The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)
Page 266
What a good thing it would be for death to take this poor womanfrom the world! What corruption in this life, that
From the world! What corruption there is in life, thatit will let this man live! But how out of this can she avail?
It allows this man to live! But how can she benefit out of our business?
DUKE VINCENTIO
It is a rupture that you may easily heal: and the
It is a break up that you could easily heal: and thecure of it not only saves your brother, but keeps
Cure for it not only save your brother, but keepsyou from dishonour in doing it.
You from losing your virginity as well.
ISABELLA
Show me how, good father.
Show me how this is, good father.
DUKE VINCENTIO
This forenamed maid hath yet in her the continuance
The woman I mentioned continues toof her first affection: his unjust unkindness, that
Love Angelo: his unjust cruelty, thatin all reason should have quenched her love, hath,
Reasonably should have stopped her love, has insteadlike an impediment in the current, made it more
Like an obstacle in a stream, made it moreviolent and unruly. Go you to Angelo; answer his
Forceful and uncontrollable. Go to Angelo; answer hisrequiring with a plausible obedience; agree with
Request with a believable agreement; agree withhis demands to the point; only refer yourself to
His demands exactly; only ask for conditions that are to yourthis advantage, first, that your stay with him may
Advantage, first, that your time with him willnot be long; that the time may have all shadow and
Not be long; that it will be at a time that is dark andsilence in it; and the place answer to convenience.
Quiet; and that the place be convenient for you.This being granted in course,--and now follows
After this is granted,--and now this is how it works,--all,--we shall advise this wronged maid to stead up
We shall ask the woman who was wronged to carry outyour appointment, go in your place; if the encounter
You appointment, to go in your place; if the meetingacknowledge itself hereafter, it may compel him to
Is revealed afterwards, it would force him toher recompense: and here, by this, is your brother
Set her situation to rights: and here, by this, is your brothersaved, your honour untainted, the poor Mariana
Saved, you honor untainted, the poor Marianaadvantaged, and the corrupt deputy scaled. The maid
Benefits, and the corrupt official judged. I willwill I frame and make fit for his attempt. If you
Prepare the lady and ready her for his efforts. If youthink well to carry this as you may, the doubleness
Think you can manage this, the two-fold natureof the benefit defends the deceit from reproof.
Of the benefits defend the deception from blame.What think you of it?
What do you think of it?
ISABELLA
The image of it gives me content already; and I
The idea of it makes me happy already; and Itrust it will grow to a most prosperous perfection.
Trust that it will continue to a most successful completion.
DUKE VINCENTIO
It lies much in your holding up. Haste you speedily
It requires your ability to keep it up. Hurry nowto Angelo: if for this night he entreat you to his
To Angelo: if he asks you to come tonight to hisbed, give him promise of satisfaction. I will
Bed, promise him that you will. I willpresently to Saint Luke's: there, at the moated
Now go to Saint Luke’s: there, at the farmhouse with a moat,grange, resides this dejected Mariana. At that
Is where the heartbroken Mariana lives. At thatplace call upon me; and dispatch with Angelo, thatplace you come meet with me; and make arrangements with Angelo, that
it may be quickly.
It may be soon.
ISABELLA
I thank you for this comfort. Fare you well, good father.
Thank you for this piece of mind. Good bye, good father.
Exeunt severally
Enter, on one side, DUKE VINCENTIO disguised as before; on the other, ELBOW, and Officers with POMPEY
ELBOW
Nay, if there be no remedy for it, but that you will
No, if there is no solution for it, except that you will needs buy and sell men and women like beasts, we
Need to buy and sell men and women like beasts, weshall have all the world drink brown and white bastard.
Will have everyone in the world drink Spanish wine.
DUKE VINCENTIO
O heavens! what stuff is here
Oh heavens! What nonsense is going on here?
POMPEY
'Twas never merry world since, of two usuries, the
It hasn’t been a happy world since, out of two money schemes, themerriest was put down, and the worser allowed by
The happier one was made illegal, and the worse one allowed by order of law a furred gown to keep him warm; and
The letter of the law a nice furred outfit to keep it warm; andfurred with fox and lamb-skins too, to signify, that
Furred with fox fur and lam-skin too, to show whichcraft, being richer than innocency, stands for the facing.
Scheme, being richer than innocence, shows off for the world.
ELBOW
Come your way, sir. 'Bless you, good father friar.
Come along, sir. Bless you, good father friar.
DUKE VINCENTIO
And you, good brother father. What offence hath
And to you, good brother father. What offence hasthis man made you, sir?
This man committed, sir?
ELBOW
Marry, sir, he hath offended the law: and, sir, we
By the Virgin Mary, sir, he has committed crime: and, sir, wetake him to be a thief too, sir; for we have found
Believe him to be a thief as well, sir, for we foundupon him, sir, a strange picklock, which we have
On his person, sir, a strange lock pick, which we havesent to the deputy.
