Smart Bombs

by Len Levinson

  Chapter Eleven

  He was awakened by the sound of his cell door being opened. Two hulking guards entered his cell, and one of them grabbed him by the shoulder.

  “Come with me,” the guard said.

  “Where to?”

  “Do as you’re told, and stop asking questions.”

  The guards marched him through a series of corridors and passageways that seemed to go deeper into the ground. Finally they reached a brightly lit corridor lined with steel doors. Somebody screamed horribly behind one of the doors, and Butler thought, Uh-oh, it’s interrogation time.

  The guards knocked on one of the doors and it was opened by Natalia dressed in a uniform consisting of a light brown skirt and dark brown jacket. Underneath the jacket she wore a white shirt with a black tie.

  “Hi sweetheart,” Butler said, still bluffing and still trying to get them off guard.

  “Clown,” she muttered.

  She stepped out of the way and the guards pushed him into the room. There was a chair with shackles on it, a desk, and a few more chairs. Standing in the corner smoking a cigarette was a tall man with a shaved head, big ears, high cheekbones, and small chin. His eyes turned down at the corners, he wore a male version of Sonia’s uniform, and he looked like the meanest, nastiest person Butler had ever seen in his life.

  “Hi there?” Butler said cheerily. “Who might you be?”

  The man looked at him through slitted eyes. “A more significant question might be, ‘Who are you?’“ He had a guttural Russian accent and his lips curled down in contempt as he spoke.

  “Who me?” Butler asked. “I’m just an American tourist, and I can’t help wondering what I’m doing here.”

  “You are a spy!” the man shouted.

  “Who me?”

  “Sit down!” He pointed to the chair with shackles.

  Butler sat gingerly in the chair and looked with disapproval at the shackles. “Surely you’re not going to put those things on me, are you?”

  “Only if you make it necessary for us to do so.”

  “I wouldn’t dream of that.”

  The man scratched his nose. “Permit me to introduce myself. I am Major Alexei Ospenko of the People’s Secret Police, better known to you perhaps as the KGB. And this is Captain Natalia Novoshakhtinsk, whom you have already met.”

  “Howdy, folks.” Butler looked at the guards standing by the door. “Who’re they?”

  Ospenko waved his hand in the air. “They do not matter. Are you comfortable?”

  “No.”

  “That’s too bad, because that’s as comfortable as you’re going to get.” He took a package out of his jacket. “Cigarette?”

  “If you please.”

  Butler took a cigarette, and Ospenko lit it with a match. Inhaling, Butler looked at Natalia. She had her hair done up in a bun behind her head, and it was back to its natural color of honey blonde.

  Ospenko commenced pacing back and forth in front of Butler, holding his cigarette at chest level. “Perhaps we can begin by having you tell us who you are.”

  “My name’s Butler, and I’d like to speak to someone at the United States Embassy, if you don’t mind.”

  “We do mind. You will speak to us only. If you tell us what we want to know, then perhaps we will consider letting you go. What are you doing in the Soviet Union?”

  “Sightseeing mostly. You know, Saint Basil’s Cathedral, Lenin’s Tomb, the Kremlin. All the hot spots.”

  Ospenko stopped pacing and shook his head. “Mr. Butler, if you keep playing around we’ll chop off your fingers and feed them to the pigeons. Now, supposing you tell us what is this Institute that you work for?”

  Butler smiled. “What Institute?”

  Natalia cleared her throat. “That place where I was in Sweden.”

  “Oh, that place. By the way, Natalia dear, you really ought to leave your hair down. It’s not becoming at all the way you have it now.”

  Ospenko turned suddenly and whacked Butler across the mouth. “Stop fooling around!”

  “I’m not fooling around.” Butler touched his mouth, and his fingers came back with blood on them. The game was getting rough.

  “The question was,” Ospenko said, “what is this Institute you work for?”

  Butler realized he’d have to string them along a little; otherwise they’d beat him to death. “Well, it’s a scientific organization,” he admitted.

  “What does it do?”

  “Scientific work.”

