The Best American Short Plays 2010-2011
Page 2
Inquiries concerning rights should be addressed to Lorin Howard at lhoward888@mac.com.
Lorin Howard
Lorin Howard, a Los Angeles native, has been involved in all aspects of theater. With a BA in theater arts and English and a MA in psychology, and after years of teaching elementary and preschool, Howard, an award-winning actor, continues to involve herself in theater.
Howard has studied and taken workshops/private coaching with Jeff Corey, Darryl Hickman, Tom Schlesinger, Richard Krevolin, and Cecilia Fannon of the Tony Award–winning South Coast Repertory Company. She has expanded on her theatrical experience as an actor, producer, and director to focus on playwriting. Howard has written and produced plays that have been performed on the Los Angeles and Orange County theater circuit, in Michigan, New York, and Seattle, in addition to shows developed for children’s theater. Her short plays have garnered numerous awards.
• • • Production History • • •
The Subtext of Texting was produced at the Mysterium Theatre, Santa Ana, California, by New Voices Playwrights Theatre in September 2011. Concurrently, it had its New York premiere (October 2011) in Ticket 2 Eternity’s production of “Disjointed Love Shorts” at the TheatreLab NYC. It was produced in 2011 at the Hudson Guild Theatre, New York City, by Variations Theatre Group, making its New York debut twice in the same season.
Characters
CORI, early to mid-thirties
GREG, mid-thirties
MADDY, mid-thirties
Setting
Split stage: CORI’s house and GREG’s office. Morning. The present.
• • •
[CORI enters with her cell phone connected to a charger and an extension cord. An impeccably dressed GREG talks to someone on his land line.]
CORI [Checks cell for calls, text messages, etc.] Five days! It’s been five days since the last text. I’m done. It’s over. We are so finished.
GREG [On his land line.] I was in Chicago. I think I was actually at O’Hare, waiting for my boarding call. I’m thinking about how much I miss her and suddenly I remember just how much—
CORI I miss him.
GREG I miss her.
CORI Did he lose interest?
GREG Maybe I said something wrong.
CORI Maybe he found someone else.
GREG I don’t even know if she’s still into me.
CORI He could be lying in a hospital bed with amnesia or on the side of the road in a pool of blood.
GREG We’ve never gone this long without contact.
CORI I’d never know if he got into an accident, because no one he knows, knows me.
GREG It’s not like her.
CORI Not hearing from him is not like him.
GREG Who stopped texting whom first? I don’t even remember.
[To the person on land line.]
Yeah, Buddy. Catch you later.
[Hangs up the phone.]
CORI Okay, so oops! He sent the last text. But I’m not about to send the next one. He’s the guy. It’s his turn. It’s protocol after a long hiatus.
GREG [To himself.] So you’re standing on principle. How’s that workin’ for ya’, Greg? Worth the angst of not knowing?
[Texting.]
How’s my girl?
CORI [The phone pings.] He called me his girl. He’s alive. Thank God he’s not wandering aimlessly in and out of skid row soup kitchens, mumbling something about a lost shopping cart.
[Beat.]
I’m over here suffering and all you can say is, “How’s my girl?”
GREG She isn’t answering. Her texts are usually instantaneous. This can’t be good.
[Texting.]
Talk to me, baby....
[Ping!]
CORI Then pick up the friggin’ phone and call me—baby. It takes more energy to text than it does to dial!
GREG Is she trying a new strategy? Maybe I’ll try a new strategy.
[Texting.]
Going out of town next weekend. Need to see you soon.
[Ping!]
CORI Who’s he going out of town with?
GREG [Texting.] A short trip with my business partners.
[Ping!]
CORI And what’s “soon”? Tonight? Tomorrow? Friday morning? You think I don’t have a life? Do you expect me to drop everything and just pick up where we left off?
GREG Why can’t we just pick up where we left off? We’ve been together for seven months and—
CORI We haven’t seen each other in two weeks.
GREG Let’s not lose the momentum because someone is too hard-headed to answer a text. She could very well be the One—even if she is stubborn as hell, and if I give up now, I might never know.
[Texting.]
You better not be seeing someone else. Winky face.
[Ping!]
Okay, that was just plain dumb. I sound desperate and threatening.
CORI He’s agonizing. That makes me so happy.
GREG She probably figures I have no other options. Loser.
CORI He’s so hot, he could probably date any girl he wants. I better step it up a notch if I don’t want to lose him.
[Texting.]
No one else. Only have eyes for you.
[Ping! She rereads the text.]
Diarrhea of the mouth! I should have stopped at “No one else.” But no. I have to embellish. I hate when I do that! “Only have eyes for you.” What was I thinking?
GREG I think she’s still crazy about me. She’s being evasive—not responding to my vulnerability, but at least she’s responding.
[Texting.]
BTW, miss you, baby. XOXOXO
[Ping!]
CORI He misses me. He still cares. BTW, if you miss me so much, ask me out on a date. A movie, dinner, a lecture on the economy. Anything!
