“Have you ever smashed pennies on a train track before?” I had asked him.
“No,” he said, like he was stating the obvious.
“Oh, it's really cool because the penny gets all flat and shiny. It's fun to go find the pennies afterward because the train deflects them everywhere. I do it all of the time at Jalama. I'll bring you back some.”
Now I am walking along the train track, which runs along a cliff by the beach. I breathe in deeply; I can almost taste the salt in the air. From where I am walking, I have an excellent view. I can see the beach extending for miles in both directions. The water is a steel-greyish blue, and I can see a kelp bed not too far offshore. Seagulls are circling above it, looking for tasty tidbits. I can hear the sound of seals barking on the wind. I strain my eyes, searching to see the seals, but I can't see them anywhere. So, I settle for watching the waves rolling in and listening to their peaceful, rhythmic crashing and receding. I am taken by a sense of tranquility when a gust of wind blows, and I can taste the salt in the air. I soak it all in, feeling my spirit embrace the serenity surrounding me.
The peaceful moment slowly comes to pass as my mind wanders to reflecting upon the fact that tomorrow I will be returning home, to all of the drama. I can't decide if I am looking forward to it or if I would rather stay in seclusion forever. The latter seems much more appealing. But either way, I have no choice. School will be starting up again after the craziest summer of my life.
Despite how helpful he was during the aftermath of my party, Cody has decided he hates me. He said something about how he thinks I am a hypocrite. Since Shane is Cody's best friend, I have lost his friendship as well. Looking back on it, Tyler was right; I really did lose most of my friends. During the biggest test of friendship ever, everybody 'showed their true colors,' as Kira would have put it. I have discovered that most of my friendships were weak, that Ramon was my only true friend.
Kira and I will never be close again. I believed she was a great friend, and the night of my party she was there for me. But, well, she was very closed-minded towards Ramon, constantly accusing him regardless of the truth. And, she was closed-minded towards me, jumping to conclusions instead of talking to me, as best friends should. She only cares about living and creating drama. Once she told me that “it is fun to play with people's emotions. It spices things up a bit.” Back then, I didn't realize how committed she was to this supposed ideal. But now I see that Kira is really a shallow, dangerous bitch with too much time on her hands. I am better off without her.
But then, there is Ramon. He doesn't hate me, like most everyone. He's remained loyal to me when no one else did. Now we don't have to go sneaking around, pretending not to be friends because everyone knows we are. I promised him I would bring him back some smashed pennies.
With this thought, I reach into my pocket to see what change I have. I am surprised to see that I have five pennies; normally I don't carry change at all. This is perfect. I place the pennies along the track, and step away, already hearing a train coming. Perfect timing. It is a short Amtrak train, but those still do the job of smashing. As it approaches, I can hear it roaring through the wind and honking its horn. As it gets closer, the roaring gets louder. I brace myself as the train passes by, attempting to protect myself from the slipstream. As the air churns, I feel leaves and other loose bits getting blown up into my eyes. I close them as fast as possible, but can still feel the bits striking against me like little bullets. Fortunately, this is just a short commuter train, and as soon as this torrent started, it subsides as the train rushes by. Now is the safest time for me to collect my pennies. There's usually at least an hour between trains. Watching the train disappear, I prance back over to reclaim the pennies. Even though I know the train is going in the opposite direction, it still feels uncomfortable to be so close to one. I can feel that the tracks are still vibrating from the force of the train. I find four of my pennies, which I am fine with because I never expect to find all of the coins I put out. I admire how shiny the pennies are before placing them back in my pocket, to safe-keep for Ramon.
With a sudden twang, I miss Ramon more than I can put into words. I want to talk to him so badly, and I glance down the hill to where the pay phones are. But I realize, I used up all of my change, not that I had enough to make a phone call to start out with. I tell myself to just wait until I get home tomorrow. Just one more day.
The first thing I do when I get home, before I even put down my luggage, is go onto AIM. Ramon is online! My luck can't get better. I ask him if I can come over and see him, and to my overwhelming happiness, Ramon assents.
My hair is still windblown and salty, and I'm still covered in sunscreen, but I run right to my car anyway. “But, you haven't even taken a shower yet!” my mom yells at me as I leave through the front door.
I can see Ramon through his front door, which is wide open, and he is in the back yard punching his punching bag. I ring the doorbell anyway; Ramon looks up and grins. He beckons me to come, so I enter his house. Ramon is wearing a loose white shirt and blue sweat pants.
I fish around in my pockets and clasp the pennies I so diligently brought home for him. “Here, I brought this back for you,” I say, handing him the pennies.
Ramon takes off one of his boxing gloves, and starts inspecting the pennies. “A train smashed these?” he says, looking incredulous.
“Yeah, I wanted to give you some because I was telling you about smashing the pennies.” I want him to understand why I brought them for him. Ramon nods his head, looking pleased, and pockets the pennies.
He puts the boxing glove back on and gives the bag a few more punches. Then he stops and looks at me, “Try punching the bag. Punch it as hard as you can.”
