Okay, Quinn, you’ve definitely got my attention. I was interested in him. Now the real question was what to do about it? Do not go to that party tomorrow night. That’s what you do about it.
“So, we are going to the party tomorrow night, right?” Lisa asked.
“Maybe,” was all I could manage. I knew this would be a losing battle. I knew Lisa and Rachel wanted to go to the party. And I knew it wouldn’t take much effort on their part to convince me to go. I sighed again hopelessly, already in the throes of defeat.
“You sure you’re okay, Evie?” Lisa sounded concerned.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” I forced myself to sound more upbeat. I could tell Lisa and Rachel were not convinced. “Really, it’s nothing.” I faked a smile and stood up. “It’s getting late. Let’s grab something to eat and head to the library.”
* * *
I woke up Friday morning in plenty of time to put in my contacts, clean myself up, and dress in something other than the first thing that was readily accessible on my dorm floor. I hated to admit it, but I was anxious to see Quinn. And for that very reason, I was going to do the right thing. I was going to tell him I couldn’t make it to the party tonight.
Unfortunately, Quinn didn’t show up to class that day. For the first few minutes of Professor Swain’s lecture, I kept glancing at the door to see if he would walk in late, but he didn’t. Swain’s forty-five minute monologue seemed tortuously long and tedious. As I gathered up my stuff at the end of class, one of Quinn’s friends walked up to me. I recognized him as the one I had nicknamed “Larry” the other day.
“Hey, you’re Evie, right?” he asked.
I nodded.
“I’m Adam. Adam Shaw. Quinn’s friend. He mentioned you’d be stopping by the party tonight.”
“Oh.” I tried to sound indifferent, but the butterflies in my stomach began to flutter. Tell him you can’t go! My mind shouted. Just make up some excuse! Anything to get yourself out of this!
“So, uh, can you tell me your last name and if you’re planning on bringing any friends? You know … so I can put you on the list?” Adam asked.
“Um …” I was straining to make up some excuse, but I couldn’t think of any. My mind was completely blank. “Sure,” I managed. “My last name is Sanders. Evie Sanders. And it’ll probably just be me and two friends.”
“No problem. I’ll see to it personally that you guys are on the list.” Adam winked at me. “See you tonight,” he threw in as he walked away.
“Thanks,” I muttered, but Adam was already out of earshot.
Way to go, Evie, I told myself. That’s really taking the bull by the horns. You cannot go to this party tonight. Nothing good can come from it.
But another nagging voice in my head was getting louder and more obnoxious. You want to go to the party. You want to go to the party—like a little kid chanting “nanny-nanny-boo-boo” over and over. And like a broken alarm clock, I couldn’t shut it off.
I immediately called Ryan on my cell; it went straight to voice mail, but I just hung up. I was sick of hearing that he was unavailable. Other than a couple random texts telling me how stressed out he was studying for a huge exam at the end of the week, I hadn’t heard from Ryan for days. In fact, it had been nearly a week since we last spoke, and right now I really needed to talk to him, to hear his voice.
The rest of the day was a blur. Unsure of myself and of the situation I was getting myself into with Quinn, I struggled to figure out what to do about tonight. I pictured his face—his deep blue eyes; his thick, black, wavy hair; and his seductive smile. I heard his laugh. I was reminded of his intoxicating scent. My mind started wandering off to places it definitely shouldn’t have gone. I thought about Quinn’s breath on my neck and his hands on my shoulders. A tingling sensation ran down my spine. I shook my head, trying to empty it of these images. I didn’t trust myself with him. I hadn’t felt such a strong physical attraction towards someone since I’d met Ryan.
I pictured Ryan’s face. I could see every detail of his boyishly handsome, all-American good looks. I pictured the way his brown eyes sparkled when he looked at me. I thought about how he brushed my hair out of my face just before he kissed me and how he always kissed the top of my head when we embraced. I loved that Ryan knew exactly what to say to make me feel better when I was upset and that I could trust him with my most intimate secrets. I smiled as my heart filled with warmth and joy. Ryan was my first love, and I still loved him.
