The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)

by William Shakespeare

  Lady Capulet

  Have you lost your mind?

  Fie, fie! what, are you mad?

  Juliet

  Please, father! I am begging you! Hear me out.

  Good father, I beseech you on my knees, Hear me with patience but to speak a word.

  Capulet

  No, you disobedient wretch! Get yourself to the church on Thursday or never look at me again. Don’t say another word to me. I can barely keep myself from slapping you. Wife, we never thought we were too blessed, only having one child. Now, I see we were cursed, and one was too much.

  Hang thee, young baggage! disobedient wretch! I tell thee what,--get thee to church o' Thursday, Or never after look me in the face: Speak not, reply not, do not answer me; My fingers itch.--Wife, we scarce thought us bles'd That God had lent us but this only child; But now I see this one is one too much, And that we have a curse in having her: Out on her, hilding!

  Nurse

  Bless her, Lord! Do not treat her like this.

  God in heaven bless her!-- You are to blame, my lord, to rate her so.

  Capulet

  Why not, wise woman? Hold your tongue or go spread more gossip with your friends.

  And why, my lady wisdom? hold your tongue, Good prudence; smatter with your gossips, go.

  Nurse

  I’ve not said anything wrong.

  I speak no treason.

  Capulet

  Oh, God have mercy.

  O, God ye good-en!

  Nurse

  May I speak?

  May not one speak?

  Capulet

  Be quiet fool! We do not need to hear any of your gibberish.

  Peace, you mumbling fool! Utter your gravity o'er a gossip's bowl, For here we need it not.

  Lady Capulet

  You are getting over-steamed.

  You are too hot.

  Capulet

  I swear it makes me mad! No matter what I was doing, all I ever wanted was to find her a suitable husband. And when I find one she says, “I’m too young to get married. Please excuse me.” Well, I’ll excuse you from this house, if you won’t get married. You may find another place to eat and sleep. You better look at this thing clearly, because I’m not joking. Thursday is near, so be advised, I am giving you away to my friend. You will not deny me or I will let you die, starve, or beg in the streets. Don’t test me on this.

  God's bread! it makes me mad: Day, night, hour, time, tide, work, play, Alone, in company, still my care hath been To have her match'd, and having now provided A gentleman of noble parentage, Of fair demesnes, youthful, and nobly train'd, Stuff'd, as they say, with honourable parts, Proportion'd as one's heart would wish a man,-- And then to have a wretched puling fool, A whining mammet, in her fortune's tender, To answer, 'I'll not wed,--I cannot love, I am too young,--I pray you pardon me:'-- But, an you will not wed, I'll pardon you: Graze where you will, you shall not house with me: Look to't, think on't, I do not use to jest. Thursday is near; lay hand on heart, advise: An you be mine, I'll give you to my friend; An you be not, hang, beg, starve, die i' the streets, For, by my soul, I'll ne'er acknowledge thee, Nor what is mine shall never do thee good: Trust to't, bethink you, I'll not be forsworn.

  (Exit.)

  Juliet

  Doesn’t anyone have pity for me? Oh sweet mother, do not throw me away? Delay this marriage for a month or a week. Otherwise, make my marriage bed in the vault with Tybalt.

  Is there no pity sitting in the clouds, That sees into the bottom of my grief? O, sweet my mother, cast me not away! Delay this marriage for a month, a week; Or, if you do not, make the bridal bed In that dim monument where Tybalt lies.

  Lady Capulet

  Do not talk to me, because I have nothing to say. Do as you will; I am done with you.

  Talk not to me, for I'll not speak a word; Do as thou wilt, for I have done with thee.

  (Exit.)

  Juliet

  Oh God! Oh Nurse! How can this mess be prevented? I already have a husband on earth and I believe in the word of God. How can I get married again while he is living? Help me! Tell me what to do! Why does something like this have to happen to someone like me? What do you have to say, Nurse? Give me some comfort.

