'Tis the Season for Love: A Charity Box Set

by Maggie Dallen

  “Um. I’m not sure how to respond to that.”

  “I didn’t mean I’d be using the toilet, weirdo. I meant I’d be sitting on it, fully clothed, with the lid shut like a seat.”

  “I knew what you meant, but you opened yourself up for the opportunity to tease you. I couldn’t resist.”

  Chapter 10

  “Can you hand me that wrench?” Noah sat on the edge of the bathtub with his sleeves rolled up.

  Josie kneeled next to him with her sleeves pushed back. She grabbed the wrench and passed it to him. He loved it that she knew exactly which one he needed, even though there were five at his feet. But she knew enough about remodeling that she understood what he needed just from paying attention. It made her even more attractive in his eyes.

  Sapphire and Dustin sat on the couch in the other room watching a Christmas movie Sapphire must have chosen. Noah knew Dustin would never have been caught watching something so sappy on his own. The guy was always watching action movies with gory battle scenes. He must really be whipped by this girl. It was time to up their sabotaging game before Dustin was hooked beyond saving from this girl, and Noah would end up with Sapphire hanging around his apartment long term.

  “Can you shut the door, Josie?”

  She caught sight of the meaningful look he gave her, and she hopped up without a word to shut the door.

  “What’s up?”

  “It’s time to imbed a fart machine in the couch.”

  “How are we going to do that when they’re sitting on it?” Josie asked.

  “They’re focused on their movie. We can just sneak in there and put it under the couch from behind.”

  “Like belly crawl into there with a fart machine?”

  “Exactly.”

  “Perfect. You’re just the man for the job.”

  “Why me?”

  “If you think I’m going to belly crawl across your dirty floor, then you’re nuts.”

  “My floor isn’t that dirty.”

  “Unless you want Sapphire eating your chips for the next five years, you’d better commit to this. And you just said yourself that your floor isn’t that dirty. Perfect for you to crawl across.”

  Noah groaned. “Okay, fine. I’ll implant the fart machine.”

  He climbed out of the bathtub and washed his hands at the sink. Josie followed him out of the bathroom and into his adjoining bedroom. He had the fart machine tucked under his bed. As he reached for the machine, he saw the box for the cricket chirper, and it reminded him that he’d planted the speaker for it in the corner of the living room inside the recliner earlier that week. He’d forgotten all about it. He pulled out the remote. Now was the perfect time to put it to use.

  He grabbed the fart machine and the remote to the cricket chirping machine.

  “How does the fart machine work?”

  “It periodically releases a terrible smell every three minutes. You can manually press the button too, but we’re going to use the timed setting.”

  “Let’s try it out to see how bad it is,” Josie suggested.

  Noah pressed the button, and a rotten-egg smell released from the black plastic box.

  Josie made a face. “Oh, gross. That’s disgusting.” She rubbed her hands together with glee. “This is going to be great. That smells pretty real.”

  “This goes to the cricket chirper that I already planted earlier this week in the recliner.” He showed her the small remote. Josie took it from him, and they could hear the chirping coming from the next room. “Pretty realistic.” Josie nodded in approval. “Not bad.”

  “What was that?” Noah heard Sapphire say from the living room.

  “Okay. Go plant the fart machine now.” Josie clapped her hands together like a kid on Christmas morning. Noah wasn’t sure if she was more excited about the prank or the fact that he was about to go recon on his living room floor. He tiptoed down the hall in his socks, careful to keep from making any noise on the slick hardwood floor he’d installed last year. When he got to the end of the hall, he slowly, carefully dropped to his hands and knees and then to his belly.

  He army crawled silently across the living room floor, working hard to keep the plastic box from hitting the floor and making noise. He knew Josie was probably behind him trying to keep from laughing, but he didn’t care. He was having too much fun. It was all worth it for the joy of watching the prank work.

  He reached the couch and slowly reached out to plant the box beneath it. Right at this moment, he wished he’d thought to plant the fart machine when he’d planted the cricket chirper. He tucked the box beneath the couch.