I love Ryan. I’m meant to be with Ryan. I suddenly realized how ridiculously stupid I’d been acting. I was overanalyzing this Quinn situation to death and was just confusing myself. Of course I was meant to be with Ryan. How could I have second-guessed the one thing I’d always been so sure of? One guy, even one as charming as Quinn, wasn’t going to change how I felt about Ryan. I felt like a fool for not recognizing this for what it really was—a test. Quinn was simply a test of my feelings for Ryan and of the strength of our relationship.
I would go to the party tonight and tell Quinn about Ryan. Quinn would get over whatever inexplicable fascination he had with me, and I would put him out of my mind for good. Feeling ten times more self-assured, I went to go find Lisa and Rachel and tell them to get ready.
2. Baby, It’s Cold Outside
Lisa, Rachel, and I descended the stairs into the fraternity’s basement a little after eleven. It was dark, stiflingly hot, and incredibly loud. The only sources of light were from the makeshift stage lights—a dozen or so black lights placed strategically around the room and a few strobe lights pulsing in the background. The room was packed full of people. I took another few steps and was assaulted by the smell of stale beer and cigarettes. I began to feel claustrophobic.
I scanned the room, assuming I’d never find Quinn in the sea of people before me. But just as I finished my thought, I spotted him in the midst of the crowd. He looked beautiful. His hair was tucked behind his ears, but one loose curl had escaped and was hanging by his temple. I quickly averted my eyes, hoping he hadn’t caught me looking at him. No such luck. A huge smile stretched across his face as our eyes crossed paths.
“Damn it!” I muttered under my breath as my body shivered with excitement.
“Evie!” Quinn yelled over the music.
I was still cursing myself as Quinn made his way across the room towards me. The rhythm of the pulsing strobe lights mirrored the pounding of my heart. Coming here was a mistake, I thought. I should leave. I looked around for Lisa and Rachel—my support network—but they were nowhere to be found. I assumed they had maneuvered themselves closer to the stage to dance. Weaving through the crowd, Quinn was getting nearer. Butterflies fluttered wildly in my stomach.
Walk away! my mind screamed. But I couldn’t.
“Evie! You made it!” Quinn made it sound like we were longtime friends. He picked me up and gave me a huge bear hug.
“Um, yeah,” I croaked, trying to catch my breath when he released me.
“For a while there I thought you wouldn’t show,” he yelled loudly over the band.
“For a while there, neither did I,” I responded, my voice equally as loud. The song ended and there was a noticeable drop in the volume of the room while the band was in between songs.
“Well,” Quinn said more softly, “I guess my wishful thinking paid off.” He took a step back, gave me a quick once-over and smiled. His pearly white teeth looked fluorescent under the black lights. “Not in your usual attire, I see. Dress up for anyone special?”
“Yes, me.” Thankfully, the room was dark because I felt heat radiate across my face and perspiration bead up around my hairline. I realized I was nervous.
Usually, I didn’t care about what I looked like at a party. I wasn’t model material, but I was confident and secure enough in the way I looked that a fitted T-shirt and jeans always seemed to do just fine. Besides, I wasn’t ever looking for anyone; I had Ryan.
That said, I’d decided that if I was going through the trouble of subje
cting myself to this test, I was going to make it worth my while. So I did pay special attention to how I looked. I kept my outfit simple, but it was definitely designed to show off some of my better assets. A thin, black, plunging V-neck cashmere sweater clung to my body and accentuated my full chest. I wore my favorite pair of boot-cut jeans pulled over black, high-heeled, patent leather boots, which added a couple of inches to my height. My hair was flat-ironed to look straight and sleek, ending just above the middle of my back. Makeup-wise, I kept my eyes simple and fresh; I didn’t want to take away from their color, which was a strange mix of green and gold. A touch of blush on my cheeks, some cranberry-colored lip gloss, and a little perfume, and I was ready.