  “Like spying on the Soviet Union!”

  “Oh, no, the Institute wouldn’t do anything like that.”

  Ospenko puffed his cigarette and looked Butler in the-eye. “Is it not true that you are a CIA agent, and that you are just using this Institute for your cover?”

  “Of course not. What a ridiculous suggestion.”

  “Ridiculous is it?” Ospenko stomped to the desk, opened the top drawer, and took out a folder. He carried the folder to Butler and took a picture out of it. “This is a photograph of you leaving the U.S. Embassy in Ecuador in the year 1971, when you were a case officer with the CIA. And here,” he said, taking another photo out, “is a picture of you in downtown Caracas when you were the deputy chief of the CIA station there. And this one shows you in Chile, again as the deputy chief of station, in the days before the Allende regime was overthrown by fascist elements. How can you deny that you’re a member of the CIA?”

  Butler thought it over. He decided it would be better to admit being a CIA officer than surrender any information on the Institute. In point of fact, he had been a CIA man for many years and was an accomplice to many dirty deals such as the overthrow of Allende, but the CIA had fired him because he was opposed to so many of their dirty deals. That’s when the Institute recruited him.

  “Okay, I’m a member of the CIA,” Butler said.

  “Hah!” exclaimed Ospenko, looking at Natalia.

  She smiled. “I knew it all along,” she said with a wave of her hand. “They thought they were fooling me with all that talk about the Institute, but I knew they were CIA, the fools. They thought they were clever, but I was more clever than they.” She walked toward Butler and kicked him in the shin, causing him to howl in pain. “Why, this idiot even thought I loved him! Can you imagine such a ridiculous thing?”

  “Of course not,” chuckled Ospenko.

  Butler held his aching shin with both hands. “After all, how could you love anybody?”

  “Exactly,” Natalia said, strolling around proudly with her hands on her hips.

  “But I made you come,” Butler said.

  She stopped and stared at him. “What was that?” she asked.

  “You heard me. I made you have many orgasms.”

  Natalia looked at Ospenko. “Don’t believe him,” she said with desperation in her voice.

  “What’s this?” Ospenko said, raising his eyebrows.

  “I made her come,” Butler said.

  Ospenko turned to Natalia. “He did?”

  “Of course not!” she protested, waving her fists through the air. “I only was acting! How can you think that I’d enjoy something like that?”

  “Pssst,” Butler leaned over to Ospenko. “She enjoyed it.”

  “I did not!”

  “Yes she did,” Butler insisted. “You know how it is, Ospenko. A man of the world like yourself can always tell when a woman is faking it or not, right?”

  “Right,” agreed Ospenko.

  “Well, she wasn’t faking it.”

  “No?” asked Ospenko, looking at Natalia.

  “Of course I was faking!” she insisted, her face becoming red. “What do you think I am. It was purely tactics and tradecraft. Why, I had the poor fool so much in love with me he didn’t know what he was doing.”

  “I was never in love with you,” Butler replied, not sure if he was lying or not.

  “Perhaps I should have said that I had you crazy with lust.”

  “That’s not true either.” />
  “You told me during our last night on the submarine that you felt lust for me. Are you lying then, or are you lying now?”

  “I felt lust for you at that moment, but I was by no means crazy.”

  “Hah!” she said, looking at Ospenko. “The truth comes out at last. He felt lust for me. I tricked him with my feminine wiles.”

  “And I made you come.”

  “You did not!”

  Ospenko rubbed his forehead. “I’m getting tired of this foolishness,” he said.

  “I’m only trying to defend my professionalism,” Natalia said, her nose in the air.

  “Shut up.”

  “I made her come,” Butler said again.

  “You shut up too.”

  Butler looked at Natalia and stuck out his tongue. She charged him and tried to whack him in the face again, but he was ready this time and caught her wrist in mid-air.

  “That’ll be enough of that,” he said.

  She turned purple and tried to hit him with her other hand, but he caught that one in mid-air too.

  “Can’t somebody calm this hysterical woman down?” Butler asked.

