The Trojan Walrus

by Julian Blatchley

  Cap-shroud A wire which is attached to a very strong point on the deck and runs up the side of the mast to the top. Half way up it passes over the end of a small spar called the spreader. Its purpose is to support the mast from the side, and other vital uses are as a hand-hold when entering the boat from the side in a state of impaired equilibrium or a support for a sun-awning.

  Companionway The main entrance and exit of the cabin to the cockpit. This is usually a steep climb down 2 or 3 steps to the cabin floor, and the steps commonly form the cover of the engine compartment. It is protected from the elements by a sliding hatch cover over the top and by wooden hatch boards which slot in to the vertical side. Effectively, the yacht’s front door.

  Cruising chute A large sail which is somewhere between a genoa and a spinnaker, used when moderate wind is coming from the side or behind. The material and colour are like a spinnaker, but the tack it is fastened to the bow of the boat and there is no pole. It is not as powerful as a spinnaker, but then, it is not as homicidal either.

  Echo sounder A gadget which sends a sonic signal out of the bottom of the boat and times how long it takes to come back. By a simple sum allowing for the speed of sound in water it takes an educated guess at the depth under the boat. Often complicated by the fact that a signal leaves and takes so long to come back that it returns just after the next signal has been sent… resulting in indications of shoal water where none should be and subsequent myocardial dysfunction. Works equally well on dolphins, fish, and air-bubbles, with the same result.

  Engine A contrivance which works on the principle of squeeze-bang-blow to convert money via fossil fuel into approximately equal portions of noise, smoke and forward motion. The clever little thing also makes something called ‘amps’, which are the preferred bed-time snack of batteries. Variously referred to as The Iron Top-sail, The Beast In The Bilge, and That Bloody Monstrosity, it is more properly referred to as an infernal construction engine.

  Fender A sort of strong balloon on a rope which is hung over the side to prevent hull to hull contact with adjacent boats or quaysides. Frequently wrongly tied on, and consequently lost.

  Foot The bottom edge of any sail.

  Forecastle The forward part of a ship or yacht, scene of derring-do with ropes and anchors

  Fore-sail (or Head-sail) Any sail which sets forward of the mast, supported on its forward side by the fore-stay.

  Fore-stay A wire which is attached to a very strong point at the front of the yacht and runs up to the top of the mast. It supports the mast from forward and is used to set the genoa or jib. It also acts as a shoulder-rest for urinating off the bow, and supports hammocks excellently.

  Furling line A rope which wraps around a drum at the bottom of any roller-furling device, particularly genoa roller-furling. When pulled in the cockpit, it rolls the sail away; when released it allows the sail to roll out. Quite often.

  Galley Sailorese for ‘kitchen’. Outwardly simply jargon, but there is in fact a distinct delineation between galleys and kitchens. Food which would never be acceptable from a kitchen is commonly highly esteemed when created in a galley. Examples are sardines in condensed milk, sautéed corned beef in onion brulée and the eight-day curry.

  Gang plank What you get when you don’t have a passerelle. For a more accurate description, simply omit the word ‘gang’.

  Genoa A species of fore-sail commonly fitted to modern yachts. It is attached at the luff to the fore-stay, and extends aft of the mast. Very powerful. Often abbreviated to ‘Genny’.

  Genoa sheet Rope which extends from the free corner of the genoa to the cockpit and controls the angle and shape of the genoa. Due to the power of the genoa, it requires a winch to adjust it. Often abbreviated to ‘genny-sheet’.

  Genoa track A sort of railway and car with a pulley through which the genoa sheet passes on its way to the winch. There is one on each side of the boat. It is used to alter the shape of the genoa to suit the wind, and to keep curious crew busy when the skipper needs a few minutes to think.

  Gin palace Large motor boat of the opulent variety. Much loathed by sailors for running generators in idyllic bays, occupying large chunks of harbours, creating huge washes which spill one’s curry, and costing a lot of money.

  Gooseneck The hinge at the front of the boom.