“Well, Evie Sanders, you look beautiful.” Quinn stared at me more intensely. I hadn’t been there for more than a few minutes and already warning bells were going off in my head like sirens.
I have a boyfriend! I wanted to scream out loud. But I didn’t. I thought about holding up my fingers in the shape of a cross to ward off Quinn, but I kept my composure. There’s no rush, I told myself. I would pass this test. I would weave Ryan into the conversation—eventually.
“Thanks.” I smiled.
“Want something to drink?”
“No, thanks. I’m fine.”
“Want to dance?”
I noticed the band had begun to play another song, the tempo of which was considerably slower. I watched as bodies moved closer to each other on the dance floor.
“Maybe later,” I replied. Honestly, I didn’t think I could handle having Quinn standing that close to me, having his hands touching me and holding me as we moved together to the seductive rhythm of the music.
“Well, then, maybe we should get some fresh air,” he offered. “It’s quieter out there.”
“Sure.” It was unseasonably warm that evening, and the air would do me good. Quinn took my hand in his. As our fingers intertwined I felt a spark of electricity surge through my fingertips. It was as if a low-voltage current was coursing through our hands. He glanced down at our hands and then back up at me and smiled. He must have felt it too.
Quinn led me through the crowd, up a different staircase, and outside into the snow-filled courtyard of the fraternity. We found a spot just off to the right of a security light, and I could see him more clearly.
We stood there gazing silently into each other’s eyes for a moment. If his eyes were like the ocean, his long lashes curled around them like waves breaking on the surf. I wondered what he was thinking. I stood there for a moment or two before realizing I was holding my breath. Breathe. I exhaled deeply, allowing a rush of warm steam to escape my lips.
“You’re cold,” Quinn observed, breaking the silence between us.
Actually, I was shivering, but I couldn’t tell what was making my body react more—the brisk night air or standing there with Quinn. He stepped behind me and rubbed my arms up and down with his hands to create some friction. Then, without warning, he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me in closer to him.
Very smooth, I thought. I wondered how many times he had used this move before.
We huddled so closely together that I was beginning to question whether dancing with him would’ve been the safer choice. But I could still hear the sultry rhythm of the song the band was playing inside and thought I would be far better off out here. Besides, I did feel a little warmer; and I wasn’t ready to go back inside where it was so loud and stuffy, so I didn’t object to being in his arms.
His embrace was different from what I was used to experiencing. After all, these weren’t Ryan’s arms around me. But somehow, Quinn’s arms felt familiar. In fact, his embrace felt safe … natural, even. I couldn’t really explain it. It was as if he’d held me in his arms a hundred times before.
Quinn edged closer to me, eliminating what little space there was left between us. I could feel the entire length of his body against mine. His arms closed around me a little tighter. His breathing got a little heavier and the muscles in his body tensed up slightly.
I froze. Now what, genius? I asked myself. But before I could think of a response, Quinn reached up with one hand and swept all of my hair to one side, exposing my neck. He leaned in, and I could feel his breath on my skin. I heard him slowly inhale as he took in the scent of my perfume. Electricity shot through my body like lightning, leaving me trembling in its wake. Without thinking, I leaned back into him and pulled his arms tighter around me in hopes that I’d stop shaking. He obliged all too willingly.
Nice, Evie. Way to be up front and honest. My mind continued on its warpath. Why don’t you send him a few more mixed signals? I knew my actions were not helping matters, and I let out a little disapproving laugh, which was enough to interrupt the moment.
“What?” Quinn asked curiously.
Tell him the truth, my mind urged. But I didn’t want to yet. I wasn’t ready for this evening—for this game—to end. So I raced to come up with some bogus explanation for my laughter.
“I just realized I never actually gave you my psych notes,” I blurted out.
“Uh, yeah,” Quinn chuckled awkwardly. “I guess I should fess up about that … I don’t really need your notes. I just used them as an excuse to talk to you.”
“And to get me to come here?”
“That too,” he conceded. “Is that so wrong?”