  “Get away from him,” Ospenko said.

  Natalia stepped back. “I hate him,” she said between her teeth.

  Butler winked. “How can you say that to a man who made you come so many times?”

  Natalia jumped at him again, but Ospenko caught her. “Stop behaving so foolishly!” he yelled.

  Mollified, she cast her eyes down. Ospenko let her go, and she slunk into a corner.

  “Now let’s continue,” Ospenko said, nodding his head from side to side. “We would like you, Mr. Butler, to sign a little confession for us. If you don’t sign, we will kill you. If you do sign, we will let you go.”

  “Let me go where?”

  “We will deliver you to the U. S. Embassy.”

  “No kidding?”

  “I’m not kidding.”

  “Will you turn Sonia Barsovina loose?”

  “Don’t be ridiculous,”

  “What’s so ridiculous? I give you something, and you give me something. It’s what’s known as a square deal.”

  “You give us the confession, and we give you your life. That is the deal.”

  Butler scratched his head. “Let me think about this for a few minutes.”

  “Don’t take too long. We haven’t got all day.”

  Butler crossed his legs and leaned back in the chair. The moment of truth had arrived. If he didn’t sign the confession they surely would kill him. If he did sign it they’d probably kill him anyway. He didn’t have enough bargaining power to free Sonia or even insure his own freedom. Still, he thought he’d try. What the hell.

  “Okay,” he said, I’ll do it if you turn Sonia Barsovina loose.”

  Ospenko shook his head. “I told you no on that already.”

  “Oh, come on. She doesn’t know anything and she hasn’t done anything.”

  “No.”

  “I won’t sign the confession.”

  “We’ll forge your name.”

  “Nobody will believe you.”

  “Some people will, because some people will believe anything.”

  “FU make a speech for you. After I sign the confession I’ll make a public speech and admit everything you want me to.”

  Ospenko pursed his lips. “You go on television?”

  “Sure.”

  “Really?”

  “Honor bright.”

  “You’ll say anything?”

  “Anything at all.”

  “Just for this girl?”

  “Yes.”

  “Why?”

  “I’m in love with her.”

  “In love with her? But she’s a lesbian!”

  “I’m crazy about lesbians. What can I tell you?”

  “I don’t know,” Ospenko said, wrinkling his forehead.

  Natalia stepped out of the corner. “She’s only a mole. This was to be her first operation.”

  “But she should be punished!” Ospenko said, banging his fist into the palm of his hand.

  Butler cleared his throat. “It’s not good to be vindictive. And besides, look at it from the propaganda point of view. That will far outweigh one lesbian mole who never did anything.”

  “Let them go,” Natalia said. “Who needs them?”

  Ospenko ran his finger over his jaw. “Maybe you’re right. Go fetch the girl, will you?”

  “Yes sir.”

  Natalia marched out of the room, leaving Butler alone with Ospenko and the two guards. Ospenko paced back and forth like a caged lion in front of Butler, and the guards stood on either side of the door with their arms crossed.

  “Tell me something,” Butler said. “Do you really have microwave machines that can interfere with smart bombs, or was that just misinformation to confuse us?”

  Ospenko chortled. “Do you really think I’d tell you that?”

  “Oh, come on. It doesn’t matter if you tell me.”

  Ospenko looked him in the eye. “It wouldn’t matter if I was going to kill you, but since we’re going to let you go, I’d rather that your country keeps guessing. There’s nothing like terror to keep your enemies in line, wouldn’t you say?”

  “Ospenko, you’re a dog.”

  “Watch your mouth, Yankee pig!”

  “How about another cigarette, Ospenko old boy?”

  Ospenko gave Butler another cigarette and light. Butler puffed it, trying to steel his nerves for the escape attempt which would commence shortly after Sonia was brought to the room. He hoped his laser pen was in good working condition, because if it wasn’t, things were going to get very hairy in a little while.

