The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)

by William Shakespeare

  I give it you, and will maintain my word:

  And thereupon I drink unto your grace.

  I give you my word, and I will keep it:

  and with it I drink to your Grace.

  HASTINGS.

  Go, captain, and deliver to the army

  This news of peace: let them have pay, and part:

  I know it will please them. Hie thee, captain.

  Go, captain, and tell the army

  this news of peace: let them be paid, and leave:

  I know they will be pleased to. Off you go, captain.

  [Exit Officer.]

  ARCHBISHOP.

  To you, my noble Lord of Westmoreland.

  To you, my noble Lord of Westmorland.

  WESTMORELAND.

  I pledge your grace; and, if you knew what pains

  I have bestow'd to breed this present peace,

  You would drink freely: but my love to ye

  Shall show itself more openly hereafter.

  I drink to your grace; and, if you knew what trouble

  I have taken to create this peace,

  you would drink freely: but my love for you

  will become more obvious later.

  ARCHBISHOP.

  I do not doubt you.

  I don't doubt you.

  WESTMORELAND.

  I am glad of it.

  Health to my lord and gentle cousin, Mowbray.

  I am glad to hear it.

  Good health to my Lord and gentle cousin, Mowbray.

  MOWBRAY.

  You wish me health in very happy season,

  For I am, on the sudden, something ill.

  I'm very glad that you are wishing me health,

  for I suddenly feel rather uneasy.

  ARCHBISHOP.

  Against ill chances men are ever merry;

  But heaviness foreruns the good event.

  Men are always happy went bad luck is coming;

  foreboding is a sign of something good.

  WESTMORELAND.

  Therefore be merry, coz; since sudden sorrow

  Serves to say thus, "some good thing comes tomorrow."

  So be happy, cousin; as sudden sorrow

  is saying to you, “something good is coming tomorrow."

  ARCHBISHOP.

  Believe me, I am passing light in spirit.

  Believe me, I am feeling very merry.

  MOWBRAY.

  So much the worse, if your own rule be true.

  But that's bad, if your own rule is true.

  [Shouts within.]

  LANCASTER.

  The word of peace is render'd: hark, how they shout!

  They have been told about the peace: listen to how they shout!

  MOWBRAY.

  This had been cheerful after victory.

  This would've sounded good after a victory.

  ARCHBISHOP.

  A peace is of the nature of a conquest;

  For then both parties nobly are subdued,

  And neither party loser.

  A peace is like a victory;

  both parties have nobly withdrawn,

  and neither party has lost.

  LANCASTER.

  Go, my lord.

  And let our army be discharged too.

  [Exit Westmoreland.]

  And, good my lord, so please you, let our trains

  March by us, that we may peruse the men

  We should have coped withal.

  Go ahead, my lord.

  Discharge our army too.

  And, my good lord, if it pleases you, let our followers

  march past us, so that we can see the men

  that we would have had to fight with.

  ARCHBISHOP.

  Go, good Lord Hastings,

  And, ere they be dismiss'd, let them march by.

  Go, good Lord Hastings,

  and let them march past us before they are dismissed.

  [Exit Hastings.]

  LANCASTER.

  I trust, lords, we shall lie to-night together.

  [Re-enter Westmoreland.]

  Now, cousin, wherefore stands our army still?

  I trust, Lords, that we shall stay in the same place tonight.

  Now, cousin, why hasn't our army moved?

  WESTMORELAND.

  The leaders, having charge from you to stand,

  Will not go off until they hear you speak.

  The leaders, having orders from you to stay here,

  will not leave until they hear you tell them to.

  LANCASTER.

  They know their duties.

  They know their duty.

  [Re-enter Hastings.]

  HASTINGS.

  My lord, our army is dispersed already:

  Like youthful steers unyoked, they take their courses

  East, west, north, south; or, like a school broke up,

  Each hurries toward his home and sporting-place.

  My Lord, our army has already dispersed:

  like young steers set free, they have headed

  east, west, north and south; or, they are like a school breaking up,

  each one hurrying back to his home and amusements.

  WESTMORELAND.

  Good tidings, my Lord Hastings; for the which

  I do arrest thee, traitor, of high treason:

  And you, lord archbishop, and you, Lord Mowbray,

  Of capital treason I attach you both.

  Good news, my Lord Hastings; for which

  I arrest you, traitor, for high treason:

  and you, Lord Archbishop, and you, Lord Mowbray,

  I arrest you both for capital treason

  MOWBRAY.

  Is this proceeding just and honourable?

  Is this a just and honourable way to behave?

  WESTMORELAND.

