The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)
Page 63
if you will not, tarry at home and be hang'd.
But, my lads, my lads, tomorrow morning, at four o'clock,
be early to Gad's Hill!There are pilgrims going to Canterbury
with rich donations, and traders coming to London with fat
purses: I have masks for all of you; you have your own horses;
Gadshill is stopping at Rochester tonight: I have ordered
supper in Eastcheap tomorrow night: we can do it
safe as sleeping.If you come, I will fill your purses with money;
if you won't, stay at home and be hanged.
FAL.
Hear ye, Yedward; if I tarry at home and go not, I'll hang you
for going.
Listen to me, Edward; if I stay at home and don't show, I'll
hang you for going.
POINTZ.
You will, chops?
Will you, fatty?
FAL.
Hal, wilt thou make one?
Hal, will you join us?
PRINCE.
Who, I rob? I a thief? not I, by my faith.
What, me steal?Be a thief?I swear I won't.
FAL.
There's neither honesty, manhood, nor good fellowship in thee,
nor thou camest not of the blood royal, if thou darest not stand
for ten shillings.
There's no honesty, manhood or friendliness in you,
and you can't have royal blood, if you're afraid to hold
somebody up for ten shillings.
PRINCE.
Well, then, once in my days I'll be a madcap.
Well then, for once in my life I'll be reckless.
FAL.
Why, that's well said.
Good for you.
PRINCE.
Well, come what will, I'll tarry at home.
But whatever happens, I'm stopping at home.
FAL.
By the Lord, I'll be a traitor, then, when thou art king.
Then I swear when you’re king I'll be a traitor.
PRINCE.
I care not.
I don't care.
POINTZ.
Sir John, I pr'ythee, leave the Prince and me alone: I will
lay him down such reasons for this adventure, that he shall go.
Sir John, I beg you, leave me and the prince alone: I will
show him such good reasons for this adventure that he will come.
FAL.
Well, God give thee the spirit of persuasion, and him the ears
of profiting, that what thou speakest may move, and what he
hears may be believed, that the true Prince may, for recreation-
sake, prove a false thief; for the poor abuses of the time want
countenance. Farewell; you shall find me in Eastcheap.
Good, may God give you the skills to persuade, and him the ears
to listen to what's good for him, so that what you say moves him,
and so he believes what he hears, so that the true Prince may, for fun,
be a dishonest thief; for the injustices of the time want
sorting out.Farewell; you'll find me in Eastcheap.
PRINCE.
Farewell, thou latter Spring! farewell, All-hallown Summer!
Farewell, you late spring.Farewell, you Indian summer!
[Exit Falstaff.]
POINTZ.
Now, my good sweet honey-lord, ride with us to-morrow:I
have a jest to execute that I cannot manage alone. Falstaff,
Bardolph, Peto, and Gadshill, shall rob those men that we have
already waylaid:yourself and I will not be there; and when they
have the booty, if you and I do not rob them, cut this head off
from my shoulders.
Now, my good sweet as honey lord, ride with us tomorrow: I
have a joke to play that I can't do alone.Falstaff,
Bardolph, Peto and Gadshill will rob these men we have already
planned for: you and I will not be there; and when they have the plunder,
if you and I can't then rob them, chop my head off.
PRINCE.
But how shall we part with them in setting forth?
But how will we split away from them?
POINTZ.
Why, we will set forth before or after them, and appoint them
a place of meeting, wherein it is at our pleasure to fail; and
then will they adventure upon the exploit themselves; which they
shall have no sooner achieved but we'll set upon them.
Why, we'll set out before or after them, and arrange to meet
them somewhere, and we won't turn up; and
then they will take on the job themselves; and no sooner
than they've done it we'll attack them.
PRINCE.
Ay, but 'tis like that they will know us by our horses, by our
habits, and by every other appointment, to be ourselves.
Yes, but they'll probably recognise us by our horses, our
clothes, and every other sign.
POINTZ.
Tut! our horses they shall not see,--I'll tie them in the wood;
our visards we will change, after we leave them; and, sirrah, I
have cases of buckram for the nonce, to immask our noted
outward garments.
Tut!They won't see our horses - I'll tie them up in the wood;
we'll change our masks, after we have seen them; and, sir, I
have canvas overalls which we can use to cover up
our identifiable clothes.
PRINCE.