Sent to the Governor.
DUKE VINCENTIO
Fie, sirrah! a bawd, a wicked bawd!
Shame on you, man! A procurer, a wicker procurer of whores!The evil that thou causest to be done,
The evil that you make happenThat is thy means to live. Do thou but think
Is you means of making a living. Do you think aboutWhat 'tis to cram a maw or clothe a back
What it means to feed a belly and cloth a backFrom such a filthy vice: say to thyself,
From such a filthy sin: say to yourself,From their abominable and beastly touches
From the whore’s horrible and beastly touchesI drink, I eat, array myself, and live.
I drink, I eat, I dress myself, and I live.Canst thou believe thy living is a life,
Can you believe your living is a life,So stinkingly depending? Go mend, go mend.
Supported so hideously? Go make amends, go make amends.
POMPEY
Indeed, it does stink in some sort, sir; but yet,
Indeed, it is somewhat hideous, sir; but still,sir, I would prove—
Sir, I would prove--
DUKE VINCENTIO
Nay, if the devil have given thee proofs for sin,No, if the devil has given you evidence for sin,
Thou wilt prove his. Take him to prison, officer:You will prove his sin. Take him to prison, officer:
Correction and instruction must both work
Punishment and instruction most both work on himEre this rude beast will profit.
Berfore this lowly man will benefit from it.
ELBOW
He must before the deputy, sir; he has given him
He must go before the Governor, sir; he has given himwarning: the deputy cannot abide a whoremaster: if
A warning: the deputy cannot tolerate a whoremaster: ifhe be a whoremonger, and c
omes before him, he were
There is a man who searches out whores, who goes before him, he wouldas good go a mile on his errand.
Rather be doing anything else than that.
DUKE VINCENTIO
That we were all, as some would seem to be,
If only we were all, as some would seem to beFrom our faults, as faults from seeming, free!
Free from our faults, and faults from seeming otherwise!
ELBOW
His neck will come to your waist,--a cord, sir.
His neck will have a rope around it life your belt, sir.
POMPEY
I spy comfort; I cry bail. Here's a gentleman and a
I see a good thing; I call out for bail money. Here’s a gentleman and afriend of mine.
Friend of mine.
Enter LUCIO
LUCIO
How now, noble Pompey! What, at the wheels of
What’s this, noble Pompey! You followingCaesar? art thou led in triumph? What, is there
An officer like disgraced prisoners paraded behind Caesar? Are therenone of Pygmalion's images, newly made woman, to be
No ideal women, young women, to be had now, for putting the hand in the pocket and
Had now, to put enough money in your pocketextracting it clutch'd? What reply, ha? What
To grab a fistful? What’s your answer, huh? Whatsayest thou to this tune, matter and method? Is't
Do you say to these words, their meaning and reasoning? Is itnot drowned i' the last rain, ha? What sayest
All gone, huh? What do you say,thou, Trot? Is the world as it was, man? Which is
Old boy? Is everything as it used to be, man? What isthe way? Is it sad, and few words? or how? The
It now? Is it miserable? Or what? Howtrick of it?
Is it?
DUKE VINCENTIO
Still thus, and thus; still worse!
It’s all the same; and worse!
LUCIO
How doth my dear morsel, thy mistress? Procures she
How is my little thing, your lady? Does she still findstill, ha?
Whores, huh?
POMPEY
Troth, sir, she hath eaten up all her beef, and she
To be honest, sir, she has worn out all her whores, and sheis herself in the tub.
Is also suffering from venereal disease.
LUCIO
Why, 'tis good; it is the right of it; it must be
Well, that’s okay; it’s the right thing to do; to mustso: ever your fresh whore and your powdered bawd:
That way: always a fresh whore and a heavily made-up matron:an unshunned consequence; it must be so. Art going
An unavoidable result; it always happens that way. Are you goingto prison, Pompey?
To prison, Pompey?
POMPEY
Yes, faith, sir.
Yes, it’s true, sir.
LUCIO
Why, 'tis not amiss, Pompey. Farewell: go, say I
Well, that’s not wrong, Pompey. Good bye: go, say Isent thee thither. For debt, Pompey? or how?
Sent you there. For not paying your debts, Pompey? Or something?
ELBOW
For being a bawd, for being a bawd.
For being a procurer, a procurer of whores.
LUCIO
Well, then, imprison him: if imprisonment be the
Well, then, take him to jail: if prison is the due of a bawd, why, 'tis his right: bawd is he
Punishment for a procurer, well then, that’s what he gets: he is definitelydoubtless, and of antiquity too; bawd-born.
A whore procurer, and has been for a long time; born to be on.Farewell, good Pompey. Commend me to the prison,
Good bye, good Pompey. Speak well of me in prison,Pompey: you will turn good husband now, Pompey; you
Pompey: you will become a good housekeeper now, Pompey; youwill keep the house.
