Borrowed Heart

by Linda Lamberson

  During Quinn’s lunch hour that Friday, he picked up a handful of major newspapers and a bunch of magazines, everything from Newsweek to Us! Weekly, and “surprised” me with them later that night before he went to bed.

  “I thought you might get bored while I’m at work or at night when I’m sleeping, so I got these for you to read. If there’s anything you like, or if you want something else, just let me know and I’ll get it for you.”

  “Thanks, that was really considerate of you.” I smiled at Quinn’s kind gesture. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I had watched him buy the magazines earlier in the day. I also didn’t want him to worry about me; I wasn’t his concern.

  “You know,” I added, “I can find plenty of ways to entertain myself. Take last night for instance—I went to Rome. I wanted to see the Pantheon.” Strange as it might seem, looking at Ceres standing not far from Quinn’s office window day after day had made me want to feel closer to the gods while here on Earth.

  “You went to Rome?” he asked, shocked.

  “Yes.” I was amused by his reaction. It reminded me of my own disbelief when Teddy was teaching me the art of teleportation. “It was really quite easy,” I teased in a nonchalant tone.

  “Oh, sure—for an angel,” Quinn teased back.

  “Hey, there have to be a few perks to my job. Otherwise, what fun is it to be the walking dead?” I winced a little as soon as the words “walking dead” escaped my lips. Quinn looked as uncomfortable as I felt.

  “Sorry,” I apologized. “I shouldn’t joke like that.”

  “No, it’s not that, Evie. It’s just that … even though you don’t remember who were you, you still say a lot of the same things you used to say … Even your mannerisms are the same.” Quinn looked down at his hands and then at me. “But our relationship, if that’s what you call this, is so different. I’m walking around on eggshells—and so are you. I know you are, so don’t even try to deny it. And that’s not like you or me—and it definitely wasn’t like us … even for the short period of time we were together.”

  “Quinn,” I broke in.

  “Wait,” he said firmly. “Please just let me get what I have to say off my chest.”

  I closed my mouth, leaned back in the chair, and let him continue.

  “Evie, I don’t know what to do here.” Quinn crouched down in front of me. Instinctively, I pulled back a little, afraid that he would try to touch me. He noticed my reaction and sighed in frustration.

  “Evie, you still can’t remember anything? About yourself? About me? Not even in the slightest?” he asked. I could feel his heart begin to pound a little faster, and it made me nervous. Quinn’s eyes grew dark, but the expression on his face was not one of desire; it was more reminiscent of someone who was suffering.

  “No,” I replied matter-of-factly.

  Quinn bolted up, walked into the kitchen, and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge.

  “God, I can remember it all like it was yesterday,” Quinn said, exasperated. “It practically was yesterday! And right now, all I want to do is pick up where we left off. But I can’t. I’m not exactly sure why I can’t, but I know that I can’t. So, instead, I’m resigned to sit on a couch and act like some freaking choirboy. Hell, at this point, just holding your hand would be a major step forward for us … This really sucks.”

  “Quinn, I’m sorry. I can’t begin to imagine how frustrating this is for you. It was selfish of me to reveal myself to you.” All of a sudden I remembered Agnes’s warning that acts of passion are often the mark of selfishness, and I cringed inside, wondering if my letting Quinn see me was really about satisfying my needs rather than his. “Maybe … maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe I should go.” I stood up to leave.

  “No! Don’t!” He leaped over the couch to block my way, spilling water all over himself in the process. “Damn it!” he exclaimed when he looked down and discovered he was wearing most of his drink.

  “Wait there! Don’t—go—anywhere!” he commanded. I just stood there, amazed at how quickly he’d cleared the couch to get to me. Quinn put the bottle down, pulled off his shirt, and used it to wipe off his chest and stomach before tossing it onto the floor. I stared in awe at the muscles that rippled beneath his chest, his shoulders, his stomach, and his arms. I thought back to the first time I’d seen his body, battered and bruised from the attack, and how I had healed it. I remembered how I had indulged myself by caressing him while he slept. My insides began to ache. It took all my strength to stop myself right then from reaching out and touching him. I swallowed—hard.