  Gybe The act of turning the stern of the boat through the wind, so that the sails change from one side to the other, the principle feature being a rapid movement of the boom across the top of the cockpit. Divided into two categories, ‘intentional’ and ‘unintentional’. Both categories are further subdivided into ‘controlled’ and ‘uncontrolled’. An intentional, controlled gybe is much appreciated by sailors; an unintentional, uncontrolled gybe is much appreciated by mast salesmen and, occasionally, undertakers.

  Gypsy A sort of gear-wheel in the windlass or anchor winch which grips the chain.

  Halyard Any rope which pulls a sail up the mast and tensions the luff of the sail. (Compare with ‘sheet’ and ‘tack’.) The name originates from the days of square-rig, when the ‘yards’ were ‘hauled-up’ to tension the sides of the sail; thus, ‘haul-yard’, which elided to ‘halyard’. Main halyard for the main sail, genoa halyard for the genoa. Something logical at least.

  Hatch An opening Perspex window in an aluminium frame set in the deck of the boat to allow light and ventilation in and scared yachtsmen out.

  Heads Sailorese for ‘toilet’. Derives its name from the ‘catheads’- a place up by the anchors on old sailing ships which was designated for the purpose of letting it all hang out. Due to the size and complexity of plumbing in yacht toilets, this old tradition is undergoing an enthusiastic revival.

  Helm Generic term for whatever means of steering is provided on a boat, whether it be tiller, wheel or oar.

  Helming A word coined to allow sailors to mysticise and en-noble the prosaic and often boring task of steering.

  Hook Slang for Anchor, which see:

  In irons See Tacking

  Jib A fore-sail smaller than a genoa. Most charter yachts have only a storm-jib, a very strong, small sail for extreme conditions… and no way of setting it due to the existence of the roller-furling!

  Kedge An anchor which is dropped from the stern of the boat, instead of the bow. Used when mooring bow-first, or when desperately trying to stop, it is also sometimes transferred forward and used to make an open moor... this is defiance of the rule that if a yacht can’t lie safely to one anchor, then elsewhere is the place to be!

  Keel Lump of hopefully aqua-dynamic iron attached to the bottom of the boat to a) minimise leeway and b) keep said boat sunny-side up.

  Ketch A sailing boat with two masts, the aft one being shorter than the forward one. The aft one must be positioned forward of the rudder-stock, otherwise she is a yawl. A good, seaworthy rig whose smaller sails making balancing the boat simpler and are easier to handle... but at the cost of a lot more wires and obstructions.

  Kicking-strap

  (or Kicker) A rope pulley which tensions the boom downwards. It is used to control the shape of the main sail, and to keep idle hands busy when they might otherwise be peacefully employed denigrating the skipper. Known to Americans, for reasons no doubt clear to them, as a ‘boom-vang’.

  Lazy-line A thin rope, frequently covered in marine growth, which connects a permanent anchor to the quay, so that a visiting yachtsman doesn’t need to drop his own; he simply backs-in and pulls the lazy-line up until he has attached his boat to a large ground-chain and in the process covered himself in slime, slashed his fingers to the bones on barnacles, murdered a large chunk of the eco-system and transformed his gleaming yacht into a kelp-bed.

  Leach The trailing edge of any sail.

  Life lines A sort of fence around the sides of the boat to stop the inhabitants falling off. It is made of wires stretched tightly between the pulpit and the pushpit, supported at intervals by posts called stanchions. Also serves to attach fenders to. Sometimes called hand-rails, guar
d rails or a bloody liability.

  Log Gadget which measures distance travelled through the water, and calculates speed.

  Luff A) The forward or leading edge of any sail.B) The act of coming closer to the wind until the front of the sail collapses. If persisted in it will lead to a ‘tack’. When done deliberately, a recognised way of slowing down or moving upwind; when done accidentally, a recognised way of annoying the hell out of the skipper.

  Main hatch The sliding hatch over the companionway.

  Main sail The sail which sets aft of the mast. In a conventional rig it is attached to the mast by the forward edge or ‘luff’ and to the boom by the ‘foot’.

  Main sheet The system of blocks and line which controls the angle at which the boom lies to the mast. In gybes it can rocket across the cockpit, and since it is close to the crew it can become highly importunate.

