The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)
Page 71
PRINCE.
Let's see what they be:read them.
Let's see what they are: read them.
POINTZ.
[reads]
Item, A capon, . . . . . . . . .2s. 2d.
Item, Sauce, . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4d.
Item, Sack two gallons ,. . . 5s. 8d.
Item, Anchovies and sack after supper,2s. 6d.
Item, Bread, . . . . . . . . . . . . . .ob.
Item, a chicken, two shillings and twopence.
Item, sauce, fourpence.
Item, sack, two gallons, five shillings and eightpence.
Item, anchovies and sack after supper, two shillings and sixpence.
Item, bread, halfpenny.
PRINCE.
O monstrous! but one half-pennyworth of bread to this intolerable
deal of sack! What there is else, keep close; we'll read it at more
advantage:there let him sleep till day.
I'll to the Court in the morning. We must all to the wars, and thy
place shall be honourable. I'll procure this fat rogue a charge of
foot; and I know his death will be a march of twelve-score. The money
shall be paid back again with advantage. Be with me betimes in the
morning; and so, good morrow, Pointz.
O monstrous! Just one halfpenny's worth of bread for this intolerable
quantity of sack! Hang onto whatever else there is; will read it when we have more time: let him sleep there until daylight.
I'll go to the court in the morning. We must all go to the wars, and you shall have
an honourable position. I'll get this fat rogue command of a company
of infantry; I know he'll be dead within twelve paces. The money
shall be paid back with interest. Come to me early in the morning;
and so, good day, Pointz.
POINTZ.
Good morrow, good my lord.
Good day, my good lord.
[Exeunt.]
[Enter Hotspur, Worcester, Mortimer, and Glendower.]
MORT.
These promises are fair, the parties sure,
And our induction full of prosperous hope.
These promises are fair, the parties are loyal,
and this opening shows every chance of success.
HOT.
Lord Mortimer,--and cousin Glendower,--Will you sit down?--
And uncle Worcester,--A plague upon it!I have forgot the map.
Lord Mortimer–and cousin Glendower–will you sit down?–
And uncle Worcester–dammit! I have forgotten the map.
GLEND.
No, here it is.
Sit, cousin Percy; sit, good cousin Hotspur;
For by that name as oft as Lancaster
Doth speak of you, his cheek looks pale, and with
A rising sigh he wisheth you in Heaven.
No, here it is.
Sit, cousin Percy; sit, good cousin Hotspur;
for it's by that name that Lancaster often
speaks of you, he turns pale, and with
a long sigh he wishes you were in heaven.
HOT.
And you in Hell, as oft as he hears Owen Glendower spoke of.
And you in hell, every time he hears Owen Glendower spoken of.
GLEND.
I cannot blame him:at my nativity
The front of heaven was full of fiery shapes,
Of burning cressets; ay, and at my birth
The frame and huge foundation of the Earth
Shaked like a coward.
I don't blame him: when I was born
the whole sky was full of fiery shapes,
like beacons; yes, and at my birth
the earth trembled from top to toe
like a coward.
HOT.
Why, so it would have done at the same season, if your mother's
cat had but kitten'd, though yourself had never been born.
Why, it would have done that at that time anyway, if it was
just your mother's cat having kittens, if you yourself had never been born.
GLEND.
I say the Earth did shake when I was born.
I'm telling you, the Earth shook when I was born.
HOT.
And I say the Earth was not of my mind, if you suppose as
fearing you it shook.
And I say that the Earth was thinking differently to me,
if you think it shook for fear of you.
GLEND.
The Heavens were all on fire, the Earth did tremble.
The heavens were all on fire, the Earth trembled.
HOT.
O, then th' Earth shook to see the Heavens on fire,
And not in fear of your nativity.
Diseased Nature oftentimes breaks forth
In strange eruptions; oft the teeming Earth
Is with a kind of colic pinch'd and vex'd
By the imprisoning of unruly wind
Within her womb; which, for enlargement striving,
Shakes the old beldam Earth, and topples down
Steeples and moss-grown towers. At your birth,
Our grandam Earth, having this distemperature,
In passion shook.
Oh, then the Earth shook to see the skies on fire,
and not out of fear at your birth.