  Is your assembly so?

  Is your gathering just and honourable?

  ARCHBISHOP.

  Will you thus break your faith?

  Is this how you will break your promise?

  LANCASTER.

  I pawn'd thee none:

  I promised you redress of these same grievances

  Whereof you did complain; which, by mine honour,

  I will perform with a most Christian care.

  But for you, rebels, look to taste the due

  Meet for rebellion and such acts as yours.

  Most shallowly did you these arms commence,

  Fondly brought here and foolishly sent hence.

  Strike up our drums, pursue the scattr'd stray:

  God, and not we, hath safely fought to-day.

  Some guard these traitors to the block of death,

  Treason's true bed and yielder up of breath.

  I gave you no promises on this matter:

  I promised you that I would deal with those grievances

  which you complained of; which, I swear,

  I shall do to my very best ability.

  But as for you, rebels, you must expect the punishment

  which rebellion and acts such as yours deserve.

  You were idiotic to raise these forces,

  stupid to bring them here and foolish to send them away.

  Strike up our drums, round up the stragglers:

  it was God, not us, who fought the good fight today.

  Some of you guard these traitors until we can get them to the block,

  the true resting place of treason, where they shall surrender their breath.

  [Exeunt.]

  [Alarum. Excursions. Enter Falstaff and Colevile, meeting.]

  FALSTAFF.

  What 's your name, sir? of what condition are you, and of

  what place, I pray?

  What's your name, sir? What's your rank, and

  where are you from?

  COLEVILE.

  I am a knight sir; and my name is Colevile of the Dale.

  I am a knight, Sir; and my name is Colevile of the Dale.

  FALSTAFF.

  Well, th
en, Colevile is your name, a knight is your degree, and

  your place the dale: Colevile shall be still your name, a traitor

  your degree, and the dungeon your place, a place deep enough; so

  shall you be still Colevile of the dale.

  Well then, Colevile is your name, you have the rank of knight,

  and you come from the Dale: Colevile will still be your name,

  your rank will be traitor, and your home will be the dungeon,

  a pretty deep place,

  so you will still be Colevile from the Dale.

  COLEVILE.

  Are not you Sir John Falstaff?

  Aren't you Sir John Falstaff?

  FALSTAFF.

  As good a man as he, sir, whoe'er I am. Do ye yield, sir? or shall I

  sweat for you? If I do sweat, they are the drops of thy lovers, and

  they weep for thy death: therefore rouse up fear and trembling,

  and do observance to my mercy.

  I'm as good a man as he is, sir, whoever I am. Do you surrender, sir?

  Or shall I have to sweat to catch you? If I have to sweat, it will be

  the tears of those who love you, as they weep for your death:

  so show fear and trembling, and accept my mercy.

  COLEVILE.

  I think you are Sir John Falstaff, and in that thought yield me.

  I think you are Sir John Falstaff, and because of that I surrender.

  FALSTAFF.

  I have a whole school of tongues in this belly of mine, and not a

  tongue of them all speaks any other word but my name. An I had but

  a belly of any indifferency, I were simply the most active fellow in

  Europe: my womb, my womb, my womb undoes me.

  Here comes our general.

  My fat belly gives me away in every language of the world,

  and not a single language says any other word but my name.

  If I only had a normal belly, I would just be the best soldier in

  Europe: it’s my stomach that always gives me away.

  Here comes our general.

  [Enter Prince John of Lancaster, Westmoreland, Blunt, and

  others.]

  LANCASTER.

  The heat is past; follow no further now:

  Call in the powers, good cousin Westmoreland.

  [Exit Westmoreland.]

  Now, Falstaff, where have you been all this while?

  When everything is ended, then you come:

  These tardy tricks of yours will, on my life,

  One time or other break some gallows' back.

  The battle is over; don't chase them any further now:

  call back our forces, good cousin Westmoreland.

  Now, Falstaff, where have you been all this time?

  You always arrive when everything is over:

  I swear that this trick of lateness of yours

  will at some time mean you end up on the gallows.

  FALSTAFF.

  I would be sorry, my lord, but it should be thus: I never knew yet

  but rebuke and check was the reward of valour. Do you think me a

  swallow, an arrow, or a bullet? have I, in my poor and old motion,

  the expedition of thought? I have speeded hither with the very

  extremest inch of possibility; I have foundered nine score and odd

  posts: and here, travel-tainted as I am, have, in my pure and

  immaculate valour, taken Sir John Colevile of the dale, a most furious

  knight and valorous enemy. But what of that? he saw me, and yielded;

  that I may justly say, with the hook-nosed fellow of Rome, "I came,

  saw, and overcame."