  Mud-weight Substitute for an anchor used almost exclusively on the Norfolk and Suffolk Broads- just a big weight, like the ones Tom always drops on Jerry, attached to a rope.

  Open moor Dropping two anchors a little way apart in order to give support to the bow from two sides. Very secure mooring, but it requires skill to execute and skill and luck to recover afterwards. Usually only attempted in the Mediterranean by the most desperate of skippers, due to the unbelievable amount of ironmongery in Mediterranean harbours.

  Outhaul Line which tensions the foot of the main sail along the boom.

  Parallel rulers Navigating instruments... two rulers connected by two movable arms so that they can be walked over a chart whilst remaining always parallel to each other. Used for transferring course-lines and bearings on a chart. Until the skill of directing them is developed, they are harder to control than an orbital floor polisher and the inexperienced navigator can find the ‘parallels’ progressing directly away from where he intends them to go. They also go uncontrollably sideways until they get jammed against the side of the table. Then, as one tries to get them back on track, they hit the dividers or stick on a fold in the chart, jerk out of line, and one has to start all over again.

  Passerelle A neat little gang way, frequently with a tidy rope handrail and sometimes boasting lights and even a door-bell, which extends from the stern, or sometimes bows, of a yacht to allow the crew to walk ashore.

  Pawl A sort of tooth on the windlass or anchor winch which only allows the winch to turn one way, to stop the chain running out again when heaving up. To drop the anchor it has to be lifted up.

  Pick Slang for anchor, which see:

  Pipe cot A temporary bed made of a piece of canvas with a pipe through the edge which pulls out and slots into locking holes. A sort of a cross between a hammock and a stretcher, nice to sleep in at sea, as you don’t roll around. They are a bit restricting at other times, and thoroughly reliable as contraceptives.

  Pulpit A tubular frame, usually stainless steel, which wraps about the forward side of the yacht as a means of projecting the life lines round a person working on front of the boat. Named because of its resemblance to a pulpit.

  Pushpit The same as a pulpit, but at the other end of the boat. So if one is called a pull-pit, the other must logically be…

  Reefing The act of reducing the area of one or more sails in order to stay alive when the wind gets stronger.

  Riding-turn A condition where a winch is immobilised by a tangle. The load-bearing end of the rope being winched rises over the turns on the drum, trapping them so that the winch cannot be turned and the load cannot be heaved further or released. Difficult to clear, as it requires the loaded part of the line to be de-tensioned. In light weather, a knowing tug upwards may do it; but in strong winds, it is potentially dangerous and takes time and skill to clear. Sometimes it may be necessary to cut the line.

  Roller-furling A nifty device which rolls a sail up somewhat like a cafe awning, making it easy to set, reef or douse the genoa. A sort of tube which fits around the fore-stay with a reel at the bottom, it winds in a ‘furling line’ as the sail is rolled out and when the furling line is pulled back out it winds the sail back in again. Most of the time.

  Rope-clutch A devilish enticement… a lever attached to a toothed jaw which holds a rope under tension. The more the tension, the tighter it holds, so it is very easy to apply, and very hard to release when you really, really need to!

  Sacrificial anode See Zincs

  Sacrificial strip A strip of material sewn on the leach and foot of the genoa to protect it from ultra-violet damage from the sun when rolled up.

  Sheet That rope or purchase system which attaches to the free corner at the back of a sail, and which is used to control its angle to the wind. (Compare with ‘Halyard’ and ‘Tack’.)There are, therefore, genoa sheets, main sheets, spinnaker sheets. The expression ‘I couldn’t give sheet’ may mean a crewman cannot release this rope. Honestly, it really could.

  Spinnaker A large balloon shaped sail, used to make boats go faster when the wind is not too strong and coming from the side or from behind. Immensely powerful, and can cause a lot of expensive damage if it gets out of control. Unlike other sails, it is not attached along one edge to the boat. The head is attached to the top of the mast or thereabouts; the windward corner or ‘tack’ is held out by a pole, and the leeward corner or ‘clew’ is controlled by a sheet-rope. The ropes controlling these corners are the ‘guy’ (controls the pole) and the ‘sheet’ (controls the tack.) The spinnaker is of very light material and usually brightly coloured, it takes skill to use, and even more skill to put up. And once it is up, your troubles have often only just begun... I call mine Gaddafi, because he dressed in bright colours and was suspected of terrorism.