But I doubt they will be too hard for us.
But surely we can't overpower them?
POINTZ.
Well, for two of them, I know them to be as true-bred
cowards as ever turn'd back; and for the third, if he fight
longer than he sees reason, I'll forswear arms. The virtue of
this jest will be, the incomprehensible lies that this same fat
rogue will tell us when we meet at supper: how thirty, at least,
he fought with; what wards, what blows, what extremities he
endured; and in the reproof of this lies the jest.
Well, I know that two of them are the biggest cowards
who ever ran away; as for the third, if he fights when
he sees he can't win, I'll give up fighting.The great thing
in this joke will be listening to the incredible lies of
this fat rogue when we meet at supper; how he fought at least
thirty men; what defence, what attacks, what terrible things
he suffered; showing him to be a liar will be the joke.
PRINCE.
Well, I'll go with thee:provide us all things necessary and
meet me to-night in Eastcheap; there I'll sup. Farewell.
Well, I'll go with you: get all the things we need and
meet me tonight in Eastcheap; I'll dine there.Farewell.
POINTZ.
Farewell, my lord.
Farewell, my lord.
[Exit.]
PRINCE.
I know you all, and will awhile uphold
The unyok'd humour of your idleness:
Yet herein will I imitate the Sun,
Who doth permit the base contagious clouds
To smother-up his beauty from the world,
That, when he please again to be himself,
Being wanted, he may be more wonder'd at,
By breaking through the foul and ugly mists
Of vapours that did seem to strangle him.
If all the year were playing holidays,
To sport would be as tedious as to work;
But, when they seldom come, they wish'd-for come,
And nothing pleaseth but rare accidents.
So, when this loose behaviour I throw off,
And pay the debt I never promised,
By how much better
than my word I am,
By so much shall I falsify men's hopes;
And, like bright metal on a sullen ground,
My reformation, glittering o'er my fault,
Shall show more goodly and attract more eyes
Than that which hath no foil to set it off.
I'll so offend, to make offence a skill;
Redeeming time, when men think least I will.
I know what you're all like, and for a while
I'll tolerate your lazy unchecked desires:
but in doing this I'll be like the sun,
who allows low pestilent clouds
to hide his beauty from the world,
so that when he wants to be himself again
he is more loved through his absence,
when he breaks through the foul ugly mist
and fog which seemed to strangle him.
If every day of the year was a holiday,
play would be as dull as work;
but when you don't have many, you look forward to them,
and nothing pleases like something out of the ordinary.
So, when I put a stop to this immoral behaviour,
and fulfil the promise I don't show now,
I shall be much better than men think,
I'll lower all their expectations;
like bright metal on a dull background,
my reformation, shining against my faults,
will look better and attract more people
than something which has no contrast to set it off.
I'll offend in a way which will be beneficial,
making amends when men least expect it.
[Exit.]
[Enter King Henry, Northumberland, Worcester, Hotspur, Sir Walter
Blunt, and others.]
KING.
My blood hath been too cold and temperate,
Unapt to stir at these indignities,
And you have found me; for, accordingly,
You tread upon my patience:but be sure
I will from henceforth rather be myself,
Mighty and to be fear'd, than my condition,
Which hath been smooth as oil, soft as young down,
And therefore lost that title of respect
Which the proud soul ne'er pays but to the proud.
I have been too patient and calm,
not reacting to these outrages,
and you have found me so; for you
are abusing my patience: but rest assured
from now on I will fit my position,
be mighty and fearsome, rather than follow my nature,
which has made me smooth as oil, soft as ducklings' feathers,
and so I have lost the respect
which the proud only ever give to their own kind.
WOR.
Our House, my sovereign liege, little deserves
The scourge of greatness to be used on it;
And that same greatness too which our own hands
Have holp to make so portly.
Our family, my royal lord, hardly deserves
to be attacked with such greatness;
the same greatness which we ourselves
helped to its current position.
NORTH.
My good lord,--
My good lord-
KING.
Worcester, get thee gone; for I do see
Danger and disobedience in thine eye:
O, sir, your presence is too bold and peremptory,
And majesty might never yet endure
The moody frontier of a servant brow.
You have good leave to leave us:when we need
Your use and counsel, we shall send for you.
[Exit Worcester.]
[To Northumberland.]
You were about to speak.