  “What are you doing back there?” Sapphire asked.

  He was caught. “Uh . . .” His mind scrambled for an excuse. “I’m looking for my headphones. I think I lost them under the couch. You guys haven’t seen them, have you?”

  “Nope, I haven’t seen them,” Dustin said.

  Noah got to his feet. “They aren’t here. I’ll go check my room again. Thanks, guys.”

  He retreated to his room.

  “You know, you could have just told them from the beginning that you were looking for your headphones and avoided the army crawling,” Josie pointed out when he got in there.

  “No need to raise suspicion unnecessarily.”

  “Did you remember to turn on the fart machine?”

  “Of course, I did. What kind of prankster do you think I am? You’re dealing with a professional here.”

  “Glad to know I’m in good hands.”

  “Should we go in the kitchen so we can watch this drama unfold?” Noah suggested.

  Josie giggled. “Okay.”

  They left Noah’s room and went into the kitchen. The entire room smelled horrible, like rotten eggs. Noah had to hold his breath to keep from gagging. Josie was doubled over in silent laughter.

  Sapphire looked over at Dustin, her face slightly green with a look of disgust. Dustin didn’t see her expression because he was too busy turning away from her with his own grossed-out look on his face. Now was the perfect time to pull out the cricket remote.

  Noah pressed the button, and the cricket chirped in the corner again. It sounded so real.

  “There it is again! There’s a cricket in here. When is that exterminator coming?” Her voice was more agitated than it had been before.

  “Is your stomach okay?” Dustin asked Sapphire.

  “My stomach?”

  “Why are you saying it like that?” Dustin asked defensively. “You’re the one with tummy issues. You really should use the bathroom.”

  “Are you serious right now?” Sapphire sounded pretty ticked off. “I’ve been about to gag here from your stench, and you’re trying to blame this on me?”

  “Well, I’d blame it on the cricket, but I’m pretty sure it’s not him.”

  “Hey, it wasn’t me,” Noah piped up from the kitchen to be sure to cover his tracks. “I just came in here, and I can smell your stench all the way from over here, Dustin. I can’t believe you’re trying to blame that on Sapphire.”

  “Now you’re both teaming up on me?”

  “Dustin, you can’t possibly think Sapphire’s making that foul smell,” Josie said. “We all know it’s you.”

  Noah pushed the cricket button again, but it got stuck, and the cricket started chirping rapidly like it was possessed.

  Sapphire covered her ears. “Make it stop.”

  Dustin jumped up and investigated the corner. “I don’t see a cricket anywhere.”

  “It sounds like it’s coming from inside the chair,” Sapphire said, uncovering her ears. “What’s wrong with that crazy cricket, anyway?”

  Noah pressed rapidly on the button, but he couldn’t get it unstuck. Meanwhile, the cricket sounded like it was losing its mind.

  Dustin ducked his head under the chair. “You’re right. It is coming from inside here. I’ve never heard a cricket act like this before.” He opened the recliner and reached inside.

  Noah was about to
get caught. He fiddled with the button, but nothing he tried seemed to work to get the button unstuck. He could renovate his house, but he couldn’t fix his own broken pranking materials. This was just pitiful.

  “I found something.” Dustin pulled out the cricket chirping device as it chirped away like a little plastic demon.

  “What is that?” Sapphire squinted at it.

  “I think we’ve been pranked.”

  Sapphire whipped her head around to see Noah holding the remote. “It was him!”

  Another fart released from the couch. Except this time, Dustin was still in the corner.

  “I think there’s something rotting in the couch too.” She put her face to the couch cushions and gagged. “Oh, man. It’s so bad.” She jumped from the couch. “Do you want to get out of here, Dustin? Let’s go grab some food or something.”

  “You sure you want to be trapped in a car with him?” Noah asked.

  Josie busted up laughing.

  “Oh. Good point. You have to go to the bathroom first, Dustin.”

