The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)

by William Shakespeare

  LAERTES

  I am somewhat satisfied. The death of my father and sister is motivation for revenge, but I am an honorable man. I accept your apologies and love for what they are.

  I am satisfied in nature,Whose motive, in this case, should stir me mostTo my revenge: but in my terms of honourI stand aloof; and will no reconcilement,Till by some elder masters, of known honour,I have a voice and precedent of peace,To keep my name ungored. But till that time,I do receive your offer'd love like love,And will not wrong it.

  HAMLET

  Thank you. Let’s play a friendly game. Give us the weapons.

  I embrace it freely;And will this brother's wager frankly play.Give us the foils. Come on.

  LAERTES

  Give me one, too.

  Come, one for me.

  HAMLET

  I’m going to go easy, Laertes, and make you look like a shining star in the darkest night.

  I'll be your foil, Laertes: in mine ignoranceYour skill shall, like a star i' the darkest night,Stick fiery off indeed.

  LAERTES

  Don’t mock me, sir.

  You mock me, sir.

  HAMLET

  I’m not.

  No, by this hand.

  KING CLAUDIUS

  Give them the weapons, young Osric. Hamlet, you know what’s at stake?

  Give them the foils, young Osric. Cousin Hamlet,You know the wager?

  HAMLET

  Yes, my lord. You have bet against the odds.

  Very well, my lordYour grace hath laid the odds o' the weaker side.

  KING CLAUDIUS

  I’m not afraid. I have seen you both, but since he’s better we’ve given him a handicap.

  I do not fear it; I have seen you both:But since he is better'd, we have therefore odds.

  LAERTES

  This sword is too heavy. Let me see another.

  This is too heavy, let me see another.

  HAMLET

  This one fits me well. Are they all the same length?

  This likes me well. These foils have all a length?

  They prepare to play

  OSRIC

  Yes, my lord.

  Ay, my good lord.

  KING CLAUDIUS

  Put the wine on that table. If Hamlet begins to win, I’ll drink to his health. Then, I will put a poison in the cup stronger than the last four kings of Denmark combined. Give me the cups. Let the drum and trumpeters begin. Let’s begin. Watch, judges.

  Set me the stoops of wine upon that table.If Hamlet give the first or second hit,Or quit in answer of the third exchange,Let all the battlements their ordnance fire:The king shall drink to Hamlet's better breath;And in the cup an union shall he throw,Richer than that which four successive kingsIn Denmark's crown have worn. Give me the cups;And let the kettle to the trumpet speak,The trumpet to the cannoneer without,The cannons to the heavens, the heavens to earth,'Now the king dunks to Hamlet.' Come, begin:And you, the judges, bear a wary eye.

  HAMLET

  Come on, sir.

  Come on, sir.

  LAERTES

  Come, my lord.

  Come, my lord.

  They play

  HAMLET

  One.

  One.

  LAERTES

  No.

  No.

  HAMLET

  Judges?

  Judgment.

  OSRIC

  It was a hit.

  A hit, a very palpable hit.

  LAERTES

  Well, try that again.

  Well; again.

  KING CLAUDIUS

  Someone give me a drink. Hamlet, this pearl is for you, and here’s to your health.

  Stay; give me drink. Hamlet, this pearl is thine;Here's to thy health.

  Trumpets sound, and cannon shot off within

  Give him the cup.

  Give him the cup.

  HAMLET

  I don’t want it right now. Just, set it down. Come on.

  I'll play this bout first; set it by awhile. Come.

  They play

  I think that was another hit. And, you?

  Another hit; what say you?

  LAERTES

  You did touch me, I confess.

  A touch, a touch, I do confess.

  KING CLAUDIUS

  Our son is going to win.

  Our son shall win.

  QUEEN GERTRUDE

  He’s fat and out of breath. Here, Hamlet, take my napkin and rub the sweat out of your eyes. I drink to your future, Hamlet.