  “You can’t just mysteriously reappear in my life one day and then unilaterally decide to take off at the slightest whim.” His voice cracked. “It’s not fair for you to screw with me like that.” He took a deep breath to calm down. “This … thing we have—it can’t be solely on your terms. We’re in this together, okay? We have to play this out as a team.” He looked for some kind of sign that I accepted his terms.

  “Quinn, I can’t promise anything.”

  “Just do me a favor and at least try, okay?”

  “Okay. I’ll try.”

  “I guess that’s the most I can ask for,” Quinn muttered in dissatisfaction. I knew he wanted more from me—a pledge that I wouldn’t disappear out of the blue and abandon him, and he deserved as much. But his wish was impossible for me to grant. One day my assignment would be over. One day I would have to leave.

  “I know the Rules suck, but they’re the Rules I have to follow. I can’t change them.”

  “Yeah, well some Rules are meant to be broken,” Quinn said, sulking.

  “Please try to understand, I’ve already risked too much by revealing myself to you and telling you why I’m here.”

  He just stood there without saying a word. Of course Quinn didn’t understand. How could he when even I had trouble adjusting to the Rules and to my “life” as a Shepherd. But I did understand there were consequences, potentially dire ones, for those of us who got caught breaking the Rules.

  Just then my watch beeped three times. I looked down and saw that the Incident Timer was flashing as numbers raced across the screen like a slot machine in motion.

  Crap! I thought. The Second Incident.

  “What was that?” Quinn asked apprehensively.

  “Um, it’s nothing you need to worry about.” I saw the look on his face and knew he didn’t believe me. “Quinn, there’s no need to look so worried—really. I just have to go find someone and talk to him for a minute.”

  “Now? Evie, it’s late.” Quinn sounded so overprotective I had to smile.

  “And here I thought I was the one who was supposed to be concerned about your welfare—not the other way around,” I said, still smiling.

  “I did mention we were a team, right?” His face brightened up a bit.

  “Quinn, I’ll be back,” I said reassuringly.

  “Promise?”

  “Scouts honor.” I flashed him the most enthusiastic smile I could muster and held up my hand just like he had days before, which made him laugh.

  “Well, you’d better hurry because I’m going to wait up for you—just to be sure you keep your promise.”

  “Quinn … you really don’t have to do that. I might be gone most of the night.”

  “Hey, I have nothing but time—tomorrow’s Saturday. I’m sure there’s some kind of movie marathon on tonight.”

  “Okay, then. Have fun with that.” I just shook my head at him, knowing there was no way to talk him out of his plan.

  Even though I could have just teleported myself out of his apartment, I didn’t. I tried to appear as human as possible in front of Quinn. The last thing I wanted to do was highlight my immortal side any more than I already had. I didn’t want him to think of me or treat me differently than he would any other human—well, any other girl. So I walked over to his front door and opened it. I glanced back at him and noticed how uneasy he suddenly looked.

  “Evie … promise me you�
��ll be careful.” Instantly, a moment of déjà vu hit me. Puzzled, I studied Quinn’s face for a moment.

  “What is it?” he asked.

  “It’s just that … I feel like you’ve—” I stopped and smiled to myself, feeling pretty silly. “I’m sure it’s nothing. I’ll see you in a little bit … And try to get some sleep!”

  I heard Quinn chuckle as the door closed behind me.

  * * *

  “Peter!” I whispered as loudly as I could from Quinn’s rooftop. I had teleported myself up there and resumed my human form so Peter would be able to see me—that is, if he could hear me. Now that Quinn’s Incident Timer had begun to run, I didn’t want to take the chance of leaving Quinn’s side to go to the Archives. Plus, Shepherds couldn’t read each other’s minds on Earth. Here, my thoughts were truly my own, and I didn’t want to take the chance that Peter, or anyone else for that matter, would discover what I had been up to.