  Stern gland Technically, this is the (more or less) water tight seal which fits around the propeller-shaft where it passes through the hull. Metaphorically, it refers to that part of the human anatomy which most closely resembles it in location and purpose. ‘Nipping up the stern gland’ refers technically to tightening the seal to prevent ingress of water, and figuratively describes a physiological response to a worrying situation.

  Tack The side from which the wind is coming and a deciding factor in who is to blame when sailing boats collide. The vessel is on the tack opposite to the side on which the mainsail is. Logical?Just to make things even clearer, ‘tack’ also refers to that free corner of any sail at which the ‘sheet’ is attached to control the sail’s position relative to the wind. Or, again, it may refer to the rope or purchase system used to act upon that point of the sail.Look, I didn’t make this stuff up, I’m just passing it on!

  Tacking The act of turning the boat so that her bows pass through the wind so as to change from one tack to the other. This is another opportunity for the boom to have a go at the crew. If this is done accidentally with the genoa still secured on the other side, the boat will be ‘taken aback’, an ungainly position wherein the skipper’s gin and the crew’s blood are likely to be spilled. If the boat is not going fast enough she stalls head-to-wind, when she is said to be ‘in irons’.

  Taken aback See Tacking

  Tiller A glorified lever which steers the boat by transmitting the helmsman’s errors to the rudder. The arcane nature of sailing makes it inevitable that to go left, one has to push it to the right.

  Topping-lift Rope leading down from the mast head to the outer end of the boom which supports the free end of the boom when the mainsail is lowered.

  Toe-rail The railing, usually aluminium, which runs around the outer edge of the deck. It is called a toe-rail because it breaks them, and is carefully designed to be just low enough to fail to stop any dropped object from going over the side.

  Traveller A device fitted close to the helmsman consisting of a sort of railway and car which adjusts the position of the lower end of the main sheet. In the hands of the expert, a powerful tool for trimming the main sail; in the hands of the inexpert, a finger-guillotine.

  Trotter-box When a seat is too short to be used as a bed, a box just wide enough for the feet is oft
en fitted to extend it into an adjacent compartment. A berth with a deep trotter-box is called a ‘coffin berth’, for obvious reasons.

  Up & down Another manifestation of arcane sailing jargon. On a sailing boat, everything reverses itself depending which side the wind is on. ‘Up’ is used to mean ‘towards the side the wind is coming from’, and ‘down’ the opposite. Also, as the tiller goes the opposite way to the rudder, one must put the helm up to make the boat go down, and vice-versa. When the boat changes tack, up becomes down. Sometimes the wind is dead astern, so it doesn’t work at all. To further clarify the matter, people also use ‘up’ and ‘down’ to mean heave-in or slack-out on various thingamabobs. One may also hear both ‘up and down’ used together when heaving up the anchor, to indicate that the anchor chain is vertical so the anchor is directly under the boat and about to break out. I hope this has cleared up any confusion.

  VHF Very High Frequency radio… a piece of electronic equipment which develops one’s vocabulary and self-confidence. Users instantly begin to use terms which are never normally spoken aloud... words such as ‘affirmative’ and ‘negative’, or phrases like ‘please advise your location’ instead of the sadly proletarian ‘where are you?’ They are also instantly able to confidently use words they don’t understand, such as ‘roger’ ‘radio-check’ and ‘wilco’. The speaker experiences an embarrassment bypass event, as they cannot see their audience. An indispensable aid to confusion.

  Wet A term used to describe a boat which readily throws spray or waves onto the deck, particularly in the area of the cockpit where the crew are cowering. Most boats are ‘wettest’ when going against the wind. In British use, this is almost invariably expressed in understatement – ‘a bit wet’ means that full waterproofs will be required: ‘Wet’ means snorkels or aqualungs. ‘Really quite wet’ is usually reserved for U-boats.