  “I didn’t make that smell. Noah did that.”

  “How could I stink up the couch from all the way in the kitchen?”

  “I think he planted something in the couch when he was looking for his headphones. You don’t know Noah. He’s the king of pranks.”

  Noah kept a straight face. “Sure, Dustin. Nice cover. Just blame it on the roommate. She’ll never suspect you.”

  Sapphire looked between them like she wasn’t sure who to believe.

  “You don’t know Dustin. He’s the king of stinking it up.”

  “It’s true,” Josie agreed.

  Sapphire wrinkled her nose. “That’s gross, Dustin.”

  “Seriously?”

  “It’s okay to be embarrassed, Dustin. We all have bodily issues from time to time,” Noah said.

  “That’s what bathrooms are for. Don’t let it rip right in front of your girlfriend. Boundaries!” Sapphire threw her hands out to the sides to emphasize her words.

  Noah laughed under his breath. He’d lost the cricket round, but the fart machine was a big win in their favor. And he counted that as an overall success.

  Chapter 11

  With only six days until Christmas, Josie felt way behind on her holiday preparations. She hadn’t wrapped a single present.

  The door to the coffee shop jangled, and Josie looked up to see Noah approaching her. “Hey, Noah.”

  “Why do you look so stressed out?”

  “I just realized there are only six days until Christmas, and I haven’t wrapped a single thing.”

  “That shouldn’t be that big of a deal. I usually just wrap everything on Christmas Eve.”

  Josie rolled her eyes. “You’re such a guy.”

  “Well, keep in mind that I don’t really give out too many presents since my dad died. I usually give out a few gifts to some of the guys at the fire department and the fire chief and his wife, but other than that, I don’t have anyone else to give gifts to. I don’t even have my mom’s address.”

  “I’m sorry, Noah. I should have realized Christmas was like that for you.”

  “It’s not your fault.”

  “I know, I just feel bad that I haven’t been a better friend to you over the years. Especially during the holidays.”

  “You’ve been a great friend. I don’t know what you mean. How about this, why don’t I come over tonight and help you wrap up some presents?”

  Josie’s mouth fell open. “You would do that for me?”

  “Of course, I would. I have nothing going on, anyway.”

  “You really are an amazing guy. You know that, right?”

  “I don’t know about all that.”

  “Well, I do.” She could kiss him. So much stress lifted off her shoulders.

  Last night had been a hilarious success. Sapphire went home early since Dustin refused to go to the bathroom to take care of business. She was convinced that he’d been lying to her.

  Josie had to admit it was entertaining to see Dustin put in the doghouse like that.

  “See you tonight!”

  Noah smiled at her. “I’ll be there.”

  Noah showed up right on time. Josie opened her front door and let him in. “Thank you so much for coming. You’re the hugest lifesaver tonight.”

  “Glad to help. Where’s the action going down?”

  “I have everything spread out on my bedroom floor.”

  “Sounds good.” Noah followed her into her bedroom. “Whoa. You bought enough presents for an army.”

  “I have a lot of friends. Not to mention my parents. I also do little gifts for my employees and the regulars at the coffee shop.” And that wasn’t including the new ratchet set she’d gotten for Noah. She had it hidden at the back of her closet. She’d noticed that his set was rusty and was missing a few pieces.

  “And you wrap all of them?”

  “Yep.”

  “We have our work cut out for us.”

  “Yes, we do.”

  “Well, let’s get busy.” Noah knelt on the floor in the center of the room. “How do we want to do this?”

  “How about you wrap an item, and then I’ll fill out the tag? That way I won’t have some random dude’s handwriting on gifts that are supposed to be from me.”

  “Hey! I’m not just some random dude.”

  Josie met his eye. “No, Noah. You’re not. You’re an amazing dude, and I’m glad I have you in my life. Thank you for helping me. And thank you for being there for me when Dustin moved on so fast after I broke things off with him. That meant a lot to me.”

  “Do you know why I do those things?”