  He's fat, and scant of breath.Here, Hamlet, take my napkin, rub thy brows;The queen carouses to thy fortune, Hamlet.

  HAMLET

  Thank you, madam!

  Good madam!

  KING CLAUDIUS

  Gertrude, do not drink from that cup.

  Gertrude, do not drink.

  QUEEN GERTRUDE

  I will, my lord. Now, if you’ll excuse me.

  I will, my lord; I pray you, pardon me.

  KING CLAUDIUS

  [Aside]

  It’s the poisoned cup. It’s too late.

  It is the poison'd cup: it is too late.

  HAMLET

  I don’t want anything to drink, yet. Maybe, later.

  I dare not drink yet, madam; by and by.

  QUEEN GERTRUDE

  Come, let my wipe your face.

  Come, let me wipe thy face.

  LAERTES

  My lord, I’ll hit him now.

  My lord, I'll hit him now.

  KING CLAUDIUS

  I don’t think so.

  I do not think't.

  LAERTES

  [Aside]

  I almost feel wrong about this.

  And yet 'tis almost 'gainst my conscience.

  HAMLET

  Have you come for the third, Laertes. You are too late. Take your best shot. I’m not a child; I’m ready.

  Come, for the third, Laertes: you but dally;I pray you, pass with your best violence;I am afeard you make a wanton of me.

  LAERTES

  Oh yea? Come on.

  Say you so? come on.

  They play

  OSRIC

  They are so close.

  Nothing, neither way.

  LAERTES

  Here’s one for you.

  Have at you now!

  LAERTES wounds HAMLET; then in scuffling, they change rapiers, and HAMLET wounds LAERTES

  KING CLAUDIUS

  Pull them apart. They aren’t playing.

  Part them; they are incensed.

  HAMLET

  No, let us go again.

  Nay, come, again.

  QUEEN GERTRUDE falls

  OSRIC

  Someone look after the queen!

  Look to the queen there, ho!

  HORATIO

  They are both bleeding. How are you, my lord?

  They bleed on both sides. How is it, my lord?

  OSRIC

  How are you, Laertes?

  How is't, Laertes?

  LAERTES

  Like a trapped animal, Osric. I am killed by my own evil desires.

  Why, as a woodcock to mine own springe, Osric;I am justly kill'd with mine own treachery.

  HAMLET

  How’s the queen?

  How does the queen?

  KING CLAUDIUS

  She just fainted at the sight of the blood.

  She swounds to see them bleed.

  QUEEN GERTRUDE

  No, no, it’s the drink. Oh, my dear Hamlet, the drink is poisoned. I am dying.

  No, no, the drink, the drink,--O my dear Hamlet,--The drink, the drink! I am poison'd.

  Dies

  HAMLET

  Oh, what villains! Lock the door. Find out who did this.

  O villany! Ho! let the door be lock'd:Treachery! Seek it out.

  LAERTES

  Here, Hamlet. You are as good as dead. Nothing can save you now. You have less than an hour. The sword’s tip was poisoned. Your mother is poisoned, and it’s the k
ing’s fault.

  It is here, Hamlet: Hamlet, thou art slain;No medicine in the world can do thee good;In thee there is not half an hour of life;The treacherous instrument is in thy hand,Unbated and envenom'd: the foul practiseHath turn'd itself on me lo, here I lie,Never to rise again: thy mother's poison'd:I can no more: the king, the king's to blame.

  HAMLET

  The sword is poisoned. Then, let the venom do its work!

  The point!--envenom'd too!Then, venom, to thy work.

  Stabs KING CLAUDIUS

  All

  Treason! Treason!

  Treason! treason!

  KING CLAUDIUS

  I am only hurt. Defend me, friends.

  O, yet defend me, friends; I am but hurt.

  HAMLET

  Here you incestuous, murderous, Dane. Damn you to hell. Drink the rest of this, and go with my mother.