  O God!--O nurse! how shall this be prevented? My husband is on earth, my faith in heaven; How shall that faith return again to earth, Unless that husband send it me from heaven By leaving earth?--comfort me, counsel me.-- Alack, alack, that heaven should practise stratagems Upon so soft a subject as myself!-- What say'st thou? hast thou not a word of joy? Some comfort, nurse.

  Nurse

  Romeo is banished and he cannot come back and challenge this marriage. If he does, he can’t be seen. So, you better follow through with this marriage. Paris is a wonderful gentleman and Romeo doesn’t compare. Madam, an eagle’s eyes are not as green as Paris’s. I swear you will be happy with this second match. It will be so much better than your first. Your first husband is dead or as good as dead.

  Faith, here 'tis; Romeo Is banished; and all the world to nothing That he dares ne'er come back to challenge you; Or if he do, it needs must be by stealth. Then, since the case so stands as now it doth, I think it best you married with the county. O, he's a lovely gentleman! Romeo's a dishclout to him; an eagle, madam, Hath not so green, so quick, so fair an eye As Paris hath. Beshrew my very heart, I think you are happy in this second match, For it excels your first: or if it did not, Your first is dead; or 'twere as good he were, As living here, and you no use of him.

  Juliet

  Are you speaking from your heart?

  Speakest thou this from thy heart?

  Nurse

  And my soul, too. I swear.

  And from my soul too; Or else beshrew them both.

  Juliet

  Amen!

  Amen!

  Nurse

  What?

  What?

  Juliet

  Well, you have made me feel better. Please, tell my mother since I have angered my father, I have gone to Friar Lawrence’s cell to make confession and be absolved.

  Well, thou hast comforted me marvellous much. Go in; and tell my lady I am gone, Having displeas'd my father, to Lawrence' cell, To make confession and to be absolv'd.

  Nurse

  I will. That is a good idea.

  Marry, I will; and this is wisely done.

  (Exit Nurse.)

  Juliet

  Damn her! Wicked woman! How dare she speak that way about my husband and with the same mouth she used to praise him? Go, counselor! I will never tell you anything again. I’ll go to the friar and see what he thinks I should do. If nothing else, I will kill myself.

  Ancient damnation! O most wicked fiend! Is it more sin to wish me thus forsworn, Or to dispraise my lord with that same tongue Which she hath prais'd him with above compare So many thousand times?--Go, counsellor; Thou and my bosom henceforth shall be twain.-- I'll to the friar to know his remedy; If all else fail, myself have power to die.

  (Exit.)

  Scene I: Friar Lawrence’s Cell

  (Enter Friar Lawrence and Paris.)

  Friar Lawrence

  On Thursday, sir? That doesn’t give you much time.

  On Thursday, sir? the time is very short.

  Paris

  My soon-to-be father-in-law, Capulet, wants it done quickly. So, I see no reason to stop him.

  My father Capulet will have it so; And I am nothing slow to slack his haste.

  Friar Lawrence

  But, you say you barely know the lady. That makes me think it is not such a good idea to rush into things.

  You say you do not know the lady's mind: Uneven is the course; I like it not.

  Paris

  She is grieving the death of her cousin Tybalt, so I haven’t had time to really win her affections. The goddess of love, Venus, cannot work her magic on someone in mourning. I think that is the reason her father is in such a hurry, to help her heal. She will not cry so much with me around.


  Immoderately she weeps for Tybalt's death, And therefore have I little talk'd of love; For Venus smiles not in a house of tears. Now, sir, her father counts it dangerous That she do give her sorrow so much sway; And, in his wisdom, hastes our marriage, To stop the inundation of her tears; Which, too much minded by herself alone, May be put from her by society: Now do you know the reason of this haste.

  Friar Lawrence

  (To himself.) I wish I didn’t know why this marriage can’t happen. (To Paris.) Look, sir, here comes the lady toward my home.

  [Aside.] I would I knew not why it should be slow'd.-- Look, sir, here comes the lady toward my cell.

  (Enter Juliet.)

  Paris

  It’s so good to see you, my lady, my wife!

  Happily met, my lady and my wife!

  Juliet

  It will be good to see you, sir, when I am able to become a wife.

