The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)

by William Shakespeare

  And what did she say to my little gift?

  LAUNCE

  Marry, she says your dog was a cur, and tells you

  By Mary, she said that the dog was a matt, and to tell youcurrish thanks is good enough for such a present.

  Mean-spirited thanks is good enough for such a present.

  PROTEUS

  But she received my dog?

  But she kept my dog?

  LAUNCE

  No, indeed, did she not: here have I brought him

  No, indeed, she didn’t: I have brought himback again.

  Back here again.

  PROTEUS

  What, didst thou offer her this from me?

  What, didn’t you offer her this gift from me?

  LAUNCE

  Ay, sir: the other squirrel was stolen from me by

  Yeah, sir: because the other small dog was stolen from me bythe hangman boys in the market-place: and then I

  The devilish boys in the market-place: and then Ioffered her mine own, who is a dog as big as ten of

  Offered her my own dog, who is bigger than ten ofyours, and therefore the gift the greater.

  Your dogs, and so he is a better gift.

  PROTEUS

  Go get thee hence, and find my dog again,

  Go get out of here, and find my little dog again,Or ne'er return again into my sight.

  Or never come back to my sight.Away, I say! stay'st thou to vex me here?

  Get away, I say! Do you just stay to anger me?

  Exit LAUNCE

  A slave, that still an end turns me to shame!

  A servant, who always humiliates me!Sebastian, I have entertained thee,

  Sebastian, I have hired you,Partly that I have need of such a youth

  Partly because I need such a young manThat can with some discretion do my business,

  That can do my business with some tact,For 'tis no trusting to yond foolish lout,

  Because I can’t trust that foolish lout over there,But chiefly for thy face and thy behavior,

  But mainly because of your face and your behavior,Which, if my augury deceive me not,

  Which, if my good judgment doesn’t deceive me,Witness good bringing up, fortune and truth:

  Show that you have had a good upbringing, had good fortune and are honest:Therefore know thou, for this I entertain thee.

  So be aware, that this is why I hired you.Go presently and take this ring with thee,

  Go immediately and take his ring with you,Deliver it to Madam Silvia:

  And deliver it to Madam Silvia:She loved me well deliver'd it to me.

  The woman who gave this to me loved me a lot.

  JULIA

  It seems you loved not her, to leave her token.

  It seems like you didn’t love her, to give up her love-token.She is dead, belike?

  Is she dead, perhaps?

  PROTEUS

  Not so; I think she lives.

  No she’s not; I think she’s alive.

  JULIA

  Alas!

  Sadly!

  PROTEUS

  Why dost thou cry 'alas'?

  Why did you just cry out ‘sadly’?

  JULIA

  I cannot choose

  I cannot helpBut pity her.

  But feel sorry for her.

  PROTEUS

  Wherefore shouldst thou pity her?

  Why should you feel sorry for her?

  JULIA

  Because methinks that she loved you as well

  Because it seems to me that she loved you as muchAs you do love your lady Silvia:

  As you love your lady Silvia:She dreams of him that has forgot her love;

  She dream of the man who was forgotten her love;You dote on her that cares not for your love.

  And you worship a woman that doesn’t care for your lov;'Tis pity love should be so contrary;

  It’s a shame that love is so uncooperative;And thinking of it makes me cry 'alas!'

  And thinking of that made me cry out ‘sadly!’

  PROTEUS

  Well, give her that ring and therewithal

  Well, give her that ring and with itThis letter. That's her chamber. Tell my lady

  This letter. That’ her room there. Tell my ladyI claim the promise for her heavenly picture.

  That I’m claiming the promise of her heavenly picture.Your message done, hie home unto my chamber,

  When you message is done, hurry home to my room,Where thou shalt find me, sad and solitary.

  Where you sill find me, sad and alone.

  Exit

  JULIA

  How many women would do such a message?

  How many women could deliver such a message?Alas, poor Proteus! thou hast entertain'd

  It’s a shame, poor Proteus! You have hiredA fox to be the shepherd of thy lambs.

  A fox to be the shepherd of your lambs.Alas, poor fool! why do I pity him

  It’s a shame, poor fool! Why do I feel sorry for himThat with his very heart despiseth me?

  Who hates me with his heart?Because he loves her, he despiseth me;

  Because he loves her, he hates me;Because I love him I must pity him.

  Because I love him, I must feel sorry for him.This ring I gave him when he parted from me,

  This is the ring that I gave him when he left me,To bind him to remember my good will;

  To make him remember my love;And now am I, unhappy messenger,

  And now I am, unhappy messenger that I am,To plead for that which I would not obtain,

  Supposed to plead for the love of Silvia for Proteus, which I don’t want to obtain,To carry that which I would have refused,

  To carry the ring and letter that I would have refused,To praise his faith which I would have dispraised.

  To praise his loyalty, which I want to criticize.I am my master's true-confirmed love;

  I am my master’s true love;But cannot be true servant to my master,

  But I cannot be an honest servant to my master,Unless I prove false traitor to myself.