[Texting.]
Miss you too, baby. XOXOXO
[Ping!]
GREG She misses me. Yes! How do I respond to that? Something original. Not overly personal, but enough to show her how much she means to me....
[Texting.]
Need to see you—all caps—SOON.
[Ping!]
CORI What’s with the “SOON”? Drive fifteen minutes and you can see me really soon. I’ll even meet you halfway—sooner! How do I say all that in a text without sounding too eager?
[Texting.]
I’d love to see you too. Soon. LMK.
[Ping!]
GREG LMK? I don’t know that one.
CORI Shoot! I used the “L” word. Why did I say, “I’d love to see you soon”?
GREG LMK? Leave me...? Let—me...?
CORI I should have said, “I’d like to see you soon.” Tourette’s!
GREG Know! Let me know!
[GREG’s land line rings. There is a knock on CORI’s door. He answers the phone.]
Hello.
CORI Come in!
[MADDY enters.]
Maddy, what’re you doing here?
MADDY Came to pick up my gym bag. And you. And you’re not ready.
CORI I’m not going.
MADDY You couldn’t have called to tell me?
CORI I texted you.
MADDY No...
CORI Didn’t I?
MADDY No.
CORI Last night I had four glasses of Pinot Grigio for dessert. Then I texted you, put the phone down, and fell asleep. When I woke up this morning, I found my phone in the meat compartment of the refrigerator with a dead battery. I guess I forgot to hit “send.” Sorry.
MADDY You had four glasses of wine—alone?
CORI You say it that way and it sounds like I should be in rehab. Actually it was four mugs. And half a jar of Nutella. He texted me this morning. Finally.
MADDY And you’re going out with him tonight, so you have to start getting ready at nine o’clock in the morning?
CORI Not exactly. I’ll probably never see him again. We’re on a one-way ticket to Nowhere Fast. The beginning of a vague recollection.
MAD
DY You’re breaking up with him?
CORI Not exactly. He just doesn’t seem as interested in me as he used to be.
MADDY He says he adores you. At least, according to all the texts you read to me.
CORI Ten minutes of texting, then radio silence for 120 hours. How does that translate into adoration? I screwed something up and I don’t even know what.
MADDY Nah. The honeymoon’s over. That’s all.
CORI That’s all? That’s tragic!
GREG [Hangs up; returns to cell.] I don’t want to screw this up. I’ll say something romantic, but not too sweet; passionate, but not too graphic. Just enough to keep her engaged.
[Texting.]
I want to kiss and slowly caress every part of your beautiful body; to make intense love to you for—all caps—HOURS. Need to be one with you for—all caps—LIFETIMES.
[Ping!]
I did not just say that in a text.
CORI He said he wants to make love to me. For hours!
MADDY In a text. Let me see that. No. That’s borderline sexting. He’s seducing you with his words.
CORI And this is a problem—why?
MADDY Honey, he’s a man.
CORI No, I think he’s different.
MADDY Put him on the spot. Call him and say, “My place or yours?”
CORI Way too pushy. I’d never do that.
MADDY You’ve already slept with him. What difference does it make?
GREG I was way too pushy. I probably offended her with the verbal foreplay, and makeup sex isn’t even on the table.
CORI The sex. That’s what’s wrong with our relationship.
MADDY No chemistry?
CORI No. Great chemistry. But that’s the extent of our connection. I’m nothing but a booty call. Now that he’s already sampled the goods, there’s no incentive for an enduring relationship. We have nothing to say to each other and nothing in common. I’ve decided I can’t see him anymore.
MADDY You couldn’t see him any less. Where is my gym bag?
CORI I don’t even know his religion.
MADDY Do you even care?
CORI Not really.
MADDY I thought you loved being with him.
CORI What’s not to love?
MADDY Then love him.
CORI Look at how miserable I am.
MADDY So break up with him.
CORI I don’t want to.
MADDY Just make a decision! You’re playing games and you’re giving me a pain-in-the-ass headache. I’m going to yoga class. Where the hell is my bag?
CORI I’m playing games? He’s leading me down a garden path so he can seduce me in the flower bed. Look under the sink in my bathroom.
GREG I crossed the line. How can she take me seriously if she thinks our entire love affair is based on an affair without love?
[Texting.]
Want to kiss your sweet lips. To look into your eyes, to feel your heartbeat.
[Ping!]
CORI I knew it. He’s my soul mate.
MADDY Tell him talk is cheap.
CORI My soul mate? In a text? I don’t think so.
MADDY If he’s your soul mate, wouldn’t he just “get” you?
CORI You can’t hear someone’s inflection when it’s only words.
MADDY [Finds the gym bag.] So add an expressive emoticon.
GREG I sound like a 1960s Hallmark card. I’ve got to convince her of how committed I am to be with her without making her nauseous.
[Texting.]
Cori, are we okay? XO
MADDY [Goes through gym bag.] Did you take my sports bra?