Diseased nature often erupts
in peculiar ways, often the squirming earth
is pinched with a kind of stomach ache,
when some unruly wind gets trapped
deep down inside, and as it tries to swell
it shakes old grandmother Earth, and throws down
steeples and ancient towers. At your birth
our grandmother Earth had this illness,
and shook with passion.
GLEND.
Cousin, of many men
I do not bear these crossings. Give me leave
To tell you once again, that at my birth
The front of heaven was full of fiery shapes;
The goats ran from the mountains, and the herds
Were strangely clamorous to the frighted fields.
These signs have mark'd me extraordinary;
And all the courses of my life do show
I am not in the roll of common men.
Where is he living,--clipp'd in with the sea
That chides the banks of England, Scotland, Wales,--
Which calls me pupil, or hath read to me?
And bring him out that is but woman's son
Can trace me in the tedious ways of art,
And hold me pace in deep experiments.
Cousin, I wouldn't take these insults
from many men. Allow me
to tell you once again, that at my birth
the sky of heaven was full of fiery shapes;
the goats ran from the mountains, and the herds
shouted strange noises to the frightened fields.
These signs marked me out as extraordinary,
and everything I've done in my life shows
I am not like other men.
Show me anyone on this island bound by sea,
in England, Scotland or Wales,
who can call me his pupil or has tutored me?
Bring out anyone who is born of woman
who can follow me in the difficult paths of science,
who can keep up with me in complicated experiments.
HOT.
I think there is no man speaks better Welsh.--I'll to dinner.
I don't think any man speaks better Welsh. I'm going to dinner.
MORT.
Peace, cousin Percy; you will make him mad.
Quiet, cousin Percy; you will make him angry.
GLEND.
I can call spirits from the vasty deep.
I can call up spirits from the great ocean.
HOT.
Why, so can I, or so can any man;
But will they come when you do call for them?
Why, so can I, and so can any man;
but will they come when you call for them?
GLEND.
Why, I can teach you, cousin, to command the Devil.
Why, I can teach you, cousin, to summon up the Devil.
HOT.
And I can teach thee, coz, to shame the Devil
By telling truth:tell truth, and shame the Devil.
If thou have power to raise him, bring him hither,
And I'll be sworn I've power to shame him hence.
O, while you live, tell truth, and shame the Devil!
And I can teach you, cousin, to make the devil ashamed
by telling the truth: tell the truth, and shame the devil.
If you have the power to summon him, bring him here,
and I swear that I have the power to send him away again in shame.
Oh, while you live, tell the truth, and shame the devil!
MORT.
Come, come, no more of this unprofitable chat.
Come, come, no more of this useless talk.
GLEND.
Three times hath Henry Bolingbroke made head
Against my power; thrice from the banks of Wye
And sandy-bottom'd Severn have I sent
Him bootless home and weather-beaten back.
Henry Bolingbroke has launched attacks against me
three times; and three times I have sent him
home unsuccessful and weatherbeaten from the banks
of the Wye and the sandy bottomed Severn.
HOT.
Home without boots, and in foul weather too!
How 'scaped he agues, in the Devil's name!
Home without boots, and in foul weather too!
How the devil did he escape the fever?
GLEND.
Come, here's the map:shall we divide our right
According to our threefold order ta'en?
Come, here's the map; shall we divide
up to land according to the agreement we've made?
MORT.
Th' archdeacon hath divided it
Into three limits very equally.
England, from Trent and Severn hitherto,
By south and east is to my part assign'd:
All westward, Wales beyond the Severn shore,
And all the fertile land within that bound,
To Owen Glendower:--and, dear coz, to you
The remnant northward, lying off from Trent.
And our indentures tripartite are drawn;
Which being sealed interchangeably,--
A business that this night may execute,--
To-morrow, cousin Percy, you, and I,
And my good Lord of Worcester, will set forth
To meet your father and the Scottish power,
As is appointed us, at Shrewsbury.
My father Glendower is not ready yet,
Nor shall we need his help these fourteen days:--
[To Glend.] Within that space you may have drawn together
Your tenants, friends, and neighbouring gentlemen.
The Archdeacon has divided it
into thee very equal parts:
England, from the Trent and the Severn to here,
everything south and east of that is mine:
everything to the west, all of Wales beyond the shores of the Severn,
and all the fertile land inside those boundaries,
goes to Owen Glendower: and you, dear cousin,
take everything left north of the Trent.
