Norma L

by Jeff Moberg



  Norma L

  By Jeff Moberg

  Copyright © 2012 Jeff Moberg

  Acknowledgements:

  This book is dedicated to all of the wonderful people in my life:

  My three sons--Bryan, Travis, and Aaron

  Karen

  Mom and Dad

  All of my family

  The staff, students, and families of Shrine of St. Anne’s School

  Aaron Moberg – Cover Design

  A special thanks to Jerry Spinelli--you are the giant the rest of us aspire to be.

  “So shines a good deed in a weary world.”

  -- Willy Wonka (William Shakespeare)

  Chapters

  1. Four Normas

  2. Relentlessly Positive

  3. The Positive Project?

  4. The Parting of the Seas

  5. Survival and the Agony of Defeat

  6. Sacred Sleeping Time

  7. Dan and Dot’s Diner

  8. The Red, White, and Blue Trailer

  9. Bob and Bob Jr.

  10. The Positive Project!

  11. A Day of Rest

  12. Progress Reports

  13. Lunch of Doom

  14. Just Another Day in Paradise

  15. Breathless

  16. The Trees are Planted

  17. A Standing Ovation

  18. The Trees are Unplanted

  19. Showdown—Part One

  20. A Hero

  21. Closed?

  22. Open!

  23. A Bucket of Love

  24. BIG Changes!

  25. Still the Same

  26. The Ginger Curse

  27. The Positively (Not So) Great Party

  28. Logic and the L Word

  29. The Good News

  30. Local, National, Global—or Oxymoron?

  31. A True Hero

  32. Payback’s the B Word (Bummer)!

  33. Dramarama

  34. Doing Time

  35. Real Drama

  36. Heroes and Zeroes

  37. The Importance of Being Anne

  38. Being Norma L

  39. Frozen in Time

  40. The Best Presents in the History of the World

  41. The Bad 7

  42. St*rlight

  43. The Final Showdown

  44. Wanted Presence—Unwanted Present

  45. Still Relentlessly Positive

  46. Shooting Star

  47. Who Knew? (How Could You?)

  48. Broken… but Beautiful

  49. Celebrity, Star, Helper

  50. A Valentine Promise

  51. The Worst Day Ever

  52. Back to the Hospital

  53. The Best Day Ever!

  54. Paying it Back—Paying it Forward

  55. Moving On Up

  56. Who’s Norma L?

  1

  Four Normas

  There were four Normas in Mr. Spinoza’s seventh grade English class. One was the POPULAR Norma–you know the type–chews gum constantly, can’t shut up, knows everyone. One was the ATHLETIC Norma–coordinated, graceful, great at everything. One was the absolutely flawless and BEAUTIFUL Norma–thirteen going on nineteen. And one was the ODDBALL Norma–thirteen going on twelve. Guess which Norma I was?

  Mr. Spinoza was a retired writer (a very successful one), who decided to teach middle school English as his way to give back to the world. He was kind and smart and nice, but he had two quirks that would make my life miserable for 45 minutes each day at Haywood Middle School. He had paired desks--and a seating chart. So the first thing he said to me when I walked into his class on day one was, “Good morning! Check the seating chart, find your seat, and meet your new partner for the year!” Why would any teacher think that you wanted to sit right next to someone for an entire year?

  Having no choice, I checked the seating chart for my name. I saw the popular Norma (Norma P)–she was sitting next to Amanda (who was also popular). That made sense. Then I saw the athletic Norma (Norma A)–she was sitting next to Derrick (the basketball star). I guess that made sense, too. Then I found the absolutely flawless and beautiful Norma (Norma B)–she was sitting next to Taylor (every girl at Haywood Middle School was in love with him). Lucky her. I kept looking for my own name and didn’t see it until I looked at the bottom of the chart. There I was—Norma L. I was sitting next to Luke. Luke Krattenmucker. The dorkiest kid in the universe. I quickly glanced back at the other Normas to see if I had read it wrong:

  Norma P/ Amanda

  Norma A/Derrick

  Norma B/Taylor

  Norma L/ Luke

  Nope. No mistake. There seemed to be a pattern of how Mr. Spinoza arranged his seating chart and paired his students. I prayed that I could move to another seat.