  “Why?”

  “Because you mean a lot to me.”

  Josie’s breath caught. “What do you mean by that?”

  “I mean that I think about you when I wake up and before I go to sleep.”

  Josie thought for a moment. “Likewise, I mean, you’re in my thoughts morning and night in the same way.” She hadn’t seen this coming, but she should have. She realized in that moment how much she had grown to care for Noah over the years, especially since their kiss at the Christmas tree lot. “I don’t mean that I’m just planning how we’re going to launch our next prank either. I’m thinking about you—who you are, how you are.”

  “I think about your beautiful hair and how it feels to kiss you.” Noah looked away at that admission, and Josie felt her cheeks grow warm.

  “I think about kissing you way more than I should.”

  “Why do you think it’s way more than you should?”

  “Because this isn’t supposed to be real.” And she wasn’t sure it was mutual. But she didn’t say that to Noah. She knew she was giving him a vague answer, and she hoped he didn’t press her to clarify.

  He seemed to understand that she wasn’t ready to elaborate, because all he said was, “That makes sense.” And he grabbed a pair of scissors and got to work. To Josie’s relief, the conversation was dropped.

  Josie and Noah worked together on wrapping the gifts for the next two hours until only two gifts were left. “We make an excellent team,” Josie said. “I can’t believe we got all this wrapped so quickly. I thought I’d be working on this every day until Christmas.”

  “We do make an excellent team,” Noah agreed.

  As they had worked on wrapping the gifts together, Josie regretted her decision to chicken out on talking to Noah about her feelings. She gave it another go. “You know,” Josie intoned. “This relationship could be real if we wanted it to be.”

  “I guess it could.”

  “Then what’s holding us back?” Heart pounding, Josie grabbed the tube of red wrapping paper. She tried to hide the fact that her hands were shaking.

  “Is something holding you back?” Noah asked.

  She’d wanted to test the waters, and Noah wasn’t playing fair. He wasn’t giving her anything to work with.

  “I guess the main thing holding me back is that I’m not
sure how you feel about it.”

  Noah cut out a large square in the green wrapping paper. “Honestly? I feel conflicted.”

  Josie met his eyes. “Explain.”

  “I like you as a person, and kissing you is one of the best experiences of my life. I really have two things holding me back. I’m not sure that you’re fully over Dustin. But also, I’m not sure I’m ready for what you are becoming to me. Does that make sense?”

  “Not entirely,” Josie admitted. “Why don’t you think you’re ready?”

  “Because the last time I felt this strongly about someone, it turned out to be a nightmare. I’m not sure I’ve healed enough from that.”

  Josie processed that for a moment. “That’s fair enough. How much longer do you think you need to heal?”

  “I have no idea. How do you put a number on something like that? It’s not like you have a ceremony where you graduate from divorce healing.”

  “Then don’t worry about it. How will you know you aren’t ready if you don’t try out a new relationship?”

  “I won’t. But I don’t think today is the day to try it out.”

  Maybe he really meant that Josie wasn’t the right girl to take such a gigantic risk on. And that hurt. It felt like a rejection. Wasn’t that what he was doing when he said he didn’t want a relationship with her? “So, you don’t want to be with me?”

  “Yes and no. It’s not that I don’t want you. I think you’re amazing. I want you too much. And that’s the problem. Josie, I’m in love with you, and it terrifies me.”

  Josie crossed her arms and glared at him. “Why should that terrify you?”

  “Please don’t get mad at me. I don’t want to hurt you. That’s the last thing I want. I don’t think I’m ready to test out a relationship with you. I value our friendship too much to treat you like a guinea pig.”

  “I can handle it, Noah. I’d be honored to help you figure out a new relationship post-divorce.”

  “That’s awesome, and I appreciate it. But I can’t handle it.”

  Josie frowned. “I don’t think it’s such a great idea to continue with this fake relationship. It’s gotten too serious for me. I don’t think I can move forward without getting hurt.”