Brothers Forever

by Tawa M. Witko

  She’s… leaving? This can’t be happening. I can’t… I can’t live without her. She is my life, my heart, my soul. I start breathing heavily. She holds my conscience, she makes me right, and she makes me… a man. I can’t even fathom what I would be if she wasn’t in my life. And, oh God! What about Michael? I feel myself slide to the ground as I bring my head in my hands, tears flowing freely. I want to be a father. I need to be one. I already love him. My father never loved me, he never cared about me. I was never important in his life. I can’t have Michael feel like that. I… can’t… I can’t have him feel like I did. He needs to know how important he is. I am sobbing now. I have never felt as hurt as I do right now. I suddenly feel her fingers in my hair and look up at her, completely shattered.

  “Don’t leave me,” I say with tears streaming down my face.

  She touches my cheeks, gently wiping my tears away. “Don’t force me to,” she says with a soft breath.

  I look at her in agony as she sits down next to me and I immediately lay my head on her lap. She brings her hand into my hair, gently massaging my scalp as I continue to cry. I never cry but right now I can’t seem to stop. I know what I need to do. My life is with Estelle and Michael. I love Dimitri and he has been the most important person in my life for so long but he can’t be everything to me anymore. He can no longer be first in my life and I can’t balance between the two of them any longer. I can’t be Bolshoi. I must be Charles and if that means becoming some businessman and moving to Sacramento then that’s what I will do. I take a deep breath and look up at her, cupping her cheek with one hand and placing my other hand over her belly, over my son, Michael.

  “I go where you go.” I finally say softly, watching her cry.

  I sit up and pull her between my legs, with her back against my chest. This is pretty much the only way I can hold her now because her belly is so huge. I hold her tightly, my hands wrapped around her stomach. She is still crying but not as much as before. I gently caress her stomach and as I do so, I feel Michael move inside her. My resolve solidified. This is my life, right here.

  “I love you, Es. There was never a choice. It’s always been you,” I whisper into her neck.

  She nods and brings her hand to my face, turning so she can kiss me. I run my fingers down her cheek, knowing that I would be nothing without her. I know what I need to do and I only pray that he will understand and support me.

  “Let’s get off the floor, honey. It’s not good for you and Michael and well, I need to go tell Dimitri that we are leaving.” I stand up and then help her up.

  “What will he do?” She asks worriedly.

  “I don’t know, Es. I know what he is supposed to do but…” I stop and kiss her softly.

  I am not going to tell her that no one ‘leaves’ the family. That the only way out is to die or be killed, or I guess go into witness protection but I would never turn on Dimitri like that. I suppose we could just leave but if we did that I think Dimitri would be forced to hunt us down. He’d have to in order to save face. No, I can’t do that anyway. I need to see him. I can’t leave without saying goodbye. But deep down I know that he won’t take it well. I smile and help her to the couch. I kiss her again and then kneel. My hands rub her stomach again before I place a gentle kiss there.

  “I love you, Michael,” I say as I touch the spot I just kissed and then look up at her. “I love you, Es.”

  “Please be careful.”

  “Invincible, remember,” I say with a smile before heading out the door.

  Chapter 23

  The drive to the bar is torturous as I run through all possible scenarios, just praying that our friendship and the fact that I just saved his life will make a difference. When I get there, I look at myself in the rear-view mirror, staring at my red and puffy eyes. I breathe in deeply and do my best to fix my hair so it doesn’t look like I just had an emotional breakdown thirty minutes ago. I glance at the glove box, digging inside of it until I find the Visine and quickly drop some of the soothing liquid into my eyes, praying that it will bring some normalcy to my look. A loud knock on my window startles me and I reach for my gun, pointing it towards the offending noise. Stephan steps back and raises his hands laughing.

  “What are you doing out here, Bolʹshoĭ?” Stephan asks, opening my door.

  “Nothing. I’ll be there in a minute,” I say, trying to sound calm but I am anything but calm.