Yes, it’s wrong! my mind shouted. Being here with you is very wrong! But I bit my tongue. I wanted to pretend that Ryan didn’t exist—if only for a few more minutes. I wanted to feel Quinn’s arms wrapped around me for a few moments longer. I knew I wouldn’t let things go too far; it wasn’t my nature to do so—regardless of whether or not I had a boyfriend. Still, I was in unchartered territory. I’d never so much as thought about cheating on Ryan before. But then again, I had never been so interested in anyone else since meeting Ryan either. I wondered just how much further I was willing to let this go. Where would I draw the line?
“So the psych notes were part of your master plan to get me here tonight … standing outside with you in the freezing cold.”
“Well, I don’t know if outside was the exact place I had in mind.” Quinn chuckled. “But things have worked out pretty well so far,” he said in a rather self-congratulatory tone as he pulled me in even closer to him.
“I have another confession to make,” he added more hesitantly.
“What’s that?” I asked curiously.
“I noticed you the first day of Swain’s class.”
I flashed back to my disheveled appearance in class a few days ago and mentally cringed, realizing that it wasn’t the first time I’d gone to class dressed like a zombie.
“Yeah, I’m sure you did.” Sarcasm dripped from my every word. “Night of the walking dead is a hard look to miss.”
“I wouldn’t go that far,” he laughed. “I think you come to class looking more … real. It’s like you don’t care what people think about you. You’re comfortable just being you … doing your own thing. Most of the girls around here seem to have one goal in mind—to be part of the college version of Next Top Model or something. I mean, don’t get me wrong, they’re pretty and all—but not one of them can hold a candle to you … especially tonight.” He turned me around to face him.
I was convinced he was just trying to flatter me, but I blushed anyway. Hook, line—and sinking.
“Evie, you’re different … You stand apart from the rest like you’re above all that superficial stuff. I just kinda get the sense that you know what’s really important, and I like that about you.”
“Wow. Hmm. I have to admit I wasn’t expecting that.” I sighed and took a step backwards. “Look, Quinn, you just met me; and you obviously know nothing about me. I’m really not all that carefree about my appearance. I come to class dressed the way I do because I don’t have time to care about the way I look. I’m always running late. I roll out of bed in the morning with barely enough time to make it to class. If I had my crap together, don’t you think
I’d wake up early enough to at least find something to wear from my closet instead of my floor?
“In fact, if I had my priorities straight,” I continued, on a rampage now, “I wouldn’t even be here with you tonight having this conversation with you right now. And I certainly wouldn’t have allowed myself to be here in your arms flirting with you … wondering how far I might let this little game go—And, trust me, if your master plan included sleeping with me tonight, you’re going to be sorely disappointed. I have a boyfriend … and I don’t cheat.
“And I also wouldn’t be worrying about trivial things like psych notes or boyfriends … or you for that matter, when I don’t even have the luxury of time on my side—” I stopped mid-sentence and winced. I had said too much.
I waited for Quinn’s reaction, but he seemed completely unaffected by my last declaration. In fact, I didn’t even think he’d heard it. He was distracted by something else.
“So,” he began slowly, “if you have a boyfriend, why are you here with me tonight?” The tone in his voice was a combination of intrigue and mischief.
“I … I don’t know,” I admitted sheepishly, looking down at my boots. Quinn put his fingers under my chin and gently lifted up my head so he could see my eyes.
“Well, don’t worry, it was never my intent to get you to sleep with me tonight,” he said sincerely. “Although,” he added, flashing me a playful smile, “if it had been your intent to do so … well, I can’t say I would’ve objected.”
“I’m sure you wouldn’t have.” I rolled my eyes at him.
“Evie, when I saw you that first day of class, I just wanted to get to know you better—I still do.” He picked up the silver charm hanging from my neck, rolled it between his fingers, and then let it drop back down onto my chest. He looked into my eyes again.
“I can’t explain it—there’s something about you. I can’t stop thinking about you.” He studied my reaction. I didn’t know how to react. How could someone like Quinn be interested in someone like me?
Borrowed Heart Page 3