  That may be, sir, when I may be a wife.

  Paris

  You must be ready by Thursday.

  That may be must be, love, on Thursday next.

  Juliet

  What must be must be.

  What must be shall be.

  Friar Lawrence

  So true.

  That's a certain text.

  Paris

  Are you here to make confession?

  Come you to make confession to this father?

  Juliet

  I should confess to you.

  To answer that, I should confess to you.

  Paris

  Do not deny your love for me.

  Do not deny to him that you love me.

  Juliet

  I will not deny that I am in love.

  I will confess to you that I love him.

  Paris

  I’m sure you will tell him you are in love with me.

  So will ye, I am sure, that you love me.

  Juliet

  If I do, it will be more meaningful if I do it in private.

  If I do so, it will be of more price, Being spoke behind your back than to your face.

  Paris

  You poor thing, your face shows how much you’ve been crying.

  Poor soul, thy face is much abus'd with tears.

  Juliet

  Tears have little to do with how my face looks. It always looks like this.

  The tears have got small victory by that; For it was bad enough before their spite.

  Paris

  That is not true.

  Thou wrong'st it more than tears with that report.

  Juliet

  I am telling the truth about my face to your face.

  That is no slander, sir, which is a truth; And what I spake, I spake it to my face.

  Paris

  Your face is mine and I will not have you talking ugly about it.

  Thy face is mine, and thou hast slander'd it.

  Juliet

  My face is definitely not my own. May I speak with you, holy father? Or, should I come back at evening mass?

  It may be so, for it is not mine own.-- Are you at leisure, holy father, now; Or shall I come to you at evening mass?

  Friar Lawrence

  No, now is fine. Paris, my lord, we must have some privacy.

  My leisure serves me, pensive daughter, now.-- My lord, we must entreat the time alone.

  Paris

  God forbid I should disturb devotion. Until Thursday, Juliet. Goodbye, and until then remember this holy kiss.

  God shield I should disturb devotion!-- Juliet, on Thursday early will I rouse you: Till then, adieu; and keep this holy kiss.

  (Exit Paris.)

  Juliet

  Oh, shut the door and come cry with me. I am hopelessly without cure or help!

  O, shut the door! and when thou hast done so, Come weep with me; past hope, past cure, past help!

  Friar Lawrence

  Ah, Juliet, I already know your grief. I have racked my brain trying to figure out a way for you to get out of this marriage, but you must marry this man on Thursday.

  Ah, Juliet, I already know thy grief; It strains me past the compass of my wits: I hear thou must, and nothing may prorogue it, On Thursday next be married to this county.

  Juliet

  Please don’t tell me you know about it; tell me what we’re going to do. Or, I will use this knife to prevent this marriage. Please give me some advice or watch me die.

  Tell me not, friar, that thou hear'st of this, Unless thou tell me how I may prevent it: If, in thy wisdom, thou canst give no help, Do thou but call my resolution wise, And with this knife I'll help it presently. God join'd my heart and Romeo's, thou our hands; And ere this hand, by thee to Romeo's seal'd, Shall be the label to another deed, Or my true heart with treacherous revolt Turn to another, this shall slay them both: Therefore, out of thy long-experienc'd time, Give me some present counsel; or, behold, 'Twixt my extremes and me this bloody knife Shall play the empire; arbitrating that Which the commission of thy years and art Could to no issue of true honour bring. Be not so long to speak; I long to die, If what thou speak'st speak not of remedy.

  Friar Lawrence

  Hold on. I may have an idea, but it will take some desperate measures to prevent this marriage. If you are willing to really kill yourself before you get married again, then you will probably go along with my idea.

  Hold, daughter. I do spy a kind of hope, Which craves as desperate an execution As that is desperate which we would prevent. If, rather than to marry County Paris Thou hast the strength of will to slay thyself, Then is it likely thou wilt undertake A thing like death to chide away this shame, That cop'st with death himself to scape from it; And, if thou dar'st, I'll give thee remedy.

  Juliet

  I would rather leap to my death, or become a thief, or live with serpents, than marry Paris. I will do whatever it takes to prevent this marriage and stay true to my love.

