The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)

by William Shakespeare

  They brought one Pinch, a hungry lean-faced villain,A mere anatomy, a mountebank,A threadbare juggler and a fortune-teller,A needy, hollow-eyed, sharp-looking wretch,A dead-looking man: this pernicious slave,Forsooth, took on him as a conjurer,And, gazing in mine eyes, feeling my pulse,And with no face, as 'twere, outfacing me,Cries out, I was possess'd. Then all togetherThey fell upon me, bound me, bore me thenceAnd in a dark and dankish vault at homeThere left me and my man, both bound together;Till, gnawing with my teeth my bonds in sunder,I gain'd my freedom, and immediatelyRan hither to your grace; whom I beseechTo give me ample satisfactionFor these deep shames and great indignities.

  They brought a Pinch, a hungry lean-faced villain, A skeleton, a quack, impostor,A raggedy magician and a fortune-teller,A needy, hollow-eyed, sharp-looking wretch,A dead-looking man: this noxious slave,Pretended like he was a sorcerer,And, gazing into my eyes, feeling my pulse,And with this thin face facing me,Cried out, that I was possessed. Then all togetherThey came at me, bound me, and took me awayAnd in a dark, dank vault in my homeThey left me and my servant, tied together;Till I gnawed through the ropes,And I gained my freedom, and immediatelyRan this way to you; whom I imploreTo give me my due satisfactionFor these deep shames and great indignities.

  ANGELO My lord, in truth, thus far I witness with him,That he dined not at home, but was lock'd out.

  My lord, truthfully, I can vouch for him on this,He did not dine at home since he was locked out.

  DUKE SOLINUS But had he such a chain of thee or no?

  But did he get that chain from you or no?

  ANGELO He had, my lord: and when he ran in here,These people saw the chain about his neck.

  He did, my lord: and when he ran in just now,These people saw the chain about his neck.

  Second Merchant Besides, I will be sworn these ears of mineHeard you confess you had the chain of himAfter you first forswore it on the mart:And thereupon I drew my sword on you;And then you fled into this abbey here,From whence, I think, you are come by miracle.

  Besides, I swear these ears of mineHeard you confess you got the chain from himAfter you swore at the mart that you didn’t:And that’s when I drew my sword on you;And then you fled into this abbey here,And by some miracle have come out.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS I never came within these abbey-walls,Nor ever didst thou draw thy sword on me:I never saw the chain, so help me Heaven!And this is false you burden me withal.

  I never came within these abbey-walls,And you have never drawn your sword on me:I never saw the chain, so help me Heaven!All these things you say about me are lies.

  DUKE SOLINUS Why, what an intricate impeach is this!I think you all have drunk of Circe's cup.If here you housed him, here he would have been;If he were mad, he would not plead so coldly:You say he dined at home; the goldsmith hereDenies that saying. Sirrah, what say you?

  Why, what an intricate case this is!I think you have all drunk of Circe's cup and been turned into animals.If you kept him here, he would still be here;If he were insane, he would not talk so calmly:You say he dined at home; the goldsmith hereDenies that. Slave, what do you say?

  DROMIO OF EPHESUS Sir, he dined with her there, at the Porpentine.

  Sir, he dined with that lady, at the Porpentine.

  Courtezan He did, and from my finger snatch'd that ring.

  He did, and snatched that ring off my finger.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS 'Tis true, my liege; this ring I had of her.

  That’s true, my liege; I got this ring from her.

  DUKE SOLINUS Saw'st thou him enter at the abbey here?

  Did you see him enter the abbey here?

  Courtezan As sure, my liege, as I do see your grace.

  As sure, my liege, as I see you now.

  DUKE SOLINUS Why, this is strange. Go call the abbess hither.I think you are all mated or stark mad.

  Why, this is strange. Go call the nun out here.I think you are all confused or totally insane.

  Exit one to Abbess

  AEGEON Most mighty duke, vouchsafe me speak a word:Haply I see a friend will save my lifeAnd pay the sum that may deliver me.

  Most mighty duke, please let me speak a word:It may be that I see a friend that will save my lifeAnd pay the sum that will free me.

  DUKE SOLINUS Speak freely, Syracusian, what thou wilt.

  Speak freely, Syracusian, say what you will.

  AEGEON Is not your name, sir, call'd Antipholus?And is not that your bondman, Dromio?

  Isn’t your name, sir, called Antipholus?And isn’t that your bondman, Dromio?

  DROMIO OF EPHESUS Within this hour I was his bondman sir,But he, I thank him, gnaw'd in two my cords:Now am I Dromio and his man unbound.

  A little while ago I was his bond man,But thankfully he chewed through my bonds:Now am I Dromiom his man, unbound.

  AEGEON I am sure you both of you remember me.

  I am sure you both of you remember me.

  DROMIO OF EPHESUS Ourselves we do remember, sir, by you;For lately we were bound, as you are nowYou are not Pinch's patient, are you, sir?

  You remind us of ourselves, sir;Since we were just tied up like you are nowYou are not Pinch's patient, are you, sir?

  AEGEON Why look you strange on me? you know me well.

  Why do you look at me like a stranger? you know me well.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUSI never saw you in my life till now.