  Here, thou incestuous, murderous, damned Dane,Drink off this potion. Is thy union here?Follow my mother.

  KING CLAUDIUS dies

  LAERTES

  He got what he deserved. He poisoned himself. Please forgive me, Hamlet, and I will forgive you. My father’s death or mine are not your fault, just like your death is not my fault.

  He is justly served;It is a poison temper'd by himself.Exchange forgiveness with me, noble Hamlet:Mine and my father's death come not upon thee,Nor thine on me.

  Dies

  HAMLET

  God will free you in heaven. I am on my way. I am dying, Horatio! Goodbye, wretched queen. If I had time, I could tell you all a thing or two, but death waits for no man. Horatio, tell them everything and set this story straight.

  Heaven make thee free of it! I follow thee.I am dead, Horatio. Wretched queen, adieu!You that look pale and tremble at this chance,That are but mutes or audience to this act,Had I but time--as this fell sergeant, death,Is strict in his arrest--O, I could tell you--But let it be. Horatio, I am dead;Thou livest; report me and my cause arightTo the unsatisfied.

  HORATIO

  No one will believe it. I am more like an ancient Roman, than a corrupt Dane. Here’s some poisonous drink.

  Never believe it:I am more an antique Roman than a Dane:Here's yet some liquor left.

  HAMLET

  Give me that cup. Let go. I swear, I’ll take it from you, Horatio. If you ever cared about me, then don’t do this. Stay and tell my story.

  As thou'rt a man,Give me the cup: let go; by heaven, I'll have't.O good Horatio, what a wounded name,Things standing thus unknown, shall live behind me!If thou didst ever hold me in thy heartAbsent thee from felicity awhile,And in this harsh world draw thy breath in pain,To tell my story.

  March afar off, and shot within

  What is that noise?

  What warlike noise is this?

  OSRIC

  Young Fortinbras is returning from his triumph in Poland to greet the English ambassadors.

  Young Fortinbras, with conquest come from Poland,To the ambassadors of England givesThis warlike volley.

  HAMLET

  Oh, I’m dying, Horatio. The poison is strong. I will not live to hear the news from England, but do tell Fortinbras he has my support.

  O, I die, Horatio;The potent poison quite o'er-crows my spirit:I cannot live to hear the news from England;But I do prophesy the election lightsOn Fortinbras: he has my dying voice;So tell him, with the occurrents, more and less,Which have solicited. The rest is silence.

  Dies

  HORATIO

  Here lies a noble heart. Good night, sweet prince. May angels sing you to sleep! Why are those drums approaching?

  Now cracks a noble heart. Good night sweet prince:And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest!Why does the drum come hither?

  March within

  Enter FORTINBRAS, the English Ambassadors, and others

  PRINCE FORTINBRAS

  What is going on?

  Where is this sight?

  HORATIO

  What do you think you see? If you’ve come to see a tragedy, you’ve found it.

  What is it ye would see?If aught of woe or wonder, cease your search.

  PRINCE FORTINBRAS

  This looks like a massacre. Oh proud Death, what are you planning with so many royals dead at one time?

  This quarry cries on havoc. O proud death,What feast is toward in thine eternal cell,That thou so many princes at a shotSo bloodily hast struck?

  First Ambassador

  This is a horrible sight. We are too late from England to tell the news of his wishes being fulfilled. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead. Who is here to thank us?

  The sight is dismal;And our affairs from England come too late:The ears are senseless that should give us hearing,To tell him his commandment is fulfill'd,That Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead:Where should we have our thanks?

  HORATIO

  If he had the ability to thank you, Hamlet would. The king never gave the order. He did. But, since you are here to witness this scene, tell your men to put these bodies on display, and I will tell you what happened.