CORI Mine were all dirty and you always keep an extra. Look in the clothes hamper.
MADDY Wear one of your dirty sweaty bras? That’s disgusting!
CORI [Looking for the text.] What’s taking so long?
MADDY He texted you twenty seconds ago. Ten seconds ago he was your soul mate. How much more do you want from the guy?
GREG [Ping!] Damnit!
[Texting.]
Of course we’re okay, Mom. I meant, “Are you okay?”
[After a moment, GREG’s phone pings. Reads message aloud.]
I’m fine, darling. My ankles are swollen, but I’ll live. XO to you too, dear. PS Who is Cori?
[Texting.]
Shit!
[Texting.]
Cori, are we okay? XO
[Ping!]
CORI XO? XO—really? There are supposed to be eight XOs. What happened to the other six? See? His interest is waning.
MADDY You’re ridiculous! Give me the damn phone—and find my bra!
[Grabs the phone and texts.]
Greg, put your money where your mouth is. Show me how much you want me.
CORI You did not! If you hit “send,” I swear, I’m never speaking to you again.
[Taking phone back.]
You didn’t send it, did you?
MADDY Only one way to find out.
GREG All right, taking a huge risk and upping the ante.
[Texting.]
Luv you, baby.
[Ping!]
CORI You sent my text, didn’t you?
MADDY My text. Why?
CORI He’s never said he loves me before.
MADDY He still hasn’t.
CORI Sure he has.
MADDY No. He typed, “L - U - V - U comma baby.” That’s totally different than saying, “I love you, Cori.”
CORI It’s textbook text-speak, Maddy. Shorthand? What should I tell him? What would you say?
MADDY No response is a response.
CORI I want him to know that I feel the same way. If I wait too long, he’ll give up on me. If I text him too soon, he’ll think I have nothing better to do with my time than wait around for his texts.
MADDY Ever thought of telling him the truth?
CORI I’m scared I’ll say something stupid that I’ll end up regretting.
MADDY You say smart things that you end up regretting. Especially when you’re under the influence—
CORI I haven’t been drinking.
MADDY Under the influence of pheromones. Come with me to class and clear your head. Then make a decision.
CORI No, thanks. Pheromones plus endorphins equals a really deadly combination.
[CORI paces, stares at the phone, looks at her watch, looks in the mirror, jots something down, etc. MADDY looks everywhere for her bra. GREG paces, stares at the phone, types on the computer, looks at his watch, etc. This segment goes on in total silence.]
GREG [Texting.] Are you still there?
[Ping!]
CORI Should I answer him? Tell me what to do.
MADDY [Starts to exit.] Answer him. Don’t answer him, but don’t look to me for your answers. Talk to you later.
GREG I wonder if I said too much. Maybe she’s feeling smothered....
CORI I hate ignoring his texts.
MADDY All this insanity because of a man you barely know.
[Ping!]
Let him wait.
CORI A gorgeous man. With a body to die for, and who kisses like—
MADDY What do you really know about him? Not his looks or his tongue technique. What do you know about the man?
CORI I know that...Well, he’s...I mean, he always says that...I guess we don’t talk so much....What happens next?
MADDY One of you calls the other and makes a real, in-person, grown-up date.
[Ping!]
Or not.
CORI Texting is safe. There’s not as much of an investment. He takes me at face value and I’m enough just the way I am.
MADDY He doesn’t know you “just the way you are,” and how can he take you at face value, when he never sees your face?
[Ping!]
CORI He said he loves me.
MADDY Give him a chance to prove it.
CORI What if he doesn’t like me when he gets to know who I really am?
MADDY At least you’ll know where you stand.
CORI I’m scared, Maddy.
I don’t want it to end. Not yet.
MADDY That’s the first really real thing you’ve said all morning.
CORI Let’s go to the gym.
[She leaves the phone behind. They exit.]
GREG I know it doesn’t make any sense, but I’m really falling in love with you, Cori. I only wish I could find the right words to tell you....
[Texting.]
Have a great day.
[Ping!]
• • •
The Request
Vincent Delaney
The Request by Vincent Delaney. Copyright © 2012 by Vincent Delaney. All rights reserved. Reprinted by permission of the author.
CAUTION/ADVICE: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that performance of The Request is subject to a royalty. It is fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America, and of all countries covered by the International Copyright Union (including the Dominion of Canada and the rest of the British Commonwealth), and of all countries covered by the Pan-American Copyright Convention and the Universal Copyright Convention, the Berne Convention, and of all countries with which the United States has reciprocal copyright relations. All rights, including professional and amateur stage performing rights, motion picture, recitation, lecturing, public reading, radio broadcasting, television, video or sound recording, all other forms of mechanical or electronic reproduction, such as CD-ROM, DVD-ROM, information storage and retrieval systems, and photocopying, and the rights of translation into foreign languages, are strictly reserved. Particular emphasis is placed upon the matter of readings, permission for which must be secured from the author’s agent in writing.