Will clean the house.
POMPEY
I hope, sir, your good worship will be my bail.
I was hoping good honorable sir, that you would bail be out.
LUCIO
No, indeed, will I not, Pompey; it is not the wear.
No, indeed, I will not, Pompey; that’s is not the way of things.I will pray, Pompey, to increase your bondage: If
I will pray, Pompey, to lengthen your time in prison: ifyou take it not patiently, why, your mettle is the
You do not take it patiently, well then, your spiritmore. Adieu, trusty Pompey. 'Bless you, friar.
Is strong. Farewell, loyal Pompey. Bless you, friar.
DUKE VINCENTIO
And you.
And you.
LUCIO
Does Bridget paint still, Pompey, ha?
Does Bridget still wear a whore’s makeup, Pompey, huh?
ELBOW
Come your ways, sir; come.
Come this way, sir; come on.
POMPEY
You will not bail me, then, sir?
You won’t bail me out, then, sir?
LUCIO
Then, Pompey, nor now. What news abroad, friar?
I said I wouldn’t, Pompey, and I still won’t. What’s the news from elsewhere, friar?what news?
What’s the news?
ELBOW
Come your ways, sir; come.
Come this way, sir; come on.
LUCIO
Go to kennel, Pompey; go.
Go to prison, Pompey; go on.
Exeunt ELBOW, POMPEY and Officers
What news, friar, of the duke?
Is there any news, friar, of the duke?
DUKE VINCENTIO
I know none. Can you tell me of any?
I don’t know any. Do you?
LUCIO
Some say he is with the Emperor of Russia; other
Some say he is with the Emperor of Russia; otherssome, he is in Rome: but where is he, think you?
Say he is in Rome; but where do you think he is?
DUKE VINCENTIO
I know not where; but wheresoever, I wish him well.
I don’t know where he is; but where ever it is, I wish him well.
LUCIO
It was a mad fantastical trick of him to steal from
It was a crazy bizarre idea of his to leavethe state, and usurp the beggary he was never born
The state, and take on a normal life that he was never bornto. Lord Angelo dukes it well in his absence; he
Into. Lord Angelo governs well in his absence; heputs transgression to 't.
Punishes people for their crimes.
DUKE VINCENTIO
He does well in 't.
He is good at it.
LUCIO
A little more lenity to lechery would do no harm in
A little easygoingness towards sexual crimes wouldn’t be a him: something too crabbed that way, friar.
Bad thing: he’s a little too harsh with that, friar.
DUKE VINCENTIO
It is too general a vice, and severity must cure it.
That sin is too widespread, and harshness will fix that.
LUCIO
Yes, in good sooth, the vice is of a great kindred;
Yes, in all honestly, that sin is committed by many people;it is well allied: but it is impossible to extirp
It has many followers: but it is impossible to get rid ofit quite, friar, till eating and drinking be put
It completely, friar, until eating and drinking aredown. They say this Angelo was not made by man andstopped as well. They say this Angelo was not created from a father
woman after this downright way of creation: is it
and mother the way most babies are made: is thattrue, think you?
True, do you think?
DUKE VINCENTIO
How should he be made, then?
How else should he have been made, then?
LUCIO
Some report a sea-maid spawned him; some, that he
Some say he was born from a mermaid; some, that hewas begot
between two stock-fishes. But it is
Was conceived from two common fish. But it is certain that when he makes water his urine is
Certain that when he urinates his pee iscongealed ice; that I know to be true: and he is a
Solid ice; that I know is true: and he is just amotion generative; that's infallible.
A male puppet; that’s the truth.
DUKE VINCENTIO
You are pleasant, sir, and speak apace.
You are funny, sir, and speak quickly.
LUCIO
Why, what a ruthless thing is this in him, for the
This is such a cruel thing that he’s doing, rebellion of a codpiece to take away the life of a
Taking a man’s life for his penis acting out!man! Would the duke that is absent have done this?
Would the absent duke have done this?Ere he would have hanged a man for the getting a
Before he would hand a man for havinghundred bastards, he would have paid for the nursing
A hundred children out of wedlock, he would first have paid for the nursesa thousand: he had some feeling of the sport: he
For a thousand: he had some understanding of sexual passions: heknew the service, and that instructed him to mercy.
He knew the business of it, and that made him merciful.
DUKE VINCENTIO
I never heard the absent duke much detected for
I never heard the absent duke accused of having sexwomen; he was not inclined that way.
With women; he was not like that.
LUCIO
O, sir, you are deceived.
Oh, sir, you are mistaken
DUKE VINCENTIO
'Tis not possible.
That’s not possible
LUCIO
Who, not the duke? yes, your beggar of fifty; andWhat, the duke wasn’t like that? Yes, a fifty-year old beggar woman; and