  Not from his mouth,Had it the ability of life to thank you:He never gave commandment for their death.But since, so jump upon this bloody question,You from the Polack wars, and you from England,Are here arrived give order that these bodiesHigh on a stage be placed to the view;And let me speak to the yet unknowing worldHow these things came about: so shall you hearOf carnal, bloody, and unnatural acts,Of accidental judgments, casual slaughters,Of deaths put on by cunning and forced cause,And, in this upshot, purposes mistookFall'n on the inventors' reads: all this can ITruly deliver.

  PRINCE FORTINBRAS

  Hurry. Let us hear it. Get all of the noblemen to hear it. It is with great sadness that I accept my good fortune, since I can now claim the throne.

  Let us haste to hear it,And call the noblest to the audience.For me, with sorrow I embrace my fortune:I have some rights of memory in this kingdom,Which now to claim my vantage doth invite me.

  HORATIO

  I also have something to say about that from Hamlet, himself. Let’s go ahead and start before any more madness begins.

  Of that I shall have also cause to speak,And from his mouth whose voice will draw on more;But let this same be presently perform'd,Even while men's minds are wild; lest more mischanceOn plots and errors, happen.

  PRINCE FORTINBRAS

  Let four captains carry Hamlet, like a soldier, to the stage. He is the rightful heir to the throne. Let there be military honors to portray his heroism. Pick up the rest of the bodies. This looks like a battlefield. Fire your guns in honor of Hamlet.

  Let four captainsBear Hamlet, like a soldier, to the stage;For he was likely, had he been put on,To have proved most royally: and, for his passage,The soldiers' music and the rites of warSpeak loudly for him.Take up the bodies: such a sight as thisBecomes the field, but here shows much amiss.Go, bid the soldiers shoot.

  A dead march. Exeunt, bearing off the dead bodies; after which a peal of ordnance is shot off.

  Brutus-Supporter of the Republic and friend of Caesar

  Julius Caesar-Roman general and senator

  Antony-Loyal Friend of Caesar

  Cassius-General

  Octavius-Caesar’s adopted son

  Casca-A representative and one of the conspirators

  Calpurnia-Caesar’s wife

  Portia-Brutus’s wife and daughter of Cato

  Flavius and Marullus-Two representatives

  Cicero-Roman senator

  Lepidus-Third member of Antony and Octavius’s coalition

  Decius-Member of the conspiracy

  Enter Flavius, Marullus and certain Commoners

  Flavius

  Hence! home, you idle creatures, get you home! Is this a holiday? What! know you not, Being mechanical, you ought not walk Upon a laboring day without the sign Of your profession?--Speak, what trade art thou?

  Hey! Go home you lazy bums. Is this a holiday? What’s going on? This is a work day. What is your occupation?

 
First Commoner

  Why, sir, a carpenter.

  I am a carpenter, sir.

  Marullus

  Where is thy leather apron and thy rule? What dost thou with thy best apparel on?-- You, sir; what trade are you?

  Where are your leather apron and your ruler? What are you doing in your best clothes? What is your occupation, sir?

  Second Commoner

  Truly, sir, in respect of a fine workman, I am but, as you would say, a cobbler.

  I am a cobbler, sir.

  Marullus

  But what trade art thou? Answer me directly.

  But, what do you do? Answer me, honestly.

  Second Commoner

  A trade, sir, that, I hope, I may use with a safe conscience, which is indeed, sir, a mender of bad soles.

  I mend bad soles, sir. That is my trade.

  Marullus

  What trade, thou knave? Thou naughty knave, what trade?

  That’s not a trade, you liar. What kind of trade do you do?

  Second Commoner

  Nay, I beseech you, sir, be not out with me; yet, if you be out, sir, I can mend you.

  Please don’t be angry, sir. I can show you.

  Marullus

  What mean'st thou by that? Mend me, thou saucy fellow!

  What do you mean? Show me? Are you getting smart with me?

  Second Commoner

  Why, sir, cobble you.

  I mean fix your shoes.

  Flavius