  Or another school.

  Or another planet.

  “Take a seat,” Mr. Spinoza was saying. “And say hello to your new English partner for seventh grade.”

  I took my seat and tried to look straight ahead. Luke turned to me and smiled. “Yo,” he said as I was blinded by flaming red hair and a million bright, shiny wires. “I’m The Lukester. What’s your name?”

  I tried to say it, but I couldn’t speak. All of the other Normas–and everyone else in the class–was staring at me. I thought, my name is Norma L–and the only thing I ever wanted in life was to be normal.

  2

  Relentlessly Positive

  Day two wasn’t much better than day one. Mr. Spinoza told us that we would be doing a project with our new partners–and that it would take several weeks to complete. He also told us that we would be spending a lot of time together. Norma P and Amanda said “OMG!” at the same time. Norma A and Derrick high-fived. And Norma B sure looked happy sitting next to Taylor.

  I looked over at who was sitting next to me—my partner--the person I would be spending a lot of time with. Luke was wearing a Star Trek t-shirt that said, ‘LIVE LONG AND PROSPER’. And there was a picture of Spock doing the weird hand thing with the fingers spread apart. I cringed.

  Mr. Spinoza wrote the word POSITIVE on the front board. “What does this word mean?” he asked. Amanda’s hand shot up. He glanced at the seating chart. “Let’s see… Amanda. What do you think it means?”

  “It means sure,” she said confidently. “If you’re positive about something, it means you’re sure.” She was sure she had the right answer.

  “OK… good answer.” Mr. Spinoza didn’t seem so sure. He looked around the room of half-awake seventh graders. English was first period and it was an unmerciful 7:30 in the morning. Norma P was awake. She had a Starbucks Frapasomething on her desk. She raised her hand halfway. Mr. Spinoza looked at the seating chart again and nodded. “Norma… P. Go ahead.”

  “Isn’t positive a blood type? Like O-Positive?” She also seemed sure that her answer was correct. Again, Mr. Spinoza didn’t seem quite as sure. “Hmm… that’s true I guess. I’ll accept that. Anyone else?” Derrick’s arms were stretched out above his head. “What about you, Derrick? What do you think?”

  “Huh?” was Derrick’s response. Apparently, he was just stretching.

  I could see n
ext to me that Luke’s hand was barely lifted above his desk. Barely. I hoped and prayed that Mr. Spinoza wouldn’t see it. I didn’t want any attention in our unfortunate direction. Unfortunately, Mr. Spinoza noticed. “Luke… I mean The Lukester (Luke had actually asked Mr. Spinoza to call him The Lukester). What do you think positive means?”

  Luke cleared his throat. Everyone turned their heads to stare at us in the back of the classroom. I cringed again. This was going to be the worst answer ever. “Positive means to look at something in a good way. To see the glass as half-full instead of half-empty. To be kind and treat people good. To be a nice person.”

  Mr. Spinoza was stunned. “Thank you, The Lukester. I couldn’t have said it any better myself.”

  The Lukester was smiling. And for the first time in our new seventh-grade year, I smiled too.

  3

  The Positive Project?

  Our project was to do a report on something ‘positive’ in the world. It could be local or national or global. It could be about something at home or a person you knew (or knew of). It could even be about a thing or an idea or a philosophy–as long as it was something ‘positive’. Then, after writing the report (Ugg! I hated writing reports!), we had to come up with some sort of display or demonstration or presentation to illustrate our idea.

  We all sat there looking clueless as Mr. Spinoza explained.

  “I don’t get it,” said Taylor as he yawned. Taylor was either constantly tired or constantly bored. I think he was too cool or too good-looking (or both) to care about real life. He seemed to know that things would just come easily to him. Twenty-two other tired seventh graders also yawned--and also didn’t get it (including me). One student didn’t yawn–and seemed to not only get it, but was genuinely happy about it. Yep, you guessed it–my new partner. How could anyone be so happy and chipper at 7:30 in the morning?