  O, bid me leap, rather than marry Paris, From off the battlements of yonder tower; Or walk in thievish ways; or bid me lurk Where serpents are; chain me with roaring bears; Or shut me nightly in a charnel-house, O'er-cover'd quite with dead men's rattling bones, With reeky shanks and yellow chapless skulls; Or bid me go into a new-made grave, And hide me with a dead man in his shroud; Things that, to hear them told, have made me tremble; And I will do it without fear or doubt, To live an unstain'd wife to my sweet love.

  Friar Lawrence

  Go home then, act happy, and tell your parents you agree to marry Paris. Tomorrow night, make sure you are alone. Take this vial and drink it. You will fall into a deep sleep, and appear to have no breath or pulse. You will appear cold and lifeless, and even the color from your face will fade. You will remain like this for forty-two hours, so when your new husband comes to find you, he will think you are dead. You will be put into the Capulet’s death vault. In the meantime, I will send Romeo word of our plan. He and I will be with you when you wake, and the two of you may go to Mantua. Can you go through with this plan?

  Hold, then; go home, be merry, give consent To marry Paris: Wednesday is to-morrow; To-morrow night look that thou lie alone, Let not thy nurse lie with thee in thy chamber: Take thou this vial, being then in bed, And this distilled liquor drink thou off: When, presently, through all thy veins shall run A cold and drowsy humour; for no pulse Shall keep his native progress, but surcease: No warmth, no breath, shall testify thou livest; The roses in thy lips and cheeks shall fade To paly ashes; thy eyes' windows fall, Like death, when he shuts up the day of life; Each part, depriv'd of supple government, Shall, stiff and stark and cold, appear like death: And in this borrow'd likeness of shrunk death Thou shalt continue two-and-forty hours, And then awake as from a pleasant sleep. Now, when the bridegroom in the morning comes To rouse thee from thy bed, there art thou dead: Then,--as the manner of our country is,-- In thy best robes, uncover'd, on the bier, Thou shalt be borne to that same ancient vault Where all the kindred of the Capulets lie. In the mean time, against thou shalt awake, Shall Romeo by my letters know our drif
t; And hither shall he come: and he and I Will watch thy waking, and that very night Shall Romeo bear thee hence to Mantua. And this shall free thee from this present shame, If no inconstant toy nor womanish fear Abate thy valour in the acting it.

  Juliet

  Of course, I can. Give me! Give me!

  Give me, give me! O, tell not me of fear!

  Friar Lawrence

  (Giving her the vial.) Here, now go and stay strong. I’ll send word to Romeo.

  Hold; get you gone, be strong and prosperous In this resolve: I'll send a friar with speed To Mantua, with my letters to thy lord.

  Juliet

  Love give me strength, and strength help me get through this. Goodbye, dear Father.

  Love give me strength! and strength shall help afford. Farewell, dear father.

  (Exit all.)

  Scene II: Hall in Capulet’s house.

  (Enter Capulet, Lady Capulet, Nurse, and Servants.)

  Capulet

  Here, invite the guests on this list.

  So many guests invite as here are writ.--

  (Exit first Servant.)

  Sir, go find and hire twenty chefs.

  Sirrah, go hire me twenty cunning cooks.

  Second Servant

  I will get only the best. I’ll test them by making them lick their fingers.

  You shall have none ill, sir; for I'll try if they can lick their fingers.

  Capulet

  How does that test them?

  How canst thou try them so?

  Second Servant

  Only good cooks can lick their fingers. Anyone who cannot will not come with me.

  Marry, sir, 'tis an ill cook that cannot lick his own fingers: therefore he that cannot lick his fingers goes not with me.

  Capulet

  Well, go already.

  Go, begone.--

  (Exit second Servant.)

  We are not going to be prepared for this wedding in time. Where is my daughter, Friar Lawrence’s?

  We shall be much unfurnish'd for this time.-- What, is my daughter gone to Friar Lawrence?

  Nurse

  Yes, true.

  Ay, forsooth.

  Capulet