The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)

by William Shakespeare

Wine-jug that would drop its liquid. If itshould thunder as it did before, I know not

  Should thunder like it did before, I don’t knowwhere to hide my head: yond same cloud cannot

  Where to hide my head: that very same cloud cannotchoose but fall by pailfuls. What have we

  Choose to fall in anything except buckets. What have wehere? a man or a fish? dead or alive? A fish:

  Here? A man or a fish? Dead or alive? A fish:he smells like a fish; a very ancient and fish-

  He smells like a fish: a very ancient and fish-like smell; a kind of not of the newest Poor-

  Like smell; the kind from the less fresh driedJohn. A strange fish! Were I in England now,

  Fish. A strange fish! If I were in England now,as once I was, and had but this fish painted,

  As I once was, and had only this fish painted on a sign,not a holiday fool there but would give a piece

  Not a fool on vacation there who wouldn’t give me aof silver: there would this monster make a

  Silver coin: there this monster would make a man a fortune;man; any strange beast there makes a man:

  Any strange beast there makes a man a fortune:when they will not give a doit to relieve a lame

  When they won’t give a little coin to save a lamebeggar, they will lazy out ten to see a dead

  Beggar, they will give out ten coins to see a deadIndian. Legged like a man and his fins like

  Indian. Legs like a man and his fins likearms! Warm o' my troth! I do now let loose

  Arms! He’s actually warm! I now let go ofmy opinion; hold it no longer: this is no fish,

  My opinions; and hold it no longer: this isn’t a fishbut an islander, that hath lately suffered by a

  But an islander, who has recently collapsed form athunderbolt.

  Thunderbolt.

  Thunder

  Alas, the storm is come again! my best way is to

  Sadly, the storm is coming again! The best thing for me is tocreep under his gaberdine; there is no other

  Crawl under his cloak; there is no othershelter hereabouts: misery acquaints a man with

  Shelter around here: misery meets with a man who hasstrange bed-fellows. I will here shroud till the

  Strange bedfellows. I will shelter here until thedregs of the storm be past.

  Worst of the storm has passed.

  Enter STEPHANO, singing: a bottle in his hand

  STEPHANO

  I shall no more to sea, to sea,

  I will go no more out to sea, out to sea,Here shall I die ashore—

  Here I will die on land--This is a very scurvy tune to sing at a man's

  This is a very wretched song to sing at a man’sfuneral: well, here's my comfort.

  Funeral: well, here’s my consolation.

  Drinks

  Sings

  The master, the swabber, the boatswain and I,

  The master, the deckhand, the boatswain and I,The gunner and his mate

  The gunner and his friendLoved Mall, Meg and Marian and Margery,

  Loved Mall, Meg and Marian and Margery,But none of us cared for Kate;

  But none of us cared for Kate;For she had a tongue with a tang,

  Because she had a tongue with a sharp edge,Would cry to a sailor, Go hang!

  And would yell to a sailor, ‘Go hang yourself!’She loved not the savour of tar nor of pitch,

  She didn’t love the smell of tar or of pitch,Yet a tailor might scratch her where'er she did itch:

  But an unmanly tailor might scratch her where she itched:Then to sea, boys, and let her go hang!

  Then off to sea, boys, and let her go hang!This is a scurvy tune too: but here's my comfort.

  This is a wretched song too: but here’s my consolation.

  Drinks

  CALIBAN

  Do not torment me: Oh!

  Stop tormenting me: oh!

  STEPHANO

  What's the matter? Have we devils here? Do you put

  What’s the matter? Do we have devils here? Do you casttricks upon's with savages and men of Ind, ha? I

  Spells on us with savages and the men of India, ha? Ihave not scaped drowning to be afeard now of your

  Have not escaped drowning to be afraid now of yourfour legs; for it hath been said, As proper a man as

  Four legs; for it has been said, ‘As good of a man thatever went on four legs cannot make him give ground;

  Ever went on four legs cannot make him give up ground’;and it shall be said so again while Stephano

  And it will be said again while Stephanobreathes at's nostrils.