  Natalia returned to the room with Sonia, who looked more delicate and lovely than ever after her hours in prison. Her eyes glowed like hot coals and her skin was the color of cream. It looked as though it would break and spurt blood at the touch of a passionate man.

  “Hiya, Sonia,” Butler said jovially. “How’re they treating you?”

  Sonia looked fearfully at Natalia and Ospenko. “All right.”

  “You and I are getting out of here just as soon as I sign a little confession.”

  “I do not believe they’ll ever let us out of here.”

  “You’re a pessimist. You must always look for the sunny side of life.”

  “There is no sun in the Kaluga Prison.”

  Ospenko cleared his throat harshly. “Enough of this chatter. Sit at the desk over here, Butler.”

  Butler got up and walked across the room to the desk, as all eyes followed him. He sat on the chair and looked at the confession. It was ten pages long, and as he glanced over it, it admitted to committing all sorts of heinous crimes against the Soviet state.

  Butler chortled. “Gee, you didn’t leave anything out, did you?”

  “We in the KGB are most thorough.” Ospenko reached to his shirt pocket and took out a pen. “You may use this.”

  “I have my own,” Butler said with a smile, taking his laser pen out of his pocket.

  “Let me see that!” Ospenko said, snatching the pen out of Butler’s hand.

  Butler’s heart sank as Ospenko examined the pen. If Ospenko found out its terrible secret, Butler’s brilliant career in espionage would come to a tragic conclusion.

  Ospenko turned up his nose. “A cheap plastic pen for a cheap plastic man,” he said contemptuously. He handed it back to Butler. “Here.”

  “Thanks very much,” Butler replied, accepting it. It looked like his brilliant career in espionage wasn’t coming to a tragic conclusion after all. “Would you mind if Ms. Barsovina stood beside me to sort of witness my signing.”

  Ospenko looked at the ceiling. “What a fool you are, Butler.” He looked at Sonia. “Stand beside him, please.”

  Sonia, who was confused and jittery at this point, moved across the room and stood beside Butler, who was pleased to have her out of the way. Butler smiled at Ospenko and Sonia as he readied his pen, and
they smiled back. The time had come for Butler to make his big move.

  Still smiling, he pointed the head of the pen at Ospenko, and pressed the clip. A sliver of light shot out, striking Ospenko in the chest. Before Ospenko could scream, he was dead. He slumped to the floor, but before he hit, Butler was aiming at Natalia and pressing the clip. Smoke poured out of her throat as she looked at him in disbelief, and before she fell he already was aiming at the guard at the left and burning a hole through his heart. The guard to the right tried to figure out what was happening all around him, but before he came up with the answer, Butler had put a hole in his head.

  The four bodies crumpled to the floor. Sonia stared at them goggle-eyed. Her jaw dropped open and she raised her hand to her lips.

  “It was nothing, really,” Butler said modestly, putting his pen back in his shirt pocket.

  He rose and walked to the body of Ospenko, who was lying on his back with eyes staring at the ceiling. Butler looked at the beauteous Natalia lying on her side, and was overcome by melancholy when he realized that they’d made love many times.

  “How did you do it?” Sonia gasped.

  Her question brought Butler back to his senses. “It was a little trick, a mere nothing,” he said, looking at her. “Now we’re going to try and break out of here. Put on her clothes, and I’ll put on Ospenko’s. We’ll try to bluff our way through the gate.”

  She started to tremble. “I’m afraid,” she whispered.

  He walked toward her, grabbed her shoulders, and looked into her eyes. “Don’t think—just do exactly as I say. It’s your only chance. Now take off your clothes and put on Natalia’s, understand?”

  “I understand.”

  Butler let her go, returned to Ospenko, and started undressing him. Out the corner of his eye he watched Sonia undress. Even at this moment of extreme danger he could not prevent himself from being a voyeur. Her blouse came off and she wore a bra that held two healthy round breasts. Down came the skirt and he saw her long supple legs. She wore black underpants, the little rascal.

  “What are you looking at!” she demanded.

  “I was just making sure that you were doing what I said.”

  “I’m doing what you said. Stop looking at me.”