Our contracts are signed in triplicate,
and once we have put our seals on them–
which is something we can do tonight–
tomorrow, cousin Percy, you and I,
and my good Lord of Worcester, will set out
to meet your father and the Scottish forces,
at Shrewsbury, as we have agreed.
My father Glendower is not ready yet,
and we won't need his help for a fortnight.
[to Glendower] within that time you may have gathered
your tenants, friends, and neighbouring gentlemen.
GLEND.
A shorter time shall send me to you, lords:
And in my conduct shall your ladies come;
From whom you now must steal, and take no leave,
For there will be a world of water shed
Upon the parting of your wives and you.
I'll be with you in a shorter time than that, lords:
and your ladies shall come under my escort;
from the moment you must sneak away from them without saying goodbye,
for there will be an ocean of water shed
when you part from your wives.
HOT.
Methinks my moiety, north from Burton here,
In quantity equals not one of yours.
See how this river comes me cranking in,
And cuts me from the best of all my land
A huge half-moon, a monstrous cantle out.
I'll have the current in this place damn'd up;
And here the smug and sliver Trent shall run
In a new channel, fair and evenly:
It shall not wind with such a deep indent,
To rob me of so rich a bottom here.
I don't think my share, north from Burton here,
at all matches your shares in size.
See how the river comes bending in on me,
and cuts me off from a great half moon
of all my best land, takes away a great portion.
I'll dam the river at this place,
and the smooth and silver Trent shall run
in a fair straight new channel:
it shan't cut such a deep course
that it can rob me of such a fine valley here.
GLEND.
Not wind? it shall, it must; you see it doth.
Not wind? It shall, it must; you can see that it does.
MORT.
Yea, but
Mark how he bears his, and runs me up
With like advantage on the other side;
Gelding th' opposed continent as much
As on the other side it takes from you.
Yes,
but look how the course of the river runs,
taking just as big a piece of my land
on the other side; we both get
an equal advantage.
WOR.
Yea, but a little charge will trench him here,
And on this north side win this cape of land;
And then he runneth straight and evenly.
Yes, but a little explosion could divert it here,
and on this north side he would win this piece of land;
and then it would run straight and even.
HOT.
I'll have it so:a little charge will do it.
I'll do it: a little explosion will do it.
GLEND.
I will not have it alter'd.
I won't have it altered.
HOT.
Will not you?
Won't you?
GLEND.
No, nor you shall not.
No, and neither will you.
HOT.
Who shall say me nay?
Who's going to say I can't?
GLEND.
Why, that will I.
Well, I will.
HOT.
Let me not understand you, then; speak it in Welsh.
Don't let me understand you then; say it in Welsh.
GLEND.
I can speak English, lord, as well as you;
For I was train'd up in the English Court;
Where, being but young, I framed to the harp
Many an English ditty lovely well,
And gave the tongue a helpful ornament,
A virtue that was never seen in you.
I can speak English, lord, as well as you;
for I was bro
ught up in the English court;
where, as I was only young, I learnt to sing
many English songs beautifully well to the harp,
and added music to the words–
something you've never done.
HOT.
Marry, and I am glad of it with all my heart:
I had rather be a kitten, and cry mew,
Than one of these same metre ballet-mongers;
I had rather hear a brazen canstick turn'd,
Or a dry wheel grate on the axletree;
And that would set my teeth nothing on edge,
Nothing so much as mincing poetry:
'Tis like the forced gait of a shuffling nag.
Indeed, and I am extremely glad of it:
I would rather be a kitten, and meow,
than one of these rhythmic song writers;
I would rather hear a bronze candlestick on a lathe,
or a dry wheel grating on its axle;
that wouldn't set my teeth on edge half as much
as mincing poetry:
it's like the forced steps of a shuffling nag.
GLEND.
Come, you shall have Trent turn'd.
Come, you will change the course of the Trent.
HOT.
I do not care:I'll give thrice so much land
To any well-deserving friend;
But in the way of bargain, mark ye me,
I'll cavil on the ninth part of a hair.
Are the indentures drawn? shall we be gone?
I don't care: I will give three times as much land
to any well deserving friend;
but when it's a matter of an agreement, believe me,
I will argue to the last inch.
Are the contracts drawn up? Shall we go?