  I would be sorry, my lord, but this is how it is: I didn't know

  that scolding and criticism was the reward for valour. Do you think I am

  a swallow, an arrow, or bullet? Can I, poor old man that I am,

  move as swiftly as thought? I have rushed here as fast as I

  possibly could; I have exhausted a hundred and eighty odd

  horses: and here, exhausted by travel as I am, I have, with my pure and

  immaculate bravery, captured Sir John Colevile of the Dale, a

  very strong knight and a brave enemy. But what of that? He saw me, and surrendered;

  so I can justifiably say, along with Julius Caesar, “I came,

  I saw, I conquered."

  LANCASTER.

  It was more of his courtesy than your deserving.

  That was more through his courtesy than your deserving it.

  FALSTAFF.

  I know not: here he is, and here I yield him: and I beseech your

  grace, let it be booked with the rest of this day's deeds; or, by the

  Lord, I will have it in a particular ballad else, with mine own

  picture on the top on't, Colevile kissing my foot: to the which

  course if I be enforced, if you do not all show like gilt twopences to

  me, and I in the clear sky of fame o'ershine you as much as the full

  moon doth the cinders of the element, which show like pins' heads to

  her, believe not the word of the noble: therefore let me have right,

  and let desert mount.

  I don't know: here he is, and here I hand him over: and I beg your

  Grace, let it be written down with the rest of the deeds of this day; or, by the

  Lord, I will have it made up into a ballad otherwise, with my own picture

  on top of the songsheet, with Colevile kissing my foot: if I am

  forced to do this, if you don't all look like forged twopenny bits

  in comparison to me, and if I don't outshine you in the clear sky of fame

  as much as the full moon does the dying embers of the sky, which look like

  pinheads in comparison, never believe the word of the noble: so give me my rights,

  let my reputation rise.

  LANCASTER.

  Thine 's too heavy to mount.

  Yours is too heavy to rise.

  FALSTAFF.

  Let it shine, then.

  Let it shine, then.

  LANCASTER.

  Thine 's too thick to shine.

  It's too thick to shine.

  FALSTAFF.

  Let it do something, my good lord, that may do me good, and

  call it what you will.

  Let it do something, my good lord, that might do me good, and

  you can call it what you want.

  LANCASTER.

  Is thy name Colevile?

  Is your name Colevile?

  COLEVILE.

  It is, my lord.

  It is, my lord.

  LANCASTER.

  A famous rebel art thou, Colevile.

  You are famous rebel, Colevile.

  FALSTAFF.

  And a famous true subject took him.

  And it was a famous true subject who caught him.

  COLEVILE.

  I am, my lord, but as my betters are

  That led me hither: had they been ruled by me,

  You should have won them dearer than you have.

  I am, my lord, just like my betters

  who led me here: if they had done as I wanted,

  you would have found it more difficult to catch them than you have.

  FALSTAFF.

  I know not how they sold themselves: but thou, like a kind

  fellow, gavest thyself away gratis; and I thank thee for thee.

  I don't know how they sold themselves: but you, like a good

  fellow, gave yourself away for free; and I thank you for it.

  [Re-enter Westmoreland.]

  LANCASTER.

  Now, have you left pursuit?

  Now, have you stopped chasing?

  WESTMORELAND.

  Retreat is made and execution stay'd.

  The retreat has been sounded and execution postponed.

  LANCASTER.

  Send
Colevile with his confederates

  To York, to present execution.

  Blunt, lead him hence; and see you guard him sure.

  [Exeunt Blunt and others with Colevile.]

  And now dispatch we toward the court, my lords:

  I hear the king my father is sore sick:

  Our news shall go before us to his majesty,

  Which, cousin, you shall bear to comfort him,

  And we with sober speed will follow you.

  Send Colevile with his accomplices

  to York, for immediate execution.

  Blunt, take him away; and make sure you guard him carefully.

  And now we shall go back to the court, my lords:

  I hear my father the King is very ill:

  our news shall go ahead of us to his Majesty,

  which you, cousin, shall take to give him comfort,

  and we will follow you as quickly as we can.

  FALSTAFF.

  My lord, I beseech you, give me leave to go through Gloucestershire:

  and, when you come to court, stand my good lord, pray, in your good

  report.

  My Lord, I beg you, give me permission to go through Gloucestershire:

  and, when you get to court, please give a good report of me, my lord.

  LANCASTER.

  Fare you well, Falstaff: I, in my condition,

  Shall better speak of you than you deserve.