I suddenly feel put on the spot. I don't want to looks like a dumb-ass right in front of Ramon. “No! That's okay.”
“Just try it. I want to see how hard you can punch. Just imagine Tyler's head right here.” He indicates a spot on the bag at about where I should hit it.
“No, that's awful. I can't hit anyone,” I tell him, pleading to be let off the hook. “You're just going to laugh at me.”
“I won't. I promise. I'm the only one here, so it doesn't matter,” he insists.
Ramon seems steadfast; there is no getting out of this. “Okay…,” I gripe.
Ramon steps aside to allow me full access to the punching bag. I face it, think about what I'm doing, and break down in a fit of giggles. Ramon rolls his eyes at me, so I calm down and face the bag again. I hit it with all my might. The punching bag hardly moves. The muscles in my upper back start screaming at me, so I start rubbing them right away.
“That hurt?!?” he says, almost mocking me.
“No, I'm just rubbing,” I jeer back.
I expect Ramon to roll his eyes again, but I'm surprised when I look at him. For a second, a glimmer of affection crosses his eyes. I have never seen him look at me that way, and it's surprising. I tell myself that it's nothing. Ramon always gives me signs that he likes me and then denies any feelings for me.
But there is a sudden change in the atmosphere. “I missed you while I was gone. The whole time I was there, I was wishing you were there too,” I tell him. My heart starts speeding up.
Ramon looks bashful.
“Did you miss me?” I ask tentatively, looking closely at him. Realizing that this question is too intimate for a friend to ask, I rephrase it, “Did you think about me at all?”
“Yeah,” he says, turning reserved, like he is trying to hide something. I tell myself not to dwell on it; he's always reserved.
It is dusk, and I notice the way the late summer light is illuminating Ramon's face, making him look so wonderful, like he's glowing with the radiance of the sun. I can feel my heart skip a beat.
Way too soon, our moment of Zen is broken when Ramon's family starts eating dinner. I decide the polite thing for me to do is to go home and let them have their family time. When I get home, all I can think about is how much I s
till want to talk to Ramon. After not seeing him for so long, our small chat was not enough to satiate my longing for his company. So, I go back onto AIM, and I'm thrilled to see that Ramon is online as well. We chat for a bit again, and then Scott comes online. At almost the same time, Ramon says that he is going to sign off. To joke around I say,
Mackenzie: good night, honey
jk
I'm hoping Ramon doesn't think much of this.
Ramon: lol
baby, good night
He signs offline without saying that he is joking at all. Did he mean the sentiment, or was he just joking back? Regardless, I feel all warm inside. I still don't want to sign off of AIM, so I start talking to Scott:
Mackenzie: i found out who ramon was going to ask to walk with him at his last championship
I feel like bragging a little bit.
Scott: who was it?
Mackenzie: me
Scott: its so obvious that ramon likes u
Wait, WHAT? Since when has that been obvious?!?!
Mackenzie: what?!?!
ramon likes me?
Scott: thats what i think
me and eleena
we have talked about it and we agree
For a second I pause to remember who Eleena is, and then remember she's Ramon's sister. I have certainly gotten the vibe that Ramon likes me before, but according to him, that's not true. How could this be any different?
Mackenzie: has ramon told u so?
Scott: no
i asked him once
he wouldnt say anything
he just looked away
Mackenzie: y hasnt he done anything about it?
ramon has known for the longest time that i like him
Maybe Ramon really did look at me with the affection that I thought I had imagined.
Scott: have u told him that u dont like him?
Mackenzie: no!
actually, i think i did
I told him something to this effect when I was trying to convince myself, and everyone else, that I didn't like Ramon anymore. Suddenly this seems like it was a really stupid tactic.
Scott: then u need 2 do something 2 let ramon kno u like him
Mackenzie: but ive done EVERYTHING!
what else can i do?
help me, scott!
Scott: have u done things like sit next to him
call him up
flirt with him?
Mackenzie: yes! i have
nothing works
what else can i do?
This is starting to feel like I'm just running into another brick wall with Ramon.
Scott: do u and ramon ever do anything unusual?
Mackenzie: yes
we give each other massages
It's been over a month since our last massage, I realize with a twang.
Scott: invite ramon over sometime when nobody is home
offer to give him a massage on his rib
the doctor ordered him to get massages
Mackenzie: i always ask ramon to give me a massage
I used to always initiate our massage sessions by asking him to give me a massage. Wouldn't it be weird if all of the sudden I do something different?
Scott: dont do that this time
then massage ramon under his shirt
put both of ur hands under ramons shirt
Mackenzie: OMG thats so scary
i will do it
My hands start to shake as I try to type. It is different hearing this from one of Ramon's best friends than from my sister and her boyfriend.
Scott: after a while, if ramon doesnt say anything kiss him on the back of his neck
if he still doesnt say anything
keep kissing him until he kisses u
then I will leave the rest up to u guys
Can this actually work?
Mackenzie: this is so scary
r u sure that ramon likes me?
Scott: yes. im like 95% sure
seriously, u should do it
if it doesn't work out, then u havent lost anything
if it does, then we will all b the better 4 it
I know that Ramon won't start acting strange or anything if it doesn't work out, because we always seem to pull through when something uncomfortable happens.