  Unfortunately, Mr. Spinoza was vague about specific directions or instructions–and there was no rubric to follow. “You figure it out,” he said. “You’re smarter than you think. Be creative.”

  That was easy for him to say. After all, he was a brilliant, award-winning author. It was kind of weird having a famous writer as a teacher. I remember checking out one of his books from the library in fifth grade. It was about this crazy kid who never stopped running and how he was able to change an entire community--in a positive way–just by speaking his mind and standing up for what he thought was right. It was my favorite book ever. I couldn’t stop reading it after the first page. My mom was amazed when I finished it in one day. It was the first time that I had ever read a whole book without being nagged or bribed or threatened or tortured. Ever since that day, I had loved to read. I wanted to thank Mr. Spinoza for writing that book–but I was too embarrassed. Maybe someday I would.

  “I know!” said Luke suddenly, breaking me out of my daydream.

  “Huh?”

  “I know! I know exactly what we should do for our project!”

  “Oh,” I said, coming back to life. “What is it, Luke?”

  “The Lukester. Not Luke. Only my mom calls me Luke. I am (he paused for dramatic effect)… The Lukester.”

  I looked at him like he was completely insane. And then a thought occurred to me. You know, if that’s all it takes to make you happy--just to call you a dorky name--then I guess I can do that.

  “OK (I also paused for dramatic effect)… The Lukester. What is your idea?”

  I heard a nearby snicker from Derrick. “More like The Dorkster!” Norma A laughed.

  “Or The Geekster!” said Taylor. Norma B laughed.

  Mr. Spinoza cleared his voice--loudly. There would be no more “or’s”.

  The Lukester ignored them and smiled a big smile. “Trees,” was all he said.

  4

  The Parting of the Seas

  Several times a day--specifically during passing periods--an event occurred that was known to the students of Haywood Middle School as, ‘The Parting of the Seas’.

  All middle schools have certain essential elements:

  Students

  Teachers

  Administrators

  Classrooms

  A gym

  A cafeteria

  A janitor

  And a bully

  You know the type--big, mean, rotten. I could never understand the mind of a bully. Why would anyone get up every morning and want to make someone else’s life miserable? I mean, didn’t they realize that life was hard enough for some middle school kids without having their foreheads bounced off a locker before math class? Didn’t they know it wasn’t that fun to get a wedgie after climbing the rope and running 10 laps in gym class? Didn’t they realize that it was difficult enough getting from one end of the building to another between classes without being tripped and sent sprawling down the hallway--with your backpack flying in one direction and your pocket protector in another?

  Unfortunately, for all of the students at Haywood Middle School (nerds and normal kids alike), we didn’t have a bully. Oh, no--that would have been way too simple. Much too easy.

  We had two bullies.

  That’s right.

  Two.

  Sperry and McGurk.

  They were both big, they were both mean–and they were both completely rotten to the core. And to make things even worse, they worked together. They were inseparable. This made them doubly big, doubly mean, doubly rotten--and doubly unstoppable. They literally ruled the hallways of Haywood. Whenever they came walking down the halls (slowly and ominously)–the sea of Haywood’s other students quickly parted. Everyone would stand nervously to the side–hoping desperately that they wouldn’t be noticed.

  Being noticed by Sperry and McGurk was not a good thing. Every Friday, they gave out an award called, ‘The Geek of the Week’. This was accomplished in four frightening steps. First, they would choose an unfortunate victim. Next, while Sperry would hold the poor soul from behind, McGurk would loudly proclaim, “Of all the nerds we’ve seen this week, you are by far, the biggest geek!” Then, Sperry would deliver several stinging noogies to the back of the head. And finally, to finish the job, McGurk would punch the victim in the stomach. They would walk away laughing--leaving a wake of devastation and destruction behind.

  No one ever dared to stop them.

  No one ever dared to snitch on them.

  And no one ever dared to stand up to them.