  Breathes through his nostrils.

  CALIBAN

  The spirit torments me; Oh!

  The spirit torments me: oh!

  STEPHANO

  This is some monster of the isle with four legs, who

  This is some monster of the island with four legs, whohath got, as I take it, an ague. Where the devil

  Has got, as I think, a fever. How the devilshould he learn our language? I will give him some

  Has he learned our language? I will give him somerelief, if it be but for that. if I can recover him

  Relief, it only because of that. If I can heal himand keep him tame and get to Naples with him, he's a

  And keep him tame and get to Naples with him, he’s apresent for any emperor that ever trod on neat's leather.

  Present fit for any emperor that’s ever walked on cow leather.

  CALIBAN

  Do not torment me, prithee; I'll bring my wood home faster.

  Don’t torment me, please: I’ll bring the wood home faster.

  STEPHANO

  He's in his fit now and does not talk after the

  He’s in a fit of convulsions from the fever now and doesn’t talk withwisest. He shall taste of my bottle: if he have

  Good sense. He’ll take a drink form my bottle: if he hasnever drunk wine afore will go near to remove his

  Never drunk wine before it will nearly take away hisfit. If I can recover him and keep him tame, I will

  Convulsions. If I can heal him and keep him tame, they won’tnot take too much for him; he shall pay for him that

  Be able to pay me enough for him; he will bring in enough money for the manhath him, and that soundly.

  That has him, and do it well.

  CALIBAN

  Thou dost me yet but little hurt; thou wilt anon, I

  As of now you have done me little harm; but you will soon, Iknow it by thy trembling: now Prosper works upon thee.

  Can tell by your trembling: now Prospero is working his magic on you.

  STEPHANO

  Come on your ways; open your mouth; here is that

  Come along; open your mouth; here is the drinkwhich will give language to you, cat: open your

  That will make even you speak, cat: open yourmouth; this will shake your shaking, I can tell you,

  Mouth; this will shake off your convulsions, I can tell you that,and that soundly: you cannot tell who's your friend:

  And it’ll do it well: you cannot tell who’s your friend:open your chaps again.

  Open you mouth again.

  TRINCULO

  I should know that voice: it should be--but he is

  I know that voice: it is—but he’sdrowned; and these are devils: O defend me!

  Drowned; and these are devils: Oh, help me!

  STEPHANO

  Four legs and two voices: a most delicate monster!

  Four legs and two voices: a most delightful monster!His forward voice now is to speak well of his

  His frontward voice is for speaking well of hisfriend; his backward voice is to utter foul speeches

  Friend; and his backward voice is for speaking terrible remarksand to detract. If all the wine in my bottle will

  And to criticize. If all the wine in my bottle willrecover him, I will help his ague. Come. Amen! I

  Heal him, I will get rid of his fever. Come on. Amen! Iwill pour some in thy other mouth.

  Will pour some of this in
your other mouth.

  TRINCULO

  Stephano!

  Stephano!

  STEPHANO

  Doth thy other mouth call me? Mercy, mercy! This is

  Does you other mouth call my name? Mercy, mercy! This isa devil, and no monster: I will leave him; I have no

  A devil, not a monster: I will leave him be; I don’t havelong spoon.

  A long spoon needed to feed a devil.

  TRINCULO

  Stephano! If thou beest Stephano, touch me and

  Stephano! If you are Stephano, touch me and speak to me: for I am Trinculo--be not afeard—thy

  Speak to me: for I am Trinculo—don’t be afraid—yourgood friend Trinculo.

  Good friend Trinculo.

  STEPHANO

  If thou beest Trinculo, come forth: I'll pull thee

  If you are Trinculo, come out: I’ll pull youby the lesser legs: if any be Trinculo's legs,

  By the smaller legs: if any are Trinculo’s legs,these are they. Thou art very Trinculo indeed! How

  Those ones are. You are really Trinculo, indeed! Howcamest thou to be the siege of this moon-calf? Can

  Did you come to be the dung of this monster? Canhe vent Trinculos?