  I never saw you in my life till now.

  AEGEON O, grief hath changed me since you saw me last,And careful hours with time's deformed handHave written strange defeatures in my face:But tell me yet, dost thou not know my voice?

  O, grief has changed me since you saw me last,And time's deformed hand carefully over the hours has written strange disfigurements in my face: But tell me, don’t you know my voice?

  ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS Neither.

  No, not that either.

  AEGEON Dromio, nor thou?

  Dromio, you don’t?

  DROMIO OF EPHESUS No, trust me, sir, nor I.

  No, trust me, sir, I don’t.

  AEGEON I am sure thou dost.

  I am sure you do.

  DROMIO OF EPHESUS Ay, sir, but I am sure I do not; and whatsoever aman denies, you are now bound to believe him.

  Yes, sir, but I am sure I do not; and since you are all bound up, you have to believe my denial.

  AEGEON Not know my voice! O time's extremity,Hast thou so crack'd and splitted my poor tongueIn seven short years, that here my only sonKnows not my feeble key of untuned cares?Though now this grained face of mine be hidIn sap-consuming winter's drizzled snow,And all the conduits of my blood froze up,Yet hath my night of life some memory,My wasting lamps some fading glimmer left,My dull deaf ears a little use to hear:All these old witnesses--I cannot err--Tell me thou art my son Antipholus.

  They don’t know my voice! O time's severity,Have you cracked and splitted my poor tongueSo much that in seven years that my only sonCan’t remember my weak and worried voice?Even though my wrinkled face is hiddenIn a white beard in my life’s winter,And all the veins of my blood have frozen up,Yet at the end of my life I have some memory,My fading eyes still have a glimmer in them,My dull deaf ears a can still hear a little:All my aging senses tell me--I can’t be wrong--Tell me you are my son Antipholus.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS I never saw my father in my life.

  I’ve never seen my father in my life.

  AEGEON But seven years since, in Syracusa, boy,Thou know'st we parted: but perhaps, my son,Thou shamest to acknowledge me in misery.

  But seven years ago, in Syracusa, boy,You know we parted: but perhaps, my son,You’re ashamed acknowledge me as a prisoner.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS The duke and all that know me in the cityCan witness with me that it is not soI ne'er saw Syracusa in my life.

  The duke and all that know me in the cityCan tell that this is not trueI’ve never been to Syracusa in my life.

  DUKE SOLINUS I tell thee, Syracusian, twenty yearsI tell you, Syracusian,
twenty years

  Have I been patron to Antipholus,During which time he ne'er saw Syracusa:I see thy age and dangers make thee dote.

  I’ve been patron to Antipholus,During which time he never saw Syracusa:Your age and sentence have you seeing things.

  Re-enter AEMILIA, with ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse and DROMIO of Syracuse

  AEMELIA Most mighty duke, behold a man much wrong'd.

  Most mighty duke, here is a man much wronged.

  All gather to see them

  All gather to see them

  ADRIANA I see two husbands, or mine eyes deceive me.

  I see two husbands, or my eyes deceive me.

  DUKE SOLINUS One of these men is Genius to the other;And so of these. Which is the natural man,And which the spirit? who deciphers them?

  One of these men is Spirit to the other;And the same with these. Which is the man, and which the spirit? who can tell them apart?

  DROMIO OF SYRACUSE I, sir, am Dromio; command him away.

  I, sir, am Dromio; command him away.

  DROMIO OF EPHESUS I, sir, am Dromio; pray, let me stay.

  I, sir, am Dromio; please, let me stay.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Aegeon art thou not? or else his ghost?

  Can it be Aegeon? or else his ghost?

  DROMIO OF SYRACUSE O, my old master! who hath bound him here?

  O, my old master! Who has tied him up?

  AEMELIA Whoever bound him, I will loose his bondsAnd gain a husband by his liberty.Speak, old Aegeon, if thou be'st the manThat hadst a wife once call'd AemiliaThat bore thee at a burden two fair sons:O, if thou be'st the same Aegeon, speak,And speak unto the same Aemilia!

  Whoever bound him, I will loose his bondsAnd gain a husband by his release.Speak, old Aegeon, if you are the manThat once had a wife called AemiliaThat bore you two sons:O, if you are the same Aegeon, speak,And speak here to the same Aemilia!

  AEGEON If I dream not, thou art AEmilia:If thou art she, tell me where is that sonThat floated with thee on the fatal raft?

  If I’m not dreaming, you are Aemilia:If you are her, tell me where is that sonThat floated with you on the deadly raft?

  AEMELIA By men of Epidamnum he and IAnd the twin Dromio all were taken up;But by and by rude fishermen of CorinthBy force took Dromio and my son from themAnd me they left with those of Epidamnum.By men from Epidamnum he and IAnd the twin Dromio all were taken up;But later on bad fishermen from CorinthTook Dromio and my son from them by forceAnd me they left with the Epidamnum men.

  What then became of them I cannot tellI to this fortune that you see me in.

  I never knew what became of themYou see what happened with me.

