorized Charlotte’s visit, and she was now sitting in the parking lot of the hospital. She still had the car and heat running, though, since it was a little on the nippy side today, but she wanted to call her mother before going inside.

  “Hi sweetie,” Noreen said.

  “Hey, Mom. How are you?”

  “I think I’m coming down with some sort of stomach flu, but other than that I’m fine. Your dad’s doing well, too. But how are you doing and how’s that new grandbaby?”

  “If only you knew.”

  “Why, what’s wrong?”

  Charlotte leaned her head against the backrest. “I’ve been through hell and back ever since MJ was born.”

  “Why haven’t you said anything? We’ve talked every day.”

  “I know, but I didn’t want to bother you with this craziness. Especially since it shouldn’t be happening.”

  “What?”

  “That Vanessa woman. She’s doing everything she can to keep me from seeing MJ, and now she’s trying to turn Matt against me.”

  “You’ve got to be kidding.”

  “No, and the only reason I just got to the hospital now is because I had to wait for Matt to tell me when to come.”

  “Why couldn’t you go whenever you wanted?”

  “He asked me to wait until Vanessa had already visited.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “It’s a total mess, Mom.”

  “I had no idea we needed to make an appointment to see our own grandson, and the only reason Joe and I haven’t been down there yet is because you’d told us they weren’t allowing a lot of visitors in to see MJ. But I didn’t think that included you.”

  “Well, it does, and Vanessa has been nasty to me the whole time.”

  “I know one thing: when little MJ comes home, you and I are gonna set Miss Thing straight. We’ll handle this once and for all.”

  “I really appreciate that, Mom, because Curtis and Matthew are blaming me for everything. They’re acting like I’m the one who’s wrong. They think I’m the one who should work harder at trying to get along with that woman.”

  “You don’t have to work hard to get along with anybody! You’re MJ’s grandmother, I’m his great-grandmother, and Vanessa is going to recognize that one way or another. You shouldn’t have to tiptoe around her or anyone else when it comes to having a relationship with your own grandchild. That’s just crazy, and I’m behind you a hundred percent.”

  “I love you, Mom, and I can’t wait for you and Daddy to drive over here. This is so painful.”

  “Of course it is, and you should have told me about it from the beginning.”

  “I know, but I was hoping things would get better. Especially once Matt got h
ere, but if anything, they’re worse.”

  “What is Racquel saying about all this?”

  “Not a lot, but you know how it is with most mothers and daughters. They’re going to stick together no matter what.”

  “Well, you just hang in there. This’ll all work out.”

  “I hope so. I’m getting ready to go inside, though, so I’ll talk to you later.”

  “I love you.”

  “I love you, too, Mom.”

  Charlotte left the parking lot, strolled through the main lobby, and pressed the elevator button. It didn’t take long before the door opened, and to her surprise, Neil was standing inside of it.

  “Hey,” he said.

  “Hey yourself. You getting off?”

  “Not now,” he said, practically undressing her with his eyes.

  Charlotte stepped on, and if she’d said she wasn’t flattered, she’d have been lying. She’d had a rough day thus far, and she needed this kind of attention.

  “So, I guess you heard,” he said, as they waited for the door to close. “Little MJ has made a lot of progress. He’s definitely going home tomorrow.”

  “Yes, Matt told us when we picked him up from the airport that it would be tomorrow or Friday.”

  “That’s what Dr. Koster had thought, but this morning he was doing so well they removed him from his incubator. They ran all sorts of tests and said he was good to go. They still wanted one more day to monitor him, though, so Racquel has decided to stay on until tomorrow, too.”

  Charlotte’s eyes watered. “Such great news. I’m so glad he’s healthy now.”

  “Are you crying?”

  “No.”

  “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine. Really,” she said, and the elevator opened again.

  “Let’s go down here,” he said, heading toward the small room she and he had privately spoken in on Sunday. When they walked inside, he closed the door. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

  Charlotte burst into tears just like she had the other day when she’d been talking to him, but this time she wasn’t faking. This time, she was hurt to the core.

  “I feel so left out, Neil. Things aren’t going well between Vanessa and me, so Matt is starting to distance himself. I spoke to him twice today, and not once did he tell me little MJ was going home tomorrow or that he’d been removed from the incubator. All he said was that he would call to let me know when I could visit.”