Worcester, get out; for I can see
threats and disobedience in your eyes:
oh, sir, you are too arrogant and bossy,
and a king might never see again such
angry defiance in a subject's frown.
You have my permission to go: when I need
you or your advice, I'll send for you.
You were about to speak.
NORTH.
Yea, my good lord.
Those prisoners in your Highness' name demanded,
Which Harry Percy here at Holmedon took,
Were, as he says, not with such strength denied
As is deliver'd to your Majesty:
Either envy, therefore, or misprision
Is guilty of this fault, and not my son.
Yes, my good lord.
Those prisoners which your Majesty requested,
which Harry Percy captured here at Holmedon;
he didn't, he says, deny your request in such
strong terms as your majesty has been told:
it's either jealousy or some misunderstanding that has
created this fault, not my son.
HOT.
My liege, I did deny no prisoners.
But, I remember, when the fight was done,
When I was dry with rage and extreme toil,
Breathless and faint, leaning upon my sword,
Came there a certain lord, neat, trimly dress'd,
Fresh as a bridegroom; and his chin new reap'd
Show'd like a stubble-land at harvest-home:
He was perfumed like a milliner;
And 'twixt his finger and his thumb he held
A pouncet-box, which ever and anon
He gave his nose, and took't away again;
Who therewith angry, when it next came there,
Took it in snuff:and still he smiled and talk'd;
And, as the soldiers bore dead bodies by,
He call'd them untaught knaves, unmannerly,
To bring a slovenly unhandsome corse
Betwixt the wind and his nobility.
With many holiday and lady terms
He question'd me; amongst the rest, demanded
My prisoners in your Majesty's behalf.
I then, all smarting with my wounds being cold,
Out of my grief and my impatience
To be so pester'd with a popinjay,
Answer'd neglectingly, I know not what,--
He should, or he should not; for't made me mad
To see him shine so brisk, and smell so sweet,
And talk so like a waiting-gentlewoman
Of guns and drums and wounds,--God save the mark!--
And telling me the sovereign'st thing on Earth
Was parmaceti for an inward bruise;
And that it was great pity, so it was,
This villainous salt-petre should be digg'd
Out of the bowels of the harmless earth,
Which many a good tall fellow had destroy'd
So cowardly; and, but for these vile guns,
He would himself have been a soldier.
This bald unjointed chat of his, my lord,
I answered indirectly, as I said;
And I beseech you, let not his report
Come current for an accusation
Betwixt my love and your high Majesty.
My Lord, I didn't refuse to deliver any prisoners,
but I remember, when the battle was over,
when I was dry with rage, and extreme effort,
breathless and faint, leaning upon my sword,
a certain Lord came, neatly and primly dressed,
fresh as a bridegroom, with his newly shaved chin
looking like a cornfield at harvest time.
He was perfumed like a haberdasher,
and between his finger and thumb he held
a scent box, which every now and again
he held to his nose, and then removed–
and then the next time his nose was offended
he took it as snuff–and still he smiled and talked:
and as the soldiers carried the dead bodies past,
he called
them ignorant knaves, ill mannered,
for bringing dirty ugly corpses into the presence of his nobility.
He questioned me with many highflown
terms, and in the process demanded
my prisoners on your Majesty's behalf.
Then I, suffering from my wounds,
being pestered with such a prattler,
answered without thinking, I don't know what,
he should or shouldn't do, for it made me angry
to see him shining so brightly and smelling so sweet,
talking like a lady's maid
about guns, and drums, and wounds, God help us!
He told me that the best thing on earth
for internal bruising was spermaceti,
and that it was a great pity, indeed it was,
that evil saltpetre should be dug
out of the innards of the harmless earth,
destroying so many good tall fellows
in such a cowardly way, and that if it wasn't for these horrible guns
he would have been a soldier himself.
This empty rambling chat of his, my lord,
I answered without thinking, as I said,
and I beg you, don't let his report
be used to accuse me of lacking
in any love for your high Majesty.
BLUNT.
The circumstance consider'd, good my lord,
Whatever Harry Percy then had said
To such a person, and in such a place,
At such a time, with all the rest re-told,
May reasonably die, and never rise
To do him wrong, or any way impeach
What then he said, so he unsay it now.
When you consider the circumstances, my good lord,
whatever Harry Percy had said then
to such a person, and in such a place,
at such a time, with everything else that's been said,