  Unless I act as a traitor to myself.Yet will I woo for him, but yet so coldly

  But I will woo her for him, but still so hardheartedly,As, heaven it knows, I would not have him speed.

  Since, as heaven knows, I don’t want him to succeed.

  Enter SILVIA, attended

  Gentlewoman, good day! I pray you, be my mean

  My Lady, good day! Please, would youTo bring me where to speak with Madam Silvia.

  Bring me to where I can speak with Madam Silvia.

  SILVIA

  What would you with her, if that I be she?

  What would you say to her, if I was her?

  JULIA

  If you be she, I do entreat your patience

  If you are her, I ask for you patienceTo hear me speak the message I am sent on.

  To listen to me tell you the message I was sent to give.

  SILVIA

  From whom?

  From whom?

  JULIA

  From my master, Sir Proteus, madam.

  From my master, Sir Proteus, madam.

  SILVIA

  O, he sends you for a picture.

  Oh, he sent you to get the picture.

  JULIA

  Ay, madam.

  Yes, madam.

  SILVIA

  Ursula, bring my picture here.

  Ursula, bring my picture here/Go give your master this: tell him from me,

  Go and give your master this: give him this message from me:One Julia, that his changing thoughts forget,

  The woman Julia, that he has forgotten since he changed his mind,Would better fit his chamber than this shadow.

  Would be more suitable for his bedroom than this portrait.

  JULIA

  Madam, please you peruse this letter.—

  Madam, please read this letter—Pardon me, madam; I have unadvised

  Forgive me, madaml I have accidentlyDeliver'd you a paper that I should not:

  Given you
a letter that I shouldn’t have:

  “[JULIA take back the first letter and gives SILVIA a different letter than before.]”

  This is the letter to your ladyship.

  This here is the letter to you, your lady.

  SILVIA

  I pray thee, let me look on that again.

  Please, let me look at that one again.

  JULIA

  It may not be; good madam, pardon me.

  I can’t; good madam, forgive me.

  SILVIA

  There, hold!

  Wait there!

  “[SILVIA tear apart the letter]”

  I will not look upon your master's lines:

  I won’t read whatever your master wrote:I know they are stuff'd with protestations

  I know it’s jam-packed with declarationsAnd full of new-found oaths; which he will break

  And full of newly created promises; which he will breakAs easily as I do tear his paper.

  As easily as I tore that paper.

  JULIA

  Madam, he sends your ladyship this ring.

  Madam, he sends you this wring, your lady.

  SILVIA

  The more shame for him that he sends it me;

  And more shame on him who send it to me;For I have heard him say a thousand times

  Because I have heard him say a thousand timesHis Julia gave it him at his departure.

  That Julia gave it to him at his departure.Though his false finger have profaned the ring,

  Though his unfaithful finger has already abused the ring,Mine shall not do his Julia so much wrong.

  My finger will not do his Julia any harm.

  JULIA

  She thanks you.

  She thanks you.

  SILVIA

  What say'st thou?

  What did you say?

  JULIA

  I thank you, madam, that you tender her.

  I thank you, madam, that you are concerned for her.Poor gentlewoman! my master wrongs her much.

  Poor lady! My master mistreats her so much.

  SILVIA

  Dost thou know her?

  Do you know her?

  JULIA

  Almost as well as I do know myself:

  Almost as well as I know myself:To think upon her woes I do protest

  I’ll tell you that thinking about her troubles,That I have wept a hundred several times.

  I have cried several hundred times.

  SILVIA

  Belike she thinks that Proteus hath forsook her.

  It seems to me that she think that Proteus has rejected her.

  JULIA

  I think she doth; and that's her cause of sorrow.

  I think she does; and that’s the cause of her sorrow.

  SILVIA

  Is she not passing fair?

  Is she not extremely pretty?

  JULIA

  She hath been fairer, madam, than she is:

  She has been prettier, madam, than she is now:When she did think my master loved her well,

  When she thought my master still loved her,She, in my judgment, was as fair as you:

  She was a pretty as you, by my judgment:But since she did neglect her looking-glass

  But since then she stopped looking in the mirrorAnd threw her sun-expelling mask away,

  And threw away the mask that protects her skin from the sun,The air hath starved the roses in her cheeks

  The air has wither the rosiness of her cheeksAnd pinch'd the lily-tincture of her face,

  And worn away the pale complexion of her face,That now she is become as black as I.

  That now she is as ugly as I am.

  SILVIA

  How tall was she?

  How tall was she?

  JULIA

  About my stature; for at Pentecost,

  About my height; because on Pentecost,When all our pageants of delight were play'd,

  When we put on all your pageant plays,Our youth got me to play the woman's part,

  Our young man got me to play a woman’s part,And I was trimm'd in Madam Julia's gown,

  And I was dressed in Madam Julia’s gown,Which served me as fit, by all men's judgments,

  Which fit me just as well, by everyone’s judgements,As if the garment had been made for me:

  As if the dress had been made for me:Therefore I know she is about my height.