  He excrete Trinculos?

  TRINCULO

  I took him to be killed with a thunder-stroke. But

  I thought he has been killed by a thunderbolt. Butart thou not drowned, Stephano? I hope now thou art

  How are you not drowned, Stephano? Now, I hope you’renot drowned. Is the storm overblown? I hid me

  Not drowned. Has the storm blown away? I hid myselfunder the dead moon-calf's gaberdine for fear of

  Under the dead monster’s cloak from fear ofthe storm. And art thou living, Stephano? O

  The strom. And are you alive, Stephano? Oh,Stephano, two Neapolitans 'scaped!

  Stephano, two of us men from Naples escaped!

  STEPHANO

  Prithee, do not turn me about; my stomach is not constant.

  Please, don’t dance around with me; my stomach isn’t steady.

  CALIBAN

  [Aside] These be fine things, an if they be

  [Aside] These are fine creatures, if they aren’tnot sprites.

  Spirits.That's a brave god and bears celestial liquor.

  That’s a brave god and he carried godly wine.I will kneel to him.

  I will kneel to him.

  STEPHANO

  How didst thou 'scape? How camest thou hither?

  How did you escape? How did you come to be here?swear by this bottle how thou camest hither. I

  Swear to me by this bottle how you came to be here. Iescaped upon a butt of sack which the sailors

  Escaped on a barrel of wine that the sailorsheaved o'erboard, by this bottle; which I made of

  Threw overboard, I swear by this bottle; which I made out ofthe bark of a tree with mine own hands since I was

  Tree bark with my own hands when I wascast ashore.

  Cast on shore.

  CALIBAN

  I'll swear upon that bottle to be thy true subject;

  I’ll sear on that bottle to be your worshiper;for the liquor is not earthly.

  Because that wine is not of this world.

  STEPHANO

  Here; swear then how thou escapedst.

  Here then; tell me how you escaped.

  TRINCULO

  Swum ashore. man, like a duck: I can swim like a

  I swam ashore, man, like a duck: I can swim like aduck, I'll be sworn.

  Duck, I’ll swear that.

  STEPHANO

  Here, kiss the book. Though thou canst swim like a

  Swear on the holy book. Though you can swim like aduck, thou art made like a goose.

  Duck, you are built like a goose.

  TRINCULO

  O Stephano. hast any more of this?

  Oh, Stephano, do you have any more of this?

  STEPHANO

  The whole butt, man: my cellar is in a rock by the

  The whole barrel, man: my makeshift wine-cellar is in a rocksea-side where my wine is hid. How now, moon-calf!

  By the sea-side where I hid my wine. What about you, monster!how does thine ague?

  How is your fever?

  CALIBAN

  Hast thou not dropp'd from heaven?

  Have you not fallen form heaven?

  STEPHANO

  Out o' the moon, I do assure thee: I was the man i'

  From the moon, I promise you: I was the man inthe moon when time was.

  The moon, once upon a time.

  CALIBAN

  I have seen thee in her and I do adore thee:

  I have seen you in the moon and I love you:My mistress show'd me thee and thy dog and thy bush.

  My mistress showed you to me, and your little dog and your thornbush.

  STEPHANO

  Come, swear to that; kiss the book: I will furnish

  Come on, swear to that; swear on the holy book: I will supplyit anon with new contents swear.

  More soon with new wine, I sear.

  TRINCULO

  By this good light, this is a very shallow monster!

  By heavens, this is a very gullible monster!I afeard of him! A very weak monster! The man i'

  I was scared of him! A very weak monster! The man inthe moon! A most poor credulous monster! Well

  The moon! A very gullible monster! Welldrawn, monster, in good sooth!

  Drink deep, monster, in good health!

  CALIBAN

  I'll show thee every fertile inch o' th' island;

  I’ll show you every fertile inch of the island;And I will kiss thy foot: I prithee, be my god.