  He nods and shuts the door. I watch as several people go inside the bar and wish that it would just be a few of us. That would make this a lot easier. I take a few deep breaths and exit my vehicle, placing my gun back in my jacket pocket. I glance down at my hand and begin rubbing my thumb along the underside of my wedding ring. I can do this, for me and Estelle, for our family. I blow out a steadying breath and enter the building. Everyone starts laughing and cheering, raising their drinks to me.

  “Bol'shoi, Иди сюда!” Dimitri stands and motions for me to come to him.

  “Mladshiĭ” I say, kissing him on each cheek.

  “Sit! You look like shit!” He says with a laugh as he shoves a shot of Vodka my way.

  I down it quickly and motion for another.

  “Мой брат!” Dimitri announces loudly and everyone claps and has a drink in my honor.

  I smile and raise my glass, not feeling so invincible at the moment. We continue to have several more drinks and people keep coming up to our table, thanking me for what I did, for saving Dimitri. All the while, Dimitri smiles proudly at me, eventually waving a couple of girls over. One goes to him and the other to me, running her hands down my chest and purring in my ear that she wants to have sex with me.

  “Я не заинтересован,” I tell her I’m not interested as I lift my hand up and move my wedding ring.

  Dimitri laughs heartedly and waves the girl over. “Он больше не играет Дарлинг.”

  I roll my eyes when he tells her I don’t play anymore. After an hour has gone by, I know I need to get things moving. Estelle is home waiting for me and I am sure she is worried sick by now. I need to talk to him but I don’t want to do that here with everyone around. Unfortunately, I don’t see any other way right now.

  “Why do you keep looking at your watch? Are you past curfew? Does Estelle’s leash reach this far now?” He says laughing and causing the girls to laugh as well.

  I sigh and close my eyes for a moment. The last few months have been very difficult for me. Between Estelle and Dimitri, I don’t know which way is up anymore, but I do know the direction I need to be heading in. I steel my nerves for what I am about to do.

  “I need to talk to you,” I glance at the girls and then back at Dimitri, “Privately.”

  He looks at the girls and pushes them off his lap. “Go, go,” he says to them, shooing them away.

  “What do you need to talk to me about?” He asks, leaning in closer so he can hear over the noise in the bar.

  “I need to leave,” I stutter out.

  “What do you mean, leave? It’s still early,” he jokes with a smile on his face.

  “Estelle and I are leaving Chicago,” I say, watching as his body language suddenly shifts.

  He stands abruptly and I stand as well. I watch as various emotions pass across his face. Sadness, hurt, confusion, and finally anger. He comes around the table and pushes me hard against the wall, and the whole bar becomes silent. Everyone is clearly confused considering why they are all here.

  “Нет, вы не оставит!”

  He is seething with anger as he tells me that he won’t allow me to leave, but I just shake my head. He doesn’t have a choice in this. I need to go. I want to go. He raises his hand and backhands me hard across the face, twice. I close my eyes and breathe in, preparing for the worst.

  “НЕТ!” He yells. “Как вы могли бы дать ей прийти между нами?”

  He starts slamming my back against the wall, over and over again, cursing loudly in Ru
ssian. I won’t fight him though. I won’t give him an excuse to kill me. He is angry at me for letting Estelle come between us, something I told him I would never do. I never meant for it to come to this but there is no other way. I can’t live without her. I know he is hurt, I know he doesn’t want me to go, but he can’t keep me here. The bar is eerily quiet as I allow Dimitri to express his anger. He stops momentarily, breathing heavily, and I swear it looks like he is about to cry.

  “I’m sorry,” I say softly.

  “You’re sorry!” He steps back and laughs. “I am family,” he says slapping his own chest, his eyes misty but dark. “She is nothing!”

  I shake my head again and stand up straight. “She is everything to me. Don’t you understand? I am her husband! I am going to be a father. I…”

  “You are MY BROTHER!” He shouts, cutting me off. His words echoing in the now silent bar.