  DUKE SOLINUS Why, here begins his morning story right;These two Antipholuses, these two so like,And these two Dromios, one in semblance,--Besides her urging of her wreck at sea,--These are the parents to these children,Which accidentally are met together.Antipholus, thou camest from Corinth first?

  Why, here continues the story from this morning;These two Antipholuses, these two so alike,And these two Dromios, perfect replicas,--Her story of being wrecked at sea,--These are the parents to these children,Which have met together accidentally.Antipholus, did you come from Corinth first?

  ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE No, sir, not I; I came from Syracuse.

  No, sir, not me; I came from Syracuse.

  DUKE SOLINUS Stay, stand apart; I know not which is which.

  Wait, stand apart; I can’t tell who is who.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS I came from Corinth, my most gracious lord,--

  I came from Corinth, my most gracious lord,--

  DROMIO OF EPHESUS And I with him.

  And I with him.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS Brought to this town by that most famous warrior,Duke Menaphon, your most renowned uncle.

  I was brought to this town by that most famous warrior,Duke Menaphon, your most renowned uncle.

  ADRIANA Which of you two did dine with me to-day?

  Which of you two dined with me today?

  ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE I, gentle mistress.

  I, gentle mistress.

  ADRIANA And are not you my husband?

  And are not you my husband?

  ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS No; I say nay to that.

  No; I say he’s definitely not.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE And so do I; yet did she call me so:And this fair gentlewoman, her sister here,Did call me brother.

  And so do I; but she did call me that:And this beautiful lady, her sister here,Called me brother.

  To Luciana

  To Luciana

  What I told you then,I hope I shall have leisure to make good;If this be not a dream I see and hear.

  What I told you then,I hope I can have the honor of making good on it; if all that I see and hear turns out to be real.

  ANGELO That is the chain, sir, which you had of me.

  That is the chain, sir, which you had of me.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE I think it be, sir; I deny it not.

  I think it is, sir; I don’t deny it.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS And you, sir, for this chain arrested me.

  And you, sir, arrested me for this chain.

  ANGELO I think I did, sir; I deny it not.

  I think I did, sir; I don’t deny it.

  ADRIANA I sent you money, sir, to be your bail,By Dromio; but I think he brought it not.

  I sent you money, sir, to be your bail,By Dromio; but I don’t think he ever brought it.

  DROMIO OF EPHESUS No, none by me.

  No, not by me

  ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE This purse of ducats I received from you,And Dromio, my man, did bring them me.I see we still did meet each other's man,And I was ta'en for him, and he for me,And thereupon these errors are arose.

  This purse of ducats I received from you,And Dromio, my servant, brought them to me.I see met each other’s servants,And I was taken for him, and he for me,And that’s how all these errors happened.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS These ducats pawn I for my father here.

  These ducats I use to pay for my father here.

  DUKE SOLINUS It shall not need; thy father hath his life.

  There’s no need; I give your father his life.

  Courtezan Sir, I must have that diamond from you.

  Sir, I must have that diamond from you.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS There, take it; and much thanks for my good cheer.

  There, take it; and much thanks for putting me in such a good mood.

  AEMELIA Renowned duke, vouchsafe to take the painsRenowned duke, if you would take the trouble

  To go with us into the abbey hereAnd hear at large discoursed all our fortunes:And all that are assembled in this place,That by this sympathized one day's errorHave suffer'd wrong, go keep us company,And we shall make full satisfaction.Thirty-three years have I but gone in travailOf you, my sons; and till this present hourMy heavy burden ne'er delivered.The duke, my husband and my children both,And you the calendars of their nativity,Go to a gossips' feast and go with me;After so long grief, such festivity!

  To go with us into the abbey hereAnd discuss at length our stories:And anyone else assembles here,Who in one day of confusion and errorHave suffered a wrong, come with us,And we shall make sure everything is settled.Thirty-three years have I been in laborWaiting to hear of you, my sons; and have only just now been delivered of my burden.The duke, my husband and my children both,And you the twins of the same birth date,Come let me christen you again in the abbey;After so much grief, we will celebrate!

  DUKE SOLINUS With all my heart, I'll gossip at this feast.

  With all my heart, I'll join this feast.

  Exeunt all but Antipholus of Syracuse, Antipholus of Ephesus, Dromio of Syracuse and Dromio of Ephesus

  DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Master, shall I fetch your stuff from shipboard?

  Master, shall I fetch your stuff from the ship?

  ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS Dromio, what stuff of mine hast thou embark'd?

  Dro
mio, what stuff of mine have you embarked?

  DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Your goods that lay at host, sir, in the Centaur.

  Your belongings that were at the Centaur, sir.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE He speaks to me. I am your master, Dromio:Come, go with us; we'll look to that anon:Embrace thy brother there; rejoice with him.

  He means me. I am your master, Dromio:Come with us; we'll take care of that later:Embrace your brother there; rejoice with him.

  Exeunt Antipholus of Syracuse and Antipholus of Ephesus

  DROMIO OF SYRACUSE There is a fat friend at your master's house,That kitchen'd me for you to-day at dinner:She now shall be my sister, not my wife.

  There is a fat friend at your master's house,That took me for you today at dinner:Looks like she’ll be my sister, not my wife.