  “Peter! I really need you,” I said a little louder. “Quinn’s Incident Timer is going haywire, and I don’t know what to do. Please, I need to talk to you!”

  “It’s been a while, Bo Peep.” I heard Peter’s voice from behind me, and I turned around to see him standing there smiling at me. “Still having trouble with your sheep?”

  “Peter!” I exclaimed. I was so happy and relieved to see him that I ran over and jumped into his arms.

  “If I knew you would be this happy to see me, I would’ve come and visited you sooner,” Peter responded as he was forced to catch me before I slammed right into him.

  “Well, you should visit more often.” I pouted. “It can get lonely down here, especially at night, and I could use a little company from time to time.”

  “You know you’re always welcome to drop by the Archives.”

  “Hey, you’re the one who told me I couldn’t leave Quinn’s side unless it was absolutely necessary,” I reminded him.

  “Yes, but I didn’t realize you would take my words so literally.”

  “Well, you really freaked me out during my last visit up there.” It was true, Peter was usually the epitome of self-control, or at least he always looked the part. But the last time I’d seen him, he was so preoccupied and distraught.

  “Well, I apologize for my demeanor during our last encounter.” Peter bowed his head a little. I would have sworn he was a little embarrassed.

  “So,” he said more lightheartedly, “what has you howling my name from the rooftops in the middle of the night?”

  “Very funny!” I snapped. “Look at my watch. It looks like the Second Incident is being planned as we speak. See?” I shoved my watch within an inch of his face. “The month and year are set, but the day is still unclear.”

  “Interesting. The exact date of the Incident must still be in flux. It happens occasionally. For example, your charge could be planning a trip and is yet unsure of the exact date of departure or arrival.” He continued to examine my watch. “But, whatever the day, the Incident isn’t scheduled to occur until November of this year—that’s months away. So I wouldn’t worry too much right now. We have plenty of time to figure out what’s going on.”

  “We have plenty of time to figure out what’s going on?” I repeated hopefully.

  “Eve, you know I’m always here for you. I’ll help you out in any way I can.”

  “I know. It’s just good to hear you say it,” I said, feeling much more self-assured knowing that I had Peter’s support.

  “So,” Peter asked slowly, “does he know?”

  “Does who know what?” I tried to sound innocent, but so much had happened over the last several days, I didn’t dare try to guess the particular thing to which Peter was referring.

  “Does who know what,” Peter repeated in exasperation. “Your sheep—that’s who! Does he know about you? Has he seen you again?”

  “Do you really want to know the answer to that?”

  “I’ll take that as a ‘yes.’” Peter said, disappointed. “What am I going to do with you?” He sighed. “Eve, please think long and hard about the decisions you are making—or are about to make. And please take care of yourself. The expression ‘playing with fire’ takes on a whole new meaning for us.” He walked up to me, embraced me, and gave me a kiss on top of my head. “Keep an eye on your watch and let me know if anything changes. And call me if you need me.” He took a step back and winked at me before he dematerialized right in front of my eyes.

  I wanted to heed Peter’s warnings. There was still time to reverse some of the damage I had done. I could go back and somehow make Quinn believe that I was ordered to stop seeing him, or that I was reassigned even. But all I could think of was that my days with him were numbered—literally. We had a handful of months until his Second Incident. Assuming I saved him, who knew how quickly after that the Third Incident would occur.

  I returned to the apartment only to discover Quinn already fast asleep on the couch. All the lights were on, as was the TV. I smiled to myself as I took a mental snapshot of this moment.

  23. A Walk in the Park

  The next day was beautiful; the sun was shining and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky. Quinn had opened the windows in his apartment earlier that morning, and I could feel the cool breeze that had come off the lake and wound itself through the corridors between the buildings downtown before making its way to the West Loop.

  I stared longingly out one of the windows of Quinn’s loft. I was antsy; I felt like a caged tiger at the zoo pacing back and forth in its “cell.” I wanted to walk outside. I wanted to feel the sun’s warmth radiating above me.

  “It’s a beautiful day out,” Quinn said.