  “Yes, but…” I start to say but he cuts me off again, shaking his head.

  “If you leave, you…” he looks down and then at me again. “You will have to be disowned. I will have to turn my back on you.”

  “I understand.”

  “Do you?” he asks as he gets real close to my face and then rests his forehead against mine. I can see his chest heaving and that there are tears coming down his cheeks. “Do you understand that I will be forced to kill you?”

  I close my eyes as realization hits me. He will follow tradition. He grabs me by the shirt and throws me into the middle of the bar and raises his hand, motioning for Stephan and Viktor to take care of me. Stephan and Viktor look momentarily torn before Stephan finally grabs me while Viktor hits me. I throw my leg under Viktor, knocking him on the ground. I connect my fist to Stephan’s jaw before Ivan and Nikolai jump in. We are a mess of flying fists, grunts, and blood for a good several minutes. Suddenly, Nikolai jumps up. I hear him cock his gun and then feel the tip of the barrel at my temple. Nikolai gets real close to me and I hear him hiss in my ear that ‘now it is done’ in Russian. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I am going to die. The only thought I have is of Estelle and how I have failed her and our unborn son.

  “ОСТАНОВКА!” Dimitri yells for them to stop and just like that all action halts and Nikolai moves the gun away from my head, grumbling and cursing in Russian. Stephan, Viktor, Ivan and Nikolai all step away from me as Dimitri approaches.

  “Нет! Наши законы требуют …” Vladimir, one of Dimitri's father’s confidants starts to demand that Dimitri follow tradition but Dimitri quickly cuts him off.

  “НЕ ВОПРОС МЕНЯ!”

  Dimitri points at him, telling him not to question him, then shouts as he waves his hand around the room, motioning to everyone present, telling all of them that he is the one that makes the decisions about the family. The entire bar remains silent, including Vladimir. Dimitri comes over and kneels next to me, moving my face so that he can look at me, checking my injuries. As I look up at him, I can see the hurt and anguish on his face. His eyes are wet and he looks heartbroken, and I know that my look mirrors his. He closes his eyes and looks down. We have been friends and brothers for most of our lives. He was the only person I could ever turn to for so long. He takes a deep breath and stands, looking up at the ceiling before speaking in a clear and concise voice.

  “Вы больше не мой брат.”

  He says I am no longer his brother, disowning me in front of everyone and my heart shatters into little pieces. I didn’t realize just how much it would hurt me to hear him say that the bond we made when we were eight is no longer valid. That, for the rest of my life, I will be without one of the most important people in my life.

  “You have one hour to get out of the city. If you haven’t left in that time, I will have Ivan and Nikolai kill your Estelle first while you watch and then they will kill you,” he says as he turns to me. His face is hard now, he is in his role, and all previous emotions are gone. “You are never to come back here. Do you understand?” He says firmly.

  I close my eyes and nod. He motions to Stephan who reluctantly picks me up and literally tosses me outside the bar. I make my way to the car and look in the rearview mirror, seeing my messed up and bloody face. God! I look like I just went ten rounds in a boxing ring. I then see Ivan and Nikolai get in their car and start it. Nikolai brings his hand up and taps his watch with a smile. This must be a dream come true for him. I quickly head home, and when I get there, I storm through the door to see Estelle sitting on the couch. She looks up at me and immediately gasps, rising from the couch to check on me.

  “Charles, what happened?” She asks panicked as she touches my bloody face.

  I walk past her and immediately grab a couple of suitcases from the closet in the bedroom. I throw them on the bed and start piling clothes haphazardly into them.

  “Charles!” She yells from the doorway and when I look at her she has her hand over her belly and is lightly rubbing it.

  “We need to leave. NOW!” I say and go passed her to the bathroom.

  “Why?” She asks crossing her arms.

  I don’t say anything as I grab our travel bag from under the sink and as I try to walk passed her she grabs my arm, stopping me.