  That’s how I know she is about my height.And at that time I made her weep agood,

  And at the time I made her weep in earnest,For I did play a lamentable part:

  Because I played a mournful part:Madam, 'twas Ariadne passioning

  Madam, it was Ariadne in a passion and grievingFor Theseus' perjury and unjust flight;

  For Theseus’ dishonesty and deceitful escape;Which I so lively acted with my tears

  Which I aced out so energetically with my tearsThat my poor mistress, moved therewithal,

  That my poor mistress, moved by the performance,Wept bitterly; and would I might be dead

  Wept bitterly; and I’d wish I were deadIf I in thought felt not her very sorrow!

  If I had not felt her same exact sorrow in my own mind!

  SILVIA

  She is beholding to thee, gentle youth.

  She is indebted to you, kind young man.Alas, poor lady, desolate and left!

  It’s a same, poor lady, deserted and alone!I weep myself to think upon thy words.

  I myself am weeping to think about your words.Here, youth, there is my purse; I give thee this

  Here, young man, this is my purse; I’m giving it to youFor thy sweet mistress' sake, because thou lovest her.

  For you sweet mistress’ sake, because you love her.Farewell.

  Goodbye.

  Exit SILVIA, with attendants

  JULIA

  And she shall thank you for't, if e'er you know her.

  And she will thank you for it, if you ever meet her.A virtuous gentlewoman, mild and beautiful!

  A virtuous lady, kind and beautiful!I hope my master's suit will be but cold,

  I hope my master’s pursuit of her won’t work,Since she respects my mistress' love so much.

  Since she respects my mistress Julia’s love so much.Alas, how love can trifle with itself!

  It’s a shame, how love can mess with itself!Here is her picture: let me see; I think,

  Here is her picture: let me see, I think,If I had such a tire, this face of mine

  If I had such a tiara, my faceWere full as lovely as is this of hers:

  Would be just as pretty as hers is:And yet the painter flatter'd her a little,

  And still the painter painted her a bit prettier than she is,Unless I flatter with myself too much.

  Unless I’m just flattering myself too much.Her hair is auburn, mine is perfect yellow:

  Her hair is auburn, and mine is golden blonde:If that be all the difference in his love,

  If that is the only difference in his love,I'll get me such a colour'd periwig.

  I can get myself a wig of that color.Her eyes are grey as glass, and so are mine:

  Her eyes are bluish grey, and so are mine;Ay, but her forehead's low, and mine's as high.

  Yes, but her forehead is a bit low, and mine is high.What should it be that he respects in her

  What is it that he values in herBut I can make respective in myself,

  That I can’t inspire the same in myself.If this fond Love were not a blinded god?

  What if passionate love were not a blind god?Come, shadow, come and take this shadow up,

  Come on, ghost of Julia, pick this portrait up,For 'tis thy rival. O thou senseless form,

  For it is your rival. Oh, you picture without human feeling,Thou shalt be worshipp'd, kiss'd, loved and adored!

  You will be worhshipped, kissed, loved and adored!And, were there sense in his idolatry,

  And, if his worship made any sense,My substance should be statue in thy stead.

  My actual self would be worship in its place.I'll use thee kindly for thy
mistress' sake,

  I’ll treat you well for your mistress’ sake,That used me so; or else, by Jove I vow,

  Who treated me kindly; or otherwise, I swear by Jove,I should have scratch'd out your unseeing eyes

  I would have scratched out your unseeing eyesTo make my master out of love with thee!

  To make my master fall out of love with you!

  Exit

  An abbey.

  Enter EGLAMOUR

  EGLAMOUR

  The sun begins to gild the western sky;

  The sunset it turning the sky gold,And now it is about the very hour

  And this is the timeThat Silvia, at Friar Patrick's cell, should meet me.

  That Silvia is meeting me in Friar Patrick’s room.She will not fail, for lovers break not hours,

  She’s won’t fail, because lovers don’t miss their appointments,Unless it be to come before their time;

  Unless it is to because they arrive early;So much they spur their expedition.

  So that they hurry up their speed.See where she comes.

  See here she comes.

  Enter SILVIA

  Lady, a happy evening!

  Lady, good evening!

  SILVIA

  Amen, amen! Go on, good Eglamour,

  So it is, so it is! Come on, good Eglamour,Out at the postern by the abbey-wall:

  Let’s go out by the side gate by the abbey wall:I fear I am attended by some spies.

  I’m afraid that I’m followed by spies.

  EGLAMOUR

  Fear not: the forest is not three leagues off;

  Don’t be afraid: the forest is less than nine miles away;If we recover that, we are sure enough.

  If we reach there, we are safe enough.

  Exeunt

  The DUKE's palace.

  Enter THURIO, PROTEUS, and JULIA

  THURIO