  “Mmm,” I mumbled in agreement.

  “It’s not right to be cooped up inside on a day like this.”

  “I agree,” I said and turned towards him. “Why don’t you go out and enjoy the day. I’ll be back here when you return.” Of course, I would ghost Quinn the entire time, but it wasn’t the same thing as being outside in my human form. I wouldn’t be able to feel the warmth of the sun or smell the summer air.

  “That’s not what I meant.” He moved towards me. “Evie, I want to take a walk outside with you.” He drew out the last two words for emphasis.

  “Excuse me?” I asked in disbelief.

  “You heard me. I want us to take a walk together. We’re always stuck inside here. I think a change of scenery will do us some good.”

  He was right; I would love a change of scenery. Still, as tantalizing as his idea sounded, the thought of actually walking around with him in plain sight made me nervous.

  “Quinn, I’m not so sure that’s a good idea,” I said cautiously.

  “Why not? Am I in imminent danger?” he asked calmly, like he already knew he wasn’t.

  “No, not that I’m aware of,” I replied. The Incident Timer on my watch had finally settled on the end of November, a couple of days after Thanksgiving.

  “Okay, then, let’s go. C’mon, just a sort walk—that’s all I’m asking,” Quinn pushed.

  I just stood there, visibly hesitating.

  “What—is it against the Rules for you to take a walk outside?” Quinn asked.

  “What if someone recognizes me?”

  “Hold on.” Quinn grabbed a Cubs baseball hat from his coat closet and his sunglasses from the kitchen counter and placed them both on me. He stood back to survey his work. “Perfect! No one will recognize you with these on.” He seemed very pleased with himself, clearly believing that he had single-handedly deflated my argument in one swift blow. I took off the hat and glasses, looked at them, and then glanced back at him, my face still riddled with concern.

  “Come on. Just try it,” Quinn said, sensing my continued reluctance. “If you’re still uncomfortable after a few minutes, we’ll turn around and head back here. I promise.” He flashed me that irresistible smile of his, and I found myself giving in.

  “You know, you should be required to carry a license for that smile of yours,” I said.
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  “That’s funny,” he chuckled. “My mom says almost the same exact thing.”

  I know, I thought to myself. And she’s right.

  “So are we going to do this or what?” he pressed, still smiling at me.

  “Okay, okay,” I conceded. “I’ll take a short walk with you. Just give me a minute.” I stood up and walked into Quinn’s bedroom, closing the door behind me. I put on the hat and glasses and stood in front of his full-length mirror. I gave myself a once-over and realized that I still had been wearing the same T-shirt and jeans that I had worn from day one. I remembered what Agnes had told me, and I morphed myself into a pair of light-khaki cargo pants and a black tank top. I looked at myself again in the mirror. Hmm … black—the color of death. Nope, that won’t do. Instantly, I changed the color of my top from black to a shade of blue barely lighter than the color of Quinn’s eyes.

  “Much better,” I announced out loud when I looked in the mirror again. Then I morphed my hair into two pigtails at the base of my neck and put the Cubs hat back on my head, adjusting the strap for a better fit. Last but not least, I put on Quinn’s sunglasses. I glanced at myself once more in the mirror and shrugged my shoulders. It would have to do. I walked out into the hallway towards him.

  “How … how did you do that?” he asked in amazement.

  “Do what?” I asked, feigning ignorance. I knew he was baffled by my wardrobe change.

  “Change your clothes? Do you have some stuff stashed away in here?” Quinn quickly scanned his apartment trying to find anything that stood out or didn’t belong to him.

  “Nope. Just another one of my many talents.” I stifled a giggle.

  “Oh, come on. You’ve got to tell me how you did that. Better yet, why don’t you show me,” he teased as his eyes sparkled with mischief.

  “You would like that, wouldn’t you! Well, sorry to disappoint, but it’s not going to happen. Magicians never reveal the secrets behind their tricks,” I replied, just as playfully.

  “Something tells me that you will never reveal all your secrets to me.” I could hear the edge in his voice.