  “Did Dimitri do this to you?”

  I sigh and toss the travel bag into the suitcase. Then, I walk into the living room, looking around to try and see what we need to get and what we can leave behind. I turn to her and see her walking up to me. She has a look of total confusion on her face.

  “Es, we have an hour to get out of Chicago.”

  “NO!” She replies adamantly. “I will not have Dimitri force us out.”

  My hands go into my hair and then I throw the first thing I see across the room which happens to be a crystal vase we found in Paris on our honeymoon. It splatters into tiny pieces on the floor and it sort of reminds me of our wedding. She turns and looks at what I did, anger and then fear on her face. I take a step towards her and she flinches back slightly, tears streaming down her beautiful face. I close my eyes for a moment and then yank her to the front window. I know she is upset but I need her to understand the brevity of the situation. I turn her so that she can see out the window and place my hands firmly on either side of her head. I push my body close to her, locking her in the position.

  “Do you see those men in that car over there?” I whisper in her ear. She nods so I continue. “They aim to kill us. The only reason we are not dead right now is because Dimitri gave us an hour. If we are not gone in that time, those two men you see, they will not hesitate to rip Michael out of your stomach, slash his throat in front of me and then kill us both.”

  She cringes at my words. “Dimitri would really kill you, kill us?” she mumbles softly.

  I touch my forehead to the back of her head and nod. “Yes, he must or he will lose the respect of the family.” Her chest is heaving and I can hear her crying. “I’m so sorry, my love,” I whisper into her hair.

  She continues to cry and then finally nods, taking a deep breath in and out. “So much for you being invincible,” she finally says, trying to lighten the mood.

  I let out a nervous laugh and kiss her hair. “Well, I would prefer that we not test that theory, okay?”

  She turns around. “Agreed,” she says before kissing me lightly on the lips.

  “Just sit down and tell me what you want me to bring,” I say, raising my eyebrows in a knowing way, hoping that she now understands.

  She walks to the couch and sits down, wiping her eyes. “Just clothes and our photo albums, my degree, my license...”

  I turn to her when she stops speaking. “It’s alright, sweetheart,” I try reassure her.

  She looks at me with tears welling in her eyes again. “What about all of Michael’s things?”

  I stop and run my hand up the back of my neck and into my hair. “Es, we have to leave all of it.”

  Tears stream down her face as she nods and puts her head down. I know this is hard for her. We
had such a good time a few months ago putting his crib together and going through all the clothes and everything. She had teased me that she was 'nesting', but now, I sigh as I watch her. Now I am ripping her away from her nest. I want to go and comfort her but I know our time is limited. I run around the house, frantically grabbing all the pictures off the wall, her framed license and graduation degree, and then running everything into the car. Every time I make a trip, Nikolai and Ivan are watching me. Nikolai is smiling menacingly at me. I know he is praying that he gets the chance to finally kill me.

  “Es?” I say and she looks up, her eyes red and swollen. “We need to go.”

  She nods and as she stands up she looks around the house, covering her mouth.

  “Es, come on, sweetheart,” I whisper in her ear urgently.

  She turns to me wiping her eyes while I help her out the door. As we step outside, I see that Ivan and Nikolai are now out of the car and leaning against the hood, watching us. Estelle sees them and stops. I shoot them a glare that would normally kill anyone on the spot, but they just smile as I help Estelle in the car. As I go around to the driver’s side, I never take my eyes off them, making sure they are not making a move in our direction. I pull out of our driveway and head towards the highway, constantly looking in my rearview mirror as I continue to watch Ivan and Nikolai. Estelle turns and sees them as well.

  “Why are they following us? We left. Isn’t that what Dimitri said?”

  “No, sweetheart. Dimitri’s orders were if we weren’t out of Chicago in an hour then Ivan and Nikolai were to kill us. We aren’t out of Chicago,” I say glancing at the clock.

  “Oh for crying out loud,” she says, looking back at the two Russian hit men following us.