  And I will kiss your feet: please, be my god.

  TRINCULO

  By this light, a most perfidious and drunken

  By heavens, a very treacherous and drunkenmonster! when 's god's asleep, he'll rob his bottle.

  Monster! When his god is asleep, he’ll steal his wine.

  CALIBAN

  I'll kiss thy foot; I'll swear myself thy subject.

  I’ll kiss your feet; I’ll swear to be your worshiper.

  STEPHANO

  Come on then; down, and swear.

  Come on then; kneel down, and swear.

  TRINCULO

  I shall laugh myself to death at this puppy-headed

  I will laugh myself to death at this puppy-headedmonster. A most scurvy monster! I could find in my

  Monster. A most wretched monster! If I could find it in myheart to beat him,--

  Heart to beat him,--

  STEPHANO

  Come, kiss.

  Come on, kiss my feet.

  TRINCULO

  But that the poor monster's in drink: an abominable monster!

  Except that the poor monster is drunk: a despicable monster!

  CALIBAN

  I'll show thee the best springs; I'll pluck thee berries;

  I’ll show you the best spring; I’ll pick you berries;I'll fish for thee and get thee wood enough.

  I’ll fish for you and get you enough wood.A plague upon the tyrant that I serve!

  May a plague infect the tyrant that I serve!I'll bear him no more sticks, but follow thee,

  I’ll carry no more sticks for him, but instead follow you,Thou wondrous man.

  You wonderful man.

  TRINCULO

  A most ridiculous monster, to make a wonder of a

  A most ridiculous monster, to think that a poor drunkardPoor drunkard!

  Is wonderful!

  CALIBAN

  I prithee, let me bring thee where crabs grow;

  Please, let me take you to where the crab-apples grow;And I with my long nails will dig thee pignuts;

  And with my long fingernails I will dig up edible roots for you;Show thee a jay's nest and instruct thee how

  Show you the jay-bird’s nest and instruct you on howTo snare the nimble marmoset; I'll bring thee

  To catch the nimble marmoset; I’ll take youTo clustering fil
berts and sometimes I'll get thee

  To the clustering hazelnuts and sometimes I’ll get youYoung scamels from the rock. Wilt thou go with me?

  Young clams from the rock. Will you come with me?

  STEPHANO

  I prithee now, lead the way without any more

  Please, lead the way without any moretalking. Trinculo, the king and all our company

  Talking. Trinculo, the king and all our other companionselse being drowned, we will inherit here: here;

  Having been drowned, we will rule here: here;bear my bottle: fellow Trinculo, we'll fill him by

  Carry my bottle: my friend Trinculo, we’ll fill itand by again.

  Soon enough.

  CALIBAN

  [Sings drunkenly]

  [Sings drunkenly]Farewell master; farewell, farewell!

  Good bye my old master; good bye, good bye!

  TRINCULO

  A howling monster: a drunken monster!

  A screaming monster: a drunken monster!

  CALIBAN

  No more dams I'll make for fish

  I’ll make no more dams to catch fish,Nor fetch in firing

  Nor bring in the firewoodAt requiring;

  At your demand;Nor scrape trencher, nor wash dish

  Nor scrape off your plate, nor wash your dishes,'Ban, 'Ban, Cacaliban

  ‘Ban, ‘Ban, CacalibanHas a new master: get a new man.

  Has a new master: get a new slave.Freedom, hey-day! hey-day, freedom! freedom,

  Freedom, hey-day! Hey-day, freedom! Freedom,hey-day, freedom!

  Hey-day, freedom!

  STEPHANO

  O brave monster! Lead the way.

  Oh splendid monster! Lead the way.

  Exeunt

  Before PROSPERO'S Cell.

  Enter FERDINAND, bearing a log

  FERDINAND

  There be some sports are painful, and their labour

  There are some sports that are difficult, and their difficultyDelight in them sets off: some kinds of baseness