Mackenzie: ok i will
i promise
Some butterflies are making an appearance inside my stomach again.
Scott: does ramon have anything of urs that he needs 2 return?
Instantly I remember I leant Ramon my copy of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone in my attempt to get him to read.
Mackenzie: ya, he has my book
What could Scott be getting at now?
Scott: ask ramon to return the book
when will ur mom b out?
u dont want her home when he comes
Mackenzie: my mom has 2 stay late at work tomorrow
she has a meeting
i dont think she will b back till 8
Scott: ok perfect
call ramon after 3 tomorrow cuz he works till then
ask him 2 bring over ur book
also DONT tell ramon that i talked 2 u
that would b bad
promise me u wont tell him!
Mackenzie: ok, I promise
thank u sooo much scott!
The next day starts as planned for the most part. Once Ramon is over, my sister seems to know what is going on, so she keeps being a brat and knocking on my door and requesting to talk to me. She seems to have perfect timing so that every time I am about to move to the hands-under-shirt step, she interrupts, and it's always with a mundane question like “What do you think of my outfit.” Hello! The door is closed for a reason! The first couple times she does this, I ask Ramon if he would like me to continue, worrying that the whole plan is ruined. But, by the last time Rachel interrupts us, I have finally started massaging under the shirt, and Ramon is the one who asks me, “Continue?” This must be a good sign that he's enjoying what's going on despite Rachel's interruptions.
I hear Rachel leave for work, and now I know it is safe to move onto my next step. With a surge of adrenaline, the butterflies beating wildly against my ribs, I bend over and kiss Ramon on the neck, right under his hairline. His skin is so soft. I pause, gauging Ramon's response. He doesn't say anything or move, so I kiss him again a couple more times, wondering how long I am going to have to do this for him to respond. As it turns out, I don't have to wait long because he has started turning his head to the side, and I know he wants to kiss me back. I start kissing down along his cheek, and push up so that he has space to turn around. Ramon turns, and kisses me right on the lips. It is the best kiss I have ever received. And really, the first kiss I've ever wanted to receive. His lips are so soft and juicy, and he doesn't try to jam his tongue down my throat like Tyler did. His breath doesn't smell bad either. Even though I've been expecting it, Ramon's kiss still startles me. It feels sweeter than I could have ever imagined.
Just as I feel our lips start to separate after our first kiss, he kisses me again, and again. I've been massaging him this whole time. And now, Ramon has started touching me too, underneath my shirt, but with a different touch than I have ever experienced before. He's touching me with a gentle tenderness, like my body is precious, and he's curious to explore my every last curve. I adjust the way I am stroking his body to reflect how Ramon is touching mine. Instantly, I can feel Ramon's response as he takes a sharp breath, his body flinching in delight. I can understand why because my body is on fire with anticipation as well, wondering where he's going to touch next. He touches my butt through my shorts, and even though it is not direct skin contact, I feel my body flinch because it's like his fingers have set off an electric shock through my skin and muscles. He feels under my shirt at my bare shoulders, and I feel myself reaching around and touching his strong back as well. I have slid off to the side of Ramon, but the whole time we are passionately kissing like neither of us ever has kisse
d before.
Our shirts start to get in the way of where we are trying to touch, and soon they come off, tossed to the floor with little thought. Rather than feeling nervous, it feels more like a relief to be able to touch and love him the way I want, without our shirts standing between us. Ramon nudges me to go on top of him, and I feel myself gasp at feeling his bare torso on my own. He fumbles with my bra clasp, and soon it falls to the side. My breasts brush against his chest. They feel like clouds kissing the top of a mountain.
We pause for a breath, and with both of my breasts nestled against his body, I say quietly in Ramon's ear, “Now would you consider yourself my boyfriend?”
Without pausing, Ramon says, “Yes.” And we continue with our passionate involvement.
We sit up, and Ramon caresses my breasts, cupping them with curious, rough, hands. My whole body is trembling as pleasure reverberates throughout every single nerve in my body.
CREAK!!! The garage door is opening. My mom is home. Already!? Even though my door is closed and locked, our mood has been destroyed. It's like we've just fallen from the sky and hit the ground with a SMACK! Ramon shoots up, and I cover myself with the comforter. Frantically, he reaches around on the floor and hands my garments to me. He covers himself back up, and once I am done redressing my top half, I wrap my arms around his neck.
“I need to sneak you out of here,” I whisper to him, our foreheads together. At this moment, I hear my mom go into the bathroom. “Come now; she always takes a long time in the bathroom.”
“Are you sure?” Ramon asks.
“YES. Come.” I hold his hand and lead him out of the house.
We stand by his car to say farewell. The street lamps are illuminating us enough that I can just see his face. We kiss sweet kisses again. A car drives by, its bright lights flashing onto us. We pause, blinded for a second, with his arms around my waist, and mine around his neck, our cheeks pressed together, watching the car pass and pull into a neighbor's driveway.
The Convenience of Lies Page 18